Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Hi MamaMe! You are off to a great start in the decluttering process. “Chunk it down” into manageable parts is really key. Then you are not overwhelmed and just give up.
My mother in law across the street in an apartment moved to her daughter’s about 40 minutes from here. She will be 90 next month and failing health. Dh amd I have looked after her for years and finally get a break since the daughter who never did nothin is finally stepping up to the plate. Since we moved MIL to our street three years ago from her house where she lived 67 years, she has many belongings but thankfully had gotten rid of things during her move. Thank goodness. We took four Windsor kitchen chairs from her apt but I learned they are very uncomfortable so someone else can have them or we will sell them. Got several more items but really don’t want anything else. MIL is absolutely certain her belongings are all extremely valuable and that we are all coveting them. She thinks we are impressed that she wants to give all her kids some boxed fans of which she had eight or ten. Oh boy.0 -
Woo hoo! Hubby saw my Goodwill bags and decided to include some of his clothes. 2 grocery bags full of T-shirts he hasn't worn for a long time. He was excited that it cleared out an entire drawer. Hopefully he'll catch the bug.
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DivineMrsM, I went through the same thing with my mother. She believed her stuff was so valuable, even though she bought most of it from Sears or Montgomery Ward before 1980. Her late husband collected model airplanes, 100% of which were still in the boxes. Did I mention that he had about 1,200 of them? At some point he told her that ONE of them was worth $5,000...and she believed him. He never told her which one. My brother and I tried to catalog them by looking the serial numbers up on Ebay. Everything we found was listed at $12-18/kit. When we told her that, she refused to believe us. Dave said there was one worth $5,000, so it must be true! Ack... We finally convinced her to give them to his grandson, his only living heir. Yeah. 1,200 model airplanes. I'm sure his young wife was just thrilled. And that didn't include all the tennis shoes and jeans that had belonged to her husband. He died in 2002 and all his stuff was still there because "he paid a lot of money for these things." No, he didn't. God love him, Dave never paid top dollar for anything, except the airplane kits.
Mother had so much stuff and she truly thought the five of us wanted it all because it was so "valuable". She did not understand that an item's value is what someone else will pay for it. She thought that because she paid $200 for a couch in 1970 that the couch must be worth $200 in 2018, maybe more! Mother wouldn't give anything to us while she was living because she "didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings." In other words, she wanted to divide everything evenly or not at all. I'm pretty sure she is spinning in her grave now, after we threw away all her trash and gave the salvageable treasures to the thrift store. Some of the big stuff-- washer, dryer, kitchen ware, china hutches, beds, living room furniture--went to various kids and grandkids. But we didn't even try to even things up. It was more like, "Laura needs a car, she gets the car. David needs a new bed, he gets the bed. Patti is the only one who wants the dishes and china cabinet, it goes to her. John is a musician, he gets the musical instruments." Mother would be very upset that some got things of greater value than others. Not that WE cared, but she just always tried to keep things equal. If she spent $30 on one kid at Christmas, she had to spend EXACTLY $30 on all of them.
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Poodles, thank you for your story. It makes me feel better knowing there are other people similar to my mother in law. I am not sure why some of that older generation look at their things with rose colored glasses. The model airplanes sound like a nightmare. I'm glad they found a home.
When my MIL became a widow, she got some insurance money and promptly bought an organ which she never played that I ever saw. No one wants organs these days. When she moved from her house to our street, it was suggested she try to sell it, but no, she had to have the movers move it. Again, in her apt., it was never played. She asked everyone in the family if they wanted it; no one did. So she asked her landlord who said he'd take it. That was about two years ago, and it is still in her apt. I guess the landlord will get it now that we are clearing her place out.
MIL has a bedroom set that she says belonged to a family friend's parents. So it would be maybe from early 1900s. She does not want it, but dh claims it could be antique. The set doesn't impress me at all, and I'm not sure dh understands that even tho it is old, it may still very well be made by a furniture manufacturer and not worth much.
Your describing how your family divvied up your mom's belongings is the way my family handled stuff with my parents, aunt, grandmother's things. It makes sense to do it that way. None of it was valuable, but some of it was useful when going to the right person. Some things were nice but no one could use, like a large lathe my grandfather had for making....furniture I think.
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We used a similar system for my MIL's things when she died: some cousins of hers who lived near MIL needed a car, and got hers. They were so grateful...but truth was, none of MIL's kids (hubby and siblings) needed a car and the closest child lived 1200 miles away: no one wanted to drive the car home, selling it seemed like a hassle given the number of miles it had on it, and so it went to the right (nearby) home. Each sibling took only what they really could use, plus a few items that had some sentimental value. We later found out that a (very) few of the items had significant dollar value as well, but it wasn't a concern since we only took what we really wanted or needed.The stuff nobody needed or wanted was donated to charity or sold...
