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Bonfire of the Goddesses

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Comments

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,981
    edited November 2012

    Happy Thanksgiving, peace and health to everyone here.  Each one brings a special gift to this post (thank Jo for starting such a cool idea - oops, no,  the fire is a hot idea!)
    Have a great day!

  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 7,545
    edited November 2012

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING SISTAS!

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 5,858
    edited November 2012

    Happy thanksgiving

    Prayed for a cure

    Prayed for Ned for everyone

    Prayed for all the sandy victims

    And thanks for all my sistas

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited November 2012

    Yes Jo, great idea . Wish all understood. Finished the evening  at neighbors around a campfire. everyone was relaxed and mellow. Great ending to a great day Namaste sheila

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,981
    edited November 2012

    Quiet here....back to work for me in a few hours....guess I'll try to sleep a bit.
    Thinking of you all and hoping your memories of Thanksgiving are warm and sweet.
    Joan

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 5,858
    edited November 2012

    Quiet here too.im still in pa but everyone is sleepin

    Thought I would go home tomorrow but my Gd is sick sooooo ill stay another day or two.

    It's freezing here.gonna get flurries for the next two days.

    Oh how I want my bed!!!!!!

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,981
    edited November 2012

    Granny, sounds like you are just gonna have to make the break...there may never be a good time to go!  Glad you are ready though...
    Cloudy, cold, damp weather here...here's to keeping those cold and flu bugs in the fire.

  • ridergirl
    ridergirl Member Posts: 94
    edited November 2012

    First snow here last night I woke up this morning to Mom asking me where my snow boots were cause she knew I had to go out today. Luckily I remembered where I put them Smile  will start to feel more like Christmas if the snow stays on the ground

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 5,858
    edited November 2012

    Im home...yeah thats right.my GD came at 6:30 this morning and off we went.I came home and fell asleep for a few hrs.Oh how i missed my bed!!!!!!

    now back to my old life that is a reality.gotta make drs appts and do all the crapp stuff i never gave a shit about.It was like dont mention anything about NJ.

    hope everyone is doin ok.

    Ill be back!!!!!

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,981
    edited November 2012

    Granny, SO glad you are home!!!  Hope you sleep soundly.

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 5,858
    edited November 2012

    Thanks Joan...actually i did sleep pretty good.normal is gettin up at least 2x.I will be home now(I hope)perhaps we can get together sooner rather then later.

    how i love that bedroom....my small lill apt.looks like it was robbed...when i came in i saw things i dropped dwon and left  it there when i ran out of here like a shot out of hell.Im tryin to reach bottom now.just takin a little break and keep truckin.

    Do we have any choices?

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    Still ready to toss in the BS and MO this week - I have not felt strong and healthy since the day I started chemo in October 2010. I have had constant pain and fatigue, some days better than others, but so much worse this week. I am angry the MO didn't suggest a less toxic but nearly as effective chemo so I wouldn't have the neuropathy and chronic fatigue. I am angry with the BS who told me MX after chemo and a "clear" PET scan would not be any more effective than doing nothing (despite my clear statement that I was NOT doing rads!) when I was mentally ready to do it, then had recurrence 6 months later and had BMX, which then I had very tough time with complications and now chronic pain from the surgery. I know I am getting a little stronger each day, but have now had 3 straight days of pain that has required pain meds. What the h**** will I do if/when I get really bad pain from mets????? Tossing in fear that goes with the chronic pain & fatigue. I am so tired of cringing every time someone comes up to hug me, including DH. I want to send a note to my MO and BS every day to remind them that they are still working and functioning, and I am struggling EVERY SINGLE DAY most of the day. I know they try to help with more referrals to pain clinics (interventional pain did not help, meds not helpful, just more SEs to deal with), but it's more like they just want to get me out of their office into someone else's so I will be someone else's problem, not theirs. Thanks for listening. I am just fragile, a little tearful, and feel guilty because I should theoretically be grateful they saved my life, but I swear I am just not that grateful some days. And I feel guilty for having so much pain when I don't have mets, and I am over a year out from surgery and 2 years from the start of chemo. Why is my body betraying me and not healing????



