Single life after a mastectomy
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Hello, all. Just stopping in to say "hi." I've been up all night, in a state of panic. Long story that I don't have time to tell.
BB - That's good news about the test results and your doctor willing to spend so much time with you. As for the online dating world, that's how my soon-to-be-ex was cheating on me, so be careful.
Jazzy - It's nice that you have both single and married friends. Almost all of the women I know are happily married, and I'm happy for them, but there's really no one I can talk to, aside from a few single/divorced relatives who I don't see very often, either. That's why it's great to have this forum. :-)
Lilly - I think we all can identify with that dilemma - what to tell, when to tell, etc. I do not date, as I'm still in the middle of a divorce, and at this point, I expect to be single for the rest of my life. But other single BC survivors do date and do find love.
Enerva - It's difficult, isn't it? I think so, too, especially when I see that other women are happily married to their soulmates. Meanwhile, I never had a soulmate, not even in the 24 years I committed to one man. Now I don't think I'd want the hassle in my life at this point. But you're still young. :-)
Well, goodnight, to all. Or, should I say, good morning? It's daylight now, and I have a crazy day ahead of me.
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Life- sorry about what is going on for you. I hope if you have a court apt today that things go okay for you. Hugs, sister.
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Hi ladies – I've spent the past half hour reading this thread and thought you might want to hear from someone who survived dating after a BMX and reconstruction. I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 while I was married. After my BMX I never thought I would look good again. However, I lucked out with a plastic surgeon who enrolled me in a study for the 410 implants (once I was finally done with those awful expanders). I had my exchange surgery and then two more day surgeries to try and make them as symmetrical as possible. I ended up with a great shape but of course not much could be done with the very long scars across them, and after a lot of thought, I decided against nipple reconstruction. I was tired of surgeries and honestly hadn't seen any fake nipples I thought looked all that great. My husband and I separated in 2008 for a while and again in early 2010. We divorced soon after. For a long time I thought no one would want to date my hot mess! I was 40, mom to two kids, a two-time cancer survivor (I had thyroid cancer in 2004), and I had Frankenstein boobs with no nipples. I lost weight during my divorce and was in very good shape, so I looked great In clothes, but I almost felt it was false advertising! I didn't consider myself a desirable package in the least. I didn't tell any men about my breast cancer except for two I ended up dating for three and six months. And guess what? They couldn't have cared less about the scars and the lack of nipples! I was single again for a while afterwards, and then I met my current husband. As corny as it sounds, it was a love at first sight, though I tried my hardest to talk him out wanting to date me. He is six years younger, handsome, smart… I thought he deserved better. I told him if my son comes to me when he's 34 and tells me he's in love with a 40-year-old single mother who's had cancer twice, I'll probably encourage him to keep looking. :-) I also told him every detail I could think of regarding cancer, surgeries, parenting, etc. However, he didn't give up. I was SO scared for him to see my chest, but when he saw it for the first time, he acted as if they were the most normal breasts he'd ever seen. We married a little over a year later. Now, I'm in treatment for a stage IIIc recurrence, and he hasn't left my side (very different experience from my 2007 breast cancer...), and only having been a stepfather for a short time, he's now had to step in and play mommy a lot too. I've asked him if he'd like me to look into getting nipples since I'm going through all this again, and he said, "No! Gross. You would look so weird." Lol
Hang in there ladies. It's a bizarre and scary experience dating after BMX, but the good guys won't care your foobs have big scars or whether or not you have nipples.
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Texas94- thank you for sharing your story. May I first say, I am sorry about your reoccurrence and that you are going through treatment again.
But appreciate your story about meeting your second husband. You clearly met someone who really cares about you and did not let your bc or recon be an obstacle in the relationship. I am glad you met someone really wonderful, and that he is with you now and helping you as you go through treatment again.
Please let us know how you are doing as time goes on. Prayers to you for a successful recovery from this episode of bc.
