Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I lost 40 lbs on weight watchers a few years ago and managed to keep it off. Recently started on the neratinib trial (I'm HER2+) and it deceases my appetite so I've lost more without trying but I don't recommend this route.
I eat lots of fruit...
KAryn
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He's not taking anything to my knowledge? I think he really tried to get out of the depression and this whole thing with his kid and the ex acting like a tard lately is throwing him back into it. I just don't know what to do. I got those 2 texts from him last night, then I sent 2 with NO response. So I was hoping he just fell asleep. I text him this morning and never did get a response.
My one friend thinks I have a reason to be concerned. My other friend thinks this is some sick game of his to make sure I'm still waiting and there for him etc...
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Wow Df! You really need to think long and hard about this guy! We all have issues, and hard stuff to work out w children and divorce. But.....we do it. I think this guy has some real issuesss! Not just game playing but Manipulative. Do you really want this kind of man around your daughter? Personaly I would not. I would move on Maybe tell him your sorry for his troubles etc, but thats it. I would continue to look for someone else. If you feel you can be supportive and not get caught up in his problems than do so at a distance. I know we are looking for relationships, but relationships take a while to form. I look at friendship first, then find out what the person is really about and if the values they say the have prove out in the way they live, respond to me as well as others and so on, and of coarse if I feel real chemistry w that person. Take it slow. Relationships take a long time to form. Obviously I've made mistake in the past, or I would not be here now! I've been to tolerant, feeling I could (help) and all I really did is enable a person to act out. And in th process hurt me and my children. For myself I will take it slow but still try to find a man to date and possible form a relationship or more. Marriage as it is today, I don't know. Probablely not. I see and hear of soooo many couples miserable w each other, and so much cheating, one in one room on match.com one in the other room emailing some other person. The world is a very complicated place. I think for longtime relationship ground rules need to be set. And that takes time to see if that person is really going to stand up to the plate and be there for you as you will be there for him!
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After the most recent issues, last night I'm not sure I could be in a relationship with him. But sadly.... the part of me that feels like I need to help or be there for him and guilty if I'm not..... is taking over. I guess we all want to fix/help people. I would be reacting the same way if it was a good friend of mine in this situation as to being depressed etc..I have too big of a heart
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I also have big heart. But going thru BC and the devastating effects of divorce, almost loosing my house, ffinancial lose, retirement lose and the trauma for my kids. I dont want to put myself or the people I love thru any more grief. So for me I will move slowly thru this process and pray their is someone out there for me. I so dont want to be hurt again !
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Well, he knows you are there for him, you have done all you can. I am inclined to agree with Kiley on this, though. His hot and cold behavior is too reminiscent of my ex's. Not saying he is a bad guy - I think he is a good guy - I just don't think he can give you a committed relationship right now.
Yes, you do have a big heart.
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I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel the same, I just think this situation is so different once you remove the boyfriend/dating part. Last nights events don't make me think of it in that way as It's odd... as far as him coming around and dating me. Just me being concerned for another human.My friend knows me too well, she was telling me last night if you really think he'd do something and you're cold or don't try and talk to him and something happens you're going to be devastated and kick yourself. I know it's probably not the healthiest or best place for me to be in but I feel like I'm stuck and am a horrible person if I turn my back completely. At least for now, if it goes on and on I may change my mind.
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As a retired nurse I just have to say if it were me by law I would have to report the suicide I ealation to the athoritys or a family member at the very least. But that is me. That is what my licience dictates. You did respond to him at the time DF. He knows you are concerned. I do not think you have the capacity to be cold DF you are a warm loving person. Just make sure he not useing the suicide thing to manipulate you into a situation that may be harmful to you or your daughter. Look at all we've had to face and alone. He needs to take care of his children and be their for the not contemplate suicide as an escape. What kind of ramifications would that have on his children who are already having a hard time. I know this hard for you DF and I am so sorry you are going thru this....But I do not want to see you hurt. sorry for typos
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I don't know how serious he was last night. Maybe just having a rough night and expressing it to me or totally serious? I debated for a while sending his sister a message on facebook. But thought that may be crossing a line if he really was just feeling down but not suicidal. I hadn't met her yet but he talks about her with me all the time and the other way around, so I don't think she'd find it strange. However I don't know what my place is other than a concerned bystander.I've never been in this kind of a situation. I'm hoping I hear from him soon, at least so I know he's "ok"....
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It really bothers me that this man put you in this situation. Especially knowing what a caring concerned person you are! As I'm sure he knows! Can you call his work and find out if he is there? And if he is...and if he is not call or text him and tell him you have friend who is nurse and says all suicide idealizations should be reported. Then see if you get response.
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I'm Concerned so let me know.
