Implant Exchange (oYo) ~ Anyone go/stay SMALL?? (B cup)
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Susan - you were typing as I was too! I had a hard time putting it into words yesterday (notice the deleted post) but I struggle with alot of the same issues you speak of (ok, write of
. I don't always feel like I know if I "belong" in the same group of women who have battled WAY harder than I had to. I don't know ANYONE else who has BC, (or who is doing a walk in honor of anyone for that matter) I think if I had a group of great gals like yourselves I would feel more confident doing a bc walk. So, instead of me repeating your entire post, Susan, I will say that you echo the thoughts I had a hard time putting into words yesterday...right down to the "stirring up of emotions" that could occur if/when I do a walk...thanks for writing! 0 -
Megan ~ thanks for expressing your thoughts about it too. It sounds like you really understand and that we are having a lot of the same feelings. I'm sure it would help if I had some "BC" friends (like you guys) here. But like you ~ I don't know ANYONE personally (just a friend of a friend, a mom of a friend, etc). I guess that's a GOOD thing, right
.. wouldn't want to jinx my poor friends!! 
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Renasus - hope that you see improvement with your incision! Take it slow & steady, girlfriend!
SandyBeach - congrats on the exchange coming up! I didn't get as detailed a post-op list of stuff to do...I stayed in the surgical bra for 6 days and hated it! So not supportive enough so I went sports bra a couple days before I was supposed to, PS didn't seem to care. I had no sleeping restrictions other than to listen to my body. I stayed on my back for a good 2 weeks, then side sleeping just "happened". Definitley inquire with PS about sports bras, I like the ones with the molded cups that clasped like a regular bra, easy on/easy off and completely not noticable in clothes. Alot of women used a zip-front danskin, I didn't but it seemed to work for alot of ladies here. Definitley listen to your body (and your PS). Also, keep in mind your 370's now won't look like that when they are implants. I was filled to 450, got 450's and they are completely different than how they looked like as filled TE's...good luck with everything!!!
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Hey ladies - Im going to chirp in too. It took me several months to even admit I had BC. Really....having DCIS, I called it everything BUT breast cancer. "DCIS", Non-Invasive, Cancer-lite, bad cells...you name it. So the thought of a support group or walkathon or anything related to Breast Cancer - even the color pink (Go Susan, I hate pink too) made me feel like I just didnt belong...like I didnt have it bad enough to warrant membership to the club. So I totaly understand what youre saying. Our family was going to do a non-komen event last month but it coincided with my sons baseball opening day so we scratched it. So that's my thought on that,
By the way, now that I am embracing it and before I totally chicken out....did I tell you Im going to get a tatt??? My neice is going to design a little butterfly with a pink ribbon for a body to cover my nasty spider vein clump on my calf. The clump looks like a permanant bruise right where my calf would sit on my knee if I crossed my legs. At least a tatt would look a lot better (and younger) than that ugly red blob.
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Sandy - try to get yourself over to the photo forum (you may need to be here a little longer but spend some time on some other related boards)....I think that will really help you. I had the benefit of having my one little shriveled boob left to work with. I lost a lot of weight and I think it came from my chest. He didnt tell me exactly what it would take to match the right to the 350+ implant but he will take in several styles to get the best look. And at least for me....the flat chest definitely made me look skinnier....100% for sure.
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I guess Ill just keep posting...
Cindy - Im getting tattooed. At least that is what current PS does....the nipple will be a star flap where most of the scar from the exchange will be swept into that and then a tattoo. Not sure if this PS will do it ...I think he will move by 6 weeks after exchange. Id like to wait for fall so I can have August for swimming. Ill see what the new PS says.
Megan I am absolutely counting on looking JUST LIKE YOU! LOL....we sound so similar. As Martin Short said in a Saturday night live skit "Gimme a C - a BOUNCY C"...actually I dont care as long as it looks great.
One question - for those of you who had the Eday already - is it back to the recliner for 2 weeks? I didnt mind it the last time...but it took me quite some time to figure out the bed situation!!!
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Ha!!! yes, Sue I will be rooting for bouncy "C"'s for you!!! You are like a twin to my frame...ahhh, if you only knew...it is a killer for me to not show you, I'm serious!!!