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Awww, Texas94, I loved reading your love story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with a second diagnosis, but I'm glad you have a sweet, caring husband by your side now. :-)
Jazzy - Thanks for your kind words. No court date - just a very important deadline, and I did meet it. So, it's all good.
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wow Tessa94, I am so sorry about the bc coming back but thank you for sharing your history. I do believe that some people are to meet as faith I also belive it happed in the past for me but I am ok alone now. I am so tired from my work that I could not have any energy to deal with a man in my life lol last night my ex was in the city and sent a few more text and I was just thinking how different it was 3 years ago. 3 years ago I could have jumped on my car and run to his hotel haha ha now i ignore his text no I am ok alone I do wish you happiness it sounds like you found the right guy.
I am now on the train and I am so tired. It's not fun at all.
Have a great evening ladies
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Enerva- will you have some time this weekend to rest? You have been working all the time and it is taking a toll. You sound exhausted, I hope you can take a break from the real estate work this weekend to slow down? Just worried about you.......
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BB- I have done that before through yoga retreats. It is way fun and if you have not had a good laugh in a long time, this will be a great place for it. Love to hear how it goes.
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hiii well here I am on the train again going home.
Bb you are so right I am in need for time out. Maybe next weekend cuz I already said yes to an open house this weekend one on Saturday one on Sunday. The wood things is that it's from 2 to 4 so I ll get to rest in the morning
looking forward to that. I am glad you enjoyed yoga n smile I had a difficult day today testing two environment n getting the right approvals. It was not fun at all. Ll gave to log on from home to follow up.
Ll post later my friends
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BB- glad you had a good time! It sounds really strange, but so fun. There is a lot to be said for a good belly laugh!
Enerva- hope you can get to slow down in the mornings this weekend.
Going to get out for a walk before the sun goes down.
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I thought you ladies would get a kick out of this one.....
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Texas, have you thought about getting nipple tattoos? I just got them and it made a huge difference. (vinnie Myers.) Do you have mplants?
I am 46. Not optimistic about dating. I have a lot of fatiguetwo years after treatment and I've gained weight. Not motivated to exercise, whicj I used to enjoy
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Placid- welcome to our thread. I read your blog spot too. Really great info there.
It took me a long time to get my fitness back, only recently actually, close to two years since finishing treatment. If you are experiencing fatigue still, that will work against you. I found trying shorter stints, even a 15 min walk, was all I could do for a long time.
We hope you like it here and will join the conversation.
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Placid - Welcome. I'm hoping to save enough $$$ for tattoos myself. Everyone says they make a big difference. I was your age (46) when I was diagnosed (stage two, Ki67 60%) and treated. After treatment ended and my marriage fell apart, I started gaining weight, but then I lost weight by doing very short bursts of daily exercise. Then I started taking long walks with a friend, and soon I was in great shape and feeling healthy. Now I'm 50 with some weight gain again, so I need to get back into exercising. It's hard to feel motivated, though, isn't it? Hang in there.
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Hi Girlies!!!
Long time no chat
I have been busy working a little extra every week in order to save for my big trip!
They just announced Lenny Kravitz will be at the May 3 show. So many acts to look forward to!
Hoping to hit up Preservation Hall. I have been to NO long ago and have seen many of the major attractions, but I am looking for some new experiences when we are not at the Jazz Festival. My travel partner is driving me a bit crazy. I am sure it will all work out though.
TY Tex for the story; sorry to hear of your recurrence and wishing you well as you navigate your tx. Recon is very individual. I have to say I did not mind my smooth mastectomy. However, I was intrigued by my PS creating a matching nipple to mirror my other side. He did a great job and I was glad to have it done. I will say if I had had a double, I may have not been inclined to do nipples. (I had considered a tat too, but I had a healthy projection on the other side which could be shared and still have good results)
Welcome Placid. Your blog has some good info and also remains impartial. A great quality when conveying information to others.
