Radiation recovery
Comments
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Thanks. But my daughter is not so much tackling with this beast as she is dancing with it. My husband and I are the ones who are committed more so to her recovery and then again, we realize this is her dance/tackle, not ours. Cancer showed me that at least. Still, it is very hopeful to hear about your daughter and Sab's.
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Janis,
I really hope you are doing better this week. You have been through so much. Sending good thoughts...
truebff, My son is dancing with the beast as well...has had a rough 2 years...just got 60 days notice for being let go on his job. It's the economy; but the "beast' plays a part. He had a great job interview in another state last month....and he never heard back. So unemployment looms again.
We know that there will be up and down times, and as much as we want to, we can't fix everything.
Here's to keeping priorities and good health.
Joan0 -
truebff-I send you a hug. I know the frustrations well.
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Hugs to you too Joan.
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There are beasts and there are beasts... Hugs to all.
And Janis, feel better soon!!
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Hi ladies, just wanted to take a minute and let you know I'm thinking about you. How are the diets going this week?
I've been off the letrozole for a week now and I haven't had any lessening of the side effects. The doctor said it would get worse before it gets better, but I didn't really believe her. I guess I should've!
Hope everyone is having a great week!
Steph
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Since the topic has been discussed, I can talk safely I believe here. My oldest son Ryan is an alcoholic. It is completely heartbeaking as he has no interest in getting better. He is a sweet, shy, educated and very sad young man. My heart aches for him. He was a gifted student and athlete in high school when depression stole him. We have a long family history of mental illness. My uncle was bi-polar and committed suicide at age 50. Eight months later my cherished brother committed suicide. Depression and alcololism took the best of him as well. He killed himself just after his wife told him she was leaving him for another man. I talked to him for hours on the phone the night before he died. I thought he was okay. Ryan was 11 when Rich died and took it so hard. I took him to counseling and his therapist told me he was at high risk later in life for alcohol or sunstance abuse as he was so intelligent and sensitive. I thought he was okay for awhile. Then we moved out of state and his depression became so profound. His first suicide attempt was at 16. He was hospotalized for four months but managed to improve on meds. He graduated HS with honors. Later he married and moved to Denver and put himself through college. He graduated with dual BA's....one in Spanish the other in German. Sadly his drinking escalated, he was unable to hold any job, his marriage fell apart. My ex husband and I got him into a private rehab facility after he got a DUI. While in rehab his wife left him and moved back to Wyoming with her parents. He has declined over the years. He loves at my ex husband's house and has no friends or interaction with anyone. My youngest son has disowned him completely. I am about the only person he still talks to. He went to rehab again a few years ago and began drinking as soon as he got out. Once, when drunk, he confessed to me that the only reason he has not killed himself is because he does not want to put a third suicide on me. His exact words. Instead he confessed he hopes just to drink enough at one time to simply not wake up. OMG.............every day my heart just breaks for him. I worry every day he will succeed. I live with this fear and it just breaks me. I call and he rarely answers, but sometimes calls back. I did talk to him yesterday. He is so sad. I can't help him. He refuses to take any meds or consider rehab again. I try so hard to encourage him to seek help but he won't. He is 35. He rarely sees his 10 year old son now. His reasoning is that he believes Wesley is better off without his influence. i feel so helpless that I am now so far away. He wants to see me so much and I know I am his only anchor. We had to move here two years ago due to my DH's poor health. This has been very rough. Every time the phone rings I have that feeling of terror. I am so afraid one day that call will come.
I commend anyone who can beat this terrible disease. Or those struggling with depression who seek help. I began taking an antidepressant around the time of my cancer diagnosis. Recently I asked my PCP to double the dosage, which he did. I try so hard, but recognize the need for a little help.
Thank you all for giving me a voice. I rarely talk about this, but it helps to know I have compassionate friends here who can relate, and who understand.
With love to all.......
Janis
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Justmejanis and others,
I am completely convinced that mothers and others caretaking and loving someone we love with all our hearts who is caught in the throws and / or craziness of addiction or depression or both can affect our abilities to ward off things like cancer in ourselves.
It breaks us or makes us so much more vulnerable and we have to hold ourselves and our sistership strong. I am going to soon start a thread just for that.
The Connection of Mothers of Addicts and Troubled Loved Ones Who Get Cancer
I am seeing again and again too many of us. We need to find ways to still love our loved ones and not get sick doing that either.
I'm not sure I have the answers, but together, we will find them.
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Janis, I am so sorry. Mental illness is, to me, worse than cancer even. Why does your son refuse psychiatric help? Bipolar usually responds quite well to meds.
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Momine...Ryan suffers from clinical depression. He is not bi-polar. Still, he refuses all help. To be perfecrtly honest I think he has just given up. After he wife left he never moved on. She has someone else and this just makes him more miserable and angry. He also suffers (I believe) from a serious form of some sort of social anxiety. As bright as he is, he is shy and cannot converse with people easily. It is heartbreaking. Mental illness is so misunderstood and causes so much grief.
