Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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I have not checked out this forum for awhile as I have been visiting the radiation forum now that I will be starting March 12th. It has been 4 weeks today since my 6th and final chemo treatment and a week from today before radiation. I feel betwix and between now and find myself feeling very vulnerable, like I am not doing anything to kill this disease. I met with my radiation oncologist last week and got mapped out, which went well. I have asked both my medical oncologist and my radiation oncologist if I will need a pet scan or chest xrays during this process and they both said no. I am wondering if any of you have had any tests ran during your treatments or after they were completed. Sandyland, like you, if I get any kind of pain at all, my mind goes to the "dark place" then I remind myself that these were my usual aches and pains long before I was diagnosed. Still, now that I have had cancer, I cannot assume that these are "old age pains." I am 58, pushing 59. So I will mention it to my doctor on my next trip.
I am hoping that I tolerate radiation as well as I did chemo. I now have some peach fuzz on my head but it will be a long while before I go without headwear in public. This week we have to pack up and move for the 6 weeks I will be getting radiation. That might be the hardest part orf all.
I wish each and everyone of you well. You are all brave warriors and though it seems endless, you will all get to the finish line. Thanks for listening.
Allagashmaggie
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Sandyland-- nicely said! We are sisters here and we are here to feel safe and free to show up as we are and as we need to be. Post on!!
I have an announcement-- I went out in public today with no hat!!!
Ok now for the full story-- I hmmm shaped my peach fuzz this weekend with some slippers and a pair of shears...nicely down kinda high and tight the marines might say. but it IS fuzz. So I get to work with a hat on and my coworkers who are all so supportive asked to see my "cut" I got my head rubbed a few times. Boss came in and she said how great it looked and said-- don't wear your hats with our patients-- show up as you are. We are authentic here!!!!
...so... I did.
Not a single comment from the patients..... still pondering if it is their illness and taht they only see themselves or heck, I looked GREAT...nah.... must be the former...
RFLMBO (rolling on the floor laughin my boobs off) ...oops.. they are already OFF!
Q
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grandmaV, thank you! i've been thinking about you and wondering how radiation is going for you. maybe you've posted about it somewhere else, but i missed it.0
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YaYa, I'm doing ok so far. I had treatment 16 today and I'm a little more pink, and a little swollen, but still no pain. I'm using emu oil, because thats all my RO recommends. So I have 9 more whole breast and 5 boosts left.
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Quaatsi, Thanks for that laugh. I have about an inch in most places now, and have thought about going without headgear, but it sticks up and I think I'm a little too old to wear it spiked.
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Q ~ As usual, you have me laughing out loud. My family probably thinks I'm crazy in here laughing all by myself. That was super brave to go all-natural today. I went out to lunch with a girl friend today and I was telling her how weird I am now. Before cancer I was like, "I am woman, hear me ROAR!" Now, I feel timid and insecure out of my home. Often I feel vulnerable too, which probably comes from all the times I nearly passed out in stores while I frantically tried to finish Christmas shopping when I was in such bad shape from chemo. My husband has become a bit of a security blanket for me out in public. So I am applauding your amazing ability to just be yourself! Bravo! I am now 13 days after my last TAC infusion and my hair isn't anywhere NEAR coming back in. I wish I had fuzz :-\
YaYa ~ It is good to hear from you and I'm so glad you are doing well
GrandmaV ~ Thanks for keeping us updated on how your rads is going. I'm right behind you, due to begin in the last week of March. I'm keeping close tabs on what the effects have been on you as you soldier through. I'm also planning to use Emu oil unless my RO has some other fantastic suggestion.
I feel really weary of treatment right now. I know some others were saying this as well over the last day or two. Since August 5th I have expended SO much energy dealing with this crazy diagnosis that I never saw coming...psyching myself up for a mastectomy that I barely had time to prepare for...facing chemo before even feeling recovered from surgery... Now, I have finally ~ finally finished chemo which was horrible and I thought would never end, only to have to gear up for another round of doctors appointments and 6 weeks of radiation. I just don't know if I have it in me. I know many of you are right here with me, or have been in this spot recently. Any words of wisdom, or should I just go the "suck it up and do it" route?
Wishing you all sound and peaceful sleep,
SAN
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Allagashmaggie ~ I am about to have my 6th (and last) chemo on Friday. II hope it isn't any harder than #5 was...that last one was a doozy! I will also be doing rads shortly after that. I was just discussing with one of my good friends (and a BC survivor as well) how I am going to feel "in limbo" between the treatments and especially after the Herceptin is finished in November. I hope, like so many on these boards say, it will get easier and we won't feel so uncertain after awhile.
