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Comments

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    DF, don't change who you are. The right guy will see your wonderful qualities and appreciate everything about you

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    I don't get why we have such bad luck? We all seem like such a great group of ladies!

  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2011

    DF, there are just alot of totally self center men out there!  My X being one!  I think we just have to get wiser and tread slowly.  At least that is what I am observing.  We all have been thru so much by ourselves it leaves vulnerable.  And many wrong men sense that and want to take advantage.  Then their are men who may be good men but have no idea what to do or react when they find out you have or had cancer!  That is the reason I brainiac this thing to death!  Oh Well!  I'm tired of hurting that is for sure, but i'm also tired of being alone....but may that will be what it is.  I don't know.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    That's it... I don't know either Kiley!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    I don't understand either. I've often wondered about that because I never wanted to be alone and I did try to meet people. I've had lousy luck.

  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2011

    me too hrf.  But i'v got to believe their is someone, something out there for us.  We just have to move forward.  I just dont know if I have the energy for getting to there. So many women have DH and DB but me ......

  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2011

    Ok,enough Kiley,  Tomorrow is a new day I say onward and upward!  But keep eyes wide open!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    For sure I am totally discouraged and don't feel I have the energy or strength to try again

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited July 2011

    It's not bad luck.   It's ignoring signs.   Like the fact that he was on Match the whole time you were dating (I think that is what you said).    God knows I ignored every sign with my guy - his hot/cold behavior, him still being on the dating site (while telling me how he wants me there with him and to meet his family), etc.

    It's staying too long when we should walk away.  

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    I'm with you HRF and that's what causes me/us to ignore the signs!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    Fearless, maybe you are right about the warning signs but that would still mean I'd be in the same position because I certainly haven't met anyone I'd want to share my life with. Maybe the bad luck comes from not ever meeting anyone worthy.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    If we had the answers or were doing things right, we wouldn't be here ;) I think that too many people are looking, don't know what they want, or don't want to take the effort a relationship requires. First sign of a speed bump they bail. Then on top of that all the electronics, dating sites, Internet, texting etc......have really created a mess for relationships.

  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 842
    edited July 2011

    Fearless wrote:  It's staying too long when we should walk away.  

    That was exactly my problem for 25 years.

    Bren

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited July 2011

    Don't give up - you ladies are far too awesome to give up!   There ARE good ones out there, men who want committed relationships, someone to come home to every night - they get lonely, too, and many of them want the same things we do.   It's just that we have to sift through a lot of losers first.

    Bren, I can't imagine having to endure that for 25 years or the courage it would take to end it after that long.   Another testament (along with BC) of how much we can endure and still be okay...

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    Always I play back the lyrics from a good old Kenny Rogers song ;) Know when to hold em, know when to walk away, know when to run! I know he's referring cards but still fitting i think!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    i stayed 17 years too long.   All the signs were there but i thought I'd be able to fix things  

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    I think if that guy had chose to keep dating me I would of found myself in a similar situation! I was married 10 years, happily for 1-2 of them!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    i think you are right, DF. We want so much for things to work out that we close our eyes to the warning signs  

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    Funny, right when this was going on with the loser... my guy friend said this exact thing. People ignore the warning signs. I should of broke it off with the match.com thing, but that was the only real red flag I saw, that I can remember??? Who knows, live and learn and move forward, I couldn't of done anything different with this guy.

    As for my ex husband, I saw it all before I married him and was young, dumb and hopeful he'd grow up or change.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    Ladies... not related to this topic, but I had to share. I have a job interview Monday. I had my dream job before at an airport but had to quit and move back to Oregon. This job would be almost the same thing at this aviation place here. I am SOOOOOO excited, cross your fingers, say a prayer whatever you can do! The down side.... it's in the same town the boy that just dumped me lives in 35 miles from here. So I'd probably have to move RIGHT by him...

