Radiation recovery
Comments
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Kate, I see how you were able to jolly yourself out of your blues in the space of a short paragraph--what a beautiful power! But the tears will come, and I don't think we should feel badly about that. I will keep a positive thought for your appointment on Thursday. Maybe uro3 will say the surgery is a go! Meanwhile is there any way to look around for another GI specialist, or put yourself on a cancellation list? Or as Brookside suggested, try getting your onc to place a call? I hope you are feeling better today, because I know you like to stay upbeat.
I've had some really hard times in the past week or so. First I was just getting mad at a lot of people, in various situations--and for the record, I was right to be mad, every time!--and finally I thought, maybe I'm getting EXTRA mad at all these things because I'm just plain upset. And maybe I'm not running lately because I feel as though everything is already hard, and in that context running feels like effort. Even as the Red Sox were winning the world series, I was in my bed whimpering. Boo hoo. I feel a little better after having a smoother day yesterday, but I've been doing some careful thinking about what's going on and how to get back on my feet.
I did finally manage to get my hands on my lab report. (The clinic was one of the entities I was mad at. They put me through a lot of crap to get my own labs.) Then it took me all evening to figure out what the abbreviations meant and what the abnormal values meant. The strangest thing was that I had the right number of white blood cells overall (5.0, when normal is 3.6-10.6), but the distribution of the 5 kinds of white blood cells was screwy. I had high neutrophils and monocytes and really high eosinophils, and low leukocytes, relative to each other. I also had low leukocytes overall (should have 1.5-3.5 of whatever, and I had 0.5). Well, try putting that in Google. So much alarm, so much vagueness. High eosinophils can be caused by "certain antibiotics" (could not find which ones!) or an allergy or infection, especially dermatological. Some of these things can indicate one kind of leukemia, while some can indicate another, and in some cases I have the opposite value to what indicates leukemia. It's enough to make you nuts. My red blood count was a little low too, although my doctor said I was not anemic: it's supposed to be 4.2-5.4, and mine was 4.01. So hemoglobin and hematocrit were also on the low end of normal. I'm putting all this in here in case any of you knows any more than I do. These odd results are why my PCP wants to redo the CBC in a couple of weeks, I gather. I guess I will reach out to my MO about it today.0 -
I'm having a heck of a time too. Part of it is work--not making my numbers this year and that could be a real downer, then there is a problem with one of my cases on the corporate level. Yes, little me has found a glitch in the product licensing communication of a Fortune 500 company. ( I'm so loved. ) Part of it is the cancer panic that keeps coming back. Maybe it's just in the air, because a couple of days ago I was feeling as though I'd been through all the hard stuff and had established a comfortable identity/self image as someone who had/has breast cancer. Yo yo time!
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Hi y'all!
TGIF! A beautiful sunny day here...rain rain has gone away for a few days
missing CA Santa Anna winds with fall leaves dancing we missed the Halloweenie Dance...too busy packing 
(((Kate))) - breathe, it's good to release emotions, cathartic, birth that beautiful butterfly. Sorry that you are just hovering waiting on answers. Is there anyway you might fly back to the Windy City for a few days of family hugs grand kid fix and distractions? Put on your princess warrior coat take a twirl and go bask in the SoCal sun...flush the candy or give it to the doughnut shop! Today's a new day...talk with your Onc social worker, than follow Brookside into denial land with sparkles and lip gloss:)
Josie - hope your trick or treat night went well! Benefit of living in an active over 55 community of some 10,000 is we are too busy having fun...hubby did hand out crushed Oreo covered mice stuffed with a cherry...cute tail. But told him trick or treat no he's a diabetic no need plus at 6'5" he would frighten the neighbors so boo!
RunFree - all the tests and then you have to interpret your own results ugh! Hope you get answers and follow up tests with MO are clear and determine just what is going on. Boohoo...but the goblins are gone...enough already. Let's get this resolved defined and addressed!
Bunkie - hang in there...gentle healing hugs:)
Brookside - the Dr is in! Good info and encouragement. That will be 5 cents
SAB - super chef what's for dinner? Hope the new position is going well and you have found your happy fulfillment place...luv when we are find our cheese and flourishing! Go girl!
