Bonfire of the Goddesses
Comments
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Hey i love that....Are you sure you dont know my X.you are describing him exactly how he is.
Self seeking parasite.....thats him!!!!!!!
yeah when i got separated i told him i hope he lives to 105 and watch everyone you know die!!!!
He has/had all kinds of heart issues,anurysims,face cancer too.It looks like im getting my wish.
My mom used to say WATCH OUT FOR WHAT YOU WISH FOR.YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT.LOL.
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hey granny, does he have a brother? Maybe he's related to my boss.
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no brother just a sista who is nothing like him.I love her dearly....
His mother on the other hand was a bitch...His father must be turning in his grave.GREAT MAN.
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I have an acquaintance I need to throw on the fire. Out of the blue she says to me, "I have a suggestion you might find helpful" I have a friend who had reconstruction. Before her surgery, she and her husband watched porn so they could decide what kind of boobs she wanted.
This bothers me on so many levels. First, my breast was amputated. I'm not getting "implants". Second, I don't have a nipple. (Her helpful suggestion was that I could get a tattoo ). Third, my husband doesn't now get to pick my breast size. Four, if I look at 18 year olds with beautiful healthy bodies, it just makes me sad.
I'd love a snappy come back for the next asinine comment I receive.0 -
Elizabeth---you want a comebackkk...well go to the STFU thread...it stands for shut the F up.....thats what you should tell that friend of yours.....When you hear your name and cancer in the same sentence your life just changed....does she know that?Does she have a tattoo>well I do and damnit that hurts.I would like to watch her get a tattoo.
The best comeback i could say is walk a mile in my shoes and then lets talk!!!!!!Tell me how it feels when you get your breast taken off...And for the final punchline STFU....I dont remember askin your suggestions!!!!!
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Oh and into the fire you go!!!!!Bitch.
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Elizabeth...Voracious "Miss Manners" Reader would say, "Excuse me?" ...Then give her the evil eye. ....and THEN just stare at her and say NOTHING MORE while the words lingers in the air for awhile. After a few painstaking seconds, the air in the room will begin to get sucked out around her.....
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I will say that STFU came to mind immediately. VR your answer is quite elegant. The irony of the situation is this woman is a professor of psychology at the local university. She is older, perhaps she is developing dementia.
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VR---been missing you...You are quite the lady and i probably would not like that stare..SILENCE IS GOLDEN..
I still like the STFU.
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VR is very bad. She has been known to say nothing and cast an evil eye at the people she despises who just say to her, "Hello." They know who they are and she has well earned the label, "Ice Queen." VR doesn't mince words, nor waste her breath... but carry on!
Now let's all toast some marshmallows!0 -
I have been known to say "Excuse Me" at time or two. Especially when I have to watch my mouth and can't say STFU. Of course, the stare that goes with excuse me is priceless
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destina- see I told you that others would come and wrap there thoughts around you-sooohmmmmwarm
Badger-yes, thought I had the definition down of syncophant---didn't----WHAT AN ANALPORE
Granny- he will wear the chains in hell as Scrooge was supposed too!
Essa and Jo and Joan
L&H&P's sheila/sassy/sas
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Hi SAS
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Hi SAS, thanks for the shout out
I am learning a lot here ... new vocabulary words.
VR - I think your solution to blatant rudeness coupled with chosen ignorance is really good. Nothing like silence to counter an awkward moment.
Hi Jo hope all is well and that you are enjoying the post-holiday lull (although I am not sure in your business if there is a lull!)
Granny, glad you are here by the fire. Wherever you go in the next few weeks as you are with your DS, we'll bring the fire to you. Know that many prayers are being said for you and DS.
Am still waiting to find out what my friend's prognosis is in NC...huge tumor and positive axillary biopsy...ILC...am so darned worried. She is so detached and has latched on to a very uncool guy who wants to take over and shut out her sister and daughters from this process. (his 3rd wife died from ca so he's the expert)... I think it will be Stage 3 and her daughters should feel free to be there through this process.
I want to throw one more ignorant self-centered controlling male into the fire. Along with any and all new BC diagnoses.
Have a good night....and stay well.
Hugs
Joan
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One more thing dear sisters....regarding silence....VR doesn't like to leave a wide open net on the digital landscape! VR has friends who post EVERYTHING on Facebook...and email? VR doesn't put anything personal in an email! When she shares emails...she never uses the CC space. Everyone is bcc'd. VR doesn't want anyone knowing who she is friends with...at all. And those friends who WANT to write these "cry me a river" emails ASKING others for apologies...that's the biggest NO-NO! I tell friends NOT to write those kinds of emails...Either talk to the person the old fashioned way OR just forget about it and carry on....like VR! Sometimes, if a friendship is really worth it, you do need to speak up... Voracious "Miss Manners" Reader sometimes does use her lips....but they're only used on the people whom she loves...and they're used...mostly for kisses! The rest of the time...with most acquaintences, it's not worth wasting your time or your breath....because EVERYONE KNOWS...Zebras can NEVER change their stripes.....
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I LOVE the VR response - the LOOK is definitely effective!
