Single life after a mastectomy
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She doesn't know I have cancer, but she probably would say this. Has before in the past. She has DCIS and had lumpectomy and rads so I'm now taking it as she's fearing for her own life. She doesn't know I have bc and I don't know she has DCIS. She didn't want to tell me due to my anxiety stuff. Bro told me in Dec after her sx was success. Not sure he would have had it not been DCIS.. Funny how our fam works, huh.
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Artista- the fact that you and your mother have not shared about your dx speaks to your not being as close. I did not share my diagnosis with many in my family either, more for privacy reasons but most of them don't live around me and some are not discreet about keeping privacy. What we share with others about our health is our choice and our business. I also understand now about your mom's comment about "life is short" may be more about wanting to see you vs. anything more. Context is everything. But I keep difficult people away during my own
I have a SIL who I have never been close to who had it years ago, and my sister and I both had it at the same time. My SIL never told me about it, told my sister and I heard about it through the grapevine. I would generally inquire about things if our paths crossed, but nothing more. Although I am a pretty generous soul, I don't feel the need to go out of my way for people who have proven to me they don't care about me. Anyways, a couple years ago, my sister told me she was going to share what she went through with our former SIL and told her that was fine, but my info was to remain private. We don't need to pretend we are each others support system.
You do what feels right to you for you!
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Good morning ladies. Hope all are as good as they can be.
BB? Where are you?
Artista, how are you feeling?
Jazz, how are things with the hopeful romance?
Enerva? Still hanging in there?
So far so good on the new blockers. Terrible hot flashes the first day but the rest the week has been good. I have been very frustrated but fairly certain that's the context of my life and not the meds. Ha.
Hope all enjoy their weekend!
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Simplicity- I was thinking about you yesterday and that life journey timeline you were told to do. Did you do that and did you find it helpful? I am thinking about doing it too and wondered if you found it valuable? I find sometimes I forget all the things I have done and challenges overcome. Would love to know if that was a good process for you?
On the romance front, an old love from 30 plus years ago who I reconnected with professionally about five years ago is back in the picture. As a friend for now, not sure it will be anything more than that though but trying to figure it out. He told me he wanted to come visit me this summer which sort of shocked me and then needed to know why? He told me to apologize for not treating me better at the end of our relationship. We dated pretty briefly when I first met him, but he was graduating and leaving the area. I saw him off and on the remaining years I was there, but knew again nothing would come of it. That era when I had those revolving door relationships. Old BFs will do that if you let them and I did. saw him one last time before I was moving back east and he told me he loved me. He is one of those rare men in life that always "got me."
Anyways, I suggested we get on the phone a couple weeks ago to talk this out and we did and will say it was like finding an old long lost friend. He told me he has been told more than a few times that he is an idiot about the way he treats people. We got the apology cleared up and told him I never expected anything longer term with him. And that I would not have connected in with him professionally if I was mad at him. We talked for an hour, caught up on each others lives, etc. It was an amazing experience to feel a connection with anyone from so long ago like that. We both agreed it kind of blew us both away how easy it felt to reconnect. It made me realize once again I don't think we ever stop really caring about people from the past (even if we are not meant to be with them). When I connected with him on Linked In five years ago, I am pretty sure he was married, but not so now.
So we are talking via e-mail, FB messaging, etc. and he wants to come here this summer, and probably with his son to look at the University here. So I will likely be seeing him around the July time frame and will just see how things go. He lives a state away and I don't want a long distance relationship. He may not be looking for anything more either. And no, I am not up for the fling thing either. Not that girl anymore.
Local men have not been as much action but there are a couple interested parties here as well. I am remaining open to everything and going to see what happens. Not looking for someone to live with, marry, etc. but some nice male companionship at this point. I like men who have their own houses and money.
Gotta head to a doctor apt (derm check up, nothing major). More later!