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I called his work this morning a couple hours ago, the lady just said he's unavailable. But I don't know what that means? If he's not there, or if he is there, would she tell me? I don't know if i should be mad, concerned, sad, hurt or all of the above for allowing myself to be in this situation still.
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Hmm, I would say he is probably at work or they would have said he is not here. He probably is unavailable because of the nature of his work. Dont beat yourself up DF ! Most Important ! You've done nothing wrong! Of course you have all those feelings I would too! But I do thing you need to move away from this man. Maybe broaden your search area on match or look for someone older . You can still be kind to this man as long as you can be kind but distance yourself from him emotionally, which is hard i know....but is for greater good. We have put ourselves out there to find love, not get ourselves entangled in someones personal drama. Some people are addicted to that type of behavior and go online to fulfill that need so, so try to distance yourself from this situation and look at it in regards to your and your daughters well being. I'm talking clinically I know, but I truly feel some thing is very wrong and do not want to see you get hurt or your daughter....
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Thank you so much. I truly think you're right, it's just so hard
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I know DF, this whole process is hard. We just don't nees anyone in our lfe to make it harder. Women w big hearts can be preyed upon so easily! And some men just love that, in fact thats what some men are looking for. My Handy man told me that some men are so angry w their divorce, child support, lose of things in their life that they just want o strike out at vulnerable women . To get "back" at them. Gave me food for thought, as I go thru this process. I just think it is good idea to be looking for warning signs. Depression, anger can only be hid for so long that is why I say take your time move slow be watchful. I still say go into these things as friends first, check it out, then see if a relationship developes. If it is all in place and chemistry is there, than things should not be so hard.
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DF. I'm sorry that this situation seems to be escalating into something other than what you expected. I'm sure he's telling you the truth about his situation. Certainly as one human being to another, you are concerned about him and want to be supportive. So if he calls, do speak to him. I also see nothing wrong in communicating with his sister to express your worry. I do agree with Kiley - don't become embroiled in his issues. It is not your responsibility to fix anything
If he chooses not to talk about his concerns, that tells you how he behaves when things don't go well. This behavior will be repeated each time there is a problem. Every one of us on these boards has been through Hell with BC, let alone the other personal, professional or financial issues we all have to deal with. I don't want to sound cold but he's worried about his son and thinking about his ex and that is sending him over the edge? Well join the club. We all have issues. I have my struggles but I don't take it out on the people closest to me - or anyone for that matter. Be a friend to him but for now, keep some distance until you see how he works things out, if he chooses to retreat, that just tells you more about who he is. At this point you really don't know him well.0 -
Thanks ladies, just so many dang emotions going through my head and heart. Feel like things are so far out if control and I just hate it! I think like you HRF about we've been through hell with BC but I dont act like he does. However not everyone is strong like us or on the same emotional level. I'm not in his shoes
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I agree none of us are in his shoes. The question is "is this a regular pattern" "how resilient is he?"
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Time will tell I suppose. Right or wrong, it's juts not me to stop taking his calls and ignore him or shut him out when he's going through this. I am not saying I would take him back if he pulls through this any time soon but I wasn't raised to abandon people. My life is going on, and I hope over time I'll get stronger and be able to distance myself emotionally but still be there for him if he needs/wants it.
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Of course you should talk to him - don't abandon him when he is vulnerable. Just keep a handle on your emotions for now
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DF, you haven't turned your back on him, so not sure what you meant by that. He knows you care and are there for him.
These guys get down, they say things. My ex said he wanted to take his shotgun and put it in his mouth (family problems). Of course, I was freaking out and all worried. A few days later, he dumped me, saying he was dating different women and didn't want to string me along. Guess he was feeling better, lol!
Now I know your guy isn't playing with you, but I'm just saying they get down and say things. You have a heart of gold and he knows that you are there for him .
I think "not available" just means out in the field. Didn't you say he was a roofer?
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I find it hard to fathom after making sucha statement to you he has not called by now DF. That to concerns me....
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People get down and they don't want to talk to someone necessarily. I am sure you will hear from him, it's only been since last night. If you truly think something is wrong, go by his house....or text him telling him you are going to come by. I am certain he will respond to that.
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That is true Fearless. I am one to honker down in my room wwhen overwhelmed. That is good idea to go by house, but probably still at work. I just feel so bad for you DF...I know you are so worried!
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Me, too. I totally retreat when I am depressed. I want as little human contact as possible. DF, text him that you are stopping by the house. I have a feeling he will respond to that. If not, then go by the house.
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I'm worried bout you too DF. We're here for you!
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Yes, we are all here for you.....
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DF, I echo what Fearless and Kiley are saying. Hope you are ok
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Hopefully Mike is okay, too....
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I'm ok... sorry ladies, had to get out of the house. I met a friend of mine for fondue and beer. I have not heard from him still.
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