For Older People with Sense
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When I got my first microwave in '80, I put it on top of my hotplates/stovetop. Having four chidlren I had to learn how to use it for every thing. That machine lasted me 20 yrs and I am now on my third and fourth..........yes............I now have two of them, which comes in very handy when one only has a thirty minute window of being able to stand up.
I see my daughters-in-law only use theirs to heat cups of water/milk etc., and wonder why they bothered to buy them in the first place.
When my first m.w. fritzed itself, I went back to the old way and still do some things that way, but I prefer to use the m.w's wherever possible.
Sheila.
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I cook meat in the oven, but rice and veggies in the microwave among other things..
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I discovered that meatloaf takes 15 minutes to cook in the microwave. It's one of my favorite things to make in it! I also end up wasting less since leftovers that would burn when reheated on top of the stove are find in the microwave. For me it's my fun toy.
Leah
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Since this is a room of women who are older with more sense, I'd like to get serious for a few moments, if I may.
I need to get something off my chest.
The morning of my 50th birthday (July 17th), I had a dream shortly before I woke up. I dreamt that I had died. It was a pretty vivid dream. I am a spiritual person with a very strong faith, choosing to practice Christianity, though I could probably be happy praciticing other faith traditions.
I'd be happy to go into further details, but I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I am not trying to be morose, but let's face it gals...getting the big CA dx does bring us face to face with our own mortality, as does crossing the 50 or 60 or even 70 mark.
I will say this -- it didn't frighten me. It just made me sad that my time in this life may be shorter than I had anticipated or hoped.
I haven't told my husband, my children, any friends or even my pastor (who is also my friend) about this. I thought this group might understand better...
Anxious to hear if anyone has any thoughts about this, or has had similar experiences...
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For me, the cancer dx made me feel more comforable in realizing that we all do have to die of something....and not being particularly afraid of it, but hoping for a good passing if you know what I mean...when the time does come..
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I've been MIA for a few days due to computer problems---kept getting bumped off-line, resetting the router, over and over. Just hoping I can get this post submitted before it happens again!
Marybe, I think our dads are very similar (or were? yours is still around) . Mine couldn't see to drive but he sure could grow tomatoes! He mainly planted Early Girls and German Johnson's and they were scruptious.
My very favorite sandwich is a BLT and I have used Oscar Meyer precooked bacon occasionally. DH doesn't like it much but I love any kind of bacon. The thick sliced is better. And Mayonnaise? Well, in my experience here in the south there the words mayonnaise and Duke's are interchangeable! I don't know if Duke's is available nationally or not, but it's all I ever buy and the only kind I grew up with. Bacon's a rare treat these days due to the fat content but I do love it. Lisa, I like your idea of cooking a lot and then freezing it.
Hopefully in the next couple of days I can go back over the last few pages and see what I've missed.
Kathy
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Marthah - I have had similar dreams, but in them my grandchildren are older and all have memories of times with me. That gave me some comfort, but made me realize that I had to make those memories while I still could. My faith is a big part of who I am, but I too have not shared those dreams with anyone else until now. I was not afraid, just a little sad to be leaving all the ones I loved here, but ready to see my Dad again. I am a firm believer that it is only due to the faithful prayers of friends and family that I am still here and doing as well as I am. I did tell my DH that I needed to spend as much time as I could with the children and grandchildren while I still could travel without too much trouble. And he just excepted that and lets me go as often as I can save up the money to fly to see them. We are spending more time on Skype and FaceTime with the grandchildren now that they are so far away, and it really makes me happy when they connect face to face with me. I am blessed that they call often and we have lots to talk and laugh about. I think as a grandparent I still have a lot to teach and show my grandchildren. You don't look old enough to have grandchildren, but if or when you do there is a book titled "The Grandparent Factor" by Phil Waldrep that is really good for every grandparent to read.
Kathy - I had never heard of Duke's until I moved to NC. We always got Miracle Whip and never mayonaise! Duke's is good, but I still prefer Miracle Whip for everything. My DD#2 likes mayo but she prefers Heilmans.
