Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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Enerva- I hope you got back to sleep. I woke up at 4 a.m. with the wind and some things banging around on the back patio. I have not slept well in two night, and am dragging today. No doubt you are too.
Have you seen these infinity scarves with fringe around the edges? I have one a lot like this in a heathered grey and really love it. Mine has a bit more fringe than this one, but thought you would be interested in the design?
https://www.etsy.com/listing/205739780/handmade-cr...
After some milder weather lately, we have a day of rain here today. I have work to do for biz development, taxes and some apts later today. Wishing everyone a good day here.
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BB- sent you a PM and yes, I think the local meditation groups are a great place to start!
Good to see the friendship you mentioned no longer fits. Never a good use of anyone's time and energy if both sides are not benefiting in some way. I have come to realize I have spent far too much time both professionally and personally with situations that are not good for me. I have let go of a few fair-weather friends who have left during bc diagnosis and treatment and later came back trying to resume like nothing happened. Don't miss them either. I have some people I thought were friends, but have clearly distinguished themselves in the professional colleague bucket, which is fine too. That is where we will have our connections going forward. And then I have my great friends who have stayed with me through the good, bad and the ugly.
I think the most important thing about friends is that they support you. They should be happy and celebrate with you during good times (without all the jealously some people have at other people's good fortune) and they should show up and care when things are not good. Many people like to show up for the fun stuff, but it is the ones who show up for the hard stuff I want to keep around.
Interestingly enough on this subject, an old friend from college days is coming in for an interview with an org in town and they are thinking of moving here. I was in her wedding but our friendship distanced. We have always helped each other out professionally and happy to still do so, but learned there is just not a two way street there in the friendship world.
Getting rain her today and hope everyone is doing okay, especially the east coast folks and those endless snow storms....
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BB- most people get the hint after awhile if you don't ask them to do things, returning your calls, etc they stop contacting you. But I have had those people in my life too. Maybe she just really needs your friendship for some reason?
I worked with a woman once that wanted to be my friend during the time my mother was very ill. She kept at me trying to invite herself over for holidays, spend all her time with me, etc. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and just wanted to be alone. She was going through a lot with her own parents and just thought we could get through it together. I was barely coping with my own elder care, and could not help her, which she was looking for. I just finally told her I was not in a good time in my life and not really able to be a friend to anyone right then. She moved on to others. Then she moved away.
Tell this you need time to yourself right now and will keep in touch with her around anything important, including changes to your health. That way she won't worry about you.....
Okay off to my apt (really I am....)
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hi ladies. Wow trying to catch up here. Ok so bb I had people like that too. Like jazz says they get the point but sometimes you must politely say I am sorry but I need my space at this time
. I am having such a hard time at work. Due to people been on my case, there is a lady who is always talking about others and creating bs.I stay away from her today she got upset with one of the Ba and started telling me I simply said" hey I am sorry but I am so busy I honestly have not time to watch others I sujest you just ignore xxxx and focus on been healthy for your so deserve vacation coming up." I then saw her reaction was not very good she kept on complaining about the ba I just looked at my screen and ignore her. I am sick of people like that. I am so busy so screwed and they have time to create bs for others. That ba helps me a lot. He is polite, he is well knowledgeble and I rather work with him than with this lady lol lord when ll I be able to leave my ba job?
Anyway jazz thanks I never saw the scarves infinitity. I ll keep it in mind. Crocheting helps my stress but not much time for it these days.
I ll request an employer letter tmw. I ll try to sell my place this year
I am too broke. I need to downsize
Good night all I did the standing up exercises from that video ll see how my belly feels tmw lol
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Enerva- I am sorry about the people at work who are whining. I can't stand that behavior either and on the last big project I was on, I had to deal with a number of people like that. I think you handled it well by letting her know you are busy and perhaps to focus on something positive in her life. Sometimes people like that just wanting to be heard for some reason. If she persists, maybe just say you are sorry she is having a hard time but you have deadlines to meet that cannot be missed, period. Otherwise you may need to go to her manager and let him or her know you need some assistance. I cannot stand this stuff.
And if you need to sell the condo to be in a better place financially, do it.
Middle of the night and can't sleep again.....
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BB-sorry you did not sleep well. Three nights in a row for me, but was able to sleep in and even slept through the 7 a.m. alarm. I have a biz lunch today with a company I really want to do work for, so I will be on my way to that soon. Get some rest.
Yes, Milky, how is the new semester going? You doing okay since your return?
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BB- thanks for the good wishes, but the luncheon got postponed as I was heading out the door. Been a week of Friday the 13th for me for sure. Between that and endless marketing around V-Day, I am ready for this week to be over!
