Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Miracles happen. DH got into a clearing mood and tossed lots and lots of stuff in his home office. We have separate offices because I can't even think in his mess. It looked so nice that I sent a photo to his sister. Our recycle container is almost full and it's another week until pickup.
I find it's easier to get rid of stuff if I think of the people who would appreciate having the things. If I feel generous it's much easier to donate. I shop in thrift stores as well and really appreciate when I find things I need. This summer I'm a size smaller than last summer so I went to a thrift shop and found capri pants that fit. A friend also sent me shorts and pants she wasn't able to wear and right now they're most of my wardrobe.
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Wren44, that's a good miracle! My DH has a new and very nice desk complex to assemble. I'm excited.
It will be U-shaped and suited to the work he plans to do next. I'm hoping the newness will inspire him to toss a lot of junk and to keep the essentials organized. I will "supervise" and offer helpful suggestions, LOL.
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We hope to downsize in the next few years so we both want to get rid of stuff - though I am more motivated than he is.
Zogo- my daughter is an only-child and that motivates me to purge stuff because I don't want to leave too much for her to deal with.
Mominator - your mom's house sounds like quite the project. My parents "cleaned out" their house once, but there is still so much still there. My dad passed away 5 years ago and my mom is in assisted living, but I don't dare touch the house. Besides, I have two sisters who should help me. We shall see.
Mexico Heather - purging papers - one would think that would be easy and it is until I get to really personal stuff. I am fascinated with old tax returns, info on the places we used to live, old paystubs, and anything to do with our daughter when she was little. I can waste a ton of time trying to decide what to do with it all.
I also get caught up with trying to throw out "perfectly good stuff". But some of it is just not worth hauling to Good Will. Did I mention that I put out a box of scrap-booking supplies on the curb and put a notice on my neighborhood's facebook page? Someone did come by and take all of it.
Jazzy - so great that you can wear the ring again! It's also nice that you are able to consign so much jewelry and get a little money out of the deal.
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Its okay if we are more motivated than our husbands to purge. I am careful not to throw out dh's stuff, however, I will organize some of it which helps me feel like it is more under control. I will go through his closet and the garage ocassionally and straighten.
He ocassionally is inspired by my purging, but we come from two different perspectives. 20 years ago, my divorced parents, my grandmother and an elderly aunt all passed within 4 years. They all had homes to clear out. It makes you look at your own mortality when your parents are gone. Then seeing the accumulations of their life, it also has an effect.
Fast forward to 2011 and I get a stage iv bc diagnosis, so ramp up the mortality. Like you, GoKale, I have one (adult) child and don't want to leave a huge mess.
Dh's mother is still here at age 90, so he's never heard that particular clock ticking. And he has his health, so his view of life is different from mine. That's fine, I get it, but my main objective is wanting make things easier on our son when the time comes.
However, I am not looking for perfection. I will tie up loose ends, but not gonna be stressed over making sure everything is done. But I do find it very selfish of parents who care not what their kids will go through when they leave behind a mess to clean.
Regarding papers, it is fascinating to go through them, and I suggest putting them in boxes or even bags, and sift through them while watching tv or when the weather keeps you indoors. My aunt was not really a hoarder, but she kept sooo much paperwork. I put it in about 6 large black trashbags and brought them home. It took several months to sift thru the stuff, life was busy of course so I did it in my spare time, but I found some family treasures such as the telegram announcing my Grandmother was at Ellis Island. Some papers I kept in nice boxes and tossed some. I've revisited the papers numerous times over the years, able to toss a little more here and there but there'll always be some stuff I keep.
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Hi all
I'm working on decluttering and reducing stuff myself and it isn't going as well as I thought. Lots of childhood things,my late parents stuff , my giant purse and bag collection that had been growing for over 20 years until a few years ago when I got deeper into poverty and homemade crocheted blankets and items I have made (I already donated more then half before I moved here,started crying and the poor guy doing the pickup had to console me by saying that many of people who would be getting them would love them more then others would because they knew someone donated them for those who need it to use. Helped a bit).
I'm having a hard time letting go and I suspect part of it is I'm still in that inbetween place in diagnosis. I don't know what the next twelve months are going to bring or even if I will survive them. I know it's mostly just stuff. But it's my stuff and I've already had too much taken from me or been forced to sacrifice.
Any suggestions if you have them on letting go of your "stuff" would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
Blessed be.