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BB- been thinking about you and know thing are very hard for you. How is your mom doing? It is very stressful taking care of an aging parent. I think some meds to help with anxiety would be a good thing. You need to take care of yourself. I hope your sister is back from her trip and can get up there to help you.
Thank you as always for your kind words
E- hope your new class is going well and you have something fun planned for the weekend?
Lilly- thinking of you too friend and know you had a tough cancerversary. Are you doing better? Is the weather better and outdoors time with the dogs helpful?
Artista- I hope you are doing okay with everything and also with the family stuff.
Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend
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BB- glad to hear your mom is doing better with some changes to diet and better sleep. Maybe worth trying things with having in home care and supplementing the rest is a good way to start. We went through a couple iterations with our mother with her care before she came to settled at an assisted living in CA where she was for the last 7 years of her life. There is just no one clear answer as to the best way to do any of this either; no road map either, you figure it out as you go. And yes, it is a matter of stabilizing things as there will only be more changes with time with an aging parent. Hugs to you sister, this stuff is some of the hardest stuff we deal with in this life time.
I am glad to hear one of the boys is helping somewhat. I know you want to be closer to them, understand that. Moving away may not be the right move right now.
I am trying to not be on line as much, spring is here, better weather, more things going on that make one want to be out and about or sitting on one's patio.
Wishing you and all the other mom's here a beautiful Mother's Day!
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Hi friends. I have been away from here and I missed you all
Well I am back at studying accounting level 2. And finished 2 gardening classes also taking autocad 2d.
Health wise humm not great .it seams I am getting menopause again lol period stop. last one was March 16th. So I started having issues with sleeping, constipation and hot flashes yap aparently all signs of menopausal so DC did a blood test and yes hormones show I am somewhat menopausal lol anyway I am not liking the symptoms. She says if period does not come back for 6 months straight then its for sure I am. I have been really stressed out at work again too. Today I work 12 hours on production implementations. Let's say I am back at wanting to get away but again lacking the skills or motivation to get out there and find another job. So yes feeling a bit down on the business side.
Also weather has not improve much always on the cold side. I am just tired overall. Bad news from vzla every day and just same shit as usual.
My plants are giving me some happiness and is the only good thing in my life these days.
Hope all of you are ok bb I have u In my mind
Hope ur mom feels better soon. I remember how hard it was to get mom up speed after her strocke ; (
I wanted to say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of you mothers out there. I sure miss my mom
Love you all
Night night
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Morning ladies. Happy mothers day.
Jazzygirl wrote: Simplicity- I was thinking about you yesterday and that life journey timeline you were told to do. Did you do that and did you find it helpful? I am thinking about doing it too and wondered if you found it valuable? I find sometimes I forget all the things I have done and challenges overcome. Would love to know if that was a good process for you?
I did find it helpful Jazzy. It really helped to see pivotal moments written down (I think that exercise could be a trigger for some....which is part of the point I think). After you write your life timeline, they discuss the affiliation of that moment with various emotions and rate them.It's very interesting. We have only done one EMDR session, but I am guessing after this weekend, we'll have another. Another painful pivotal moment, for more reasons than are evident unless you know some of my history. See how the next week or so plays out.
So glad to hear from you BB. I simply cannot imagine
I know, absolutely, positively, that when my mom goes, I will be in a tail spin She has become such a different person since the strokes. This mother and I are a lot closer. Wow Enerva! You and Jazz have admirable stamina!
Well, E's daughter graduated this weekend. I was not welcome or invited. Pretty livid. Feeling very unworthy, unloved, and unaccepted. Makes it worse that E sits on things until the last minute. It's funny how this relationship parallels my relationship with my father and step bitch.
Therapy is great, thou sometimes it opens your eyes to things you didn't care to see...but needed to....
I was a full on bitch Friday and I am not sorry for it at all. Haven't heard from him since then. The whole family, and some...'say she's just a friend', friend, and her daughter, were all in some adjoined, rented condos this weekend. I try not to analyze that one. E and her went to high school together, their girls grew up together in the same school district-she's been a part of their lives forever, and has become very important to E's dd, and her and E had a short...thing....for about 3 months.....but why does that mean I have to be left out?