I educated an NP last week before my axillary biopsy with the old-fashioned teacher lecture. When she scheduled the bx, she informed me that I should wear a supportive sports bra for after the bx for comfort. I asked her how that would help, as the bx was in the axilla, I had no breasts that needed compression, and the anatomy was such that a bra would not help - I would just need a little fluffed up gauze compression for a while. OK, she said. Then I found out that she scheduled me for a follow-up mammogram for after the bx! I called, surprisingly got her on the phone, proceeded to ask her why she scheduled a mammogram for a woman who has no breasts. She said it was policy for anyone having a breast core biopsy. I reminded her it was NOT breast, but axilla. She had no answer. I gave her a stern lecture about listening to the patient, providing patient-centered care (as advertised by the institution she works for!), about using her God-given brain to THINK, use a little common sense, and then if she isn't SURE about whether to order a follow-up mammogram for a woman with no breasts, she should ASK someone with more knowledge and experience! I am sure she was in tears after our conversation. I never became rude, but I was quite stern, the old teacher voice coming back. Less than 2 hours later, the supervisor called, we chatted for a bit, she asked what I would like for them to do. I suggested using a better orientation training for new NPs (including listening to the patient!), including this type of thing in their continuing education and/or staff meetings. So she assured me they will do so. I can only hope.
But this experience has really given me the boost I needed to be a better advocate for myself. Don't just let stupid things happen and ignore them. Bring them to the attention of the person doing the stupid thing. I actually used that term with the NP - said I didn't think SHE was stupid, but what she did certainly was! And also, people do not learn from success, but they DO learn from failures, and I am pretty sure this young NP will learn from this. She seemed to be genuinely upset to make such an error.
So into the fire with passivity and "acceptance" of things that CAN and SHOULD be changed!!!!!! Just give me the courage, the mean teacher voice, the nonverbal icy stares, the simple questions such as "EXCUSE ME????" to make changes!
Oh, yes, I also met a wonderful woman once who would respond to such questions with a simple "I am not moved to do so." No need to give a reason - simply not moved to do so.0 -
My first thought was also excuse me?? followed by silence and The Look.
How toasty is the fire, with 3 hot guys in there now. Not sexy-hot, but fiery-hot. ABLAZE!
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EMSTL. Nice mnemonic. Excuse Me? Silence. The Look. I like it!
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EMSTL.... Now let's all practice!
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LOL I was thinking of "Silence and The Look" as the name of a band. All women, of course.
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It's been said that silence is golden..can you teach an old dog new tricks.
I need to learn how to keep a filter on my mouth.
VR....I can do that stare quite wll but then I have to say something.
Thanks for the prayers.its been holding me up.
Ill be back0 -
Ahh, "the look." I gave it one time in church to one of my twins when they were about six years old. She was acting up and I just looked down and she sensed something was up and started behaving. A friend who was several rows back came up to me afterwards and complimented me for the way I gave "the look." She said it made her think twice about what she was doing. I have given it to my children at times when they were growing up and I didn't approve of something they were doing and I would get, "What?" All I had to say is, "you know what" and the behavior would end. The power of "the look."
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I keep re-reading a book about reinventing yourself and there is a critical chapter about choosing to not be offended by others. We can find them offensive but should not be taking it on ourselves. It costs us too much of our well being. And it's a lot to remember the bad stuff that other people do. Silence and the look are powerful tools; but if it's someone important in life then a face to face with lots of "I" messages.
(((Granny))), so funny that you said you have to talk right after the silence.
I am not going to throw anything in, but I have a new zebra fleecy throw that I will wrap around while I pull closer to the fire.
Nite all,Joan
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Joan, would you share the book title/author? I think I need to read about reinventing myself. I have just about exhausted the brain on the spiritual journey, need some human insights. I have truly let go of much of my anger, but now where do I go????
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Linda... Just follow my "shit" theory. It begins with the expression that you must always keep in your mind, "I don't give a shit." I believe when you tell yourself that expression, in a passive-aggressive way you are releasing your frustration about a situation and letting go of it at the same time. Another variation of the "shit" expression... "Who gives a shit?" Same results... Try it!
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There's a BCO member who has this wonderful quote in her signature line: "Treat every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away." Love it!
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Love it!
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VR, badger, too funny!
and too true...Linda, the little book I have and read from time to time is Reinventing Yourself by Steve Chandler. It's about being an "owner" rather than a victim of circumstance. It has a lot of truth and wisdom about response to others and not taking on their expectations...listening to onesself and realizing when we are reacting or acting...
Anyway, the chapters are just 2 or 3 pages each and any one seems to have a bit of inspiration to move forward in life and shake the perceptions that we may create in our minds. "Self-help" books usually just make me feel worse when I can't do what's "required" but this one just helps to change the focus from inward to outward.
Glad the fire's warm....some snow tonight.
G'nite all,
Joan0 -
badger - I have seen that on facebook - LOL!
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Tossing in lousy veins in the non-ALND arm. I have a great vein in the ALND arm that we can't use for things like lab draws, PET scans, MRIs, etc. Had to be stuck 3 times today for PET scan. Tossing in the anxiety that comes with waiting for results. Am going to sit with some hot cocoa by the warming fire now....
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