As for the recliner, I slept in it for like 3 or 4 nights post-bmx, and didn't need it at all for exchange. I felt a bit crappy for 3 or 4 days after exchange, all the pocket work...but it's amazing how much better you will feel and how it's like all of a sudden one day you wake up and feel great! ...just go easy on the lifting and moving, you will FEEL fine BUT take it easy!!! ...I defintley found myself reaching past my limits too soon, it just "seemed" ok - but I quickly reminded myself it wasn't worth it!
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oh, and to help go "easy" on the narcotics, request a script for ativan or valium...taking ativan and advil made for a great night's sleep/great pain relief...not to mention I didn't have ANY ummm, "issues" with the bathroom post exchange!
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IMO as long as the word carcinoma is in the name you have every right to be here, be called a survivor (if you like) etc. To be honest I feel my husband, mom, dad etc. also belong here.
I mean I did chemo but never was nauseous. Does one have to puke their guts out to be "one of the tribe?" I didn't do rads so does that mean I didn't fight this?
We all got a diagnosis. It doesn't matter if you are a 0 or a IV. We are all cistas.
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I too have felt like I don't deserve the attention I got from so many friends and relatives who rallied when I got my diagnosis. Yes, I was scared that I wouldn't see my kids to adulthood. I was in a state of panic when I got phone call after phone call that the MRI's showed more and more and more "areas of concern". (I remember thinking, "What is happening? I feel fine!") But in the end, I was very lucky and it wasn't in my nodes and I didn't need chemo. I was almost embarrassed by all the attention people were giving me at that point! I downplayed it by telling them I had cancer lite. My mother HATED it when I said that because she was there for every appointment and told me over and over that she wished it was her instead of me. (Tissues were needed for that one.) That is why I didn't sign up as a survivor for the Susan G Kolman race. I didn't feel like I deserved it. Maybe there should be two class of survivors. Those who ease through and those who suffer through. There is a difference!
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Again, wish I had you wonderful ladies to walk with!
Sue ~ like Megan, I didn't need the recliner at all for my exchange!.... the only thing I'm thinking for YOU is maybe you will have a whole different kind of discomfort because you will be putting that 350cc under the muscle of your "uninterupted" breast? (You are going under the muscle, right?) So that might take a while for that side's muscle to relax/heal etc? Maybe similiar to your neighbor's experience? How's she doing anyway?
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There's not much I can say other than I am proud to know (well, in a "cyber-know" kind of way ;-) all of you lovely ladies! To come onto a website and talk about these things and feel accepted for wherever we each are on this bc-road has saved me many times when I haven't known anyone to turn to who has been there, and scared sh*tless at the idea of bc. Your comments above are an example of grace and pure amazing-ness!
hug to each of you!!!
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...yeah, Sue - how IS your neighbor doing?!?! LOL!!! ;-)
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Lago I totally agree with you. Even though I didn't have to do chemo, I did lose my breasts! We've all been through bc here.
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Susan, Megan, Sue - thanks for posting your feelings about 'cancer lite' & not enough suffering. I too have tried to explain to friends that I almost feel guilty - no chemo, no rads - and none of them have a clue what I'm talking about.
Then along comes Cindy with another clear, heart-felt post. Silly me to be crying in the middle of the afternoon, but Cindy - you always seem to post uplifting messages & remind us we're all sisters. Thanks.
Jan
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Gosh I agree with all of you! Wish we all lived closer, not only so we could do a BC walk (tho I am not a "pink" person either), but also to gather for regular hikes!
Cindy hit the nail on the head. Each of us here has heard the heart-thumping words "it's cancer" and it's those words that brought us together to this place of support, of information, of healing, of friendship. Our cancer journeys are so similar and yet uniquely different...kinda like what makes us all human — the similarities and the differences.
There was a Komen walk near me in May. A few of my "outer" ring of girlfriends (not BFFs) talked about walking it with me in honor of me. But I never really wanted to do it. Thankfully I had a real excuse (my incision). In the end, one friend and her daughter did the walk. There was a pink fire truck parked near the finish line, and women had written tributes all over the truck, inside and out. My friend's daughter posted a photo on FB... she had written a tribute to my husband's late wife (who passed from BC). I cried. And then I though, ummm, what about me? Do I have to die from BC in order to have someone walk in honor of me? I didn't know what to think. I felt icky.
But a couple hours later, she posted under the fire truck photo that they had walked in honor of my husband's late wife, as well as in honor of me, and another woman they knew who is fighting BC. Now I was being acknowledged...and that felt funny too. Not sure what was worse... being forgotten or being honored! This diagnosis is a real mind %$#^!!