GrandmaV ~ Glad you are doing pain free during rads. I am hoping for the same for all of us who have that journey ahead of us. I am glad to hear your hair is growing...can't wait for that to start. This "Uncle Fester" look is getting a bit old for my liking!
Quatsi ~ Glad you took the plunge and everyone approved. I am looking forward to that day as well, but don't know if I will have the nerve to go natural until I have some good coverage and probably some really good hair dye. It is fairly obvious that after 25 years of covering whatever my natural color was, it is now very gray!
I don't post really often either, but just want to say thanks for all the support and information I read here from all of you...it really has been an unbelievable help. Hugs and happy thoughts...Linda
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Sandy, I felt really weary, too, just before starting rads 3 weeks ago, I just didn't think I had it in me. but now that I'm more than half-way into it, I'm beginning to feel a little excited that I'm about to get done with the hard part. I hope my skin continues to hold up. After radiation, I'll have herceptin until November, the same as Linda and an AI for 5 years, so there won't be as many doctor's visits and hopefully, I'll be able to concentrate on something else for a change.
Linda, I thought I looked more like Jabba the Hutt. Now I kind of look like one of my Uncles. Hopefully some day I will look like me. My hair has come in a lot more gray than it was.
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Linnyhop- I feel that hmm betwix and between feeling when I go for a week without chemo. I am now on a 3 weeks of chemo and one week off. This past week has been week off. I am getting a sense of what it might feel like when I finish the herceptin so I am thinking of a way--better way for me than just grin and bear it-- to make use of this feeling.
The weariness-- I just try to acknowledge it for what it is. We are all doing quite a terrific job in a very difficultt situation. It is hard to keep it up. I look at my husband and my son who really have no idea when this will all end and I realize they are STILL in this with me-- so I have to keep going and find the lesson and the growth in all of this.
I was thinking about the " I am woman, hear me roar" thought. I think that I feel just as strong inside now with cancer/chemo than I felt when I was not in chemo. Not sure why but I take this as really a physical change-- my body is weak. And since I have never "seen" people from the outside, why would I see me that way...does that make any sense? We are souls walking around in a container which allows or facilitates our growth in such a way that the soul comes out or manifests itself. Do I like this current situation?? No, no way. But, if I can keep seeing it like that, like I see other people, then, I seem to feel much better about myself... and people around me are much happier too!!
just some thoughts, Q
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I take pictures without any head coverings whenever possible. The SuperBowl was in Indy...yes, I am by a sign without a headwrap! I love to do this, it is part of my memories. Usually I try to be in the back somewhere and ask for 2 pics to be taken. I don't go out without a scarf because it is cold here. I used to wear my wig all the time but I have found scarves are easier and more fun.
About work---I have a note from my onc that says "No work until further notice." I have so many other things I want to do with my life. My husband said I didn't have to go back. He knows how stressful it is for me.
Today, I am enjoying the sunshine and trying to get some strenght back. I really looked at my toes and my nails are beginning to go. My new nails are almost 100%. I dream about my hair---what color, type, etc. I am wishing for curls!
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Beth, if your husband's ok with it and to stop working is what you want, I say go for it.
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I haven't posted in so long but feel so at home here. Seems like we all have the "put the cheese in the freezer" moments and I too am losing words or substituting the wrong ones-I just laugh at myself. This is quite a journey....I saw a neighbor today and told her I have 5 more weekly Taxol treatments....she said "that was fast"....I said "not for me". Nothing fast or good about chemo. I take that back...the good is knowing chemo is killing any cancer cells and hopefully all cancer cells that could have escaped. I am getting weary for sure of all the SE's....
After chemo I have surgery scheduled, again, had BMX w/reconstruction but had to have a tissue expander removed due to a staph infection. Right now I have one expander and after chemo have another surgery. Due to the fact I need radiation treatments I can't get another expander. I am faced with a TRAM flap and so very nervous. I thought one surgery was enough...now this will be my third. There are so many legs to this journey and each has serious challenges....a week after surgery I start my planning for my radiation treatments that are to start one month post op. No breaks for the weary. Trying to concentrate on knowing this will be a small period of time from my life and work toward my health. Just have to get through the next 5 weeks of Taxol.....
Has anyone had a TRAM flap that could share some helpful insights? Any helpful hints welcome0 -
Quatsi ~ Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I totally "get" feeling strong even though our bodies are getting beat up during this process. I am, of course, very concerned and frightened about the fact that I have BC, but am surprised that I have actually handled all of this as well as I have. When I had a BC scare a few years back I imagined falling apart. But the truth is, I believe women are stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for and somehow we mostly move forward in a positive direction. I work a few days on the last week before each chemo and my co-workers have been so complimentary on how positive I have tried to remain. As I tell them, not to be Pollyanna, but really given the choice to be positive or negative, I have to choose positive. As you said, we are souls in a container and to me positivity allows much more growth and strength! I find that is true of most women who post on these boards and that is what helps all of us get through what we have not chosen, but must endure. And you are right...it makes me and the people around me much happier. I appreciate your words. You really made me think and with the chemo brain I am having, it was a good mental exercise.
