Radiation recovery
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Maybe I should make this my philosophy in life!!
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Not maybe, Josie - I think you have found what is important.
Please try to prepare yourself and protect yourself. If you aren't sure what to do, maybe you can find a free counseling service to help guide you over the next few weeks.Referring to a recent post, I have noticed a big change in my work attitude. I never thought it was from "after BC" but now I think it is. I forced myself to work right after surgery (took off 5 days) then rads...tried to push myself and gain those accolades at work...but little by little I cared less and less about what others were doing and I focused on the things I could control. It takes more focus to do my job now. Some days I feel a bit overwhelmed; and i feel as though there are dozens of things I will never get to in my lifetime. I want to wake up and say "what will I do today"?
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Lemon, you are a lovely lady...I vote for the picture!
Runfree, I admit I was a bit irked at my inability to find Kate's page...I went back to look after reading your note and STILL couldn't find it...not that I would do anything at this point anyway. Hopefully, we'll hear something soon.
Tonight my dd the elder drove down from school with a friend to surprise me for a b-day dinner, and brought me one of her beautiful lithographs. We ate Cambodian food with dh and dd the younger, and had some fun. I'm walking briskly for lunch tomorrow
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SAB Did we miss the fact that it was your birthday today, or is it coming up soon? In any case, Happy Birthday!! So glad your family had a nice dinner for you. It sounds like a lovely day. And a lithograph done by your DD. What could be more special than that? My DD does photography and I am always asking her to frame something for me. So far, I haven't received anything, but I keep on hoping. Some day she will. A spring birthday has to be the best kind.
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Tracy wrote back to me! But she didn't tell me anything. She clearly hadn't read my message at all, because all she did was ask how we know each other. I'd explained it in my first message of course. I wrote her back and repeated the problem and said she's our only contact person for Kate, and could she let us know if Kate is OK or give us some means of contacting her (and of course, I'd prefer both). We shall see.
Joan and Brookside, and Josie too (though your situation has other features too), I am also connected differently to my work. Things bother me that wouldn't have before, or the same things but for longer. I feel more disconnected too. Weirdly, that's actually a good thing in my case, because I was so easily drawn into all the busyness of a college campus. Now I'm able to separate myself and work on my research stuff more, which is a plus for me, but a big change in attitude.
Josie, I agree that you should blast the area with job applications but do what you can to preserve your rights at your current job. They may be in violation of the ADA or some other laws or rules. (There are undoubtedly sources of information about this.) And of course, it's easier to land another job if you have one. Also, if you can find some official reminder to your current employer that you are dealing with post-cancer issues, that may soften their tone if you need them for a reference in another job application. Hopefully you won't need them. I am really going to get vicarious pleasure out of hearing about you giving notice on this job when you get your next one!
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Hopefully you will hear back from Tracy and she will give us some news about Kate.
Josie, try to hang in there. You are always more employable when you are currently employed so even though you are miserable, hang in there!
To all of you, as usual, have to run. New boss just walked in and must go be cheerful even though it should have been me!
xoxo
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Ohhh, April. I wish it had been you. On the other hand, you're so lucky not to have to deal with the extra stress.
If you protect your rights by asking for a temporary "reasonable accomodation," your supervisors will not only be required to back off, but will be legally restricted from any retribution. Yes, Josie, RunFree is right to mention a referral--this will legally protect your referral in future. Can't wait to hear all about your next job!
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Hi y'all
RunFree - thanks for making contact with Tracy...hopefully she will 'get' the connection with our sweet Kate and receive consent from Kate to update us or at least express our care and love to Kate! Frame those running shoes! Ooo who:)
SAB - Happy Bday! Gift of family time
and beautiful lithograph from dd. Wow, mom you did good...glow on your walk today! Those ah moments when parenthood gives back little heart felt gems...life's gift. Joan - life after BC...our new normal and mindset and the little changes...in our lives. Yes, so many things do change, a shift, our PTSD, does impact so many aspects. Have witnessed so many times major life changes impact on work, marriage, family ...some do well some a disaster. Joan, you are doing very well. Keep listening to your heart...you are a wise woman!