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Marthah, I'm also 50. For me, the most difficult personal challenge about living with a BC dx has been trying to learn how to graciously accept that my time here is going to be shorter than I always assumed it would be... to accept that this is one of those things I cannot change. I have a twelve year old son, and I wonder every day whether I will get him all grown up before I have to go. I have a married daughter who wants to start a family soon, and another daughter who is grown but still single. I wonder whether I will get to be a grandmother.
But I know that nothing was ever guaranteed to me -- everybody dies sometime, from something. I am also a spiritual person, and a lifelong practicing Christian. From that perspective, it is my belief that the date of my death has never changed. God has always known the boundaries of my earthly life; "my times are in His hand." I came to see that there is no point in me mentally dying until I die -- or to put it another way, to let my heart die before my body dies. It was a great, freeing moment for me when I grasped all of this. Now I just have to remind myself to keep remembering it.
I have begun, finally, to feel at peace knowing that my family will go on and on long after I am gone. I don't know a thing about my great-great-grandmothers... but I think it's a safe bet that at some point in their lives, they each felt a pang in their hearts over having to die and leave their beloved families here to go on without them. But that is what happened, and that is why I am here. It's what happens to all of us eventually -- and families do go on. God provides.
I haven't dreamed much since I started taking Femara. But I did have those strange, vivid dreams in the first few months after my diagnosis. I dreamed a lot about my breasts morphing into mechanical things with inner workings like a clock. And I dreamed often of needing to nurse a hungry baby but not being able to do it. I think all of that is to some degree the mind trying to sort through the shock and the grief, and trying to make sense of new realities. Our minds and our hearts need time to heal as surely as our bodies do.
~lulubee
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Marybe thanks for the link for the scarves. I like that they send 'good wishes' with them.
Lulube avocados sound good for a BLT. My whole family uses the microwave a lot. Though my favorite appliance is my dish washer.
LostCreek I have mums too. They're doing really great this year. Must be all the rain we had here in the Northeast. I got mums from my Mom's gardens last year that I thought would be purple flowers. But was instead this lovely brown color with a big yellow center.
I go to see my ONC today for the first time after my surgery. I'll ask their office about wigs,etc . I also have the schedule for 'Look Good/Feel Better' in my area.
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I like BTs. I think the lettuce wets it down too much. I always use butter and yet last week when my DH made BTs, he put Miracle Whip in them!!! Too weird after reading it on here. I thought it was all just a bit too 'fatty'.
I take blood pressure pills (have for 18 years) and have VERY vivid dreams!!! I have dreamt many times that I have died so I feel very prepared. I have relationships with those that have passed before me, like my BFF and we continue our friendship! I actually dream of the moment of dying. I'm thinking "Wow, like this is IT". I have no fear, just a kind of anticipation of the next level of life.
I have always said that earth is "Limbo"; that lost area between life and death. Earth is HELL. Anyone disagree?
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Marthah,
I have had very vivid dreams since I was diagnosed, some of them more explicitly about death and some that seem to represent it. Last night I dreamt I was on some kind of tour of Mt. Everest and at some point I realized we were all there waiting for "the end." One of my big hopes is to see Everest before I die.
The thing is, there is so much variety in the course of the disease that we enter a kind of unknown territory as soon as we are diagnosed. My prognosis is supposed to be good but then I have this hip pain that keeps waking me up at night. So of course the obvious worst-case-scenario is bone mets. The doctors don't seem concerned but of course we always are.
The thing is, I don't find death as scary as I used to for some reason. I'm not volunteering for it and this disease is very treatable at this point in time and people do live good lives for many years with things that would have killed us in the past. I just have to give it over to God to worry about. That's not easy--if someone knows how to do it let me know!