Anyway, this relationship has not moved forward in a while, nor grown. It's actually regressed, some at my own doing. Pulling away I reckon..Is what it is.
I evidently had a lot to say.Heh.
Hope everyone has a great day.
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E- good to hear from you and that you are in the saddle again with school. I totally understand about the patio garden being a place of peace and happiness. My gardens are too. Sorry to hear work is so hard, on top of all the other stuff you are doing. Hard to look for a job while you are working FT as well as taking courses. I hope you enjoy the new semester and do well. Hugs to you on all the stuff going on in VZ, the people need relief.
Simplicity- thank you for sharing your insights on the timeline process. I may look in to doing this on my own, found some thing on line that may be a good guide. I think I have done something similar through some outplacement years ago, but more around my professional life. I want the whole picture now. So many more things that have happened. I am glad this is working for you, and wish you continued success. Sometimes going back to see things helps us in the present. I like to call that the "past as our teacher".
I am sorry you were not included in the weekend graduation events. If I was in a serious relationship and excluded from an important milestone/celebration for a family member, I would be very hurt. And to answer your question, why do you need to be excluded? Well, you don't. That is a choice he made to keep peace with his children. It is good to hear you are realizing there may be parallels with other relationships in your life that have had similar patterns too. With that, changes can come......
Having done therapy through the years, I am better all the time about seeing people who remind me of/treat me like family of origin members. I have chosen many friends and lovers like my parents and siblings. Sometimes I see it right away, sometimes it takes awhile to come in to view, but once I see it, there is no going back. That does not mean the person ends up leaving my life, it may just be I change my reaction to the situation (including what I participate in and things I detach from).
You are on a path of healing towards your wellness and wholeness, although none of this is easy; finding your way through it will lead you to more peace. Keep moving forward sister!
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hope all have a better week.
I am trying to find a way to sleep since the insomnia has settled on me these days.
Bb sending u big hugs
Simplicity wow I am so sorry all is falling apart with E. just remember you are very valuable and you deserve better. So try to focus on you girlfriend hope u get strength to let go and many more sunshine will come your way.
Jazz I saw so many cactus pictures today lol so beautiful
I have decided to stop now I need to wait for my plants to grow lol so many beautiful plants I go crazy lol just wish weather here improves soon.
Today I walked over to a gas station and was able to put air on my bicycle tires lol so it is all ready maybe Tuesday I ll ride to work and school only of weather is be there by then. Tomorrow I won't cuz the autocad class is at a far away campus so must take the metro there and back.
G night ladies sweet dreams
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E- I have had not enough sleep the past few nights. I go to sleep fine but wake up at 3-4 a.m. and cannot get back to sleep. Ugh. I hope to do better tonight. I think it is the lack of hormones and maybe for you too.......
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Been the same here far as sleep. I've been up since 2, drinking coffee lol
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Yes simplicity is our hormones
I don't know how to handle it anymore the insomia is brutal.plus hot flash
How to go on like this . I think of my poor mother never even mentioned
We ladies have such a life
Anyway see my blood results
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Good morning- well, I slept better last night. Managed to sleep THROUGH the night and wake up a bit before 6 a.m. I find that when I am sleep deprived, it really impacts my mood. I was NOT in a happy place yesterday.
E- I have taken melatonin in the past for sleep. Watch your caffeine late in the day.
Simplicity- up too early and drinking coffee. Well, what else can a girl do sometimes?
Lilly- are you still with us?
Wishing everyone some better sleep this week
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If its from lack of hormones, a fucked up blessing that is
I watched a movie, Rings of all things, and went back to bed about 5 lol My night to work 12-
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Simplicity- ugh, the night shift. We have all been there at some point. Certainly for command center go live for me (although I try to avoid it if I can, I tell them the young people should do that work). I hope you make it through okay tonight.