April - ugh, passed over and new boss smiling in your office...(((hugs))). Hopefully, it was not a significant pay differential and perhaps the added stress, responsibilities will be a relief. Been on both sides...stay steady karma yes karma!
Josie - stand tall stand strong and claim your rights to protect your position! Listen to GiGil, April, SAB, RunFree, Diane, Brookside...document your day and claim your rights! Protect yourself. Is there legal counsel or union rep to help? Seek free legal aid...don't just roll over...you have rights! Believe in yourself...here's to the new position soon! Are there any other certificates or classes to update your skill set and make you even more valuable...
June! Yippee...Kate this is our Bday month! Yesterday was my first celebration of life...going to enjoy each celebration with family and friends! Road trip was fun...Tyler State Park camping kayaking fly fishing...caught a few fish...challenge fishing for the first time in kayak drifting towards grassy shore thinking snakes...but got to get my fish, take a pic, and release... Best photo, my panic face....focus on fish, forget what might be lurking along the shore...newbie fun. Oh and iPhone ringing...GS wants FaceTime with nana...he won a trophy...his trophy trumps nana's fish...I need more hands!
Have a great day! Time to paint...just need to pick 'the color'
(((Cindy)))
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Oh gosh, as usual I am way behind on posting and really miss you guys. Joan, I do peek in and read just to see if everyone is okay. I too have worried about Kate, but now wonder if she just needs her privacy for some reason. Of course we all want to believe she is okay and there is a logical reason she vanished. Silence is not always golden!
Runfree a huge thumbs up to you for completing the marathon. You ladies are all so active and take such good care of yourselves. I lack discipline regarding exercise and diet. Sigh......my bad. I don't know what a 'Fitbit' is exactly but get that it keeps track of your steps and other things as well. Sounds fun, challenging too.
I am feeling really well. I am three weeks post op and my surgeon pronounced me fit. I can eat pretty much whatever I want, or what my body allows. The diet part is up to me. I didn't get enough protein I think the first couple of weeks. Better now, I am finally eating meat and tolerating it well.
I have had but one dream for my upcoming 60th birthday. I have two grown sons, one in the Denver area and one in Fargo ND. For some time, a few years actually, they did not speak. It is difficult for us to travel since we can't afford to, so I see them rarely. Adam, the youngest, is the one with the beautiful home high up in the Rockies. He and his wife are both geologists and have 2 Golden retrievers. Long story short...I told Adam last year what I wanted more than anything was to spend one holiday with both my sons together. Adam told me I had to let go of that dream, as it would never happen. He is very stubborn and not a very forgiving person. Broke my heart the problems with them, but Adam was the one who wanted nothing to do with Ryan. Over the past few months they have mended fences and they spent last Christmas together with their dad. I couldn't make it and that broke my heart. The good news is my dream is coming true. Our friend Marcia in Cheyenne offered to do a party for me at her place. I contacted both boys, Adam is in for sure and Ryan will try. Nothing would make me happier that to embrace turning 60 and ring in wonderful memories! My birthday is mid July and the party will be on the 19th. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I feel. Friends and family, so important. My sister lives in the Denver area and she will come. Hopefully my niece can come, she had a baby Saturday so I am a great aunt!
Shout outs to all. Lemon, you are stunning! Josie, you have gotten great advice. I think of you so much with all you are dealing with. I am always here if you want to talk. I will cheerfully PM my phone number if anyone would just like to have a talk.
I love you gals, always know that!