    I know I need to get back into my "military mindset" and set my mission. My original mission was "Survive to enjoy life" but I have failed.... survived yes, enjoy no.... Trying to find moments of grace in each day, and I AM doing that, but overall it is so hard some days... and I am grateful to all of you that I can come here and grumble and complain and you will understand. These are things I don't want to say in front of those friends who insist on giving me a bit old hug and compliment me on how good I look. They love me, I get it.... but I would really prefer to crawl back into my cave some days....



    Much lovingkindness to you all.

  • ridergirl
    ridergirl Member Posts: 94
    edited December 2012

    Linda you are much farther along on your path than I, myself only started chemo Oct 2012, but I feel I can certainly sympathize with some of what you feel.  I am already so tired of being tired and wondering with every treatment if it is even worth it or should I just stop and enjoy what part of life I have left, because I sure dont enjoy a lot of it now.  Luckily for me the pain meds do work pretty well (I've had bone mets from the get-go) but only if I limit  my activity. If I try to even attempt anything like my "normal ' life the pain is unbearable. I worked on a farm for 14 years prior to this so the inactivity is hard.  I think the guilt part happens to all of us at some point, for me its usually when I read of someone here who is so much worse off than I and I think I don't have the right to feel the way I do.  But we are all only human after all and maybe some of these thoughts, like our disease, is beyond our control.

    So please, don't be too hard on yourself for what or how you feel, and on those cave days, sometimes i feel the same and just let myself do it, others I drag myself out and try to participate in life.  Our lives our choice hun.....hope this helps

  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 7,545
    edited December 2012

    Linda - I so am getting tired of people telling me how good I look.  Did I look that bad before?  I know they mean well but really.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  You have been through so very much and you have every right to bitch, moan, complain.  I know there have to be a few good days every once in a while.  Cherish them.  Just remember, we are all here for you.  Sending gentle hugs.

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    Thanks for the support Jo, ridergirl. Today is better. I wonder if weather changes can cause pain flares like it does for folks with arthritis. We had cold rainy weather, and it seemed to coincide with my pain flare, and that led to the negative thinking. Today I did yoga, had a massage, and am feeling much better, back down to my one pain pill a day.



    I went in to pack up my office today. Because I could not do my job the way I expect me to do it, I took medical leave. Fully supported by my boss. Did not realize that they could then terminate me. Everyone has been super nice, kind, considerate, etc., but I no longer have my job. I don't really understand, am just kind of in a fog about it. I thought I would be able to go back when I was better, probably in a couple more months. I think there was a comment about maybe rehiring me rather than do a full search for someone new, but now I am wondering if maybe this choice that I did not make for myself is actually a good one.... the longer I am away from my office the less I miss it except on a few occasions. Still, it was sobering to pack up my books, diplomas, course materials that I have developed... wondering if I should even keep that stuff or if I might need it again.... Into the fire with life changes that cancer brings!

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited December 2012

    LINDA , lovey, we just shared a lengthy PM so I won't go over all that we have already talked about. BUT what is this firing b/c you took a Medical leave. What about FMLA. Did they follow their policies. Have you applied for Social Security Disability. I know no one wants too. It's important to get the time stamp of the initial date of application. Because once approved that date of application becomes very important (won't describe here to long). You nor any of us can predict the future. Applying for SSDI doesn't mean that you will go on SSDI. You can stop the process anytime without prejudice( means can't hurt you now or in future applications).

    To all---hellooo Happy Holidays. Had a computer virus and just got computer back. Doing lots of catch up.