  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2011

    Oh DF sooo good to hear,  There is no down side DF, youve already seen that "boy" for what he is!  Just focus on the upside of Great Job!  Prayers and Blessings !!!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    DF, how exciting for you!!! I do hope you get the job. The guy I used to see lives only 1 mile away from me but we never bump into each other.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    Thanks ladies :) I'm not worried, I can handle his sorry ass, I did once already ;) But... his boy is a year older than my girl so they could likely, depending on where I was to move to. Go to the same school?

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited July 2011

    DF, forget him....focus on the new job - and with that, come new opportunities...new men.. 

    Hrf, I think you need to get back out here.   I think you still hold a place in your heart for that scum that left you (my apologies if I am wrong)....you are so awesome - get your recon done and get back out there....

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    I am... I can not stop thinking about this job :) I sent my resume last night, he called this morning, and wanted me to interview today!!

    I'm done worrying about that guy, better ones out there!! lol

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited July 2011

    That is wonderful!    And as for The Boy....I bet my next paycheck you are going to hear from him on FB (since he is blocked on your phone) at some point.   My advice would be to not respond, but you are a good person and that might be hard for you to do.

    If my ex ever contacted me again (which is unlikely since it's been 6 months, lol!), I would not respond.   I never wish to speak to him again after the way he ended things. 

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    ha ha fearless, I'll take that bet :) He would be stupid too after my lovely text I sent him!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited July 2011

    Thanks for the encouragement, Fearless. Until I have my reconstruction done, there is no way I am going to try dating again. As of today, I have a sense of relief in that my replacement starts on August 1. We have a month overlap but basically the job is hers now. I have moved my stuff out of the office, which was a big job considering it is a very big office and I was there for 11 years. I recycled or threw out as much as I could but I am bringing a few boxes home of things that i think I will want. I really think it was the pressure and 24/7 schedule that I just couldn't cope with anymore - although I really loved the job. So little by little, I hope to start a new more relaxing life. I have to think about what I would like to do now. I have signed up for bridge lessons, joined the museum and the art gallery. I'd like to do some professional writing - so am going to try to pitch an idea to a publisher in the near future. As far as the guy, he has never told me that we were parting - just all of a sudden, he stopped communicating. We have had a few emails and in April when he heard that I had won a major award, he sent me a "congratulations". What he did was unforgivable. What bothers me was the way he treated me at the most vulnerable time of my life - I deserved much better. The night before I had surgery he looked me in the eye and promised me he was going to hang in with me. He said "there is zero chance that I would bail on you". the day after the surgery he checked on me - was positive, encouraging - said he was going to come over with dinner in a couple of days.....and then "poof" - like magic - gone. I really didn't think a person could be so cruel. That's what still hurts - being treated like trash. I know it's his problem and speaks to his character - but the impact on me has been difficult. Tonight I'm going to start reading a new book and it's fiction. Has nothing to do with education. Last time I had time to read fiction was when I was home, going through chemo. I have to say, reading was the one thing that allowed my mind to escape during that time.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited July 2011

    I think we'll never grasp how these guys can do this, because we are not like this and never would dream of doing such a thing. It's horrific what some "men" do and wonder why we're jaded!

  • kiley58
    kiley58 Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2011
    So Sorry you were treated so badly hrf.  I think all of us here were, I know I was.  Just don't want it to happen again.  But probably will, my luck.  Im not feeling well today, some nausea and lynphadema going on, oh well.  Am going to try to take bike ride anyway, since laying low yesterday, going stir crazy.  Can always turn back if I start feeling poor.  Mr. handyman going out of town till wed., I will miss him since he has been keeping me company so much of the time.  My script on computer is all mess up,whenI come home will try to unscramble.  Glad your getting away from your job hrf, I think you need time for you now and relaxation.  Sending good positve thoughts your way!!!  Well, think about not renewing my dateing site script.  I think I need to really wrapmy head around the fact that I really need to figure out what I'm looking for, and do I want to put myself out there to put up w stupid games, my health etc.....Plus I have much to do here on my small ranch since my husband left, picking up pieces of what used to be my life and putting them back in place.  Not to mention the manual labor (why I hired handyman in first place), which is neverending.  Df, you sound so much better!  So glad to hear!                Take Care All      Positive, Happy Healing Thought To All!!!

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