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Dang Josie you work for some HAss...Don't miss the first 90? - is that because you are on probation? Good grief its not like BC is a planned illness or surgery. I understand completely about keeping on and pushing yourself because money is a factor. I wish it wasn't but for the vast majority of people it is. We have to have 2 incomes too even with all the kids out of the house. It sounds like they are just waiting for you to break especially with those snide comments about they have done everything for you but...blah, blah, blah. Talk about a set-up. I have worked with similar co-workers but not to the degree you are. I am very outspoken and had to practically wire my mouth shut to keep from telling them off. Fact is, I couldn't at that time. I know it and they know it. That is infuriating. Like the others have said and you already know, its less pressure to look for a job while you have one. Looks better on the proverbial resume too. Do you have a friend/co-worker there - someone if for nothing else can be a listener or cheerleader? You got this job and you will get another one. You already know we are your support team and cheering section. Keep the faith.
Diane
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Janis - Ooo who Happy Day! Your prayers and dream are coming true!
Embrace turning 60 with those 2 DS...you have some time now so think about gathering all your favorite photos of your life...yes starting with pics of mom pg with you, baby pics, your with your siblings, teen years, DH, and your babies growing up...your DVD of "Its Janis Amazing 1st 60 years! ". Add some music to play along...Elvis, Beatles, Stones, Beach Boys, Grassroots, Pointer Sisters, Village People, Red Hot Chili Peppers...hee hee...you get the idea...and bask in living life well....you so deserve this wonderful gift of family Bday! Yes, it's gonna be a good good day! Sing it like Fergie!
(((Hugs)))
Cindy
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Janis, I'm so happy you will be able to hug both your boys at one time. What a joy that will be!
I'll also be celebrating my birthday (the 18th) the very same weekend as yours. I have three adult married children, all of whom have children, and it is like pulling teeth to get them all in the same place, at the same time, but a few months ago I just put my foot down and insisted. I am really, really counting on all of them. I'm so happy you will be able to hug both your boys at one time.
Josie, RunFree has a great idea--do check out Legal Aid.
I finally have the language to describe what I'm going through--earlier today, I started a new audio book. One of the characters said her life is on the spin cycle. That's exactly what's happening--so many areas are uprooted and thrashing around at warp speed, making new connections, or, more likely, spinning too quickly to connect at all.
Cindy, I am so with you on the snakes. Here in Vermont, none of them will hurt you, but just seeing them gives me the absolute heebie jeebies. Ughhh!
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awwwwww, Janis, that post about your two sons made me cry today. So happy you will get to be with both of them!
Cindy, that karma can be a beyotch as they say..keep waiting for her to show up but seems she has been hiding!
Josie, I totally get being unhappy in your job as that is sort of where I am right now. I love what I do, but managment walks all over me and because I need the job, I let them sometimes. I am putting feelers out right now to find another one, even at my age cause I fear that I may have some issues with not being chosen for the promotion to site manager.
I am an emotional mess anyway cause my new boss being here today makes it real...they really did not choose me even though I am highly qualified and was an internal candidate with an excllent 9 year track record. I really think that my BC actually played a role in the decision to give the job to the younger woman...sigh. I had more time out than ever in my life last year although I never took more than 3 days off in a row...never. I even worked half days during my rads, intense though it was.
My boss values youth and although highly illegal, has made comments about "young blood and breath of fresh air" when they hired a 27 year old case manager last year and when they hired the new Job Developer, she expressed disappointment that they went with an "older candidate" Ugh! She is in her mid 50's herself by the way! I know I could possibly have an EEOC case, but don't have the energy. The job would have meant a 14K increase in pay and that hurts too since hubby has never found a good job again after losing his in 2009...also an age issue PLUS, I had all of the things they asked for including a Bachelor's degree which the girl they hired does not have...she has an AS in criminal justice.
OK, rant over...thanks for listening. Lunch hour is here and I better eat before my workshop!