I was thinking this weekend I had such problems with hormones in my early 20s's and felt like they were making me crazy. I remember a period where I was on such an emotional roller coaster with things and the health center where I was going to school put me on the pill to try to regulate things. It REALLY helped.
Now here I am not only menopausal and without ovaries, and then the AI drugs to keep the hormones away. I will tell you I don't miss those emotional swings with the monthly cycle, cramps, and all the rest but the weight gain and the sleep issues are the trade off now.
The morale of the story is that it has never been easy to be a woman
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Seems I have good news! Yesterday I had almost unnoticeable drainage on the gauze all day. Took a shower early eve and didn't bother changing the gauze so ps could see what it looks like after all that time. He thinks it could very well be closed but is having me keep a clean gauze over it in case it starts up again and also to keep it dry from possible sweat, esp since we will be close to 90 by weeks end. So he sees me next Mon. If all is well now then it's a month before he'll go in and do the lift to make the right match the left. It's noticeable how much lower the right is. Medicare better pay for it as it's part of the bc dx and it's a fed law. We'll see I guess.
After the appt I drove an hour to pick up my fuzzy girl. All this wait and see and boarding her, NPO before each visit just in case along with her med issues tallied up to a mere $570! I already spent $500 last month for her complete exam and some pricey tests since I did find some blood on the fleece. I'm off abx effective today but until the UA w/ culture comes back clear, still need to give my guinea pig abx 2 x a day. Poor thing has been gone for 12 days and doesn't quite know what to expect. She' been in her igloo all day. I'm sure once I announce it's her dinner salad time she'll be out in a second!
Not the clearest/best pic, but here she is before all this happened in her begging stance, giving me the stare down to get to the kitchen asap for her veggies!
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wow arista so cute.
I hope she gets well soon. I met a lady today who is a therapist and told me the sadest history. She has a client at the hospital with stage 4 bc. The girl is 34 years old has 2 small kids under 5. And resently lost her husband to a heart attack. I was chocked such situation; (
Anyway I exanchanged emails and told her I wish there was something I could do.
I am getting home now .
Super tired and ll take a sleeping pill I need to drug me to sleep.
Night ladies
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Enerva - very sad about your country........there is so much wrong in the world.....
BB - my heart aches when I read your posts, wish there was something I could do to help, feel free to pm me - HUGS to you
Jazzy you are a shining light still.....
Hi to everyone else I do read and think about you but am trying to limit posting as I am bored with how I feel so sure you all must be.
I am up and down.....have submitted my complaint and had a "holding" response but they are checking it out so I am waiting on another reply any time......... I will go to national Authorities if I have to, as far as I am concerned they have stolen years of my life for no medical reason, its now another summer where I cringe inside, change clothes several times before going out of the house, and hate seeing anyone seriously overweight who still has a pert cleavage......someow it just highlights the unfairness of it all
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Thanks Enerva. I hope so too since I just found some yellow on my previously white gauze that lasted one whole day.
I was so happy too. It's going to be a long week now.. 0 -
Good morning friends- nice to hear from a few of you this week
Artista- so good to hear you are healing. Your little Fuzzy girl is adorable. I try to always remember that animals live much more in the present than we do, so she might have thought the vet was her new home. Now she realizes she is in her real home and bet she will be settled in very soon. So nice to have a pet you love and can come home to!
E- wow, that is a sad story. To loose the dad so young, and now the mom is not well either. So much stress to deal with a cancer dx, never mind raising young children at the same time. I hope they can help the mom to get better and that there is solid family around to help those children.
Lilly- thank you for your kind words. You are welcome to share anything you need to anytime here, you know that. We are a judgement free zone. Have you seen this article too? I still get told I am "done with all that". You have been in such a hard place waiting for this recon sister, I just send big hugs to you.
Simplicity- did you make it through the night shift okay?
BB- sending you big hugs and hoping the medication is helping and your mom continues to stabilize.