Sew, Janis, new2bc, Grammy, GiGil, Joan, Susan...missing y'all...shout out and...
(((Hugs)))
Cindy0 -
Cindy, are you saying your husband passed up all the nice little mouse goodies? If so, I am so very proud of him! A huge retirement community sounds so very fun.RunFree, just UGH. Academic types are just not cut out for indeterminate results. Again, UGH.
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Brookside - yes, hubby passed goodies out to neighbors...not 1 touched his lips...avg BS @129 yippee! Read a research paper on metformin being tested v AI...I'm for that less SEs hair loss with AI is crazy...time to update passport pic, but hair so thin...wig time ha!
Yes, this is a fun spot...avg age 60, most have post grad degrees, and several colleges in area so active environment...plus airport close to fly around...:) never thought I woul leave SoCal, but I so enjoy the best of 2 worlds...for now!0 -
Cindy, my onc says the circulating insulin (almost typed insulation, but caught myself) in our bloodstreams is problematic for us ER+ types. Metformin sure sounds like a good thing--wouldn't be averse to trying it myself. I'm beginning to get a teeny bit (HA!) annoyed with arimidex--thin hair is the biggie, but the joint issue are maybe getting to be an issue too.
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Brookside, what does it mean if circulating insulin is problematic? Is that only for people on an AI or might it be the case for us Tamoxifen sisters also?
I've sent my labs to my onc, my doctor friend, and a young friend who has an RN and is in NP school and will show it to her pharmacology professor. I'll let you know what I learn. So far I'm able to tolerate the not-knowing because I figure I'll know more soon. (Catch me again when I get in one of my doomed moods and my tone will be different.)
Cindy, your hubby deserves a prize! I have a friend who is seriously diabetic and also pregnant at 40, and she just had her first Halloween without having a single piece of candy. She is so proud. I agree your community sounds fun, too.0 -
RunFree, I keep asking my onc, and getting closer to his rationale, but not quite there yet. It goes something like this: Sugar in your bloodstream prompts your pancreas to pump out insulin, which can go to your liver and tell it to form fat, which, as we know, generates estrogen through androgens or something. If, however, you do your recommended 30 minutes of exercise/day, the sugar is more inclined to go to your muscles rather than the fat factory. I'm not sure if that is during exercise, or to the muscles you've formed through exercise. At any rate, your message reminded me that I have Halloween candy in my desk drawer, just ate all three pieces, and feel compelled to dash out for a 30-minute walk.
Oops. Just checked and there are four pieces. Will take care of the last one as I walk.
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You are always funny, Brookside! And you're reminding me that I've been VERY bad about exercising lately, which is rather out of character.0 -
RunFree, you've probably feel ing too rotten to do think of something that feels good (walking, running). As for me, I've been pigging out on Halloween candy for three days. It felt good, but the guilties are getting me, as is the scale.
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Hi Brookside. Thanks so much for your wise words. I've been through denial, although because I feel well it is difficult for me to realize this is happening to me. Also, because my urologist thinks I should do surgery, it gives me hope. It could be unfounded because my 2nd opinion urologist, MO, and radiation oncologist don't think I should have it. The only one who thinks there may, and I use the word may lightly, be a cure is my urologist. The other doctors are talking about paliative care. As mentioned I am going to see a urologist oncologist surgeon Thursday. If he doesn't recommend surgery I will know there is no cure. I have a lot of hope, and I still believe in miracles, so maybe I can become a 5 year survivor.It soesn't look good, but because of my positive attitude, and the fact that I feel well I will still try to kick cancer in the butt. When you mention support group[ are you talking about the bladder cancer advocacy network), the bladder support group online? To be very honest those people turn me off. They are a gloom and doom bunch. Some members are female spouses whose husband's have passed away. They talk about gory details, and to be honest they scare me to death. Stage 4 members on the bladder site are much different than stage 4 members on the breast cancer site. The breast cancer stage 4 members are so much more hopeful, and think positive. I think I started getting depressed this week reading what the stage 4 bladder cancer patients had to say. I am pretty much going to quit that support group. They depress me too much. I see a social worker every week, and she is very helpful. I am able to vent with her, and here, and I thank you guys for letting me vent. As for seeing the GI specialist earlier since I canceled an appointment a few weeks ago I hate to ask my MO to see if he can get me a sooner appointment. I will call once a week, and see if she has a cancellation.