Dragon
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I liked what Lisa said....I also don't worry so much about dying, but do worry about how I will die....sadly that is not something we really have too much say about. One thing that does trouble me when I think about dying is what a huge mess I am going to leave behind. I am not really a hoarder, but I sure do hang on to things.....I have a lot of my grandmother's as well as my mother's hats, clothes and accessories....Saved them for halloween costumes and have them along with actual Halloween costumes I have bought and made. That used to be one of my favorite holidays because I would always have a costume party....had a Woodstock party one year that was a huge success and had the room in the basement decorated just like a pad from the psychedelic days, complete with black light posters and light, telephone wire coffee tables, mattress on the floor with a tie-dyed cover on it....It was a lot of fun. Then another year I had a comic book characters party and another was Chinese New Year. So because of my love of costumes and dressing up, I have boxes and boxes of clothes and hats. I should just throw them away, but just can't see myself doing that with my mother's hats...I would be going Oh, I remember what she wore this one with, hey, this one was one of her favorites and it would be a trip down memory lane and I would not want to part with one single hat. Sorry, ADD kicked in there for a minute and I am completely off the beaten path.....but I have tons and tons of crap that I need to get rid of because I would not want someone else doing it and just pitching it all without even thinking about it...plus the people going through the stuff and pitching it would be cursing me for leaving such a load of crap behind.
So back to dying.....when you hear the word terminal, it sort of slaps you in the face and makes you take notice, but if you stop to think about it each and every one of us,with cancer or completely healthy is terminal. No one lives forever. And really who would want to.
Barbe, I disagree. I do not think earth is Hell.....I love my life and sometimes when I look around and think how much I love my life, like working in the yard and being with my friends and people I love, it actually makes me want to cry....not because I am sad at the thought of leaving it, it just makes me want to cry and I feel like my chest is going to burst. I think I am getting overly sentimental in my old age....sometimes a beautiful tree makes me want to cry and I think Wow, I am losing it. I think if after we die,if it would be just like living is, now that would be Hell. Because as much as I love life and living, sometimes I just feel really really tired and hope that when it is all over, it will be like a much needed rest. I am not explaining this very well, I am sure, but I look forward to a nice peaceful rest when I die. I don't relax a lot, constantly feel the need to be doing something and push myself even when I am tired and when I pass on and go somewhere, I hope to get off the treadmill.
After that, it seems almost sacrilegious to go back to mayo, but I wanted to say that when WinnDixie was here, they had Dukes and I recognized it from seeing it down south.
Lulubee, I did not know the painting or the artist, but I liked it.
QCA, My dad grows Better Boys and Celebrity tomatoes.
I dream all the time.....I love to dream because my dreams are so involved, it's like watching a movie. I find it odd that when I am in my dreams, I know it is me, but I never look like myselt. Also I dream in color, but never realized that until I was telling someone about a dream and said And you were wearing that red dress and then I thought ah, ha, I do dream in color. I never had the answer for that when asked Do you dream in color. I have not ever had a dream about me being dead, but I do dream about people who are dead....I have dreams a lot with my mother in them. The only reason I look forward to sleep, is that I know I will be having dreams.
Did any of you watch that special called Five that Demi Moore directed?....it's on the entire month of Oct. on the Life channel. There is one episode with a woman who plans her own funeral and has it while she is still alive so she can attend......I like that idea.
LynM, it sounds as if you are getting your ducks in a row. You will do just fine.....you will be surprised at how well you do. And one day you will look back and think I would not want to do that again, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Well, I have babbled on enough. I am reading Game of Thrones and it's a library book so I have to get back to it. Loved the TV series so am not reading the first of the books.....reverse order for me since I normally always read the books lst. Goodnight all you sensible ladies.
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Dear Wonderful Ladies With More Sense,
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for indulging me on this topic of mortality. Let me apologize up front for being a bit of a buzzkill. This thread got a little quiet after I posed my question, and I had begun to fear that I killed it off for good!
As you can imagine, this has not been a topic I've been able to discuss with the ones I love. My kids (grown) were pretty scared when I told them the news of my dx. My husband, who likes to travel on the River of Denial in his Mars canoe from time to time has been all "Mr. Fix-It" and "we're going to get past this and everything will be normal again"...well, I just can't really talk about my mortality with them.