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Janis,
I'm so sorry to hear all this, but am especially glad that you felt strong enough, and loved enough to be able to share this with us. What a hard illness to deal with, both for you and for them. I'm glad you've gotten some anti-depressent meds and that they help. I think sometimes groups like Al-anon and other support groups can do a great deal to help the survivors/caretakers deal with this too, as the stress does take its toll.
Truebff, I agree that dealing with these kinds of issues take a toll on each of us. In my case, I don't think stressfull issues allowed my cancer to flourish, but I agree that stress sure could cause such a blow. have you noticed how many of us also have back/dics issues too? And there's certainly lots of stress issues out here, weather from drug/substance abuse, elderly care, or just life in general. This all must have some sort of link to a large percent of the cancers.
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Hello Ladies,
my heart breaks for you Janis. I know that helpless, hopeless feeling from both sides. I am an addict in recovery (for 25 years now) but my husband never could get clean for more than 3 months at a time. It is so hard watching someone we love not trying to get better. I felt if I could just love him enough or if he could love me and the kids enough he would get better. But it isn't like that, there is a dis "ease" that makes it near impossible to reach out. We both had the same chances to get clean and it was the grace of god and my desperation to be there for my kids that kept me clean a day at time, but it wasn't the same for him. He died 12 years ago now. I had to let go of him and save me and the kids. The mental issues are one thing, but the self medicating with alcohol (and drugs) puts another dimension on the big picture. So no great words of wisdom, just empathy for what you are going thru.
This is just a thought, maybe there is a discussion group on line he could join?
Anyway, this dx has put me in a strange position of having drugs offered to me a lot. While going thru surgery and rads I was on vicodin for 3 weeks, but now I am back to just aleve and advil. I am a member of a 12 step program and that helps, but I also get so much help here to not feel alone with my feelings.
I am almost 5 weeks from the end of rads. My rad breast has shrunk and now is quite a bit smaller than the other side. Is that normal? I am dealing with the stabbing pains and the general achiness, but I was caught by surprise by the difference in size. I guess I just never thought about it. LOL
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macatacmv-yes, shrinkage is normal. I joke with my DH "who do you want to sleep with tonight?" (Sorry if that's TMI!)
Janis-I am the mom of a self-medicating addict/alcoholic who's in recovery now and I send you a big hug. I am going to look up the names of some of the books we read with our daughter when we were going through our initial battle, and post at bff's new thread.
Weight loss creeps along...still going in the right direction but only .5-.8 pound a week. I'll take it!
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Sab thank you so much. Also for being so honest in the new thread. I hate that you have been there, but know that you understand.
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I've been off the discussion board for five days...had a great visit with my DD and DGds in NJ...the best! Then a very busy few days at work. Tomorrow is my last class before the final Tuesday. I cannot wait.
When I am not here, I do miss everyone....and I read with great empathy your heartfelt posts about your loved ones and the struggles of addiction. Janis, I have no advice for you but unbounded empathy. My son is my soulmate; pride of my life; we are so alike. I have always been irreverent towards authority, with a humorous take....and he is the same. He has a tough time....soon he will be out of work again. Two years ago, he lost his job suddenly, lost his drive, lost his girlfriend, lost his apartment share and his possessions.
When the gf broke it off, he called me, devastated. I told him I was coming to get him...he said he'd take the train. He didn't want to be alone. I picked him up at the train station and my handsome scholar athlete collapsed on my lap and sobbed. He told me he thought about ending his life...and he told me he thought about how he'd do it. I was very calm and offered to take him to a safe place. I explained I couldnt stay up to watch over him all night....we stayed up for hours and talked about everything that mattered.I was sooo scared but tried to stay calm and trust my fears to God...He thought he'd stop drinking, but when he got some work, he went back to his old ways. Now he's lost another job....and I am worried again.
Janis, I know the feeling, but not the helplessness that you are going through.
I have been to alanon after I found my youngest son passed out on the floor next to a bottle of gin. We stayed with him all night and I was scared. He was a dark, angry child that never came out of his room for about 4 years except to pick up his dinner and go back. He finally went off to college and came home to tell me he is gay. He is now so settled, successful, and he really reached out to me when I got BC.
I will visit him in a week and am so excited....but I cannot count the nights I lay in my bed wondering what I'd find....did the counseling....was told he was fine....but I was afraid he would blow up the house or something. Anyway, it was absolutely nothing that I did....he just grew into a positive place after being in a pit for years.
I can only hope that we can stay connected to our kids.
My best friend had a bipolar mother and she left home at 16. She has 5 boys now and they are fighting social disorder and depression constantly. She and I each had a child die very young. We share the terrible fear of losing a child again....I do not know why I go on and on except that I empathize with everything that has been said here in this not-quite-so-public discussion. I do not know how I feel about the alanon and naranon tough love; I always felt that where there's life, there's hope......but it has to be the addict's idea to seek a new life.
Prayers for all.....and yes, I believe that this kind of stress triggers compromises in our body systems.
I will also pray, Janis, that somehow your son will try prescription medication again. I am sure he knows how much you love him....and how he loves you too.
I will check out the other thread when I get a chance.
Wishing a good night to all...