So, I made progress today on my on-going 'de-clutter before selling the house and downsizing' efforts. Today I cleaned out three cabinets and two drawers in our master bath, and sorted through a lot of clothes that were in a bedroom dresser. I now have empty drawers that people can peek in when we put the house on the market. Yay! End result: two more bags of high quality clothes to donate, three bags of garbage (how does that happen?), a small box of stuff I want to keep and move, and a bag of unused, unopened hotel toiletries (what can I say, I traveled a lot on business and always collected the soaps, shampoos etc. Bad habit that I hope to stop!) that I plan to donate to a women's shelter...
Next up: master closet!
Octogirl
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When my last grandparent died, my Mother and her brother & sister took turns picking things - per my Grandpa's wishes. 1-2-3- and then again & again. It was up to those three to pick things that their children might need or want. Everything left over went to people in need at their church.
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I cleaned out the cupboard over the toilet in the bathroom. Tossed a bottle of vitamins that expired in April 2004. It was a really big bottle and took up a lot of room. I hid it in the trash from my study so DH couldn't rescue it.
This morning DH said he looks at stuff and wonders why he's saving it. I suggested a box or bag that he could put it in when he thinks that.
I have 2 file drawers full of things from my mother's house. I think most are old photos and perhaps a scrapbook. I will go through those and cull out the things that don't mean anything to me. One drawer would be a reasonable goal.
Question: I have a lot of framed photos of grandkids through the years. I don't have much wall space and would prefer it hung with landscapes and other paintings. What do you think about getting a photo album with large pages and putting the photos in that? It would be a lot more compact, and I don't want to get rid of the photos.
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That solution for your grandchildren’s photos sounds perfect, wrenn! If you can’t find a big enough album, you could probably easily make something with paper materials from a place like Hobby Lobby or Staples.
I laughed at your sneaking the vitamins in another trashcan to outsmart your dh. I have done similar things!
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Wren, maybe you could make a book for each grandchild, and give it to them one day.
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Wren--I think a photo album would be great for the grandkids pics. You could take it out and go through it when the grandkids visit.
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Has anyone had experience with using a file cabinet or drawer in which all those household papers go? I know it is recommended yet my efforts in the (distant) past were feeble. I always accumulate a stack of mail, to-do's, reading matter and receipts next to my place at the table, all of which might be able to be pitched or filed. I worry that once an item is filed, I won,t see it and then it will go neglected. ...but then, some of that stuff is neglected anyway. Our table is used as our desk as well as a dining table, so that area needs a major system if we plan to keep up the multi-purpose thing there.
I loved the talk about valuing our stuff regardless of its worth to others, it making me think differently, and I think, more clearly. Photo box vs album is a great idea, too.
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I have a secretarial background, and here is what I learned works for me: I have a desk in my kitchen. All miscellaneous everyday receipts go in a gallon zip lock bag. I stash the bag in a cabinet beside the desk that holds our printer and other office-y things. I start a new gallon zip lock bag every year. I write the year with a sharpie on the front. When a new year begins, I stash the old receipt bag somewhere else for about six months, then shred them. Thru the year, I may need to locate a cetain receipt, and I sift thru the bag to find it. They are stuffed in there, no neatness required. Some people keep a shoebox full of receipts. I gave my son one of those accordion folders (in a pretty blue shade) for his.
When the receipts are more important, like a computer laptop or home improvement project, I keep those in a folder in a fireproof box in that cabinet by the desk.
I have a file drawer in the desk. I like colored folders. It helps tremendously so that everything does not look like a big huge manilla and white colored mass of papers where nothing can be located. The first folder, say a green one, is where I keep a calendar and the bills that come in. I write on the calendar when the bill payment is due and look at it about once a week and make out checks for the ones that need paod.
I keep utility bill receipts in one color folder, say red, things related to dh's work in a different folder, say orange. The insurance stuff goes in a blue folder. Tax forms are in a yellow folder. Miscellaneous can be purple. Then you get used to looking for the color. If an insurance paper comes in, you learn to reach for the blue folder. And it is easy to direct your dh by saying, oh yeah, put that in the yellow folder, or, look in the red folder. The folders can go in a box or file cabinet. Whatever works best for you.
You could alway put your “to-do" material in a folder labled as such and leave it on top of your table and file away the other things. I certainly always have a small stash of papers on the side of my desk. For instance, now there is a folder with vacation info, one with stuff to take to a financial advisor, a newspaper clipping and a couple other miscellaneous pieces of paper. When mail comes, I toss all junk mail immediately. Other mail I open and leave on the desk and file it at least once a week.