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Mrs. M--organizing does make things look and feel better, doesn't it? Papers are always a bugaboo. So many people keep so many papers thinking they should, especially tax papers, and other items will get hidden in the shuffle. Finding them, like the telegram you found, is like finding treasure. But it takes time. One thing I have learned is that many small towns have little Historical Societies, often just one person, that keep a collection of historical memorabilia related to the town and town residents and LOVE to get papers like that and will catelog and even display them. It surprises me how often my Mom goes to a little town historical society for genealogy info, but apparently that's a big use of that info! I have a number of items that will go to my Dad's home town historical society when I no longer want to display them, some pictures, a his parents' marriage certificate, a model ship, Dad's high school diploma--it's a little plaque, not a piece of paper, some other similar things.
Jadedjo--HUGS.It's so hard to be in this in-between place, without a clear plan yet, without knowing what is coming. It is OK to be emotional. It's OK to not be getting rid of things right now. Do you have areas you can declutter that are not so emotional for you right now? I'm thinking about things like emptying out a kitchen drawer and laying out everything and donating or tossing duplicate items. Keep the one you like best or use most, let the rest go? Or maybe now would be better for sorting out paperwork? Shredding tax forms more than 5 years old, receipts and manuals for items you no longer own or use or that are past warranty? Do you have thing stored in boxes, bins, drawers, etc? Maybe going through them and writing up an inventory that you can put on the top of the box and then put the box back. When you are looking for something or ready to declutter more it will save you time.When I run across things that are making me feel emotional I stop and put that project aside. I go back to those projects from time to time, eventually the emotional impact is not so strong and I can make realistic choices. This diagnosis does take away a lot of control, trust in our own bodies, and creates fear and confusion. If decluttering is adding to that it is not helpful. It is YOUR stuff. If having it gives you a sense of comfort or control, then it's not a problem right now.
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Jadedjo, NativeMainer is giving you great advice that I agree with. If you aren't feeling up to decluttering now, don't. I know I didn't do any deep cleaning for a couple years after dx. In fact, I bought myself a big screen tv about six month in to treatment and allowed myself to recouperate in front of it all winter long. Then I began traveling a little with dh and doing things not house-centered. In time, I began to address the accumulation of stuff. Plz take the time you need to deal with the bc diagnosis and treatment. Practice extreme self care. Its not the time to deprive yourself or somehow punish yourself that you are dealing with this. It may be a time of reflection to re-assess different areas in your life, figure out what's working, eliminate more of what's not working and ask yourself what do you really want to be doing. That was my approach. Housework was not on my list at the time!
The book “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo is a great resource. She suggests starting with clothes, they are often easiest to part with.
Also, look at it as what you want to keep, not what you are getting rid of.
I had a hard time going through a large collection of children's books I'd accumulated when ds was growing up. I decided to keep only the books I well remember reading him and the ones he loved. When I was done, I realized how much nicer of a collection I had, it was more meaningful than the tons of books gathering dust. It reflected better on who I was, if that makes sense. More tailored. It is an editing process. Best wishes to you.
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Thank you.
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Jadedjo, I agree with NM and Devine. Perhaps a better use would be to choose things you would never part with and set them aside. But self-care is the most important thing right now. I do suggest that you have a notebook or folder where you can keep every scrap of paperwork related to BC. I had to go back to see when I was diagnosed. 11-11-11, how hard could that be to remember?
I have a friend who crochets lap robes for soldiers being treated at the VA. She gets yarn in thrift stores and does a quick and easy pattern. I'm sure the soldiers appreciate that someone they don't know cares about them. Perhaps if you mean to give them away before making them it would be easier to let them go.
You are in the worst part of BC right now. Once you know what's recommended, you have a plan to follow and it feels much better. We can all relate to how awful the limbo felt.
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I found a box in my basement that had a child's tea set (actually 3 complete place settings plus extra plates and bowls. I looked it up on-line and it may be collectable. I was going to offer it to the little girls next door, but now I'm hesitating. Do you think I should take a photo to some antiques dealers to see if they're interested? Or give it to the girls next door, providing they want it.
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It would be interesting to look it up but unless the money would be enough to make a real difference for you, I would offer it to the girls if you think it would bring them joy.
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How about offering it to someplace where children might be staying away from home, like a Ronald McDonald House? Children in a place like that might love the chance to play with it since they usually don't have many of their own things with them & their parents would appreciate having something like that to distract them. You're very generous to think of gifting it.
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Wren44
I actually got a multi folder for all the pamphlets and papers I been given and I have a separate zippered one to carry with me that I bring to medical appts with me that has the pathology reports and such along with a wee notebook for notes,just in case they misplaced theirs which has happened to me before this diagnosis.
Thank you
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Jade- I agree with others here that it may not be the right time for the de-cluttering, unless of course, you are facing a move or something and are being forced to do it. I think with waiting on a treatment plan for the next year, it is enough to just deal with that. But if working on something helps you to focus on something else until you get that information, here is what I would suggest:
Preparing for de-cluttering is always an important step and may be easier to do right now until you are ready to go through things. Make a list of things you know you want to work on (paperwork, closets and dressers, garage items) and figure out how you want to dispose of them.