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BB- good to hear the lump is not of concern. I hope your check up on the remaining breast goes well with no findings. I am sending you much love around all you are going through right now.
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BB- Glad the lump isn't a concern. Best wishes on the other one's check.
Got the call from the vet. Good news! My bff (best fuzzy friend) UA with culture results came back clean! No more abx for her. One of us done, one more to go! Last night's gauze change was depressing to find yellow again. A day later much less but still see a little yellow. I'm keeping the daily gauzes. While I certainly don't want the implant to come out I don't want to possibly hide a problem like if I go in on Mon and the gauze is clean when let's say it hasn't been most of this week.
Hope everyone is having a good week. Stuff never ends even when you think it is it seems, at least for me. It's nice to have a thread like this to vent about the bad and share good with each other. Great group of people in here.
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Hi ladies- hoping everyone is having a good Sunday. Beautiful day here today! I love the month of May, still cool here sometimes but warm and sunny days with little wind. The gardens are looking so happy!
My old BF from 30 years ago is now making plans to come to visit the area in early July. In continued e-mails with him, I can see he is really wanting to explore if there could be anything more for us in the future. Lots of comments about no pressure, and that I am the one to drive things here. Smart guy. I do think we have to find out and like that he is respecting my need to take things slow.
So this brings up the whole when you do tell someone your cancer story? I don't expect for us to get physical, but also tell myself I don't want a man in my life who cannot do the cancer thing. We all know the stories here about the way men act with this stuff. I am almost to my five years and doing well, but we know the possiblity of later reoccurrence.
And I remind myself to give him credit too, maybe he has had others close to him who have gone through it (or may have had it himself). None of us are young in this story. And if nothing else, this gives me some practice at sharing my story with someone I would think about more seriously.
I am scared and excited at the same time; cautiously optomistic.......
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Sounds like fun Jazzy, catching up. And that's what it should be after 30 years is catching up. Since it's been so long of both seeing him and 5 yrs NED the bc thing should flow better as you both go through your timeline of events, if you decide to spill. I don't see a rush on it though unless it's something you want to reveal to get it over with so to speak either to rule out a potential love interest off the bat or as part of sharing of the past 30 years which he should be doing as well.
I would just go with the flow. You'll know when the time is right. And it's almost like who doesn't/hasn't had bc with how prevalent it is. And men get it too. I never knew that until I came here! Everyone knows someone who's been there with bc. If you do reveal and he looks "off" you can always give him a bit of education about it. I'm amazed how many people still think it's an impending death sentence when in fact it's not- and with your stats you are in pretty good shape so to speak in the bc world. Bottom line, just enjoy catching up and have fun. How fun is this after 30 years. Let things flow naturally as you feel comfortable with. Good luck. Look forward to hearing how it goes!
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BB- Not healing fully apparently.
This past week all but 1 gauze change has shown light yellow coloring/leak. Tomorrow I see the surg. I'll be honest with him about this past week should the gauze be clean on his check like it was last Mon for him. If he's talking taking it out I'm going to see if he's willing to try taking the implant out, washing the area and putting it back in. I forget who said their ps tried this with her little leak, so we'll see. I just have a feeling that almost 3 weeks of this that it's just not going to fully close or stay closed for good on it's own. Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday. Weather is sunny and warm here in N. Cali which is nice after a streak of cooler weather last week.
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Agree about the B & B circus closing! I loathe how they treat animals!
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Hi ladies- thank you for your input. It is my thought that it is not the right time during the initial visit to talk about the big C, we DO have a lot of catching up to do and did a bit on the phone a few weeks ago but you can imagine there is much to talk about with the amount of time that has passed. I do want to keep this visit light and fun and just not get too heavy.
