A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
-
I follow this thread mostly as a lurker. Rosevalley, Calico and others facing challenges, just wanted to pop in to say my prayers and thoughts are with you. Holding your hands in spirit. Calico, you have every right to be frustrated!Hi Blondie - the countdown is on for FL! Don't forget, we want pics.
Linda
0 -
Right linda come n play with us more often
Rosie big hugs
0 -
((((Rosevalley)))), I could curse, cry, scream, and throw things out of grief and frustration for what you're going through!!! I don't want to encourage you to do all that, but you are at least entitled to one mega-hissy fit!!! I HATE Cancerland. I HATE what we all go through. I'm express mailing you prayers for healing, peace, and relief from all discomfort. We're here for each other to help bear up under the relentless trauma. I see so much courage in all of us. "Courage is fear hanging on a minute longer." That's what I see us doing.
Love and hugs and giant waves of healing energy to you, Rosevalley,
Calico
0 -
I've mentioned this before: from time to time, I come across an obituary in the local paper that makes me scratch my head. So this week, they printed a 'personal message' from a 65 year old woman who passed away. In my opinion, as the obituary section of the newspaper is not the place for this. Here's some of it:
"I want you to laugh & cry, Joyful tears, bitch about me, and get it out now. Sometimes, I was mean, and irritable, sorry. No matter how mad, meaning "out of my mind." I've been, I never for a minute stopped loving you. I just wanted you to be happy (not too many of you are), maybe it's your karma. Sooner or later you wake up and say, "Well crap I have to take responsibility for my own actions." Yes, you do!"
And this goes on for another several paragraphs including: "treat everyone as though their heart is breaking, it probably is." Ithought it was in poor taste to print this preachy message after she's gone. I didn't like it at all.
0 -
rosevalley - well double , triple boo on your results. So what chemo are you starting ? The prognosis you listed is scary. Please try to remember a few things about those: they are old usually at least 10 years old tx has changed so much in the last 10 years , this includes everybody even people who chose not to take tx or people with other serious medical issues going on or people who don't take their meds as required etc. I know its so hard once you've seen that number to completely put it out of our heads. But you are an individual and your results will differ. BTW some people lasted many years to come to the median survival time. Might as well be on the long life side. I know easy said from here with my limited experience outside one mets but I bet others will come along who have walked your path to encourage you. 😀
Mrs m. - I've given up trying to figure out others but I love that line in the last paragraph. My Dh reposted it on Facebook just a couple days ago. Its true you just never know what someone else is going thru.
0 -
Thanks Blondie - I will.Linda
0 -
Hello ladies,
Rosevalley, I wept when I read your post, I truly hope the chemo will help you and I will keep you in my meditations.
I am sad today, one being the anniversary of my only siblings death. He was 13 when he passed away in an accident. i am planning a memorial to him in a children's forest at a nature center.
The second is a decision about our pets. We have 2 cats, one 11 yrs and on chemo and other drugs, the other about 18 months ,strong and healthy. We took in the second cat before we knew the other had cancer. They seriously do not get along and we have tried many things to alleviate this issue. Today I noticed the older cat (Max ) appeared sicker , not eating and other problems. The decision is whether to nurse Max along and give up Otto to a no kill shelter or put Max to sleep now. One of the reasons this is so difficult is I think of myself and my own stage IV diagnosis. We are in the process of decisions about what we want at the end. Although I am a planner, this is not so easy that I can be dispassionate about myself or our pets.
To all, I read your post and it makes me think,
Thanks,
Kathy
0 -
Max otto- keep the cats separate and let the older one live out his life. Both cats will not act normal if one is sick. I hope you can do both. What a wonderful way to honor the memory of your brother. I hope it brings you peace and love to do this for him.
Hey they took off 4 liters of fluid! I feel so much better... Yippee. How do you spell relief--Paracentesis! I am going to take a nap. Heck of a way to lose 8 pounds.
0 -
Oh, thank the gods. I am glad it has brought you some relief. 8 lbs, oh my.
0 -
Rosevalley - Good to hear you're feeling better!Has anyone heard from Wilsi?
