"The most ENCOURAGING things said to you during your journey"
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I was a little apprehensive about showing my Husband my scar, the morning after my Umx. I don't really know why, he had been an absolute rock for me. He was at every appointment and supported me in every way.
I had nothing to be concerned about, because when I showed it to him, his response was "Wow, that will heal really well, you don't need 2 boobs to be gorgeous!" He's a keeper! LOL
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My husband and I are both recently retired RNs. When I came home from the hospital after a right modified radical, I really wanted to take a shower and my surgeon had said OK. My husband looked me in the eye and said "you need to go ahead and look when I take off the dressing. You have seen lots of mastectomies, just not yours". He was right. He got in the shower with me and held the drain and helped me bathe. It was so wonderful.
He also shaved my head when my hair began to come out, we were ready had the electric shaver, scarves and my wig. It was one of the most loving things he could have done.
He, my sister and a few friends were beside me all the way. I will never forget that.
My surgery was April 2012, I finished my chemo in late summer and radiation in the late fall. I have lymphedema in my right arm and other lingering issues, but I am well.
Today, I was cleaning up in an office where we tend to "put stuff to go through later". Now that we are retired we have no excuses. This spring, I helped a nursing student with a project about the cost of breast cancer. I looked through the file with all the bills and doctor stuff. My husband cried then, I did not. Today, I found some notes with doctor names and phone numbers and a calendar with all the appointments.....and I sobbed uncontrollably for quite awhile. I have no idea why that was so hard today, but I find tears in my eyes as I write this.
I just had to tell someone besides my sweet husband.
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Thank you for sharing this lovely story.
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I was told its not what outside You its inside that counts more
That was a helpful way to look at other people now.
The love and big hearts You cant see.
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Diagnosed stage iv from the start, I only shared the news with close family. Coworkers only knew it was bc, not the stage. Still, when one woman I worked with sporadically knew I had a bc diagnosis, she brought in holy water from the Vatican, where she'd recently visited. She'd asked me if she could, and would I mind if she annointed me with it and prayed over me. Well, why not? I was touched by her faith and belief in the power of prayer. We quietly tucked ourselves in the back o a room before the workday and she dabbed the water on me and said some prayers. Hey, still here 4 1/2 years later and counting.....
Also, a cousin who I didn't know all that well since she was a number of,years older than me, heard I was dealing with bc. She'd been treated for ovarian cancer. She sent me a card that said, "Betty was so tough, she had a bulldog on her poodle skirt." The inside said, "you're tougher". It touched me, she included a short note and mentioned that we had some good genes in the family, our grandmother lived to 102! That was very encouraging. It's one of the few cards I kept.
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When I was going through high chemo, the Relay for life brought
me in a medal and told me I was a winner! That made it easier
to get the chemo.
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"You're the poster child for early detection!" said my BS.
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a few days after I was diagnosed, I drove my young teenage son to his friend's house.
My son: Mom, are you going to die? Me: I hope not (as I'm trying to figure out the right thing to say)
My son: Mom, will you lose your hair? Me: I might. (long pause) ... (jokingly I say) will you shave your head if I do?
My son: YES! of course I would Me: (shocked) but what would the kids at school say?
My son: Who cares. I will tell them my mom has breast cancer..........Mom...I would do anything for you.
I have seriously replayed this conversation in my head a thousand times in the last week. It squeezes my heart and makes me feel so loved, gives me encouragement, and makes me want to do anything in my power to beat this and live a long life. I will always remember him saying "mom...I would do anything for you". He is not a kid of many words when it comes to deep feelings, so this is huge!
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My daughter was 10 at the time. She is already much prettier than I am. When I lost my hair I felt so ugly, I could not imagine she would want to even look at me, let alone kiss me. The pretty girl with the ugly bald mom. She camein to my room one day and told me I was beautiful. It came out very organically, and I believed her.
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2 things that made a significant impact for me. 1. the morning that I realized in the shower that my hair was coming out in clumps (day 13 of my first chemo tx) I got ready as usual and went to work. I called my significant other and told him of the morning event and that I would be coming home after 1/2 a day. I asked him if we could go to dinner, have a couple of drinks and then come home. we did, and when we got home we made love, got up and he shaved my head. when done we went back to bed and we made love again. I will never forget feeling loved and desired AFTER he shaved my head
2. I work in a hospital, so I decided to rock the bald look the best I could. the day after we shaved my head I went to the grocery store. A woman walked right up to me and said " I don't know where you are in your journey, but you are beautiful" I WILL TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY THAT PRESENTS ITSELF TO SAY THAT TO SOMEONE...............0 -
bj, wow, what a powerful story. The words from that woman in the grocery store...I shall remember and repeat them to others, too. Just beautiful. And life affirming.
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mrs.m.....you will change someone's life if you do
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You can do it! One day at a time, My friend would say
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Best words from a doctor: "It's not your fault."
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It is now 9 years ago, and when I think back, there are a few comments that helped me enormously & which really stuck in my mind.
Before I was formally diagnosed, I went to see a specialist private doctor/consultant (I was treated on the NHS) who scanned me and knew straightaway it was breast cancer. I asked him what the treatment was and he said chemo, operation & radiotherapy. I sat there thinking I can't believe this is happening to me - it just seemed to unreal. I was feeling pretty desperate and I said to him, "Will I be okay?" He took my hand gently and said, "You'll be okay." He had no idea whether I would or wouldn't be - but just those few simple word really really helped.
