TRIPLE POSITIVE GROUP
Comments
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I echo Ms Tori's words. I can not believe that it has been a year since I was diagnosed.When they told me I would be on Herceptin for a year I thought OMG A YEAR,but looking back this year went pretty fast. Special thanks today to Lago,Kelloggs and SpecialK. You have been with me from the beginning when I was a terrified newcomer,you 3 held my hand and walked me thru each and every step and always answered by dumb questions.I am so thankful that I did so well this year. I wish everyone a Very Happy Thanksgiving and many,many,many years of NED. Love Eileen
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They only did the echo for the EF on me, I believe. And once it stayed fine through treatment, I didn't need any more, but I received Taxotere, Carboplatin & Herceptin, so I know that makes a difference. My friend that received Adriamycin, Cytoxan & Taxol, had Muga scans monthly, and I believe she still has them now and then, she was Triple Negative.
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Whew I can not keep up with u guys--it's wonderful how everyone has so much info and shares it all and comforts everyone. BTW I've had both echo and mugas and they are both supper easy Monday I et a bone scan--but she did say my lump might not show up on that particular skan--So 'll address that after all the Holidays-it's not going anywhere. I think my foot was used after the first one. I rememver tem having to look at my feet and I was mad cuz My feet are so ugly and big and I was please can u use something else I hated to show my feet
Well I do want to wish all of u a happy thanksgiving with the hope that everyone feels better and can enjoy the day.
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I think that I mentioned it before, not sure if it was on this forum. My IV in the foot was the easiest IV I've ever gotten in my life. A little challenging to get to the bathroom, but you just have to be careful not to step on the line.
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leeA im glad you feel better and have a plan. Sometimes all it takes is one person taking control and guiding you through, sounds like you have that person
happy thanksgiving to all my american sistahs! have a great one
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I'm all for a "like" button, and maybe some other buttons to show our support in times of stress, pain, fear....
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They were on the fence for a while about whether or not to give me chemo. They did an onotype test, FISH test and decided the risks of chemo outweighed the benefits based on the size of the tumor, etc. But yes, I still worry if that was the right decision.
My case even went before a tumor board.
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KIM please if u can don't worry about the decision, it sounds like they made it for u. So it seems like the right thing to do--everyone ones circumstance is totally different So put u'r mond at ease.
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Sol and Linda- I agree, we need not only a like button, but a hugs button! Happy Thangsgiving again. I sure do love you all. My online family. (((Hugs)))
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MsTori I like thst idea too, like and (((HUGS))) button. LIKE
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I have been getting 3 monthly MUGAs and am also on a clinical trial that asks for them. It involves another needle stick to get contrast in and after the tech took 4 tries to get a vein at my brain CT the other day I am now thinking about withdrawing from the trial if they won't let me move to the non-invasive Echo instead. My veins on my left side are now shot and very painful everytime they have to find one, and my right can't be used...
I still have until March for herceptin every 3 weeks. Thank goodness for this port although it is very visible beneath my skin and I hate it.
Can I share that I am just very grumpy and emotional this past couple of weeks. I am getting angry easily and feel like crying at some point every single day. I'm not sure if this is natural at the point I am at or if it's a SE of Tamoxifen which I have been taking for 40 days...
I'm angry about cancer.
I'm angry about the things it has prevented me from doing this year, including not making it to my 30th school reunion this past month.
I'm angry about how my body now looks.
I'm angry that my libido is still there but I can't seem to get "no satisfaction".
I know it's thanksgiving there, but it's not here in Australia. Thank goodness it's Friday! At least I'm looking forward to the weekend :-)
Jenn0 -
Jenn - it's normal. I'm 2 1/2 years out from DX and my MO just told me that isn't very long, I'm still new at my new normal. I've been feeling that way alot lately too, maybe it's the holiday's, maybe it's not. It seems as soon as I get past one road block, two more jump in my way. I've had to fill out disability forms - that's when I realized how much I can't do that I could before. My idea is that you either die from cancer or the treatment, but if you make it to the other side then you get better, just like from any other illness, but NOPE! Do you have a local support group that you can go to and share your feelings and issues - I've found that is very helpful, especially when I'm down. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
Linda
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Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm home and feeling much better. But I have a story to tell and would like some thoughts. I had my first chemo about 13 days ago. I ended up in the hospital last Friday with a fever and chills and was there until yesterday. My buddies were fantastic, rushing in to help, but one of them decided she needed to come over and clean my house. She had keys because she was also my pet sitter. Well, I'm hearing that on Friday, while I was resting comfortably in the hospital, sleeping like a bambino, she was calling anyone who would listen and telling them what a sh!thole my house was.