    Newsflash I have a fella--7 months now, trial of living together for last 4+ weeks, Talking lots and lots and LOTS.  Marriage not an option b/c of money. Each day is better than the last. So, please, keep us in your prayers. He's 54, I'm 62. Good looking in a rough cowboy sort of way. He was definitely a diamond in the rough. Long shoulder length hair, always looked like he needed a scrub b/c he's in a job that there's alot of dirt,  a rough beard, Harry Potter hair(in the books Harry's hair is always askew). New man once I convinced him of the importance of the way he looks. Reinforcement helps. He's gotten soooo many compliments(men and women) on his new look and the way women look at him now. He's like a kid "Did you see how many women were looking at me". I said "How can you tell". He "Cuz I stared them down" LOL. Some would be threatened by that, but I'm not. Effect on me: depression-- gone, I'm cooking rather than opening a can of cold beans, going out rather than cocooning, fixing myself up, decorating the house to the nines which I haven't since before BC (09), I'm back to laughing allot, the unsaid is great too, LOL. Life is short, not going to miss this opportunity too be happy. Whatever may happen in the future that may be negative will not rob me of this present joy. Screw BC.

    For me---would love to share a sweet fire with everyone Christmas Eve L&H&P's Namaste sassy

  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 24,938
    edited December 2012

    ((Linda)) sending some love your way.

    SAS I'll be away for Christmas with no internet access so no BCO, but will be with you ladies in spirit as we share a drink around the sweet fire. 

    Namaste!  ((hugs)) to all

    p.s. for anyone who's awake late tonight or early tomorrow morning, it's the peak of the Geminid meteor showers.  http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/ten-tips-for-watching-the-geminid-meteor-shower

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited December 2012

    Dear Bonfires friends: i THINK MANY OF YOU KNOW THEFUZZYLEMON. the rest is explained below.

    ________________________________________________________________________________ 

    Wisconson thread:

    Dear friends of Fuzzy, I didn't think you'd mind if I posted this here, I'm not a regular poster here. I do know you all care for Fuzzy.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear friends on the Catholic thread TheFuzzyLemon is in trouble. The following post below I put on "Fuzzy's Romp Room" (FRR) this morning. The next post that I will bring here is the novena to the Archangels. I have modified it to state "Fuzzy's" name and "us" or"all of us". So, we are praying for each other as well as Fuzzy. We did this same novena and format for Jennifer on Nov 12th 2010.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Morning Dear Friends, We all are felling pretty helpless over Fuzzy. We know she had an infection, but not if it was her flap. flu, or the nasty bacterial infection of the respiratory tree(like Granny is still recovering from). What we do know is she's in serious trouble. I turn to prayer in times like these. Particularly, novenas. Many of you have been involved on the Catholic thread when we have done novenas. Being  non-Catholic doesn't matter ...prayer is prayer. There is an acceptable alternative to the standard 9 day novena. It's an "emergency" novena done once and hour for 9 hours. We all have are travails, but my instincts say come together now and do this for Fuzzy.

    I'm suggesting the Archangels for this novena b/c each Archangel has a special job. My next posting will be the novena. So, if you are willing , I suggest start as soon as you read it. Most everyone posting here has been checking in frequently.  I'm going to post it on the Catholic thread too. Plus this post.

    Love you all, L&H&P's sheila/sassy


    Novena

    St. Michael, St. Gabriel, St. Raphael, be with us today as we pray on behalf of Fuzzy and all here. Protect Fuzzy and us all from whatever could cause spiritual or physical harm. Help us be faithful to Jesus and a good communicator of his divine love on behalf of Fuzzy and us all. Amen.

    Prayer to St. Michael St. Michael the Archangel, defend Fuzzy and us in the battle; be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into Hell, Satan and all the other evil spirits, who prowl about the world, seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

    Prayer to St. Raphael Blessed Saint Raphael, Archangel, We beseech thee to help Fuzzy and us in all our needs and trials of this life, as thou, through the power of God, didst restore sight and give guidance to young Tobit. We humbly seek thine aid and intercession, that Fuzzy's and our souls may be healed, our bodies protected from all ills, and that through divine grace we may be made fit to dwell in the eternal Glory of God in heaven. Amen.