Being single and having BC has many meanings and roads to navigate.
BB, the laughter yoga sounds awesome. I will have to ask my favorite yogi instructor if she incorporates this in her practice.
Life-sending very positive energy and warm hugs.
E-hoping you find some peaceful down time this weekend.
June and Jazzy-wow on the linked in site. It seems to have had it's place at one time-may becoming like everything else. Over run with bots and solicitors. I don't have a full profile up, but have had some unusual request from acquaintances and even people from my sons football team (back in the day). People who are not remotely in my professional field and I would not benefit from having their association as I do not even know them well or associate with their companies.
I wanted to be a couch potato last night.....dragged my butt out to meet some peeps from HS at a local Mexican Restaurant . Met a couple of new peeps and had some great belly laughs.
My niece has her last basketball game today. Going to see my fav red head kick some butt.
Most likely will stay for dinner
My son finally has his drivers license! Even though he still needs more time behind the wheel in the inclement weather. He went with a friend to HR block and had his taxes done. He is also looking into insurance, a second job and buying a car. He looked into financing that does not require a cosigner. His room is still a mess and I have to remind him to give me his schedule and pay his phone and me. However, I am holding onto the positive changes and goals he has.
Seems his bosses are encouraging and motivating him to move on, up and succeed in the restaurant biz.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend...off to see my 3 favorite little people!!!!!
(who are getting too big too fast)
Sending lots of luv n hugs to my fav single ladies!!!
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Jazzy, Lifeiswonderful, Enerva- Thank you for your sweet words. A recurrence isn't fun (especially when it's 7 years later and everyone acts like you're all clear and good to go at 5 years!), but no doubt I'm thankful to have my husband. I definitely believe someone "up there" knew I was going to need him. I had an unusually rough time with chemo that made my vision blurry and head often dizzy, so I couldn't drive and almost didn't leave the house for 6 mos except for dr appointments. As a single mom of 2 very busy kids, I have no idea what I would have done without him. He works from home, so he'd either grab his laptop when I needed to be at MDA, or he'd jump in the car to carpool or extracurriculars. It's ridiculous how lucky I've been to have not only his support, but his HELP.
Sandpiper- YES the smoothness (no nipples to show through clothes) is a bonus in my opinion!
Placid- Vinnie Myers is incredible! I knew I didn't want traditional nipple reconstruction (because I loved the smoothness under clothes- see above), and I was very close to having 3D tattoos done, but one day I realized I honestly didn't care. However, I should mention the placement of my scars somehow makes them seem less strange looking than many I've seen. My scars are really long of course, but they're in the same place on both foobs, and they actually begin almost exactly where I'd have a nipple, then extend outwards towards my side. Because of this, the absence of nipples doesn't seem completely obvious the moment you glance at them. Anyway, I agree Vinnie's work is incredible and absolutely think if women want nipples they should consider 3D tattoos. They look real, and you still never have to worry about "nips" showing through clothes again.
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thanks jazzy....love it!!0 -
June- glad you like it. I take nothing for granted any more and am grateful for everything!
Had a great time at the jazz foundation fundraiser last night.
Hope everyone is having a good Sunday so far. I hear the northeast is getting another dump of snow (sigh....)
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We're expecting rain here, I think, but you never can tell.
Jazzy, June, Piper, Texas, Placid, BB, E, everyone -
Hope you all have a great day! :-)
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BB- sometimes just doing a few thank yous to your God, the universe, or just out loud is a great way to start the day. I am grateful to be waking up, to start with. I am grateful for all the possible good things that can happen today, etc. I am grateful for my family and their help.
It is hard to do this when you don't feel well, don't feel like it, everything is not where it needs to be, etc. But it is hard to bad about anything when you are being thankful. Being grateful only brings more things to be grateful for.
I force myself to find something to be grateful for something even when everything is running amok.
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BB- sorry to hear you are having a hard day. Never read the Secret, but remember it was very popular for awhile. Feel better sister, hugs.