She called my best friend in Philly and told her she needed to get on a plane immediately because my house was so filthy, she needed to intervene. She told my boss that there was dog poop all over my living room (?) My doggies is house trained and a neatnik. Yes, I had dishes in the sink, yes, the bathroom was grody, yes, my bed wasn't made. But to tell everyone there is dog poop all over the place is just wrong.
I'm so embarassed and so hurt by this. I want to crawl under a rock. I had been sick since day one of chemo and was just trying to keep my head up. I fully inteneded to clean once I felt more like myself. Plus I had dishes in the sink because I was worried about being neutropenic, so I was going to ask one of my friends to wash them for me in exchange for a nice lunch in the future.
Any thoughts. Seriously, I don't want to go to work. I'm sure the entire place thinks I'm a hoarding pig. I could just cry.
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pbrain - That was wrong!! She should not have done that. I don't know what to say!
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I know. I emailed her and told her I was very hurt and very horrified by what she did. That's hard because she also did a very nice job cleaning and she walked my dog twice a day and fed my cat. But I felt like I needed to say something. She'll probably never speak to me again....
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Pbrain - WOW! That's no friend, do you have someone else that can pet sit in the future. You've been sick, you can't be expected to take care of everything, and any true friend would understand that. Please just take care of yourself, and don't worry about the rest. And did all these people run to you to tell you what she said? Hopefully they were truly concerned for you and were trying to protect you by letting you know what she was saying.
I want to say a lot more, but am headed out to my daughters for Thanksgiving dinner. I'll keep you in my prayers.
So glad you are feeling better - this is a tough journey you're on, so don't let the bastards get you down.
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jenn i can so relate honey! i am angry at the world. I dragged myself to get my nails done today even tho i am still so uncomfortable and the girl who always does my nails says "you seem so angry and aggitated" YES YES YES so here i go:
i am angry that my body is so mashed up - omg between the scars/swelling/dark areas from rads its a wonder my DH can still look at me
i am angry that yet another xmas will be ruined, chemo last year, surgery crap this year
i am angry that all my friends (early 40's) are worried about what to wear to SHOW OFF THEIR BODIES at the holiday parties while i try to figure out how to hide this bloated tamoxifen belly, ugly hair (no style, looked better when it was a pixie but now i just look like my mother), and almost no boobs (since no expansion due to pain)
i am angry that my knuckles and toes hurt so bad from the tamox
sorry for the rant....( i already gave thanks at my thanksgiving last month
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LindaKR - One of the things that I really like about the boards is that the women here are so eloquent. I don't know how to express something and then someone else gets on and says it perfectly. There have been a couple times that you have said what I was trying to say - and so much better! Happy Thanksgiving!
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Thanks Omaz -
Anger = take an ativan!!!
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1. Jenn, I'm so sorry you've been going through this. With everything your body has been through it's no wonder you feel like crying at least once a day. Cancer is a cruel mistress. I'm just learning the ropes with this b*tch on wheels aka cancer but I wanted to add some words of support. And it may be Thanksgiving here but I'll be glad when it's over (I'm not much for holidays - there, I said it
)2. LindaKR - I agree wholeheartedly with Omaz. You are incredibly eloquent and caring!
3. PBrain - Here I am, rereading your post for the fourth time and starting sentences and backspacing over them because I'm just so appalled that anyone operating under the guise of "friend" could behave in such an intrusive manner. The fact that this has spilled over and into your professional life makes it all the more loathsome.
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better...
The only way I can think to work through this and move forward is to break it down into the simplest elements.
You're an intelligent woman and you know the real facts (as does anyone who knows you and knows what the last week has been like for you) but to review -
(1) you have cancer
(2) you had chemotherapy for the first time about a week ago
(3) the treatment made you sicker than a dog, sick enough, in fact, to lose 14 pounds in a few days time.
(4) you've been hospitalized for nearly a week
This so-called friend of yours must be living in a completely different plane of existence - one in which petty, nitpicking bullsh*t supersedes facts.
Those four simple facts are what tell the real story here and if this had happened to me, that's how I would frame this going forward.
Anything other than those four facts equals a spin job from someone who apparently aspires to be the Gladys Kravitz of the entire midwest and northeast put together.
Good grief. What a week you've had. A sh*tstorm coming at you from all directions. All I can keep thinking about is the old Nietzsche quote: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Maybe I've said too much but this just really incenses me.
And one more thing:
HUGS
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And rozem, I'm sorry you're going through so many emotions right now on top of what I know is continual pain from your tissue expanders.
Ugh.
I'm just angry at breasts right now.