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JustMe...That is so cool about your sons. I have a friend who had that issue with her 2 sons but they got together recently too so at least they are talking. You are so right family is so important. I have a brother who has chosen to ostracize the rest of the family. We have tried to meet him halfway but he has chosen not to. Pretty sad. I have already lost 2 brothers so other 2 brothers and sister are all I have left. What a birthday present for you...Enjoy!
diane
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OK, I have news about Kate. It isn't great, but I'm so appreciative to hear anything. Of course I would not just paste this on a searchable thread like this if I were including any identifying information. Here is what her friend wrote:
I just got off the phone with [Kate]. She is not doing well. She has moved into a nursing home/rehab facility and is getting chemotherapy again. She said to tell you her computer is down. I think she just doesn't get wifi at the nursing home. I have to tell you she did not sound good on the phone. She kept saying "I'm sick, Tracy, I'm really sick." I will try to visit her at the nursing home this week. Thanks for contacting me re: our friend [Kate].
I wrote back and asked her if she thought Kate would appreciate a card shower and could provide an address. If she does, I will send it along in PMs to as many of us as I can find who are on this thread. Of course, sending her a card would probably breach your confidentiality, so you can decide about that. I'm glad Kate knows we are thinking of her. I asked her friend, if nothing else, to pass along our strong support and love.
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thanks run free, you could not have done more. Like you I'm glad to have any news of kate. But it is sobering. I so hate to think of her down like this, and I remember that she didn't want to go to a rehab center, so I know she just couldn't manage anymore.
Lots of other news on this thread, mostly good, will write more when I am less shaken.
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My heart is so sad. Our warrior princess is alone and scared. I am so grateful that her friend is going to visit her. I hope her family comes to CA to see her! I can't imagine being alone at a time like this. She is in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be and I would love to send her a card if you find out where. Thanks for all you did to get us this news.
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Janis, I was so moved by the fact that you may get to see your two sons together for your birthday. I was in Fargo, ND last weekend and I have another function there this coming weekend. We have family that lives there, and this weekend there is a walk for SMA to help pay for the research that we hope will cure our Cole someday. We all get together on a Saturday in early June and do a walk. We have done it for the past 10 years. I have two sons who live in the same city. They have different fathers, but I am Mom to both of them. They hardly ever bother to go out of their way to see each other. They like each other well enough, but they are just so different. One is an artsy, musical graphic designer, the other is a very buttoned up conservative businessman. Their incomes are vastly different and their lifestyles. My artsy son lives in a mid-century house that he has restored to a T. My other son just bought a small mansion and is in the process of moving into it. Two different worlds but still they care enough about each other to ask me questions. They used to email and be on Facebook but the one son feels he is way to busy to communicate. Even I get left out a lot. I know how it feels to try to pull a family together and the frustration of it. My daughter is the one I am closest to. She is a dear person who keeps in very close contact with me. My best friend, really. She lives all the way across the state, but I see her often. She is mom to Cole and Maya.
April, I felt bad enough about your situation as it was, but when I read the part about your boss being younger than you, I started to see red! How dare they? And possibly secretly holding the bc against you in their decision making. That really annoys me too. Hang in there, and do start looking around at other options. They don't deserve you
I have been reading what all of you are saying about post bc effects on your overall approach to the world. It was a bit of a relief because I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I just do not get as excited about many things anymore. I have always been the one who is examining the legalities and trying to make things right for the underdog. I have really lost my oomph. It just doesn't seem to make sense anymore to get that worked up about anything. Our very mortality has been flaunted in our faces. That definitely changes your perspective on things. I find I am not willing to put up with a lot of BS from anyone, and I don't do a lot of things that other people expect of me anymore. I have suddenly become aware that we only get to go around once here in this lifetime, and I have wasted enough time always being the go-to guy. It also makes you sit up and take notice when you are the one going through the freak out of bc, the surgery, radiation and all of the rest and people who live within easy driving distance are sending you virtual hugs and cups of tea. How about a real damn hug or cup of tea? Okay, I am done with my rant now. I know I would still be there for some of those people, but just the same it did make me appreciate my one sister who was by my side every day as I drove to the RO center. I will never forget it. I have always been a very compulsive, yet disorganized person. Those things shouldn't go together, but they do in me. Now I find myself having to fight to focus and remember things that need to be done. Three years out now, and I am just starting to pick away at piled closets and drawers and files. I want my life streamlined, and I am shying away from large crowds and too much responsibility Such a psychic change we have all gone through in our own ways. Cindy, you have it right. We all need to dance, fly fish, travel, and not take life too seriously. I work on it daily.