Linda
0 -
Rosevalley, how was your nap after losing 8 lbs? So glad for you
0 -
So, so, so happy for you, Rosevalley! Oh, what a relief it is!!!!!
xoxoxoxooxox
Calico
0 -
Wow so glad u feel better
Devine, I love what she wrote n would love to read it all. I am assuming it was written by the decedent. That is how she got her message across
Agreed patty n calico
7 days
0 -
rosevalley--I've been following along. So, so sorry for the new issue. Sounds incredibly unbearable. Glad you found relief today! Hope the nap was good. I will be here cheering for you! Sending love and good thoughts
0 -
Hi, Kathy, I think a sick animal's quality of life needs to be considered just like our own does when deciding to stop treatment or help them get to the next dimension. Their effects on us need to be considered, too. I know it is a terribly hard and painful decision, but that's part of what we sign up for when we adopt an animal. My husband and I have had to make this decision many times, twice in the last two months. It/'s always very difficult, but we believe it was the best decision, given all factors and people/animals involved.
We used to be friends with our across-the-street neighbors, but had a falling out many years ago. We knew one of their cats whose name was Panther. One day, Panther was crying at the bottom of our steep drive-way and I was at the top. I called to her, but all she did was cry. I went to her, expecting she would probably run away when I got close, but she didn't. I picked her up and she was skin and bones. I took her to the vet and they diagnosed cancer. I couldn't figure out why the neighbors were letting her suffer like this, especially since one of them was a visiting nurse. I did what I thought was right under the circumstances, and had her put down. I simply couldn't watch this animal that was enduring so much suffering, and no, we never told the neighbors.
Prayers for you in making these decisions,
Calico
0 -
Calico that was sweet of you to help the poor cat. We have done the same abcess treatment and such. Never had to put an animal down that wasn't mine, although I would if it was crying and in pain. My BIL just had to put his dog down due to cancer. Never easy. Our 18 year old dog may have to be put down due to incontinence. She sleeps so hard she wets herself, bed and dribbles. sucks getting old. Thank goodness for paper towels. I wash bedding constantly. It;s so hot here.
It was such a relief getting all that fluid off yesterday but It left me feeling very tired. It felt like my intestines expanded and I had lots of gas pain and tenderness all across my abdomen. So much so, that I can't even lean onto my abdomen hurts.. took a pain pill to knock it back. I didn't expect mets to omentum to be painful. Eating should be better but I don't have much appetite. Onc is looking into some other med.. will find out next week. I just would like to be more comfortable.. it's 3am and I am wide awake. It would be nice to hear from Wilsi since she has been through this.
0 -
Hi, DivineMrsM, I tend to agree with your take on the obituary. My brother wrote his own burial service, and had some pretty pointed comments to family members in the audience. Frankly, I thought it was pretty creepy and unnecessary. I suppose it's appropriate to follow his wishes, but if I'm ever in a position to manage a situation like that, I would err toward considering the feelings of the people who are left behind grieving, as imperfect as they (and I) might me.
Rosevalley, I was thinking about Wilsi today. I'll root around and see if she's been posting.
xoxoxoxooxoxo
Calico
0 -
Calico I sent Wiltsi a PM but never heard back. Hope she's just away for the weekend.
0 -
Calico, yes, the funeral doesn't seem the time or place for that, either. I will go out with grace, and would never use my funeral service or obituary to confront people about this or that issue. And no preaching. I never want to leave hard feelings. I already have a draft of an obit for myself; its is written lovingly yet not "flowery". I want to write something to be read at the funeral service, and they are all good things, to thank the people in my life with whom I've walked this earth at the same time.0
-
Rose, I'm glad you got some relief, but geez. I'm sure you didn't need this additional diagnosis. This stuff is depressing. Mine has progressed and I'm thinking I'm going to be around a much shorter time than I was shooting for. This frightens and depresses me. I assume you feel similarly. Well, hang in there. Have a good night.
0 -
Mrs. M. Where did you get that info about writing an obit?
Charlene
0 -
Yep if I am still here by Christmas that would be a miracle! Soory about your progression. I am getting used to these crashes and burns.. although this ascites thing is very unpleasant got to say. It gets so tight you can hardly breathe and move..awful. Wish you luck on your next treatment.
0 -
I wrote my own also, there is a website think it is my obituary
Rosie right there with u, dont know how much time i got but hospice says 6 months or less but that can change
0 -
Dune, I wrote my own obit following similar ones printed in my local newspaper, with my own twist on how to say it. I just wrote it last month, after several years of thinking to myself that I was going to do it. It will say that I lived courageously with stage iv bc for x number of years. That I was employed in various occupations throughout my life and that my most meaningful roles were that of wife and mother. That my favorite pursuits were traveling and flower gardening. It will list my survivors; loving husband, beloved son, precious grandchildren, cherished siblings. I'm not going to have it say, "live life to the fullest" or "aunt Griselda, you made my life miserable." My way of thinking is: be woman enough to face loved ones in real life and talk to them about philosophical issues or personality differences, if not, just take it to your grave!