Sunday my hairdresser is coming to my house to color and cut my hair, and that always makes me feel good. I still need to wear a fall, but my hair is growing bacfk-YEAH!YEAH!YEAH. Then in the afternoon Sunday I am going to do some more retail therapy. Nothing makes a girly-girl feel better than shopping. In two weeks I am going out with my doctor friend to a great restaurant in Manhattan Beach that we want to try, and then we will stop at a barfor happy hour.So, I have a couple of things I enjoy that I look forward to.
I want to thank everyone here for allowing me to monopolize so much time, and allowing me to vent. You ladies always make me feel good, and have so many good ideas that helps me keep my doctors on their toes. As Barbara walters says" This too shall pass", and hopefully I can be more supportive of everyone else. I feel bad that it is so much about me. Have a great weekend everyone0 -
I found a great gown for my wife to wear during her radiation treatments. Thought this might be helpful for someone here.
Its call a Radiant Wrap, its an alternative designer gown made for women with Breast Cacner to wear during treatments.
Here's the link: http://www.theradiantwrap.com
My wife loved it, great gift idea. Hope this helps someone else!0 -
Kate, I'm so sorry you had a bad night last night .It sounds like your still finding the positive in things.Good for you I hope your weekend is wonderful.((hugs))
RunFree, The lab results are sometimes better interpreted by a professional so they can answer those burning questions we are wanting to ask.They don't always know the answer but don't Google.
Cindy yes we had a good Halloween.It rained and was windy and cold but my 10 yr old daughter wanted to go trick r treating anyway.So I set up my son with the candy and rules for handing it out and took off with Claire.They had a block or two in a close neighborhood that the police blocks off from traffic and the kids can go safely from house to house and the neighborhood decorates and one man even has a train going through his front yard.It was really neat but boy was I tired after.
Luckily my daughter owed me about $30 so that bought us the Halloween candy and the pumpkins and whatever else we needed.
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Kate reading your post I'm pretty sure you have no idea how much you lift and inspire the people here. Many hugs.
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Josie and Sab thanks so much for the support.
Josie I am so glad you had a good halloween. Sorry the weather was bad.
Sab that was such a sweet thing to say. You made me feel good. How is your job? Are you coming to LA anythime soon? I would love to go out to lunch with you0 -
I knew you'd bounce right back, Kate. It just isn't in you to be down in the dumps for long. Happy shopping!
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Kate my LA family is coming here for the holiday, so no plans for going south...but one of these days I'll get there!
Run free and Brookside that was some of the first advice I got when bc hit...no internet diagnosis. (Didn't always stop me)
We live in the woods so a quiet eve with no munchkins. My student workers were pretty creative though!
Dh is on a buddy weekend. As a rare treat enjoyed breakfast in bed and a movie with my teenager. Meeting my new editor midday, and very excited.
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Thanks everyone for the support. Stones suck.
Josie - Yup I can imagine you hubby. I was rolling around on the bed screaming. Then I got up and put on my clothes...screamimg. The pain almost made me black out but I was determined to get to the ER. The one up the street is not the best but for that pain it had to do. I parked all crooked. They gave me morphine. I do not do well with strong meds but I took that one without one peep. Then they let me drive home. Just up the street so I guess they figured it was ok. I passed another one yesterday but it was noticably smaller and less pain.
Kate - I buy a ton of candy and then have no kids. It was wet and cold here Holloween so there was nothing out there but big kids. The little ones went to the mall etc. I never eat much of the candy. I used to but have become very disclipined. Except the Paydays and sometimes a Reeses. My handyman goes in the jar everyday he is here so it goes away fast. I hope your appt goes well next week. I know you are nervous. Rooting for you.You are a trooper.