On the V-Day front, I am going to help a friend on Saturday whom is going through treatment right now (not bc, but a gyn cancer). She needs some help around the house with some light housecleaning. I saw her after her surgery in Dec when I brought her some things, and she is a single gal like us, has family in the area (although both kids live out of state and have been here as they can), but coping with this a lot as a solo gal. We are going to get some take out that evening and hang out and have a visit when I am done with helping her. She is doing both chemo and rads at the same time now, which I cannot even imagine doing all at once, and working too..... I finally figured out something I could do for her that she would say yes to. So I am turning the day around to be a help to a sister in need.
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BB- every weekend should be spa weekend! I am going tomorrow to see my massage therapist and just going to have her work on my feet for an hour. I know they will feel a million times better afterwards!
Thank you for your kind words. Paying it forward, as they say.
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Movie recommendation: The Best of Me. A film based on a Nicholas Sparks book, like the Notebook. I have to say it was very good love story with an excellent story line. I think those of you that like a good love story will like this movie.
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hi, happy Friday to all.
Jazz I admire you, you are doing so much these days I am waiting for the train I am glad its Friday finally. As per vday it's just another day for me not even when I had a man It was a big day, never got a vday gift lol I am so tired I ll just try to start exercising this weekend. I have been down a lot just by looking at build up bodies lol I ll try to get a movie Jupiter I think that's the name cuz my boy channin is in it lol n Aston c's wife lol the last movie I watch with him on it was too sad. I had a hard day yesterday.
Here is what happened: there was a project under a manager s name when I got back to work and I was ask to assist him with it due to been a project for Mexico. I had several conversation with Mexico and I was able to map most fields then all of the sudden the managers sent an email telling Mexico I am the person in charge of that project and just like that it was dumped on me. I continue to work on it since I have no way of refusing anything. I sent an email to my manager telling him about some fields I don't think our system can provide. Them I see his email asking the two sneaks whom I had problems in the past. To meet with me and assist with the report. I then send my notes plus Mexico s docs to them and met them. They asked me what is the issue I explained n they say maybe the issue is that I don't understand what Mexico needs. I asked them if they understand the document n they say they had no time to read it.they asked me to set up a meeting next Tuesday with Mexico n that we will ask them to clarify the fields. I simply walk away.
I set up the meeting but I ask you ladies. How can they tell me I don't understand Mexico.how is it that I am the one not understanding the requirement when these two a s s holes did not even read my email. Nor opened the docs.I just want to leave that job so badly. You have no idea.
Now I have to go in a meeting to listen to them whom have no clue of what is happening n say we are here in this meeting cuz enerva lol does not understand your requirements. Yes that's what they ll say but I ll turn it around lol its going to be very interesting to listen to that show.
On the other hand I am in charge of all production releases and they are trying to make my month full of fails
Well it's Friday n train is delayed 22 minutes
Happy Friday to meeee
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trains delayed one hour and 5 minutes
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BB- oh yes, I loved the Notebook. I love Rachel McAdams and she was in that too with Ryan Gosling (hot).
The Best of Me has Michelle Monaghan best known from season 1 of True Detective. She is really good in this movie too. With James Marsden who is another hottie. They get some good looking people for the Nicholas Sparks films for sure.
And six degrees of separation; Rachel McAdams is going to be in season 2 of True Detective!
Enerva- I am an executive level project/program manager and they don't sound like they have a clue about what they are doing. No wonder they wanted you back, sounds like you are the girl who gets it when everyone does not. Can you find another job similar to what you are doing that is less stressful? Might be easier now that you are re-employed to find something better? Glad today is Friday so you get a break from this.
Life, Milky, Piper and everyone else here, TGIF and happy Friday the 13th too.
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lol happy to be on the train again lol going home
Well, I manage to get some issues resolved and I never had a break or lunch break. Yes I ll try to find another job for sure
I keep hopping for clients in the real estate business. Thanks for the movies sujestions I ll look for it
Happy vday!!!!
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oh bb, who knows
Today I send application to see if I move my mortgage to another broker with lower interest. I don't have any savings to put towards another place so I need to try and get lower interest for my mortgage at least.
I do like my job but I am in a team of bad managers, it's just bad luck I guess.
At least it's the weekend that makes me feel better
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Milky - Great message and so true - we learn some real life lessons thanks to our enemies.
All the talk here about office politics has me cringing. I need to find work, but I'm not looking forward to the pettiness I remember dealing with in jobs I had in the past. Often I would work late evenings just to avoid the bad atmosphere in the office during day hours. These days, I'd prefer freelance work to being a wage slave, but there's not much money in it. But we'll see what happens...