Beth ~ Hope your work decision is the one that is best for YOU. Only you know what will help you heal in the best way. As GrandmaV said, if your husband is OK with it, go for it.
Bonseye ~ Have to agree with the good is knowing we are doing all we can to get rid of this rotten BC. As you said the chemo truly is a short termed treatment, but I couldn't have said that 5 months ago. I feel so relieved to know I have one more chemo this Friday, but like you no rest for the weary with rads and Herceptin. But by next year at this time we will be so glad we went for it and did whatever we could to get our health back.
Have a great evening everyone! Linda
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I got some good news from my chemo nurse today, I thought I had to do chemo 16 times but turns out it is only 12, so I.m done with 3/12 treatment as of today without any delays I'll be done May 8, yay! Surgery should be soon after chemo is done.0 -
Julie, that is good news! I'm happy for you.
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Haven't been on in a few days, and love catching up with everyone. naan1004, what great news! And Q, I laughed outloud too! I love stories like that and have a few of my own. AND, I am sure you look great! I have never bothered with a wig except once or twice. Invested in some funky hats that I love and just go for it. Most people LOVE my hats/scarves and I am much more comfortable. I have terrible hot flashes as a side effect and my head just starts sweating terribly! So, hats work for me. With all the side effects I have had, I do keep focusing on the fact that chemo is kicking BC in its butt, so I am okay with that and will deal with it. It is getting tiring, but this is my job right now.
I get strong while weak idea too. My body is so weak for now...but my internal resolve has strengthened, my desire to get well is strong, my desire to see others differently is there in force. With all its lumps and bumps (literally and figuratively!), this journey has taught me so much so far. I know I will not be the same, and pray that I am BETTER for all this struggling. I know we all will be!
Linny - it has been very important to my girls especially to say that I HAD cancer and it was removed during my surgery...chemo and radiation is just preventive. They don't like it when I say I have cancer. A minor matter of semantics, but I understand what they are saying. We are stronger than we think. And whatever our stage of cancer or treatment, it is a rough road. Not pleasant, but I choose the positive too.
Have a good day. It is cool but glorious here in PA. Deep-breathing is required!
Andi
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GrandmaV, thanks for your kind words from a few days ago. It made me smile, and there are so many I would love to meet. Hope you have a blessed day. Andi
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Can't believe that most of our journeys are coming to a close. Can't say that it wasn't a bumpy one, but with the support of all u ladies who post here, couldn't have done it alone. I want to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of u, can't believe how far we've all come. Hang in there everyone!
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It has been quite a ride hasn't it? I am two weeks from my last treatment. I feel like I am in limbo. I deal a lot with depression. I am so tired. I have been driving and going places by myself. I miss being with people but it wears me out.
My chest feels so tight from the expanders. I am not being filled too much--maybe 350cc. I know this is small. My PS says it may be as far as I can go since I had radiation treatments 3 years ago. Has anyone else found a thread for expanders? I have searched and found some info but not a dedicated thread.
Today was a beautiful day in Indiana. It has been warm and very windy. I was out--bible study, lunch with my daughter and I did shop in one store. Came home and I have hit the couch. Oh, I did do a load of laundry. When will I walk again without getting out of breath? If I am doing something fun, it doesn't seem to bother me. Anyone else having breathing problems?
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Andimom ~ I can certainly understand that saying our cancer was removed during surgery is much more reassuring to your daughters. Thinking of it that way feels more that way to me as well! Our preventative treatments are a positive exercise for all of us even if we have lots to go through along the way. At least we know we have been as proactive as we could have possibly been. Even with the lumps and bumps (physically and mentally) I am thankful that treatment allows us a chance for a full and wonderful life. That being said...how about a cure already?
Beth ~ I had to laugh when I read that you don't seem to be out of breath when you are doing something fun...same here. However, if I climb the stairs in my house I feel like an old steam engine....huffing and puffing. Shopping somehow does NOT have that same effect. LOL!
Naan ~ Like you, I can't believe the chemo part of the journey is almost finished. Never believed I could make it through when I started. Hope the rest of our treatments are minus a few of the bumps we have had to endure to get this far.