I try to imagine how it would feel to walk with a survivors shirt on, and I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I am not "through" the process yet. I think once my reconstruction is done and I have no activity restrictions and I feel like I am back to my old self, I'll do it.
But who am I kidding? I can't get back to my normal self — she doesn't exist any more. And at some point I have to face that fact. I could always stay in the Land of Denial (it is very comfortable there!) but I suspect I will have to kick myself off that island at some point. Walking with a pink shirt would definitely do it for me. I also think it would be a completely overwhelming experience, emotionally wrenching because I would have to face my new reality (and handle strangers saying positive things to me without balling my eyes out!). It would be far easier to do it with a group of survivors who were doing it for the first time. Susan, I bet if you start a thread about Komen in Seattle, you would find at least one other woman to walk with...
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I've actually met many women from this forum… granted there is an Illinois ladies thread. We do try to meet for lunch once a month. I have also met a woman from Ohio and Kansas City. (The one from Kansas City did her BMX the same month, started chemo the same day, both originally from the east coast and we both do the same thing for living.)
There are so many of you. I would love to meet all.
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I completely randomly met one woman recently from BCO. We use the same PT, (and have appts back-to-back) unknowingly and were in touch several times the week before by PM discussing who we used for PT in the RI area. It was interesting to meet someone in "real life". :-)
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It is so very cool to be able to come here and really have people know what you are talking about.
I think that's great that you have a group in Illinois that gets together Lago. I saw that there is some group on here that has a yearly thing in Las Vegas. I didn't think I really "knew" any of them at first glance. That would be a hoot if some of us did that! Renusus~ That is so surreal that your DH's first wife and you both got BC! And I totally understand how you could feel torn between whether to want to be forgotten or honored! I know what you mean about being uncomfortable wearing a "survivor" shirt quite yet. I guess they have a "survivor parade" at the end of the 5k. I have a weird feeling like that part may be really emotional for me? Heck, I really have no clue how I'll react. I just had lunch with my DH and he's being very supportive (though teased me that I'm just in it for the freebies they will give out at the "survivor tent" lol!) , and wants to do it with me. (Or he's doing a real good job pretending ~ I mean, how bad would that look if he said he didn't want to go with me! lol!)
Anyhoo.. have to comment on your tattoo decision Sue! (On the leg, not the boob). I said I wanted to get a tattoo after I got BC too! (mainly because I assumed I was going to be getting nipple tattoos so thought, what the hell?) Though I did joke that since nobody was probably ever going to see my nipples except my hubby, that I should get something tattooed that he would like.... like a couple of wine bottles!
I still would like to get a tattoo....but I really can't think of anything I want permanently etched on my body. If I had a bruise like yours, Sue, it would make the decision easier! I like your butterfly/ribbon idea.
....hmmm...maybe a little flower? I could have them strategically placed to cover up the cellulite on the back of my thighs! I could bring the meaning of "susansgarden" full circle!! 0 -
Megan ~ how interesting to meet someone from BCO at the doc office! Is she active on the boards? Maybe I could start a thread asking if anyone is doing the 5k in Seattle like Renusus suggested? What's the worst that can happen?
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I also wanted to add, Rennasus - thanks for sharing your experience. I can only imagine the mixed emotions you felt after that walk. There must be so many emotions that run thru your head on a day like that.
I can relate on some levels about the "new" normal that we need to adjust to. I'm never going to be the same gal I was prior to all this, and I forget sometimes about the BC stuff at the same time. Like today I was at the playground and a parent I know was chatting with me about hospitals, needles, etc. It was wierd that I felt I couldn't have a conversation about this stuff without it hitting close to home. I said I had surgery recently, not saying what, OR expecting them to ask me about it since I looked perfectly fine. I said, oh yeah, I had cancer - had a bmx and now it's gone...I kept on chatting about school-stuff and felt myself panicky-weird about the conversation. I don't just bring it up in conversation, yet there it was! It's like it was real again, I haven't had to "tell" anyone about bc in a while and it was still strange the feelings it brought on to say it "out loud"...
well, I'm rambling now, but thanks for sharing, Rennasus!
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You should put it out there, Susan...you never know who you could meet!