Although I have had to declutter and purge with many moves through the years, there are times we really want to declutter but just emotionally can't. When we had to clean out our parents house, it was so emotionally wrenching but I pretty much decided that it came down to this- what things to I really love? Those came with me (or stay with me). Everything else was stuff and once I labeled it as such, it was easier to let go of. It has taken me years to let go of some things so be kind to yourself.
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Wrenn, I think it’d be fun to find out what your tea set might be worth. If it were me, I’d check into it. When I was going thru stuff about a year and a half ago, I came across a Little Tykes train tracks and road set with a big green mountain and some little people and vehicles that go with it which had been ds’s when he was young. Still in great shape. I made sure to check prices on the internet on his old toys before putting them in my garage sale, like Pokemon cards and beenie babies just to make sure I wasn’t giving away a treasure or selling it too cheap. To my big surprise, the Tykes toy is listed on eBay as “vintage” and was selling for $90. Ha ha! Vintage cracked me up. It was only about 20 years ago I bought it for probably 30 bucks. Anyway, I had been thinking about giving it to a friend who had a new grandson, but instead, that Little Tykes set is still up on my shelf. No need to get rid of it just yet.
I don’t think we need to rid ourselves of everything. It’s okay to keep some stuff.
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I have many things on my shelves that I looked up on the internet. They have been sitting there gathering dust for 10 years since I looked. The money wasn't really that much so now I'm kicking myself for ever looking. I will never put anything on e Bay and I wish I'd just passed them along when I was originally sorting. It just makes more 'stuff' for my son to deal with when I'm gone. And he's not going to put them on e Bay either, so....
Wrenn - I'm in favor of the neighbor girls. Maybe you could invite them over for 'tea' on the porch and send them home with the set.
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What a nice idea... that would create lovely childhood memories that could last into the next century!
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MinusTwo, how cute, 'tea' on the porch and send them home with the set.
Wren, sometimes it's just hard to make decisions. Should I do this or that? Which is the right thing to do? Do you want/need the money from a potential sale? Do you have the time to get prices from dealers? Do you see the little neighbors often? How much joy would it bring you and them?
My hubby doesn't have emotional attachments to things. If our kids are done with it, he's ready to toss it in the trash. That's okay for some things, but others have so many memories. I'd like to keep the memories and had down the special things.
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Mominator, I keep the memorable stuff, too. At one time ds loved yo-yos and learned some tricks, bought a few nice ones. Now they are worn but I'm keeping them. They take up very little space. Ds and I also loved collecting Pokemon cards, we watched the cartoon and movies together and played the games on his gameboy. Endless hours of entertainment and fun, so those Pokemon cards are keepers, too. We sold the Guitar Hero paraphanalia but got good prices for it at the garage sale because we did online search for what the used equipment was going for. We paid good money for the stuff when we bought it so why give it away? Other toys like cheapo plastic top things called Beyblades that I never cared for anyway were sold for very little and the Beanie Babies went for fifty cents each.
My all time favorite give away were the books. While we had a 25 or 50 cent bin for them, I let every young child who came to our garage sale take one for free. Seeing a little girl walk away with Charlotte's Web tucked under her arm and her older brother carrying a copy of Captain Underpants totally made my day!
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I had an epic fail with my fridge on Monday. The fridge is almost 15 years old and has had some problems in the past year, and noticed in the past few weeks that some of the things in the freezer were not what they should be (like ice creme that was soft). I did some things that I thought would help, but then Monday, I came out to find water on the floor and things melting in the freezer. I knew the ship was sinking and thus, I was off to Lowes to purchase a new fridge that got delivered today.
I saved some of the food via storage in coolers, but could not save everything and have been cleaning out the freezer contents for the past few days. I am someone who likes to make soups and stews in the winter time, and will freeze some for future consumption. But what I found was an unbelievable amount of storage containers with soups, stews, and the like. OMG I am a Tupperware hoarder. I threw out some of the contents of the containers and other times, just threw out the whole thing(found things with cracks, etc.) Starting over with an empty freezer and told myself I need to just go through the Tupperware from the freezer and the rest in my cabinet winnow down to the essentials. Extras can go to the thrift shop for donations, other things can be recycled with the plastics. I am good about keeping the fridge cleaned out regularly (just had cleaned it out again this past weekend of old food), but think the fridge had been accumulating now for a few years. My bad. I keep a log of when I repair, clean and replace things so I know and of course, with a new fridge, we have a new baseline today.