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Run, I am so grateful that you made contact and that we have news of our Kate. I hope she will let us send her cards. I would so love to do that. It has to be so lonely for her without her computer, and all of us who have tried so hard to be there for her. Prayers are going out for her comfort and peace of mind. Thank you for being brave enough to do that Run.
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Thank you for letting us know RunFree. At least we now know even if it isn't what we wanted to hear. I think we all we were braced for it but that doesn't make it any easier to hear.
April - so age discrimination is alive and well. I knew that. My company does it all the time under cover with some fabricated excuse why you didn't get the job. BS. It's hard to win that case because their obscure reasons are "legal." I told my bro that when he kept not getting jobs he was more than qualified for and he has an impressive résumé too but he is n his 50s. To add insult to injury your new boss isn't as qualified as you are. Such a crock.
I think you nailed how we all feel now Gigil. BC has done a number on us physically and emotionally.
Diane
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Ok, now the new young boss just came in to my office and made me feel so guilty that I was talking shit about her today. I have known her since she was 19 years old. I trained her many years ago. She is an awesome person. It is not her fault that she was the one chosen. She is ambitious and smart and will do a great job...just licking my wounds cause I know that my big boss did not choose me even though she knew I deserved the promotion and worked hard for all of these years and the other person was with a different non profit for the last 5 years and wanted to come back before the 5 year mark is up cause she will get her seniority back. She does not deserve my anger...she is a good kid...but she is still a KID! LOL OK, talk soon my friends...time to go home and lick my wounds in private with hubby. xo Thanks for your support!
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Run - So grateful for your work in tracking down our Princess Kate. My heart is sad though - she sounds like she is really struggling. I am sure she is not happy at a rehab center. She is young at heart - and I expect that a rehab facility is not a happy place to be - she needs friends to visit or communicate with at this time. Thank you again. Lisa
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RunFree - thank you for reaching out to Tracy to express our concern and love for Kate. Please PM address to mail cards to Kate. Don't know if Tracy will give rehab address or as many have done on these threads...use 1 person to be our mailbox and mail carrier... I for one would love if we could arrange to send flowers/balloons with all our names! Bling and teal! LOL
))(((Hugs)))
Cindy
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Run Free...you rock! Thanks so much for doing the leg work and tracking down Kate Even though the news is not what we'd like to hear, it's not as bad I guess as it could have been. Yes, if Tracy gets her address, I would like to send a card so please PM me with the address too, if you get it. I expect at this point Kate is on so many pain meds and etc. she probably isn't aware of very much, but surely would like to see some cards decorating her room.
Janis...you've a wonderful birthday planned.....totally something to look forward to and I'm also so glad you feel so well.
Gigil, I think BC has changed all of us in ways we don't fully realize yet. I used to read about this when I first started treatment and at that time I didn't understand the subtleties of the process each of us face. I too no longer say blithely to people "let me know if I can help" but rather offer specific things I can do for them, or alternately just show up with a dish of food, or a new book or something. I found during my treatment that I cherished those things, and not the generalities offered by people too busy to actually help anyway but just as a platitude. And I sure understand the streamlining thing too. Perhaps its' the advent of cleaning out my Mom's home which you've done with both your parents fairly recently, perhaps it's the cancer, but "stuff" is starting to really bother me. Mind you, I've not cleaned out the junk closet yet, but have tackled other areas.
April, no need to apologize.... your feelings are valid: seeing the younger ones come up thru the ranks is always shocking, and at least in my case, started making me feel definitely older. I have actually been on both sides of that issue in my professional life and it's a hard line to walk, both as the new young manager, and the older passed over manager.
Josie....Ok, now you've got 2 things on your todo list.....a new primary care doctor, and sending out resumes by the dozens. I know there's something out there for you
Brookside, perfect description...the spin cycle! And watch out for those intermittent showers!