And this dream was sooooooooooo vivid, more vivid than my usual dreams, and it clearly had a very spiritual overtone. It began with a view of pink crabtree flower petals floating on a stream of water which was running down a street. I was enjoying watching them swirl and flow, when I realized I wasn't standing on the ground, but rather sort of hovering above them. It was then that I realized I wasn't in my body. I thought to myself, "Did I die?" And a voice from behind me, distinct from mine, said, "Yes, Martha." My response was, "Wow! Is that all there is to it? That wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be!" Just as I was feeling proud of myself, I realized that I was in my own front yard. I looked up to see a black shiny car in my drive way, and my husband in a dark suit. I realized it must have been the day of my service.
That was when I became very sad. You see, this is my 3rd marriage (my husband's 2nd). We've been together for a little over 10 years, but just married 3 this month. He is the love of my life. It took me a long time to find him, and long time to get relationships with men right.
Helluva way to wake up on the morning of your 50th birthday, eh? But God bless my husband, he had me giggling within an hour after waking up in tears.
My dad passed away at the age of 41. My sister died at the age of 44...both from different types of cancer. I suppose it was inevitable that I would get smacked in the face with my own mortality after this dx.
Barbe, in response to your question, no, I don't think life here is limbo or hell. I have been graced with both indescribable joy and deep dispair, triumphs, tragedies. I have a very deep relationship with God, and I know that if I didn't experience dispair, the joy would be less, and without the tragedies and losses, triumphs would be empty. Without those contrasts, I would not learn as much as I have, nor love as deeply as I do. And even though I believe in God, I do not believe in "the devil." I do, however, believe in the existence of evil. That, however, is the subject of another post and thread.
Marybe, your Woodstock party sounds like it was a lot of fun! 60's and 70's era themes are always fun for me, but that was my adolescence, so it feels like being a kid again!!!
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Dragon,
Thanks for your response. The one thing I learned from my dream, too, is that dying is not scary. When my time comes, whenever that will be, I won't be afraid. I also relate what you say about giving it over to God to worry about. For me, the thing I try to focus on is being present in the present, if that makes sense. It's when I think about the future that I worry about my diagnosis and what will happen. If I just focus on the moment, then I can't think about the future. But that is a hard thing to do...not thinking about the future! I've always spent a lot of time thinking, planning, dreaming about the future. I think we are geared to do that when we are young. But it's hard to stop doing when you're middle aged like me!
Barbe, I was well into my 30's before I realized it was possible to continue relationships with the people I love who have passed. But I have worked to cultivate those relationships ever since. My mom passed away 3 years ago this December. I was the one who had to make a lot of decisions about the end of her life. I've often wondered if I made the right decisions, and sometimes when I thought about it, I could see her face in my head with a disappointed look. This nagged at me for a very long time. After my diagnosis, I realized (and you all are probably going to think I'm nuts for thinking this!) that she wasn't unhappy about my decisions, but she was trying to communicate to me that something was wrong -- with me! She knew I was sick, and was disappointed that I wasn't getting it taken care of -- I was about 2 years behind on my mammos, so I probably had the BC for about 3 years before my dx. I've also heard her voice in my head telling me that I won't die from this. So yes, I still have relationships, especially with my mom, with those who have passed. Thank you for reminding me of that!
I miss her, but I'm glad she's not "here" because I think my getting BC would have been more than she could have handled after losing a husband and one child to C. I'm the baby! 
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I've always mixed up my religions and taken what I like from each one. So, I've always believed that we had to 'learn a lesson' or atone for something before we can move on to a higher level. Someone told me that mean Limbo. A place where you pass a test or learn something. I like the analogy and didn't mean to say that life is Hell. I worded that poorly and hope I didn't offend those that love life. I revel in all the greatness around me in nature and know it isn't all done randomly, that's for sure!