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BB- living in the present is not really easy for anyone, I think. The Buddhists are very much about mindfulness and living in the present, which I really love. I think if that speaks to you now, you should lean into it.....
I will tell you I had a similar issue with living in the present, but instead, was living more in the future. Especially when I was younger, always ready to finish the degree, get the better job, make more money, take a bigger vacation, etc. Goes with my inherent Type A personality! Then I began to realize that I was always in a hurry to get something that I thought would make me happier, and it rarely did. In the process, I missed out on a lot of great experiences and people along the way. And on occasion, I sometimes I too wish I was in the past where things may have been better, or maybe easier on some levels.
Many things have been an awakening for me about living in the present. It is hard to say for each person what the thing or combination of events will be to make you realize that the only thing you do have is the present. We cannot change the past, and the future is not yet here, but do believe we can influence that with the things we do today. The present is really all we do have to do anything with.
Have I mentioned Pema Choedren to you before? She is a woman Buddhist monk and writes the best books. I have read many of them and think they might be a good fit for you. Here is a list of her books and many of her writings focus on living in the present. Might be worth picking one up? She also does lecturers and if she were in my neck of the woods, I would most certainly go if I could!
http://shambhala.org/teachers/pema-chodron/
http://pemachodronfoundation.org/store/
Hope this is helpful to you. I love her work and her philosophy and she is honest about her story.
I don't think Buddhism is really trendy. I know people who embrace other faiths, but take from it what fits for them. Some really love it as a religion too, and become part of a community. Tons of buddists out here and several monestaries here as well. Coming from the east coast, just less exposure there I think, but maybe more now? I never knew anything about it until I lived here and got into yoga too.
Hope this helps. You are seeking and will find your answers.
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BB- I like that quote. I think people who have been ripped apart by something will find either their faith will carry them through or perhaps not be there for them when they need it most. I found my church was not there for me during one of the hardest times in my life and well, that was that for me. For a good 20 or more years, I find things that work from various religions and incorporate them into my spiritual practices whether it be prayer, meditation, chanting, spiritual readings, etc.
Meditation groups are really wonderful too. I did one for years when I first moved here, but then it evolved into something else so I left. I do meditation through my yoga practice and getting back to doing it here at home with the new wellness room. The sunday night meeting sounds great, might be work checking out?
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Enerva- you were taking care of your mom during your BC ?0 -
hi ladies, welcome to all our new friends. I had some morning rest on Sunday but Saturday for some reason I couldn't. The menopause symptoms are back so I often wake up feeling hot. Not fun at all. I hope I get some rest this coming weekend since it is a long one. I want to ask you ladies about stevia sugar replacement. I just found out about I got a box and I am trying with my coffee instead of honey. I am not so impressed with the taste but I ll keep it up. I had a hard day at work again. Hopefully tmw ll be better. I am in charge of the team prd releases and it's not fun at all.
Anyway good night here is something I just made last night before bed.
Oh jazz also I need to tell you, since winter came I haven't exercise and I have no motivation I am still ok no weight gain but I hate that I have become a bit lose like my body is no longer tone and it sadness me
Here is a great picture. Ithought to share I admire those muscles lol
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ok I found one I like lol
Watch "The Standing Crunch-less Ab Workout" on YouTube - The Standing Crunch-less Ab Workout:
http://youtu.be/0ueDpXC_Wao0 -
Enerva- cute slippers!
That woman is buff! I worked with a personal trainer after I went back to the gym and she was a body builder and looked a lot like that. A little intimidating to stay the least. My current personal trainer is more normal looking, fit and very strong, but not into the body building stuff.
You will get back to exercising when you can. Maybe when the weather gets better. I know you love to roller blade by that lake! And the bike, when can you take the bike out too?
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as soon as the weather allows me too I ll Take my bike out
I wish I could go for mu pole walks. I miss those
Good night it's 30am I just woke up ;(
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