    Prayer to St. Gabriel O Blessed Archangel Gabriel, we beseech thee, do thou intercede for Fuzzy and us at the throne of divine Mercy in our present necessities, that as thou didst announce to Mary the mystery of the Incarnation, so through thy prayers and patronage in heaven that Fuzzy and us all may obtain the benefits of the same, and sing the praise of God forever in the land of the living. Amen.

    ( say prayer once and hour for 9 hours) Blessings, sheila/sassy


  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited December 2012

    Rider very well put bless you sassy

    Where is our VR girl ??????????

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 15,894
    edited December 2012

    Hello all, just a pop-in to announce a new thread---"INDIVIDUAL TO DO & REMEMBER LIST/CALLENDAR"have been trying to figuire out how to do this for months. Duh , then it was so easy. MODS MAY CHANGE FORUM, BUT SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS IF IT'S IN YOUR FAVORITES.

    Link to NEW THREAD :

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/797809?page=1#idx_3

    Seasons Greetings to All,  have a blessful and blissful New Year. Sheila/sassy

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    Sheila, thanks for the new thread! Good idea!

  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 7,545
    edited December 2012

    Sheila - Great idea.

    Haven't been here in a long time.  Shame on me since I started this thread.  I don't really have anything to throw into the fire.  I am down to very few medical appts.  Just saw my MO and don't have to go back for 6 months.  Annual mammo is scheduled for Mar 20th. Other than that, I see my PCP every 3 months and have been on that schedule long before BC.

    I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

  • veggy
    veggy Member Posts: 4,150
    edited December 2012

    Into the fire with my left tissue expander and radiated skin that would not heal.

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    Jo, we are so glad you started this fire - it has served, and continues to serve, its purpose to allow us to express our anger and frustration and just toss them in to let go of them as best we can. And then it was great that so many walked over to join the gentle warming fire of friendship. That fire is just as important - we can move on, still share in friendship, and yet that bonfire is still there when we have a set-back or frustrating experience.



    Veggy, you need to be here BIG TIME right now! I am watching that bonfire grow high with the stuff you need to toss on right now! I will sit with you a while here, watching it with mesmerizing flames that leap high, putting my arm around you in support.

  • veggy
    veggy Member Posts: 4,150
    edited December 2012

    Thanks Linda. This whole week has sucked. Dec 15 my best friend died from this horrible disease. I was at her side. I haven't grieved. Four days later I am having surgery to remove the expander. I found out lat night that a friend of mine, her husband has a skin cancer but thankfully it did not spread. I wa so happy for them. I needed any kind of good news. I ca't help thinking what's next?

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    Veggy, I hear the fear: "what's next?" I am actually finding myself "breathing" for you! I have lived in that fear place for over 2 years, and it's not a good place to be. Breathing, focusing on the breath in and out for 3 minutes can help a little. I am studying process theology to try to understand, and am kind of "getting it" that all things change, we can't change the past, we can't know the future, so just breathing "in this very moment" is all we can do. I breathe in fear, I breathe out love to you and everyone I love and then everyone in the world..... it's the best I can do right this moment to get beyond the fear. And yet the fear comes back often. And I repeat.... breathe in fear, breathe out love....



    And yes, this still sucks.

  • veggy
    veggy Member Posts: 4,150
    edited December 2012

    If we throw our fear into the fire , do you think it would add to the global warming?

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012

    I never thought about the global warming thing.... OK, let's throw global warming into the fire as well!!!!!

  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 7,545
    edited December 2012

    Linda - Very well said - Thank you.  This thread was actually thought up late one night when I could not sleep.  I am so very happy it has helped so many.  Let's keep it going.

    Merry Christmas Pinkies!!!

  • ridergirl
    ridergirl Member Posts: 94
    edited December 2012

    Throwing into the fire this miserable cold that I caught from my mom....making me feel icky but not gonna let it ruin Christmas.. Happy holidays to all and big big ((((hugs)))

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