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Very poignant discussion on dreams, death and other things. I too have always had vivid dreams. Some good, some not so good. I often dream of my mother -- she died when I was 15 of breast cancer. She has often come to me in my dreams at times when I have a decision to make or am troubled. I dream of us sitting at the end of my bed. She has her arm around me and she is talking with me about whatever it is that is troubling me or I have to make a decision about. For me, it has kept her in my life even though it has been over 40 years since she died. This way, she told me she was proud of me when no one else was there to do it when I graduated from college. She had told me that she loves the grandchildren I have given her and that she watches over them daily. I often think than when I die she and my sister (she died 1 year after my mother of leukemia -- she was just 24) will be there to help me cross over -- show me the ropes so to speak. It is somehow comforting.
And, yes, for me too, getting a cancer diagnosis has made me realize how life can change in a instance. I do not fear death as I believe that all of my burdens will fall away, that I will have no more pain and I will finally feel rested. The thing I worry about the most is leaving my children behind. I adopted them in my mid and late 40s. I am now 59 with a 15 year old and an 11 year old. I pray that I can see them into adulthood. I don't want them to have to lose another mother. Also, since I am a single parent, I am all that they have.
Marybe: Sometime when I read your posts, I feel a kindred spirit with you. I too love Halloween and making costumes for my kids. I have been teaching my oldest daughter to sew as she love to dress up as characters in the anime and manga stories that she so loves. It has brought us closer together. I love the whimsey and make believe and that you can be whomever you want to be.
Dragon: I too love to dream. Sometimes I don't want to wake up because I am enjoying the dream I am having so much! And sometimes I can hardly wait until the next night in hopes that my dream will continue where it left off the night before!
And on favorite sandwiches -- Toasted rye, with a little mayo or dill dressing, avacodo, lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, sprouts and cheese (havrati, provolone, swiss are some of my favorites)! Yum!
Good night ladies. Time to dream!
Phyllis
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Barbe,than you for clarifying what you meant about what life is. I was worried that you were going through a very bad patch so I'm glad I just misinterpreted what you said.
In the Book of Deutoronomy it says, "I have placed them before you today, death and life. Therefore choose life." I try to keep that in mind with all the decisions I've needed to make since my diagnosis.
GILAD SHALIT IS HOME!!!!! I am laughing and crying and rejoicing at this news at the same time that I'm frightened about the implications of the deal needed to bring him back.
Leah
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I do not fear death - I fear dying. My husband has always said he thinks there is nothing after death & I've always told him, that's alright - I have enough belief in heaven for both of us. I firmly believe this. We're at the age where we worry about being the one left behind.
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I don't think I fear death but having never truly faced it, I can't be sure. I plan to continue taking life a day at a time.
On another note: we leave Sunday for a 10 day cruise. Woo Hoo.
Leah, I am rejoicing with you yet also fearful at the price paid.
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I just got on here to say I am on my way to get my bone scan injection.....it's good that it is early today cuz I can visit my friend, Cyndi who is still in the hospital while I have to sit around and drink liquids for 3 hrs. I am home made chicken noodle soup, which I have never done before in my life and am going to take her some.
Barb, I am so glad you are getting over the rash and sciatica and have a great cruise to look forward to. And hey, I hate to tell you, but we face death every day..have from the day we were born. I think we are all doing a very admirable job of it and you are right, one day at at time,that's the way to do it.
Phyllis, enjoy each and every day with those girls and look forward to making Halloween costumes for their children.
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I guess because I was with both parents as they were dying, I've seen it and it's very simple, really. When my Dad was dying of lung cancer I asked him if he was afraid. He said only of the pain. I promised him we'd keep him pain free. I think most of us worry about the pain, but technology is there for us and I, for one, plan to use it!
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Marybe I would love to scrounge around in your old clothes and costumes! I'm ready to be something outrageous for Halloween but can't decide what might be outrageous for an older woman to be. So far Gary and I have come up with the zombie surgeons--both in scrubs with surgical caps and gloves and (plastic) scalpels, but zombified--matted hair and bloody faces, etc. Maybe he can be the surgeon and I'll be a zombie nurse.