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I worked for someone who had a folder called "A Safe Place". It worked well for her and pretty well for me when I had an office. I don't seem to need it as much now that I'm retired. I would like to get DH to make a decision about junk mail and deal with it. He leaves solicitations sitting on the desk for ages. Perhaps he can't decide if he's going to donate or not. We have places we donate to and can't really afford to add any. Being retired and living on Social Security, I think we need to pass the baton on to people who can increase their incomes.
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I think the majority use the dining table or kitchen bar as a catch all plus eating.
My aunt dropped off four garage bags of girl clothes! I was so hoping that I could condense down her totes but hate to pass up good clothes for the future. I sat outside and went through them. It was gorgeous last night.
Four bags turned into one donation, one giveaway to friend, some she can wear now, a bag of winter including two very nice winter jackets In the next two sizes! And another to be added to the tote. And a few uniforms.
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No I wouldn't pass up good clothes for the future. Kids clothes are really expensive now. And they grow so fast! My niece thought you should be able to rent 'dress up get your photo done clothes' because they're not good for every day and will be outgrown the next year. Perhaps a photographer could stock them.
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good idea. I did save two dresses for Christmas photos and plays. Of course last year she was a sheep!
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I got some good news today. My neighbor around the corner is having a Stoop Sale (Brooklyn-ese for Garage Sale) this Saturday. She asked me to join in. It gives me just enough time to get some items together, but not enough time to procrastinate or agonize over decisions. I'm pricing stuff to move so I have nothing to move back into my apartment.
Do people still use/buy cookbooks or does everyone have a kitchen iPad or computer? I'm stuck in cookbook world but wonder if I'm the only one. I really want to pare that down.
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i garage saled most of my cookbooks and ones that didnt sell were donated to Goodwill. I have a collection of written recipes in a small three ring binder that I refer to when needed, and use my ipad for other recipes. But keep at least some of your cookbooks if you like browsing through them to find a new recipe to try. I did like to do that a lot at one time. I tore out a few recipes that I always use from one book and put them in my three ring binder,0
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I love to read recipes and I have 3 or 4 cookbooks that I use regularly - in addition to my personal double recipe box. And in addition to things I print off the web. I did give away 20 cook books but still have more than 15 on the shelf. They are either family collections or from special places (like Recipes of Old Hawaii or Favorite Recipes from Famous Eating Places or an old Spice Islands cookbook. I know most of my friends still use cookbooks, as do my friends on the "dinner thread". My DIL still uses real cookbooks, probably the only thing she doesn't do electronically. My downfall is all the recipes I clip out of newspapers & magazines and plan to try. I put them in an old FedEx envelope and once a year go through & toss most of them.
The saddest part about my love for recipes is I live alone w/no family close by, so I rarely cook large meals anymore. Inventive, yes - more than 2 courses per meal, no. I just can't eat that much. About once a week I take a meal to a neighborhood shut in, but she doesn't eat much anymore either. One rotissarie chicken will provide enough for a variety of meals for a full week.
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We actually just bought a cookbook. We have an entire bookcase full already. This one is by a local author where DS lives. She and her husband have a vegetable farm and sell at the farmer's market. We bought it because it has really interesting and good sounding vegetable recipes. Especially root vegetables which are a big winter crop here. It's easy to eat fresh in the summer, but fall and winter could really use some imagination.
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MameMe--I have a basket near my computer where I put household papers as they come in. Bills, notices, things that need some sort of action or that I want to do something with. It's right out in plain sight. I try to go through it weekly, with a goal of dealing with each piece and then tossing it in the trash. Things I want to read I put a date on when I put it in the pile. When I come across something more than a month old that I haven't read yet I toss it. It works reasonably well, I can't stand seeing the basket overly full so it motivates me to clean it out, and the basket keeps the papers contained and not flying all over the place. From time to time I need a letter or bill or such, and I know it's in the basket, so it's easy to find. I used to have a file drawer with household papers filed in it. Tax forms, receipts for appliances, etc.Last summer I cleaned out that file cabinet. Out of 1 full drawer I kept about 6 items, all from when I bought the house and I'm keeping for sentimental value. The rest I had never looked at again, never needed, never missed. I had to take the vacuum cleaner to the drawers to clean up the collected dust. Now I keep all my tax forms and receipts digitally.
Mrs. M--I like the color coding system idea! The one greatest thing I ever did for myself was sign up with a bill paying service. I have a billing address where bills are sent, it also can be set up to take online bills. I set the payment rules for each payee, and set e-mail notices forwhen the bill is due but hasn't come in, when a bill is more than a certain amount, when payment is sent, individually set for each payee. I get a weekly summary e-mail listing all the activity. I can print reports, I can look up the invoices, look at payment history, do all sorts of info management. I used to have problems with missing bills and ending up with fees for late payments and such, now I never miss a payment unless something really funky happens. It costs me about $11 a month.