0 -
Ladies, I must thank you for in reading your post I learn what is ahead and what it will take to continue with a quality of life. I just read that they are half way of passing a bill similar to that of Oregon's for a right to die with dignity in California. I've had my lungs drained but i really have a full stomach and was going to talk with the doctors about if it's fluid or air? I look like I'm 9months pregnant. At times I have trouble swallowing from pressure coming up from the stomach. It's so bad that I take nitro's because it pushes on the tumors in my lungs and into my heart. I see how hard things have been lately for my daughters who have taken such good care of me for the past six years. I've chosen time and time again not to go into the emergency room and let things play out. Right now I have an infection in my sinuses and it has moved into my chest so I'm on a 20 course of anitbiotics, because of cancer it takes so much more to clear away infections. When I want to complain I reflect on what all you ladies are going through and I realize that hopefully these hard days will past and that I have the ability to be as strong as so many of you.
Calico so nice of you to take care of a cat like that. I rescued a cat and it had cancer, the doctors sent us to UC Davis but they felt it was so twisted around his organs that just love and he would last 6 months. I brought him home and he would just want me to carry him to the litter box and feed him by hand. Never a cry or showed any pain which the doctors gave me medication for him but he decided two days later to stop eating and drinking, I had to have him put down. it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I hope all of you have a restful and a weekend wtih less pain.
0 -
M360- oh I hear you. I had 4 liters drained off Wednesday. I am filling right back up. I ate breakfast and have been fighting nausea ever since.. gagged trying to take my meds. ugh.. If this keeps up paracentesis will be a weekly affair. I highly suggest it, you'll feel soo much better. I can't imagine feeling the pressure of ascites and lungs full of tumors. Prayers for you. It sounds like your daughters are good care givers. Wonderful you were able to care for the cat before he passed.
My DH and DD3 are headed to the beach for some fun. I am staying here. My neck has been snapping and crackling like rice crispies.. a little alarming the amount of noise. The thought of 2 hours with a seat belt on my gut, bouncing in a car doesn't sound appealing. I am pretty sick of feeling icky. I was up at 3am and sat outside in the cool air until the sun rose- lovely. Then the birds started in and it's quite a chorus at 5am! It was lovely. Glad California will get the same kind of DWD law, now if they would just mandate that insurance must pay for it- that would aide access! It doesn't help if it's so prohibitively expensive no one can use it.
0 -
M360 it is amazing what we tolerate n do when we have to. Sorry 4 all u r going through n hugs to u daughters for all they do 4 u. Hang in there, don't push yourself, just do as much as u can, bits n pieces n take brakes, that is what hospice tells me.
Rosie, cancer just sucks u r amazing, big hugs to u also n the same 4vu that i said to m. i hope u both had wonderful day, no matter what u did....
Me, i did nothing, went out yesterday so of course will pay the next day. The twins wentt out with dd2 n her family to a bbq, yes i was invited but don't care 4 those people n i was recuperating. I guess my other kids r ok. I am packing 4 florida on Wednesday, can't believe it is almost here. Am doing everything in pieces cause get tired quickly. our flight leaves at 740, so we have 2 b there at 6am. Lucky 4 us the airport is 8 minutes from my house, can hear the planes take off all the time. Flying sw so baggage is free. Anyway will stop rambling, am looking forward to being in fla, not doing anything n having people take care of me. I am exhausted.
Have wonderful rest of the weekend...
Sandy aka blondie
0 -
Hi, Rosevalley, I tried to search on Wiltsi's name, but nothing from her came up. Must be spelling her name wrong or something. I so hope you can get drained at a schedule that gives you sustained relief.
I had 6 whole brain radiation sessions and 4 more to go. So far, no SEs, but I find I'm very sleepy. That could just be the hot weather though. Anyway, hope nothing sneaks up and bites me.
Blondie, so glad you have Southwest service where you are. I wish Fresno had it! When they came into Oakland, CA, the fares on all airlines mysteriously dropped by 50%/ Getting anywhere from Fresno is very pricey, and for no good reason except they can.
xoxoxoxoox
Calico
0 -
Today was a good day! All my kids together, nice BBQ good visiting. Portlandia kids have left. Everyone happy and healthy.
Hugs to everyone. Hope you all had a great Sunday.
0 -
Hi, Rosevalley, so glad you had a good day! A friend and I went to see "Max". Sweet movie especially if you like German Shepherds. Tomorrow is WBR #7, and visit to onc. Not expecting any big revelations.
xoxoxoooooosoxo
Calico
0
