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Comments

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited December 2015

    Domestic Abuse---Josie the fact he moved your daughter 3 hours away is a symptom of abuser behavior (isolate the victim)

    Cutting her battery cables----another controlling, abuser behavior.

    I'd let the local police know before I got ttooo your daughters what you were walking in on. Women stay because they are more scared of not knowing where he is and when the next attack is coming than they are of being with them and being ab le to
    sense they mood change. They tear you down until you think t hey are all you have and that you are to blame. And the most violent time in the relationship is when they try to leave.....SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL and let us know when you are both safe.

  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited December 2015

    Josie get the police involved, good luck, stay safe .

    Hugs for all, Happy new year.

  • SAB
    SAB Member Posts: 1,121
    edited December 2015

    Josie don't take a chance with you or your daughter's safety. Let the local police know.


  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited January 2016

    Happy New Year, everyone. And Healthy too!

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    I wanted to thank everyone for the support and concern. There is more to it than I can talk about on a public forum.He tried to kill himself the other day when she tried to break up with him. He swallowed a bunch of pills and she had to get him to vomit.He seizures and she called 911 But refused treatment. He's controlling her by playing with her emotions. She would feel responsible if he hurt himself or worse by breaking up with him. But she decided tonight she is coming home. I wish she would wait for her father and I to come help her Sat. But I really don't want her to wait till then either.BTW My DH uncle is a police chief in a city near us. He has connections with the police chief down there. So he has our back.

  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited January 2016

    Josie Good to hear someone has u r back! Emotional blackmail is what it is. Hopefully the authorities will get the guy some help. Let us know how she makes out. Stressful for sure. Big Hugs ((((())))

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited January 2016

    I PM'd RunFree last night and was delighted when she responded almost immediately. She wants everyone to know she is absolutely fine, thinks of us often, and may stop in to say hello.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    Thanks Fran. I haven't heard from her yet. She was going to call me if she decided to come back last night. He showed up after being gone for like 5 hours with her vehicle with roses and chocolate. Begging for anouther chance and saying he loved her.She called me crying and frustrated. He says if she leaves he's going with her.

    Brookside, I'm so happy you heard from RunFree. I have missed her. I hope she pops in and says hi.

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited January 2016

    Josie-abusers do that----they try to win them back and tell them it won't happen again, until it does---and the attacks become more agrressive and more closely together .......She is probably not strong enough to do this by herself......

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    Redheaded, I talked to my DD this afternoon she told me she she's going to give him anouther chance and will leave on Sunday if he's not changed. How can someone change in 3 days? He isn't going to change but it she isn't ready to leave. I feel pretty helpless . She probably won't leave even if I go down there if she's not ready. Yet last night that's all she could talk about is leaving.

  • marijen
    marijen Member Posts: 2,181
    edited January 2016

    Domestic violence only escalates. She should call police if it happens

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited January 2016

    Josie - I'm so sorry you and DD are going through this. Let me echo what everyone else has suggested. When the time comes and she is determined to leave DO NOT go w/o a police escort. I've been in a similar situation and her situation is a textbook abuser. Physical or emotional - they are both are just as harmful. Don't assume he won't go off the deep end. His attempted suicide is an effort to illicit sympathy. Not trying to scare you but please don't go by yourself.

    My granddaughter is dating a guy who is an alcoholic. They both attend Furman. She thinks she can fix him. Of course she can't. Her mom has talked to her but so far to no avail.

    Keep us posted. We are all worried about you and her.

    Went to GW yesterday but my team lost to Redhead's Bucs. Dang.

    Glad Run free is k. Hope Cindy posts soon.