Lesson for the day, I am going to decide how many soups or stews I will store and need to be sure I am eating them along the way before I make more. When you know better, you do better.
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I keep thinking I'll do a running list, but never have.
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Wren- I made a grid and keep it on my computer. If I can label something so I keep a visual, that helps. But things like stoves, or cabinets, etc. that I clean out are harder to keep track of. Usually when I cannot find something or visually see a mess, I get on it.
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Pretty fridge. Ready for magnets! My new fridge is stainless steel matte black and isn't magnetic. Who knew such a thing existed? It's matching counterparts part but who puts magnets on the oven?
I did a big purge after I was diagnosed. My sister was wise and kept some of my things that she knew I'd regret. Try a junk drawer or towels or linens. Paper works us always good. I don't recommend clothes. I lost weight on chemo and finally needed those smaller things.
I think having tea and sending it home is a lovely idea. Even if it is worth some money is it worth the hassle to find s buyer and ship? Depends on how much effort you want to expend but we don't want you turning down a big fat check!
Kids started school and handyman coming to finish to do list. I might finally get semi organized, be able to park in the garage again and start on those scrapbooks!
I have dreams of a photo ready garage. I found stands for the scooters so no laying all over the floor. I bought pegboard and am ready to hang the tools. Find a home for the old fridge. It's amazing how many people want it but nobody shows up to move it.
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DivineMrsM: Thanks for recommending the book "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. I will add it to the Kindle list. (She suggests starting with clothes, they are often easiest to part with. Look at what you want to keep, not what you are getting rid of.)
Always fun to see a new gleaming refrigerator!
Today:The carport was taken down. This has made my husband more interested in clearing out clutter.
I love the idea of toys either going to Ronald McDonald House or little neighbor girls. Perhaps that's where my Thomas the Tank Engine belongs.
Also today: I donated my grandma's flatware set. Sentimental, but I have another set of full silver that we really use. Inside the box, I found a silver spoon ring that I had when I was about 9 years old. I kept the ring.
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Zills- I really liked the black stainless ones, but unfortunately, all the ones I wanted were either too large for my space or were not in stock. They are really nice looking though. And they won't hold magnets? Who knew?
Speaking of magnets, when I took all of them off (and there were a lot), I went through them and de-cluttered those too. Put those others in a bag and they are going to the thrift store for donations along with some other things I have been putting together for my next drop off. Fridge de-cluttering inside and out!
Mexico- I was sorry to hear about your car port getting so damaged. Glad that has come down and perhaps an unexpected realization that it created the interest for DH to do more cleaning out. May you continue to purge and rebuild.
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Jazzy, you can find some stainless steel fridges with non-stainless sides, and those will hold magnets, assuming your fridge doesn't fit snugly into a counter space. Personally, magnets are one item I won't give up on!
Almost done packing for my big move (to New Mexico, and I will be sending you a PM Jazzy, about a possible MO referral. Anyway: something interesting happened: I haven't actually cleaned the house in several weeks (travel, then packing were my excuses), but now that I am almost all packed, the place feels SOOO much cleaner, just because there isn't clutter! An important lesson for me and for us all!
Octogirl
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Octogirl- welcome to New Mexico. You will love it here and you are moving here at the best time of the year. Sept into November are just divine here! I did get your message and just sent you a response!
I am with you, I cannot give up my magnets. I was up near my thrift shop today where I donate (and okay, sometimes buy things too, lol). I took my excess magnets today and still have my favorites. I just could not have a new pretty fridge with too many magnets. I have just enough to keep it interesting!
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Octogirl--I keep being surprised at how much cleaner things look when they aren't cluttered, too.
Jazzy--decluttering never means getting rid of EVERYTHING!
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We painted our living room a few years ago and were amazed at how big it was without all the junk in it.
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My two DD's packed up three big bags of dolls (Barbie, Polly Pocket, and others) plus accessories. Most of the dolls were still in great shape. We gave them to their two Massachusetts cousins. The four girls had a great play date.
BIL teased us that we became his trash can. No, we said, not as long as they enjoy playing with the dolls. Then they can pass them on to their younger cousins.
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I splurged a little for myself and got two of the Ziplock large rectangle containers so that I can make 7-Layer dip more often for hubby and me. I say I splurged in that normally I would just buy the store-brand, but these Ziplock looked to be so much better quality. Plus, the Ziplock brand can be stackable with other Ziplock containers.
Two very large refillable Six Flags commemorative cups went into recycling to make space. They were copyrighted 2005, and we only used them once.
I have been purging out the plastics. The worn out/discolored/leaking ones just go into recycling. The nice ones I save for a teacher I met on the local Buy/Swap/Sell Facebook page. She takes my big plastic containers to organize her classroom. She shares the extras with other teachers.
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