The other thing that helped was when my oncologist told me that the treatment he was giving me, he considered to be curative treatment. That always stuck in my mind.
One last thing, at my last appointment with my consultant (I see the consultant & oncologist alternatively every 6 months) he has never been able to answer my question as to whether I'll be okay, as he simply can't answer it - he told me, for the first time ever, that he's really pleased with me. That felt so good.
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I was humbled by the outpouring of support from friends and family. Lots of encouraging things I could share. One is my sister brought me a 2 pound box of chocolate from a candy store in Philadelpia. It was the biggest box with the most delicious tasting candy I ever had. She also just came to visit one day and suggested we go for a ride in the car. I hadn't been out for some days and it just felt good. We went through the drive in bank and just around my area for about an hour. Sometimes the smallest package in the mailbox could give me the biggest smile. Once there was a package of purple straws another time a set of 10 colored pencils.
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My six year old daughter places her hand on my head and repeatedly whispers, "I Love you" in my ear. We call it her momma Reiki. Makes me smile.
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each year that goes by NED the lower your risk of cancer return is.
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I was in that awful in-between stage between a BIRADS 4 ultrasound and a core-needle biopsy that, due to work travel commitments and the necessity to discontinue some meds, would take place two weeks later. I was sitting in a classroom at an entertainment law continuing legal ed course in New Orleans; and seemingly in between every sentence the lecturer uttered, the thought “I might have cancer. I probably have cancer. What if I have cancer?” kept playing in my head on an endless loop. At the coffee break, another woman about my age--like me also a musician, I found out--introduced herself. We chatted for awhile and she looked at me and said, “Something’s wrong. You seem to be not entirely in the moment.” I sighed and told her. She said, “First, you don’t know it’s cancer, chances are it isn’t and don’t make yourself crazy before the biopsy. Second, if it is, you will be fine.” I asked her how she could tell, and she smiled and said “We seem to be pretty much alike--two years ago at this time I had endometrial cancer. I’m cancer-free now. You will beat yours as well.” This year’s conference is coming up in 2 weeks--I have other commitments both medical and professional so I can’t go--but I see she’ll be there, showcasing at House of Blues. She lives in Baton Rouge--hope she didn’t get flooded.
Two weeks later, I got my diagnosis the night of the day after the biopsy. The next day was a whirlwind--make b.s. appt., get EKG, blood draws, flu & Prevnar shots from my primary--then a music-business meeting over cocktails down in the Loop. I Uber’ed it down, drank about a gallon of Virgin Marys (joking that I was my Uber driver’s "designated navigator”), and finished the meeting. It was a nice night, the subway was only three blocks away, so I took it home. Got out at my neighborhood station, and crossed Broadway for the short walk home.
When I got to the sidewalk, I was stopped in my tracks by this chalked on it:
How could the writer have known I’d be walking by, on that very evening, with such a worry on my mind? P.S.--the next day the message was gone, rained away.
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CHISandy - LOVE that story!!!
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I had surgery before chemotherapy and at my first meeting with my oncologist, after telling me he recommended TAC because he wanted to be as aggressive as possible due to my age (35), he said, "Remember that we've taken the cancer out. It's gone. Now we're just going to do everything to keep it from coming back." I think back to that a lot. I know he can't know that absolutely, but it is a comfort to hold on to.
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Most recently, "the PET scan is negative!"
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My nurse said " I know you can beat this!"
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"If you don't get well from cancer soon, there will be huge hospital bills waiting for you!"
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Congrats, you have NED!
No Evidence of Dollars
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LOL! That is so funny! That made me smile!
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When I told her of my diagnosis a friend looked me straight in the eye and said, "This will be hard. You can do hard things."
I loved it because in two short sentences she acknowledged the difficulty of the journey ahead and reinforced for me the fact that I had reserves of strength on which to draw. I've used it as a sort of mantra when facing tough times and found it of tremendous comfort
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What a great thread. I'm sure I will be revisiting these posts often. On the first day of returning to work after receiving my diagnosis, I went to lunch with a co-worker. This gal is a high-powered, New York tough as nails director in my company, and usually very emotionless. After we ordered our food, she looked at me from across the table and could tell something was wrong. She looked into my eyes and asked what was wrong. I told her of my diagnosis. Her gaze softened. I could tell it struck something in her. Instinctively I knew she connected with BC somehow, but she didn't reveal how. She took my hand (this shocked me), and told me:
"You are not cancer. Cancer starts a new chapter in your life, but it is not the whole story. The rest of your story hasn't been written yet, so you fight this and write the rest with courage and love in your heart. Got it?"
Those words have stayed with me since that sunny day 3 years ago, and have gotten me through so much, especially through those times when I felt like dealing with this was engulfing me. I made sure I was writing my story, not cancer.
Funny, I still see her all the time in our high-rise office, full of grit and pizzaz. But when we pass each other she winks at me and gives an ever so subtle smile that no one can detect but me. I know this is her saying, you go girl.
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NYCexec, it is lovely that you connected in that way
When I told one of my staff, also a friend, that I had BC, her response surprised me. She told me that I could be as intimidating as all hell, and that the cancer would soon learn it was pointless in trying to take me on.
It always makes me laugh when I think of that, for one I have never thought of myself as intimidating, just decisive with common sense. I'm now stage IV, although still doing well, so perhaps I need to up the intimidation factor
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