BB- I like your comment about making some general comments about some health challenges a few years back and that I have been coming through those. You may remember I had the ruptured appendix at the same time as my diagnosis (oh what a year that was) and don't usually have a hard time talking about that part because it was what we call an acute event and it is over. Not like that will return but recovering from that surgery was far worse than anything else for me. The breast cancer stuff on top of it just made things that much harder. But I may not even go there either with that either......
I think of you often and hope things are going okay one day at a time. About the best we can hope for some days. You hanging in there friend?
Artista- my experiences during diagnosis and afterwards with the few people I told were a whole spectrum from people who showed up to ask what they could do, to people who freaked out and one long time friend who was really mean to me. You are very right that most everyone has known someone with cancer, especially breast cancer as it is so prevalent now. I had people tell me I was going to die, and others who quickly dismissed it after treatment telling me I was "done with it." Life has taught me not everyone does the cancer thing. People get scared by it, not everyone has empathy, etc. I am just mindful of the human condition in all this. Many people I know have no idea and they don't need to know, but a partner should know at some point.
Sorry to hear you are still working on healing and hoping the doctor visit goes well this week. Everything takes longer than expected. Also glad to hear your little girl is doing well
I have never been a circus person. I think I went once with my parents as a kid but don't remember liking it and never been since. All the big cats, elephants, etc. will retire now to sanctuaries. I too am glad it is ending.
I was supposed to see my endocrinologist this week but got a call yesterday she is away for a few weeks so I will try again in June. Looking forward to seeing how my A1C is doing, my glucose readings have been super good and lost a few more pounds but it's still a slow thing. Going for my blood work this week and will get the results of that on the portal in advance.
I saw my dermatologist this week and had a good check up there, and she did some liquid nitrogen on a couple resistant spots on my face that have never responded to the laser treatments. Pleased to say that worked and those spots are finally GONE!. My derm also told me she is retiring next month, but she is having her colleague whom I saw once before pick me up in her panel. I told myself to expect to see some of my providers begin to retire soon based on their ages, and so it has begun. My next bc check ups are in late July after my friend's visit.
Enerva and Simplicity- you out there? How about Lilly?
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hi friends. Trying g to catch up .
Jazz I agree with bb. Also I think better not to bring any health issues yet. Unless he brings up the subject. If he does just talk about it high level and don't share the bc yet. See where his intention are going and then decide what to tell ?
I feel sad that I now hide bc but I realizethe fact that o look ok in the outside makes it easy to just leave my bc in the past and only my close friends or close relatives know. Silly but sometimes I wish my relatives did not know .
I am tire of the ? Ate u ok? Have you been to your checkup ? Bla bla bla gets me irritable lol
I have been thinking about my old age to come
Not a good thing .no even sure why . I guess the fact that my sleep is bad my hormones are out of balance my hot flashes are a night mare and my period is gone all of it have been making me feel wierd.
The plants are coming along really good. Looking forward to have a rose bloom soon
Bb I got a Canadian shield 49th edition rose plant which I am so excited to see bloom.
And my little golden shadow tree looks so good here is a pic
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Hi Ladies,
Back from seeing ps.. I'm not infected. The fluid he sees doesn't show infection plus I have 0 symptoms of infection. It's just a little seepage from a small hole that has actually gotten smaller over the past week. I showed him the photos and he said some of it could be sweat. So he decided one last ditch effort try before the next step becomes removal of the implant for 6 months. He numbed the area and carved out the location better so he could do a nice stitch job. I'm to use neosporin and do a dressing change twice a day. He also scripted me Keflex abx prophylactically. He feels it's my radiated breast that's problematic as this thing would have closed if it was the other one. So I see him next Mon. He'll take stitches out in 2-3 weeks. It it didn't work then out it comes. So 3 weeks and I'll know for sure my outcome. He doesn't want to take it out because just opening me up can cause more issues so he's giving this last ditch before calling it.
Thanks for everyone's support and posts. Oh and I did bring up the hydrogen peroxide daily use. Can't remember who gave me the heads up, but thanks! Indeed it can kill good cells so I've stopped that. Soap and water alone it is!
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