And this is just one of many reasons why:
ROZEM: "i am angry that all my friends (early 40's) are worried about what to wear to SHOW OFF THEIR BODIES at the holiday parties while i try to figure out how to hide this bloated tamoxifen belly..."
Any form of cancer is awful but what sucks so hard about breast cancer (besides everything) is all the societal stuff that can go along with it.
When men get prostate cancer it's all hidden in their pants or gym shorts but with breast cancer, it's oftentimes wrapped up with our femininity and how we look.
rozem, the portion of your post that I c/p above captures that aspect of it perfectly.
I can understand the anger and agitation. Your body has been subjected to every kind of rigor imaginable in the last year. Fortunately, you're a year farther along than you were last year but like Jenn said, a year is a long time and there are things that you've been unable to do because of cancer.
This afternoon I took a shower and lo and behold I felt a lump under my arm - a bit down from my armpit. I haven't felt the greatest today compared to other days since the surgery and feeling that lump just opened another floodgate of worry, i.e. has it already traveled further through my body, how far is this node (?) from the axilla node the BS removed. And my eyes have been "ghosty" today - meaning, ghost vision, which I get sometimes but now I'm thinking "could this be related to cancer."
I felt great before I found out I had cancer. I'm willing to bet most of you did as well.
That's what really gripes my @ss!
And yeah, I know the deal - the cancer's gotta be removed, radiated, re-removed, danced over, injected through, prayed over.
What I try to keep reminding myself of is the fact that what I know to be the biggest portion of it has been removed from my body. I'm trying to find some comfort in that and I do a pretty good job of it until I run my hand up my armpit or get a weird feeling in the back of my throat.
It p*sses me off to think that on top of everything else cancer has managed to cook up, it might turn me into a raving hypochondriac!
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Pbrain, I am glad you are home and feeling better, but I am so sorry about what your "friend" did. That is awful. You have been through a lot in the last 2 weeks and for someone to come into your home when you are not there and make judgements like that is just wrong! If she is a true friend I hope she will see how hurtful her actions were and that you will be able to mend the friendship. Unfortunatley sometimes people can be so insensitive and unkind.
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Jenn,
Im angry at breast cancer, too.
I cry more than once a day.
Im angry how it has turned my life upside down.
Im angry that it made me realize that i couldnt count on some people in my life i thought were there for me.
Im angry that lately it's been taking away lives of a number of women around me.
Im angry that i might give this thing to my daughters.
Im angry how this makes me feel miserable so easily.
Im angry how my heart is responding to the meds and how i still have a long way to go.
Im angry that i have to hide my tears from my family.
The list goes on and on.
Sorry for the rant. Just couldnt help it.0 -
Jenn that's so normal it awful, like Linda said just cuz u'r at a certain point there is somethin else going on and I agree with her try to find a group it's a good idea.
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BCbarbie I know how difficult this is and cancer steals our lives--it kidnaps us into it's worl of misery and unhsppiness, but u can still have u'r spirit that u can keep to u'rself. And that's why u keep on going--u'r families want u too and so do u. Talk to u'r oncs about it--there must be one associated with the hospital or the cancer society--it might be helpful??? I hope u start feeling better and do it however u want---if u just really talk to one person about everything it could help alot.
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You guys are the best!!!!! I'm normal!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at work, but have a story to put up lat today or tomoorow about my visit to the gynae about my ovarian cyst this morning...
Jenn0 -
Oh I don't know what I'm doing I thought I reaf everything--but no I did not---I just read Pbrain--I'm sick for u over what she did. I can't imagine anyone doing such a thing--u've been so sick u were lucky if u made it to the bsthroom. I know we're all different so it wouldn'tbe the same for me cuz going thru all that u did my home was always messy and I didn't really care who told who if they came over. After all we actually live in our homes---but I'm sure this has to be so sad for u too--u thought of here highly or u wouldn't even let her take care of u little ones. And the people u really know won't even take it seriously anyway--She's a bi*ch and I would think people know this. I'm sorry this happened to u.
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Rozem, bcbarbie, Jen, LeeA ugh, no, f*ck. Sucks. Hugs to all.
Pbrain, WTF that is no friend. I am not the worlds greatest houskeeper, and have been known to hand a broom to anyone who walked in and said " bit messy today" tough, deal. YOU WERE IN THE HOSPITAL. Just who does she think she is? no one is perfect. Wow, get your key back fast. You don't need that negativity now. Hugs, much love, and I can't help hoping for a nice infestation of moths or ants for her house.........0 -
Moon
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Every time I read PBrain's post I pick up on something else to try to analyze.
This:
"but one of them decided she needed to come over and clean my house"
Something tells me this person is quite the meddler...and not just with you, PBrain.
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