    Diane

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    How I woke up from my nap this afternoon.DD dog his name is Tankimage

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    Tank is huge but won't hurt a fly. Too bad DD didn't take him to the lake with her.But he's afraid of her crazy Boy

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited January 2016

    Pup looks so loving! Still no word from DD? On tenterhooks here.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    DD just called she's in town.

    she came back to town apparently early this morning but her gas tank was leaking and her boyfriend needed to get medical treatment for his abcessed tooth.She didn't call me though till this evening when they were ready to go back.I couldn't believe he was with her and that she was going back tonight.Me and her dad and Tank just stood there in disbelief

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    she had a hard time leaving tank so is not going back till tomorrow. They are sleeping at his parents tonight.I told her to heck with her clothes and stuff and pretty much begged her not to go back down there.Im starting my new job this Thursday and cannot just drop everything to go get her.dont get me wrong.I would if I had to but hopefully I won't have to

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited January 2016

    You and DH (and Tank) must be beside yourselves!

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    yes we are. Tank didn't expect her to leave.The only reason she left him in the first place was because her boyfriend told her his friend asked them not to bring the dogs down this time.He left his dog with his parents too.So maybe Tank will convince her to stay

  • SAB
    SAB Member Posts: 1,121
    edited January 2016

    Oh Josie, my heart goes out to you. So hard when you can see clearly what's happening and your child cannot. I hope everything works out safely, and soon.

    p.s. I'm in love with Tank.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    Thanks SAB,

    Apparently I said too much when they came over last night and her boyfriend suddenly realized that she never intended to stay down there all week.I said something to the effect of "you told me Tank would only be here for a few days and its been over a week". DD boyfriend realized that she had planned to leave all along. Then my mother in law texted her and pretty told her her thoughts on the situation. Well he had her phone at ty he time so he read the text first.

    Now change of plans she has broken up with him and her father and I are going down today to move their stuff. He wants to move up here too and since we rented the Uhaul there is plenty of room .

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited January 2016

    Happy New Year ladies!

    Josie, I am glad your DD is trying to break things off with this young man. He scares me (as I am sure he does you and your husband) and shows classic signs of an abuser as others here have told you. Why was he reading HER texts? That is invasive and not right and immediately is a red flag. Taken by itself, not so much..but with all the other information you gave us, most definitely!

    PS, am also in love with Tank!

    Heart

    Just wanted to stop by and say hello. Love to all!

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    April, I agree and said the same thing to her. I m in love with Tank too. He is a sweetheart and she loves him so much. I really got attached to him while he stayed with us.

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited January 2016

    So happy, Josie.

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited January 2016

    Get a smaller U haul and tell him sorry, he will have to co me up with a way to get back up to St. Louis on his own. Then go to court and get a domestic violence order of protection---emergency based on the current situation. If she is living with you, you and your family need to also be on the order. Once he is served, she has to back to get a plenary (2 year) order. If he so much as calls her, or comes on the property, you report it as a violation. People who abuse women usually start out abusing animals......

  • chisandy
    chisandy Member Posts: 11,408
    edited January 2016

    I would agree with Red--but with the caveat that I do not practice in MO and its laws and procedures might differ from those in IL. Also make sure you have a couple of safe shelters in reserve should she need them.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited January 2016

    Love Tank too. What a sweetie!

    Josie that's encouraging she is moving back even if he is coming too. What are his parents like? Do you like them? Wondering if they know how screwed up he is.

    Keep us posted. Be safe.

    Diane

  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited January 2016

    I agree with Red!


  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    Well we are back from the lake. It was pretty ridiculous. She was met with their roommates mother and her wife. They were very rude and pretty much were there to make sure they paid the rent before getting their stuff.Their sons was going to move out too because the guy renting them the home was going to jail.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited January 2016

    She hasn't given up on this guy yet. We wanted to leave early but they had been up all night talking so after several attempts at reaching them We just showed up at his house knocking at the door with the UHaul. Well I had never met his parents they woke them up and They met up with us at our house and we left.She says the boy has agreed to get some help. Unfortunately I don't think that will last.My mother in law was not willing to let him stay at her house so she ended up back at his.I told her it's not going to change but I would be there for her to pick up the pieces as always.I don't think his parents know that he tried to take his life over her.My brother has Bipolar and has been on meds all of his adult life. He's the sweetest man you could ever meet.I don't blame the boy for his illness but blame him for not wanting to deal with it. I'm not too crazy about letting her live there with him but at least their not alone.She's too forgiving.


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