Brookside - To make matters worst I was spinning with vertigo. The nurse at the ER said I looked like I was already on some good drugs but she knew better because of my screaming and shaking.0 -
Bunkie, so sorry that you have been in pain. I hope you get well ASAP.
Brookside you are so right. I don't stay down for long, thank God. You really know me, and you have been so helpful. Thank you.0 -
You know it is funny but I used to live on sweets and decided to give up most sugar when I went through rads. Between that and my GB surgery 2 years ago I have lost 25 pounds. Not trying to but I did so I thought I would add some back in. I have had a few cookies and some soda here and there and every time it gets me all shaky. I think it was the sugar that helped me keep some weight. Now I can not use it anymore except in regualr foods. Darn it. I miss sweets.0 -
Kate - Just read back to your post about the cancer group that you are quiting. I don't blame you. That is why I quit one of the Sarcoidosis groups I was in on line. Everyone in there was telling horror stories about my disease and some had died. I could not take it. Every time I got a new pain or symptom I was depressed for weeks. There are good days and bad for all of us. You will bounce back from any down day you have and have inspired me to do the same.
I have a shrink and I see her a couple times a month when I get bad and I love this group. We all care about each other and this is where we are comfortable. I am so glad I met all of you.0 -
Bunkie, I totally agree that we all care about each other here, and feel comfortable to vent. I too am so very glad that i have met all of you. I say things here that I won't tell anyone else, and you all give me such wonderful advise.
Just as I was bouncing back from depression I have a new worry tonight. I walked about 12 blocks today, and my legs started hurting. My right leg looks a little swollen again. To be honest I've gained so much weight it is hard to tell if it is swollen or not, but I think it is. OMG that scares me that I might have do do chemo again soon. I have my foot elevated, and I am praying It will go away tomorrow, but I don't know....... What I could use right now is a group hug. Going through cancer is rough, but even harder without a supportive spouse. I do not like to tell my children when I am scared or uncomfortable, so I don't. When I talk to them I am always upbeat.0 -
Oh Kate, that does sound scary. I'm so sorry. Of course it's best not to let your fears get ahead of your knowledge, but that's easier said than done. I hope you can just think, "OK, right leg, this is how you play it when I walk 12 blocks. You get the night off then." And maybe the swelling will go down by tomorrow, or it will ache less if it isn't truly swollen. Isn't it the case that once you've had lymphedema in a particular place, it can flare up again pretty easily when you do strenuous activity? Anyway that's what I've heard about LE in the treatment arm. So maybe that's all it is, and you don't know anything else for now. Have a good night and please know that we are all in your pocket once again.0 -
Thanks so much for your support Runfree. I really need it right now. Besides my calf being swollen my abdomen is very distended too. I am trying to think positive. This too shall pass. Doc doesn't answer emails on Sat. so I will email him tomorrow night. I emailed my doc friend, but I think she is out for the evening. I am going to drug myself with computer games till I go to sleep tonight to keep my mind off of it0 -
Hi, so much going on here...so many worries, so many concerns...
common thread of candy monster...me too...have been craving carbs for quite some time.
Kate, I have known you since you first came on here...I know that you are not one to enjoy being needy...you are too independent for that. I think you know how much everyone cares about you and your health challenges. Don't ever apologize for needing support.
Bunkie, what an ordeal...I had 2 stones when my son was 8 months old...I passed them both but it scared me terribly. I hope you are recovering.
Run, I am just like you when it comes to looking up symptoms and test results. Try to hang in there...it isn't always what it seems....
Brookside, sorry to hear how challenging things are at work. It is so stressful on top of trying to stay well. Thinking of you...
SAB, you must be excited to meet with your editor. How do you keep so busy and manage to write, too??
I am in MA at DD's home ... they went to FL and left the almost 3 yr. old home. Am so glad I came...have had some very precious moments with her...and there are reasons why I know I should be here....have to leave tomorrow and don't want to...am hoping the nanny can come back to help.
Clocks back tonight...0 -
Kate, (((hugs))) Here's hoping that extra hour of sleep took that swelling down.