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Good morning all,
Yep I get the betwixt and between,. Had MX on 2/16 and now jsut in recovery mode. Back to work this week and traveling for work next week. Lots of naps and still need some helparound the house with lifting, changing beds etc. I am in the down sort of place as well. I feellike I have done so much and am only half way thru. I begin the next round of cheom om March 16th,AC for 4 treatments and then mid end of May begin 6 weeks of radiation. I did wellthru the first round of chemo but am nervous about the next stages,
I never lost allof my hair, had a few "floaties" remaining wiht the taxol/herceptin and have gone without a wig or scarf the whole time. I hate things on my head and so just no. It is now begining to grow back, about a quarter of an inch, I had the flaotes trimed yesterday and now it looks like I might wear it thsi way intentionally. Medical folks have been the ones taken most aback by the fact that I am going commando so to speak. They keep telling me I willneed to get a wig,have one,don't wear it ,or a scarf, bought one gave it away. I am just not that much of a trendsetter,I can not be the only one going thru this who goes without. When they bring it up, I hear BLAH BLAH BLAH. Their issue, my head my choice.
Gentle day to all
Nel
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The Joy of Being a Cancer Survivor--
THROW AWAY CONVENTION!!!
yeah to all of us
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I have read that 3-6% of breast cancer patients who had taxotere for chemotherapy never get their hair back. Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since my last treatment, and I am getting worried. Many of you have said that you have some fuzz growing back by now. It is really hard for me to see what is going on, on top of my head, so I have to rely partly on just feeling up there. I, too, had "floaties" left that never fell out after my husband buzzed it to 1/4 inch all over, so it is hard to know if there is any new growth or not. But I don't think there is any new hair growing, and the 1/4 inch floaties are still that length, not any longer. Would everyone please tell me how far away from the last chemo were you when you first noticed your hair growing back?
By the way, I had my first radiation treatment today. It was easy enough, no problems. They did give me 4 more tattoos (They had already given me 4 last week.).
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bahamamom, I've been reading a thread called "Hair, Hair, Hair" and from some of the posts it seems that again, everyone is different. Some have hair right away, some take a lot longer, months. I'm about 2 months after my last chemo and have about an inch now. It was very slow at first and as fine as baby hair, but I just noticed its starting to thicken up. Here's the thread, if you want to check it out.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/707348?page=1
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Just have to say that I am a bit disappointed today. Went for my pre-chemo blood work and it seems that my counts are too low for me to have my LAST chemo tomorrow. I am scheduled for next Friday (3/16) because there is no availability until then. I would have had to wait until Tuesday or Wednesday to have my counts come up so really don't know why those couple of extra days bug me so much...oh wait, I get it now...I just want to be done with this chemo crap! Sorry to vent, but no one can understand my frustration like my fellow warriors. Thanks for listening. Hope your day went well and you are all feeling wonderful! Linda
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Linda ~ No apologies necessary...vent away! We have all used this safe place to scream and yell a time or two. I, like Beth, am now 2 weeks out from my last treatment. I was convinced it would never actually end, but it does. Just keep on marching forward and it will be over at some point, I promise
Beth ~ I have also had to battle depression these last few weeks, which surprises me because now the chemo is finally OVER! One thing I figured out though, is that throughout all of chemo I was just in "survival mode." Sometimes you truly process all that you have been through, once you get to a safe place, like after it is over. Sometimes we are awesome in the crisis, but melt down (or get depressed) once it is over. I'm about as far as you can get from being a depressed person, but I have battled a few days of despondency for sure.
Bahamamom ~ I just did 6 rounds of chemo including Taxotere :-\ I hope I'm not one of the 3-6% that doesn't grow hair back. Being bald has been really hard on me and I didn't think I was going to care, but I do. I WANT MY HAIR BACK!!!
SAN
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bahamamom: Don't despair! I was just about 6 weeks PFC when I noticed anything...and it's so white and fine you sort of need to trust the touch. The hair thread that GrandmaV mentioned is good -- and it's funny how folks seem to post there so often!! Ah -- the commonality effect. Funny -- when I showed by daughter what I thought was progress -- her comment was "great...when can you dye it?" WOW!!!
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Sandyland ~ Thanks for your nice words. I knew I could count on you guys to understand! Congrats on being done with your chemo. I know I will be there soon, but I want it and I want it now! Oh was that a tantrum I just heard myself having? LOL! By the way...I live in Escondido. Looks like we are going to have beautiful weather tomorrow. That should help me get over my crankiness about not having chemo! Take care. Linda
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probably will be starting my chemo in another week...i have to have colonoscopy on march 12 and if everything is "ducky" they said they will start it.
i will have 4 rounds of A/C via a IV...if IV is no good...then the port
MO said i will go every three weeks..said will lose hair in wk 2 or 3. i saw where someone mentioned about nails...does everyone lose their nails...i mean like do they just fall off or what??
so apprehensive...
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Munnybunni, with AC my nails just turned black, no nails fell off. I finished AC over a month ago and my fingernails r back to normal color, but big toes still a little discolored, don't worry too much.
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