Cindy, I'm going with you on your traveling dancing show interspersed with lazy days on the river (I don't fly fish...but lazing in a kayak I can do perfectly)...
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Yall
I'm going to be in SoCal for my next 6 mo checkups...around 6/24 MRI, bone density, BS, MO, RO, PCP for sprain wrist and GYN...yikes fun 2 weeks...I will be there 6/23-7/14 and would be happy to meet up in Santa Monica to visit Kate...again if she's up for it and if any of you are up for it...let me know
We are so crazy Rancho Mirage will be like 113...but there is the beach...GS to play chase the waves:)
Cindy
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Congrats Run You did it girl, HIGH5! So saddened by this news. I too wish to THANK TRACY for sharing with us. I would also like to send card, balloons, flowers, pixie dust. I think it sounds like Kate needs something more tangible than cyber hugs & pocket parties right now.
Going to rest now, no more gardening today, fell & gave myself small concussion & whiplash. Spent last 4 hrs in emerg. Tomorrow is another day for the work to get done. Take care all.
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Diane, don't misunderstand me my bosses did not know that I had a lump in my Breast I never told them during that 90 days.They probably would have insisted I went to the DR but I've had fibroid lumps many times before so I really wasn't too concerned because their always benign.
Janis, glad to hear your better and back to a normal diet.So happy for you that your sons will be there for your birthday.Very touching.
April, I'm sorry your job isn't going great .That's almost criminal you were passed up for someone younger with less experience.It's their loss.And like someone said less stress for you.I've actually been demotted by a job.They did everything in their power to get me to quite.But I'm very stubborn.That was the job before my current job.
OK progress today.I actually called my counselor for that documentation.I haven't heard back from him yet.Had to leave a message.But it was a detailed message
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Good job Josie!! You go girl!! Charger, ooh! Be careful. Sounds like something that would take me a while to come back from. Hope you aren't too hurt.
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I am sorry to hear the news about Kate is not so great.....but it is good to know she is being cared for and not alone in her apartment. I would like to send her a card as well but don't have her address.
I so appreciate all the cheer regarding my upcoming trip. Gigil I loved your analogy about BC changing us and our perspective on life. I have a terrible time focusing/concentrating which drives me near nuts. My MO is sure it is the Arimidex. Probably true, but the rest is still a mystery. I have a much larger sense of what it important and what is not. The rift between my sons was heartbreaking. Adam was downright hostile to Ryan was more than happy to share his bitterness with me. I wouldn't buy it but it broke my heart nonetheless. He is passionate about his dogs, but people not so much. He says that is because dogs aren't culpable for their actions, people are. He strives for excellence and has no use for most family. Sigh. We have a difficult family history, heavily blessed with mental illness and suicide unfortunately. I can't fix that. I can forgive though, something Adam needs to work on. I so hope both of my sons will be there for my 'party' and be able to enjoy seeing my sister and niece too. This is a rare opportunity and I can't wait. Maybe my head is in the clouds, but I am looking forward to this so much. I will be staying with Adam and Jen in their house for a few days before we go to Wyoming for the party. DH is going a few miles past Denver to his youngest son to spend a few days with him. Cancer changed me, yes. I think in many good ways.
April I sure understand! Hugs to you girl. You too Runfree for pursuing leads on Kate's whereabouts. Sew, I miss you my friend. We'll have to catch up soon. Joan, I love hearing from you. I am alive and well!
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RunFree, so very, very glad you reached out to Tracy, and that she will go visit our Kate. Boy, all that time without a computer; she must be feeling so isolated. I wonder whether they don't have some way she can at least receive emails. Once we have her address, maybe we can reach her that way.
I'm so happy she is out of the hospital and is where she is being taken care of. Frankly, that occasional nurse scared the heck out of me.
I'm also happy (in a unhappy way) that I am not alone in this strange disconnect/spin cycle. Normal is as normal does!
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