Joan0 -
To Janis and to all the mothers worrying about their precious children, I do not have any advice either. I just have a heart full of love and admiration for you. Just listening to your children talk helps so much. I work on a suicide hotline and our main job is simply to listen wholeheartedly to our callers. Do not worry about asking your children if they have thought about suicide or how they planned to kill themselves. Talking is always good and it will not put ideas in their heads. Sending hugs to all of you.
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Mostlysew-Is your avatar a quilt? Pretty.
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Elizabeth...thank you. I think it is wonderful the volunteer work that you do. When people need help, a comforting voice and ear if often all the difference. What a selfless thing for you to do!
I am having a procedure on my neck Monday morning. It is called a 'facet Joint Injection'. I'll be calling on all of you for support, AGAIN! Someone bring something decadent, please? Pocket party calories do not count! It is an outpaient procedure, but described by the doctor as "uncomfortable". Hmmmm, I so hope that is as bad as it gets! I swear lately I am becoming such a wimp to medical related procedures!
Does anyone have any special plans for Mother's Day? I hope all you great moms out there have something going on that is fun! Whether new plans, or special traditions, post away. This is your day coming up after all!
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Justmejanis, going on a road trip on Monday but will detour to hop in your pocket. Good luck.
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In your pocket too, Janis!
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Janis-I have had a hankering for moist sponge cake with chocolate frosting just like my momma used to make. A little messy for a pocket party, but definitely worth it. I'll bring enough for everyone!
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Hi Janis,
I'm in too....how about 7 layer chocolate tort? Rounded out with Strawberry Daquris? Would go great with the sponge cake Sab is making......
Hi Sab,
My avatar is actually a traditional hooked rug I designed. Thanks for the compliment. I've actually won a few prizes with that rug.....my one and only claim to fame!0 -
SAB.....I have to stop looking at the picture of that cake. It looks so good. Please include it! I will make sure to bring plenty of napkins. My contribution to the party!
MostlySew.....The rug design is amazing. Beautiful work. You are so talented. Where on earth are you going to find time to make that torte? That is a lot of layers. That will be perfect with SAB's cake, and of course the daquiris. Are you growing the strawberries as we speak?
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Janis, I will be in your pocket. I will bring some applesauce muffins and fresh brewed coffee. I hope all will go well. Sending lots of hugs to you.
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Elizabeth...thanks so much! It is great comfort to know you will be there.
Everyone, I had an amazing and incredible surprise yesterday. I am still glowing. My DH was out front working on the lawn. He came in the house and said he needed my help with something out near the driveway. I walked out, and there stood my son Adam and DIL Jenifer. They flew in from Denver to surprise me for Mother's Day! Chuck knew all about it and did not even hint. They are just here for thje weekend but I will take whatever I can get. It was unreal to see them. Last night they took me to dinner, my choice. I picked Olive Garden. We all had such a fantastic time. Sharing and caring. Pure bliss!
They are staying at a hotel as Jenifer is very allergic to cats and I have three. They brought tons of work with them (they are both geologists, working at different oil companies in Denver). So they worked on and off yesterday, but we still had plenty of time to visit. Last night after dinner we came home and played Cribbage. Something Chuck doesn't play, so that was really fun for me. Jen had to work, they both brought their laptops. I even beat the kid, LOL.
Anyway had to share my joy, bliss........this is the most amazing gift ever. The gift of family.
I hope all you wonderful Mom's out there have a glorious day tomorrow. I know I am still glowing!
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justmejanis, What a wonderful surprise. Happy Mother's day a day early to all. Hope everyone gets to enjoy a glorious weekend.
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Janis-That's wonderful! Enjoy every minute and happy mother's day to all.
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Janis that is such a wonderful surprise, you deserve it!!!
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Janis, I am happy for you. Personally I am so down tonight. I will be alone tonorrow and that is making me sad, although I will be going to see my Children in Northbrook, Il June 13. I am sad about the prospect of facing more breast reconstruction surgeries, and dubious results. My surgeon said that I will have a nice outcome, but my breasts will never match. Sorry to be so down. Happy Mothers day everyone
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Hey ladies, sending you big hugs from AL. We always want to make everything perfect for our kids and the hardest thing to accept is that sometimes the only thing we can do is just be there for them and love them.
Janis, what a wonderful surprise for the weekend! I just love hearing about it!
Kate, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. You're going to enjoy your visit with your family so much in a few weeks! It's a pain that my breasts don't match, I'm not gonna lie...my clothes slide over because one side is a lot smaller than the other. But overall, I would guess that even though there is a pretty substantial size difference, no one would even notice unless I pointed it out. I could wear a prosthesis (there's that much difference) but those aren't comfortable enough for me. I don't even like wearing a bra!
I took my first Aromasin today. I haven't had much relief from the aches and pains of Femara even after two weeks off. I've read a couple of articles about how the onset of arthritis is a rare side effect of surgery and hormonals. I hope I'm not one of the rare ones. But if I am, I guess I'll just deal with it, right?
I hope y'all all have a lovely day tomorrow, whether you are a mother or whether you are not. It's a beautiful day to be alive!
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