Anyway, it's true, what I'm hearing is that most people fear the dying process more than death itself. I'm in that camp as well. I can only hope that I have doctors who are compassionate enough to keep me pain free.
The tricky part for anyone who's aging is to live in the moment. One thing I'm grateful for is that since my diagnosis I've pretty much let go of the past and forgiven a lot of old grudges and resentments. It may have something to do with Prozac but I don't dwell on the bad part of the past anymore and it is a real relief.
Going today to the chiro/osteopath Dr. who's now in charge of my back. He does help with the muscle spasm part of it. After that I want to bake as it should be a good pain free afternoon! Marybe your home made chicken soup sounds great. I might have to make that too.
DH is going to do shopping. He always spends too much but this time I'm keeping my mouth shut.
Re: crying unexpectedly. The last time I did that was recently in the grocery store. It's so stupid, but they had an autumn display on the cheese counter and the whole thing was just so beautiful and autumn is my favorite time of year and I just lost it. Heaven for me will be a lot of cheese and pumpkin bread.
Love to all, Dragon
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I have known since grade school that our days are numbered. I remember a late night dorm session in college where we were talking life and death and I first articulated my conviction that when my time comes God will take me whether it is by a lingering death or by falling and breaking my neck and that I would gladly join Him and all the loved ones who had gone before me. I've tried to live as though each day could be my last while planning to live as long as my grandparents. The youngest of them to die was just short of 90 by a few days. I was 13 at the time. We were staying with her, planning a birthday party. She died peacefully in her sleep. I found her in the morning when I took her coffee to her. She was smiling. I think that experience had a profound affect on me. It showed me that death is something one can welcome - no should welcome in its time.
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Had I said earlier I love my life? I take that back and will rephrase it to say, I love living. Sometimes I hate my life.....if it's not Tim driving me crazy, it's these nurses who cannot find a vein on me. I had them call IV therapy, had talked to someone yesterday and they said no problem, IV therapy is here 24/7.....so why did it take an hour to get someone over there today? And then the one I got was a dud....she tried my arm twice and then finally used my port....I said Oh go ahead, the only reason I wanted you to try for a vein is that someone told me before that nuclear stuff tends to collect around the port and hang around....Now why would I worry about that, I don't know...Like it's gonna give me cancer!! But I was so pissed. It doesn't really hurt when they stick me, not always anyway, but after they fail a few times I just want to cry. And then this woman says to me, well after you were warning me about how difficult it is to find a vein on you, you had me nervous . She has no business being in IV therapy and believe me I will not forget her name. Ok thanks for the vent, I will now get ready and go to work.
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Oh Marybe, I feel your pain. I so hate incompetance. Hugs, pal.
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Marybe, hugs to you. These things just try your patience. I bet I could get an IV started on you--I've started one on a baby before! Sorry this happened. Dragon
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Marybe, all I can say is, she is in the wrong profession and I hope you told her so!!!!! ARGGGHHH
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Marybe, I know how you feel. I had to have a blood draw on Monday and the nurse taking the blood argued with me over where the best place to take it was........I was adamant that the only vein worth squat was the one on the back of my hand.........she still felt that she had to have the last word but at least she took the blood from where I told her to! GRR!!!!!
Yes girls I'm back! Hoping all are doing well! Goodluck with all the costunes for Halloween!
Love n hugs all! Chrissyb
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Chrissy I get blood taken from the vein on the back of my hand all the time, but I make them use a butterfly needle (paedeatric). Welcome home! I've been following your pics and LOVE the under-the-wharf one and the grey one of the water with the silver shimmer.
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barbe...I also insist on a butterfly needle, on the back of my hand. The vein that is usually used in the crook of my arm is about 6" down...well, it must be !!! If I can't see it, and the nurses can't see it there's NO WAY they're going in 'looking' for the vein .
Isabella.
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