Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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Jazzy - So true. I noticed that, too. We do have to be careful.
Well, ironically, I have to spend part of today, Valentine's Day, preparing court papers for the divorce. LOL. The irony is not lost on me, either. LOL. It's a good day so far. :-)
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,Thankyou Jazzy for your last post you have made things so much clearer, i agree we have to be careful x
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I noticed all the men at the gym were very friendly today and wishing me a happy Valentines Day! LOL!
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My eldest son and most of his friends are single, and they jokingly refer to this day as "S.A.D." (Singles Awareness Day). LOL.
Jazzy - How nice of the guys at your gym to wish you a happy Valentine's Day.
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Life- on the news this week, they said Valentines week is also know as "single and satisfied with it" week. Some of us feel that way, but others do not. The good news is, V-Day is OVER!
I met my friend who is going through cancer treatment yesterday and told her of my bc journey finally. I had been wanting to share my story with her, but others were around in the past when I visited or we were talking so I waited until I knew we could have a private conversation, so I could make it a conversation between us. She thanked me for trusting her with my story, and we discussed our processes from surgery through the rest. She is doing chemo (whereas I did not have to), but will get targeted rads so we talked about that too, challenges around working during treatment, family expectations, even the what if of dating again some day. We went over to a nearby NM restaurant and both enjoyed some fajitas for dinner. She is doing pretty well through this and will be done in April (and cannot wait!)
Onward to Presidents Day!
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jazzy, that was a nice day to share and bond.
Life - lol that's so funny. What a SAD day indeed
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Jazzy, that does sound like a very nice day with your friend.
June, Jazzy, everyone - Enjoy today!
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I really enjoyed today...took things slow. Watched some tv....
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hi, it's so nice to read the new friends posts. Well valentine I went and bought pants and a few blouses for work lol I also helped my.friend with an offer to lease. She found a client to lease an appointment. And other than that I started exexercing and did for 3 days now, my entire body hurts hope tmw I am able to walk and catch the train lol
Wish you all great week.
I am worry, my sister is having lots of pain IN one arm and I am scared she neeneeds thee more chemos and the arm pain is just not a good sign
Hopefully they will get an appointment for a bone scan. There are not material for it so it's been difficult to get it done.
Hope u all a great week.
Good night
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Enerva- do you think your sister may have some lymphedema?
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E - that's what I thought as well.
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Ditto - on thinking it's lymphedema.
E - Keep us posted on your sister.
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hi, I am on the train now. Well I also hope it is lymphadema. But apparently the pain is extreme so I am not sure. There is no material or whatever it is used to do the bone scan so we are waiting till it comes available. I also learn that her new tumor is too close to some arteries veins so that is the reason they are giving her more chemo to try to reduce it.I am not sure anymore of what will happen.
Hope all gets better.
Have a great Wednesday everyone
I had some fun in my meeting and the managers left it and I was alone again so today one more from 10 to 12. Yesterday I didn't get a lunch or break I honestly don't know when ll I leave that job.
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Enerva- sorry to hear about your sister and the concerns with the tumor and it's proximity to critical arteries, etc. Sounds like you are all waiting for some more info. So hard to be so far away, I know. Hugs to you and keep us posted.
Your week sounds a bit better.
I am super busy with business development for my consulting business and heading out the door again to another networking event this morning.
Hi to everyone else and hope you are hanging in there....
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Enerva- do keep us posted on your sister and what is going on. We care and want to know and want to support you. We know you are worried.
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Enerva - I hope to hear it is lymphedema, too. I'm sorry to hear about the new tumor, and I hope the chemo obliterates it.
Please continue to keep us posted about your sis. {{HUGS}}
I will be stopping in to check the forum now and again. Unfortunately, I'm bogged down with court paperwork right now.
The soon-to-be-ex is playing a game. And, to be honest, I think I'm going to lose this game. I'm a nice, honest person; that's my nature. And I'm competing all alone against a sociopath and all of his friends. Tonight, while standing at the checkout line at the grocery store, I found out that my check card is no longer authorized. I called the bank and was told that someone put a hold on my card. Gee, I can't imagine who that someone might be...
I had to borrow money from one of my teens to pay for the food.BTW, does anyone here know if there's a program that can read what someone types on her computer and then sends that info to someone else? Does that sound paranoid? The ex works in IT, and I have reason to believe that that's what's happening here.
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Life- there are all kinds of programs called spyware to see what is going on with your PC. Some are more sophisticated than others. The only way to know for sure is to have someone run an analysis to see what hidden programs there are. If you don't know anyone who can do this for you in your network, then take it too a computer shop and ask them to scan it for spyware and other programs that need to come off. Be sure your computer is not on a shared network of any sort either. I do work in IT also.
Shutting off a card so you cannot buy food sounds like something the judge might want to know, especially given there are children involved. Find out who did that with your bank.
Wishing you better days and do keep us posted or come here to rant if you need to also. We are listening.