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Hi y'all
(((Kate))) - group hug)) hope the games zapped your brain into sweet dreams zzz! Morning sunshine bring new promise we are in your pocket...watch the leg...and may your doc answer email early this evening. You are our princess warrior and we've got you surrounded in love xo!
Joan - what a sweet heart warming visit with precious 3 yr old gd:) lucky girl.
GiGil - memory making with dad? Missing you.
Bunkie - you are so strong and such an Overcomer...hang in there...you've got to be near the beginning of something so much better and healthier.
RunFree - feel like we are playing the Drs version of Clue...hum in the laboratory with the Tami by Col. Must-Take ... the mystery rash persists!
Josie - have a fall back day with hubby and kids:)
SAB - your editor Ooo who! Do we get 1st editions...go girl...writing in the woods...hummm...worked for a few other famous American authors:)
Brookside - breathe in the weekend air...Monday will be here soon enough...so energize bunny recharge
Down to packing the main kitchen dishes...ugh only 9 more days until the move...I need a drive out to the lake to energize on the water....sent hubby to goodwill yesterday with stuff I did not want to pack...he accidentally went into the consignment store next door. They accepted but chewed him out for not cleaning all the glass...ha! Goodwill drop off is in the alley...church comes for living room furniture and rugs...our pastors home burned down so a double blessing...a living room for him and something less to move for us time to corset&compress up for the final push...there are days when 2 homes seems 2 much but I'm attached 2 both communities and enjoy the perks of both...very blessed ))
(((Hugs)))
Cindy0 -
Cindy that's a big job! Sounds like you are ahead of the game.
Bunkie I'm so sorry for the pain you've had to bear. I hope the worst is over for you strong lady.
Kate,I hope the swelling is gone today. Work up to long walks gently!
Run free I have completely given up on understanding labs through internet. Too many factors interplay.
Joan I did most of the rewrite this summer after early reader input. I hope against hope there won't be massive rewrites, but whatever it takes. How nice you got special time with gd no matter what the reason.
Hope you are having a relaxing weekend josie!
Hi Janis, hi sew, hi GIGI!
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SAB, can you remind me what your book is about? I fantasize about being at the point you're at. I hope your job has settled down too.
Kate, how are you doing today? I remember you had some retail therapy planned, and I hope you feel good and have a great time.
Bunkie, my goodness, you too. You have suffered so much. As Cindy said, I hope better times are just around the corner.
Cindy, few things are as stressful and exhausting as moving. I've moved a ton in my life and it takes a lot out of me every time. It must feel great to shed a lot of your stuff, and especially when you know who will use it and know they will really appreciate it. I love that. So true about my rash being like Clue!
I know not to believe everything I read on the internet, and I don't. But I'm sort of falling between the cracks here in terms of getting official explanations, so I'm trying to clarify the questions, at least, for myself. When I saw my PCP on Monday, I hadn't seen the lab report yet, and she didn't give me a copy, just held her laptop in front of me and quickly ran through the values that were abnormal and what they meant--WAY TOO FAST. I mentioned leukemia and she didn't say "I don't see that here," and she did recommend I redo the CBC in two weeks, so is she concerned? I might try to get her to call me back tomorrow, but it's very tough to get her. Last time she didn't even get the message at all. My doctor friend answered some of my questions but not all. My MO just wrote back and answered some but not all. My derm is impossible to reach. My biggest question right now is, Should I be concerned that my absolute lymphocyte count has sort of crashed since January? It's down by over 2/3 and now is way below normal. When I look up the others, there are benign explanations along with the scary ones, but this one has mainly scary causes and in turn scary effects. Lymphocytes fight infection, and we need them. If my bone marrow isn't making enough of them, am I vulnerable to other things? And what could cause this? And is it reversible? You see the problem. I am not nearly as freaked out about this as I was last weekend, thank goodness. I would just like some answers.0 -
RUNFREE, I will keep you in my prayers today.I hope you get some answers soon.
Cindy good luck on the moving I haven't done that since we moved 21 yrs ago.That would be a nightmare for us.
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