Zills--nice work!
Agatha--I have a Kindle with a recipe app, a tablet with a recipe app, and a lap top with a recipe app. When I cook I open the cupboard door where all the cookbooks and magazines and cut out and hand written recipes are! I need to pare that down as well. I have a whole shelf of cookbooks that I haven't opened in months, if not a year or more. Each bought for one particular recipe. I need to put those recipes out and toss the books. But it's so hard to throw away a book!Some I used all the time, those I will never get rid of, even the one that I've used since I moved out on my own and is falling apart. Sentimental value mostly, but worth the space to keep.
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I just had to post how it made my day and i laughed off and on for hours about MINUSTWO'S statement. A sailboat with no room.... I can just picture it. My college dorm room, was spotless on my side (i've lost most of that now) and a hoarders mess on the other. My dorm mate went on to become a trauma surgeon. Her closets are still a mess but her husband has someone clean the rest of the house. hilarious.
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Friend decluttering update- I said goodbye to my friend who is moving last night and took about 10 boxes of books, CDs and the like to take to my thrift shop today. I have been talking to her about all the various ways to get rid of stuff. She has been rocking some yard sale activity, took things to her local thrift shop (they did not want books), did Craigs list and more. Contributing to the greater de-cluttering momentum in the world. We were talking about despite continuously both doing this for years, you still find out how much you have when you have to renovate or move. Americans just have TMS (too much stuff), but we are known to be a consumer society.
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So true, Jazzy. We all have so much stuff. I run in to people I know while I am out and about and they will tell me of their shopping excursions. Most of what they buy they do not even need. They are not replacing something broke or worn out. They are just buying to buy. I was at TJ Maxx a month ago and was looking for one specific thing but browsing around. So I didn’t have a buggy. Ran into an acquaintance who commented “where’s your buggy?!” She couldn’t believe someone would go through the store and not buy a lot of stuff requiring a buggy. She proceeded to tell me she’d been shopping the day before at a bunch of other places and all the stuff she bought. Now she had a few more things in a buggy to buy, And then planned to hit garage sales. I know numerous people like this.
I am not judging them. It is okay to spend and purchase whatever you want. It is a hobby to many. I know at one time I used to fill a void in my life by going shopping. Some people do it mindlessly. Some people cannot pass up a good sale regardless if they need whatever it is on sale. For some it is an obsession. The truth is, we really don’t need a lot of stuff.
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Divine- I have been that person in the past. I now try to go in when I need one thing and never get a cart. It only results in buying stuff you don't need.
Unless I am going to Sam's Club, where I DO get a cart but limit how often I go because it is too easy to buy too much. I go with a very specific list! Mostly consumables but there are always things that tempt you.
I got the books over to the thrift shop today! Got a bag of my own clothing donations dropped off at the same time. They will be flush with books there for awhile. My friend has lived here 30 years and realized she purged about 30 years worth of books with this donation!
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Finally got back to clothes & started on the tops today. I removed at least 25 that I can no longer wear because of the compression bras for LE. They are going to a friend tonight at water aerobics who has two grown daughters. What ever they don't want, I'll take to the battered women's home. I put another batch that I couldn't bear to part with (even though I can't stand bra straps showing) in a different closet. If I don't go looking for them in 6 months time, I'll take them off the hangers with my eyes closed.
I've never been a shopper - except when I quit smoking. I went a little crazy with the extra money. And of course I gained weight so I had to buy a size up. It was OK to have more clothes when I was working & expected to wear a different top & jacket every day. I have to finally decide if I'll get a third retirement job. If so, I'll keep more than if not.
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Vaistim--LOL!
Jazzy--TMS syndrome, indeed! Too true. WOW, 30 year's worth of books! That is a LOT of books!
MrsM--I know some people who live for finding bargains, too. Kind of sad.
MinusTwo--it must be a bit of a challenge to figure out how much and what kinds of clothes to keep with multiple jobs.
Teka--Too true!
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Perhaps I'm lucky that I don't really enjoy shopping. I used to when I was younger, but now it just seems like a chore. I'm funny-shaped enough that ordering online is probably more hassle than it's worth. I think I'm getting to the point where I'll buy multiples if I like something enough. Pants that fit - buy 2 colors and I'll be done.
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I just said this morning that I only like to shop when I want to...not like before BC when I was always ready to shop. I would hit Kohls 2 times a week, always making a Target run and Ross was my Wednesday stop. If I need something I don't mind shopping but to just go wonder around looking for deals...that is no longer fun.
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Vargadoll, I feel the same way. Back in the day I could open and close down the mall in a day. Browse the whole day from one end to the other and back again. Now I avoid shopping as much as possible. A trip to the grocery store once a week and I'm DONE.
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