Hope you all have a great weekend. Happy Valentine's Day to all of us! :-) I've been thinking, why would I need someone else to buy me flowers and candy if I can buy those things for myself? lol So, whatever you're doing tomorrow, I hope you all treat yourselves to something nice. :-)
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Happy Valentines day to all my single special sisters here,
Happily single, hope you all treat yourselves to something nice,
We all deserve it so much
kaza xx
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hi all you single ladies
I had an ok day today. made myself pancakes for breakfast and then rented 'The other woman' and watched that after dinner.
Finished the night off with chocolate cheese cake!!! I did wallow for a little while earlier but as my confidence grows im being patient that the right guy is around the corner for me.
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I Love that picture/ saying Jazzygirl
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Hi single friends- good to see some folks here we have not seen in awhile. Wishing everyone a good Valentines Day.
I agree, we all need to do something nice for ourselves today!
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yes, Relax today, go shopping, pamper yourself. I am a good advocate
for this-yet, I rarely do this.
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Is anyone single on here that started dating someone since their diagnosis?
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you got dumped? How do you know for sure that was the reason?0 -
I was in a relationship which ended 6 months ago, i met him 2 months prior to my dx,
I told him i would understand if he walked away and we could be friends, he didnt walk away but he made it very clear he could not support me, he didnt come to any hospital appointments, once surgery was over, he said thats done with now, he expected me to go on as before which i tried, and regret,
I am happy single, it is better than being in a relationship which does not bring us happiness
We deserve the best, not make do with second best, xxx
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I ment to add, i am just 55 years, old.... 2 grown up sons, one of 25yrs and one 24yrs, youngest still living at home, oh and i have a beauiful cat called Ebbo who is my special little friend.
I am still working, recently reduced my hours to 2 nights a week, always worked really hard, thinking this is time to cut down and enjoy lifes treasures, love walking, and cooking xx
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Kaza- wow, someone you tell you have bc and says they want to stay but not support you? Then why stay if you don't really care about someone? Your life sounds good and full regardless of that. You deserve the best.
I had a friend (not BF) who did the same thing to me with bc diagnosis and treatment. Tried to resume the friendship like nothing had happened down the road. That friendship is pretty much done now. I just won't spend time with people who don't care about me and prove it with that kind of stuff. Life is too short to hang out with sucky people!
Stix- no dated since my bc diagnosis. Trying to be open, but tiptoeing into the waters by trying to make some guy friends first.
BB- I heard this morning that The Notebook is the highest ranking love story movie of all time, even more so than Titanic. It is a great movie.
Enerva- are you treating yourself to some rest today?
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BB- being attracted to a good looking man regardless of age tells you it is still there for you- the desire to have that love.
I saw the movie with my mother years ago when she visited here one time. I was a sobbing mess at the end of it, she sat in stone silence. My father had dementia and was in a nursing home and perhaps it was too much for her to even take in. Had I known what that movie was really about, I would have not gone to see it with her, but didn't bother to check that out. I saw it again not that long ago and it is a beautiful story.
I am going to help my friend (also single) today who is having cancer treatment for a gyn cancer. We are going to make it a good day.
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Hi, Melp. Glad you enjoyed your day. :-)
Stix - Oncologists say it's very common for men to leave when their wives/girlfriends are diagnosed with cancer. My husband cheated on me while I was fighting cancer, and now he's with another woman. We're in the middle of a divorce now. This is a very common story all over these BC forums.
After the husband left, I was asked out by someone who I thought was a trusted friend. Looking back, I realize I was very vulnerable at the time. But, luckily, this guy practically admitted to me that he was just planning to use me until he met someone else. So I'm very glad I didn't fall for any of that and told him to get lost.
HOWEVER, some women do meet their soulmates after BC diagnosis, MX, etc. There are other women who used to post on this singles thread but they no longer post here. They were dating, so they're probably not single anymore. In fact, the woman who started the thread met someone soon after she started it.
Welcome to our new sisters, and happy Valentine's Day to all. :-)
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Thankyou jazzygirl....i think when we are dx , we are so vunerable we accept things .I am much stronger now and put myself first more.
I agree we need good people around us,
I have seen the Notebook needed plenty of tissues....unlike my B/F and your G/F we need whole people for the good times and bad....
BosumBlues.....we the same age and both have sons, it does get a bit lonely sometimes, more so certain times of the year, but better to be alone than in wrong relationship......i have a feeling in my gut!!!! if we are destined to meet someone we wil at some point.....i had a friend who moved away who i dont see very often, she met her second husband while she was putting her car away i garage on compound, they are now married . x
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Life- good to hear from you. I was going to suggest some men stick around during tough times without support until they can find someone else. Being alone is something most men don't do well, so I think that is the greater driver for some. I had it happen in another situation earlier in my life with an ill family member, and someone who just could not be there for me. Best to step aside and let those people pass on by. I did.
Wishing you a good day and hoping the divorce settles well in your favor.
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