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I just had the craziest day. The whole day was bizarre from start to finish. But, the weirdest part was this: Last night the bankers said that a customer (i.e. my ex) put a hold on my card. But, today, at the bank, they said the bank shut down the account because my ex is a "security threat." :-0 WTH??? He was a terrible husband, but a security threat at a bank? I can't picture it. I'm not sure the bankers knew what they were talking about. Whatever the case, they wouldn't tell me what happened. One did say, though, that I could be arrested for entering the bank. :-0 Yes, you read that right. I. Could. Be. Arrested. On. Federal. Charges. Because my name is on the account, too. Arrested for what? They wouldn't tell me. *rolleyes*
Luckily, in the end, they realized that I'm trustworthy - just completely clueless. lol But they still refused to give me my money. I told them that my kids and I need that money for food and gas, but they wouldn't budge. So, I had to borrow money again from my teenage son. Not the proudest day of my life.
I hope the rest of you are having a much better day!
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I am working crazy hours.
Sending many warm hugs and tons of single lady luvin to you all
Life...........sending extra special thoughts and luv to you!!!!
Will try to connect again next week when I have a little time off from the factory
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Piper
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Life- your ex may have gone in to try to do something around the accounts that was illegal like closing them and taking the money without your agreement (especially if you are on the account). If they said no, he could have threatened them. You start doing that and things will get ugly fast....
Do you have any other money anywhere in your name that is not attached to him?
I think you should reach out to the local women's legal aid about your situation as your divorce may be much more complicated now. Your husband could be in some sort of trouble you are not aware of. They may be able to find out and help you to know what is going on. They may be able to advise you of options given your limits around funding. There are people that do pro bono (free work) in those types of organizations.
Sorry things are so hard around this for you and your children.
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life - wow that's crazy of what you went through. I hope things will get straightened out soon.
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Piper- thanks for checking in and saying hi. Hope you are taking care of yourself despite the busy schedule.
June- hope your week is going okay?
Milky- how are classes going?
BB- hope you are doing better as the week progresses.
I hope everyone else here is hanging in through the crazy winter on the east coast.
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Jazzy - It's been bitter cold here on the east coast. And dangerously low temperatures are expected tomorrow morning.
Everyone stay warm! :-)
Thanks to all of you for your kind words, by the way. Legal Aid won't help a defendant in a case, but I didn't think to look for a local women's group. Good advice. I'll look into that. (For the record, the ex uses that account to transfer spending money to us, and there's never much money in it at any one time - right now a couple hundred dollars - whereas he earns close to six figures, so he wants me to have that spending money. There might just be a misunderstanding somewhere. The same bank did screw up once with one of my sons' accounts.)
Piper, Jazzy, June, BB, Enerva, everyone - Have a great day!
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Life- it will be good when you get this divorce done and can get whatever money is coming that is in your name to use as you need to.
Be sure to close any credit cards you have jointly as you divorce too. I had a friend who did not do that and her ex started wracking up some major credit card debt and stopped paying and then they were after her to pay it, which I think she ended up having to do as the joint card owner.
I think a woman's legal or financial group can help you with some of these things for how to get things done, to set up your own credit, etc.
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I can sympathize with your friend, Jazzy, and I agree with you. It'll be nice to start all over again, fresh and new.
We don't have any joint credit cards. But here's something I found out the hard way: As it turns out, even if your spouse secretly kept a credit card and drove up debt on it, you'll be responsible for half of that debt if you divorce. Even if your name isn't on the credit card. I'm serious. Marriage law is crazy. Let's all stay single, eh? LOL.
Hope everyone stayed warm today. Tomorrow, the temperature here is supposed to go up to a "balmy" 30 degrees with snow. But, the weather must be much colder for our Canadian friends.
Yesterday, as I was rushing - from a courthouse to post offices - to file papers before 5:00 p.m., I kept thinking: I wish our local Staples (an office supply store) had postal services -- then I could make copies and mail everything right there. Well, today, while driving past Staples, I noticed a big sign out front: "USPS now here 7 days a week" - open all day 'til the store closes at night. If only I'd known... lol.
Have a good night, all!
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Life- I got to Staples often for my biz supplies and mine does have a UPS drop off there. Glad you found something to make things easier. I hope you have some good outcomes from all this. Time to start a new chapter.
Seriously? Even AFTER divorce, you are still liable to any debt he generates?
I don't plan to ever get married. I personally feel it is not a good deal for women for a number of reasons.
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Gosh on the marriage laws. I was so desperate getting a husband in my 30s. And I am now actually made peace about it. Single isn't the worst....being with a deadbeat is a nightmare
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yeah...I've met a few deadbeats in my 30s. It's like the losers could smell me miles away
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June - You got that right. And I know what you mean. I've always been a magnet for the wrong guys, too. :-(
Jazzy - Lawyers told me that only the debt a spouse drives up during the marriage gets split 50/50. So, even if your friend never shared a credit card with her husband, the divorce court probably would've ordered her to pay half of his debt. At least that's how it's done in my state. Crazy, isn't it?
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My first serious boyfriend had problems with money. He made a lot of bad financial decisions early on like co-signing loans for people he hardly knew. And then ending up having to pay them off. And he was often trying to borrow money from me (I was in college then, and only had some part time income to help pay for college expenses). He really pressured me to marry him when I was heading towards graduation, but I could see what our life would be like. Ending that one was one of the best decision I ever made. I just wish more men were more accountable on every level, ya know?
Going to meet a friend for drinks to celebrate her 40th birthday last month. Wishing you all a good evening.
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