Sue - I wanted to comment on the tattoo-thing! Very cool that you are doing that...I got a tattoo a month before dx so I don't see another in my near future, but if I did, I would probably include some sort of symbol to represent this past year...actually my screen name is my tattoo, a firedancer!!!
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Susan - the woman I met frequents other threads than the reconstruction-ones, I was inquiring about LE and PT and we just randomly connected. I NEVER thought we had the same PT until she mentioned who she sees... I actually approached her in the Dr office after I realized it was her and asked if she was her screen name...so bold of me to approach a stranger, but I did! It was very nice to meet her and put a face to a name!
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Oooooo...is it the same firedancer you have as your avatar on the pic site?
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why yes it is!!! It is on the top of my foot, in black ink and about 3 or 4 inches big! :-) My hub got it too, on his upper arm...it was our 10 yr anniversary present to eachother!!! It's a symbol we have admired for many, many years!!!
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Wow! That's pretty big! Did it hurt having it done on the top of your foot? That's sweet that you got matching ones. You could always tattoo a big ol' PINK hat and shirt on the firedancer! 0
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Suebee, I too like the tattoo idea, very clever to cover a bruise.
Fire-dancer, tks for sharing. I too often "forget" I even have BC, despite the amount of time I spend talking about it on these boards! I also have not had to tell anyone in a long time, and plenty of people still do not know, and I will likely keep it that way, unless it organically comes up.
I had an awkward experience over the weekend that many of you will relate to...I ran into a former co-worker and her husband. I knew her husband had cancer. I asked how he was and he started telling me all about his chemo. Then he asked what I have been up to. I told him I have been dealing with some health issues. I was going to leave it at that, but since he also has been though "it," I thought, what the heck, I'll tell him I have BC and had a BMX and did not need chemo. He was shocked, but then went right into telling me a story about his sister-in-law who also has BC. That would have been fine if he had stopped there, but he continued by telling me 9 months after her BMX they found a spot on her lung and then her brain. OK, why are you telling me this? He of all people should know that is not helpful to hear...he also has cancer!! I was sorry I had mentioned it. His wife (the woman I used to work with), then came over (she had been paying for a purchase) and so I told her and she had no reaction at all. And then told me another bad story about someone else we know whose daughter had BC. I actually couldn't wait to get out of there and was happy when DH popped in to say let's get going. DH later asked me why I had shared my story at all with them. I told him I was trying to make a connection with another "cancer survivor" but it wasn't a satisfying moment!
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No kidding about it not being satisfying to share with them! Like you, I would have thought that they would have been a little more sensitive?? Now that I'm a way out from diagnosis and surgery, I also find myself wondering if I should even bother mentioning my BC. It's hard when you see someone you haven't seen for awhile and they say, "what have you been up to"? I have been VERY open about my BC as I was going through the waiting and surgeries. But now it seems awkward bringing it up unless , like you said, it happens organically.
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Rennasus ~ your story also reminded me of my favorite! (I've shared it somewhere on here.. I think "stupiest things people have said to you".
About a week after I was diagnosed, a former employee of mine had heard through the grape vine, and sent me an "I'm so sorry to hear" email. The kicker is ...she then said..... "My mom had breast cancer ~ she died 12 days after she was diagnosed". Remember.. I had JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED and had no idea what my prognosis was! Yeah, I loved telling that story!
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holy cow I don't know where to start, but susan!!!! Geeesh!!! I think I would have wanted to throttle that person for sending that! People can be soooo strange when thinking they are connecting to you via a bc person they know...
I have to say I wanted to swallow the words right back up as soon as I said them today, as much as the conversation "rolled" into it, I don't think I should have said it. I haven't done that before. I was open enough when it was going on but now that I have finished reconstruction, it just doesn't seem like it should come up unless it fits. I do regret sharing my "tid bit", but after I beat myself up for no reason, I said out loud 'let it go'...in the scheme of all this crap I have been appropriate about the when and where to share, ok - so I'm not thrilled I brought it up today, whatever...I was concerned about being "water cooler gossip" and kept the bc stuff away from my girls' schools (except for their teachers), but what the hell, I've had bigger things on my plate and I shall let this one go and use it as a reminder. It was just the reminder that not everyone is "ready" to respond when you throw it out there. I did get my share of "doom and gloom" stories throughout this...seriously, why is it people feel they can relate when they have a tragic story to tell? I'll never get it...
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