February 2012 Chemo
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Hi All
Thanks for the advice for my interview about not talking about BC. I totally didn't and you're all right about lets see if I get past this point and deal with it if and when I get the job offer. Fingers crossed! I have another one tomorrow too so I'll do the same.
Ali
Re Tamoxifen. I get the night sweats too. I do find the earlier I take it the better. Also make sure you take it with food. I have to say if there is an SE to be had you seem to get the worst of it. I'm sure your surgeon will be able to correct the issue you were speaking about after RADS. Glad you MO addressed the issue of being of not being completely back to normal infront of DH too!
Dipad
I hope your interview went well. Gritgirl is right, you are a great candidate in that position because of BC. Fingers crossed you get out of jury duty!
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myleftboob - good luck with the interview. I agree, there is no need to begin with that.
and gritgirl, I'm so glad you are taking a much needed break. You have been through enough for awhile.
Christina, Jenn and anyone else interested - there are a few threads covering fat grafting. the one below has a lot of info on drs in different locations. Dr Khouri's breast center in Miami is like the 'NOLA' of fat grafting. When I go I always run into people who are traveling long distances to see him. He has spent a lot of time training other drs around the county and the ladies on the forum below can refer you to someone in your area if you are interested. He also has had success with radiated tissue, although it is harder to work with he has done full reconstruction on ladies with a fair amount of scar tissue. 2 ladies that I met at the center had implants removed and they are replacing them with grafted fat. Hate to sound like I am pushing anything - I just know that when I first found out that I would need a BMX in November my BS would have referred me to a PS that would have only discussed implants with me. Having the time after the LX allowed me to research more and decide what is best for me.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/769795?page=22#idx_636
Hope everyone is well!
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moonflower, I would have freaked out too if I thought my port had flipped. Scary! Nice that she did not charge you.
myleftboob - Good luck on the interview tomorrow. I hope you get job offers.
ali - glad to hear the rad doctor thinks the surgeon can do something about your nipple. (boy a year ago I would have never imagined saying something like that, KWIM? lol) I hope the tamoxifen SEs lessen, you are a real trooper!
susan - glad you are enjoying your chemo break, but I'm sorry to hear about the neuropathy and feet swelling. I hope your appointment Monday goes well. Keep us posted.
dipad - I am sure being a cancer survivor will be a HUGE plus if you are looking to work at a cancer center! Good luck on your interview next week!
faithhopenluv - thanks for sharing the link, I am going to check it out.
The semester is almost over for me. A little bit of work to do over the weekend, to turn in Monday. I should be happy but instead I cried driving home from class tonight because after class ends, I have surgery. *ugh* Trying to not think about it.
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oh my.. the emotion monster has invaded my body today! I have been going through TONS of various ones.. anger, paranoia, fear, relief, resentment, jealousy, regret, what in the world is wrong with me?? I need to get it to together. someone give me a good smack! oh course then i would be sad, unhappy, tearfull lol and who knows what else.
Tomorrow another herceptin treatment and a PT appt. Not sure how i feel about PT yet.. as long as they are nice and dont yell at me. And if one of them looks like Chris Daughtry all the better.
night everyone!!
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(((((Jen))))))
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Jen
Nothing is wrong with you, you're bound to have those days every now and then. I know I do at times. I'm sure no one is going to yell at you at PT but if they do, YELL BACK!!!
Thanks for all of the well wishes. I haven't been on an intereveiw with a large corporation in a very long time. I of course never mentioned the C word but interestingly enough I was asked "what was your biggest challenge to date and how did you handle it?". I had to dig deep for that one LOL, but was able to come up with a scenerio that had happened recently when I was working for a broker last year just prior to DX. I think the interveiw went well. I have another today with a different but small operation.
Christina
A big hug to you. I know its so scary for you thinking about the upcoming surgery. You are going to do fine. One benefit of having surgery last is you will know if you've had a complete response to chemo. Having had surgery first I'm pretty sure I am fine, but really I'll never know.
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xxxxx
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Jen, I'm with you on this topic.
First DH says come and look at his video on YouTube it is so funny!
I look and it's about woman who fall over doing funny things and normal things. Ok I think then I see it's young woman in bikini's falling off cliffs, pole dancing, dancing on bars you get my drift. So he is in stitches laughing and yes it was funny but they had amazing bodies and great boobs.
Is my DH thick or what!
Also he doesn't come to bed until very late and he has always been like this. Then I'm thinking he doesn't find me attractive any more and I think maybe because I gave put on three pounds. This is really silly thinking, but I'm so pissed off other woman have their hair and I have lost mine.
I'm sure it gets better but if another friend moans about how she looks or her hair I wil
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Today is my wedding anniversary. It's my 2nd marriage and we've been married 4 years. Every year we look at our wedding video. God, things were so simple and great that day. Aside from marrying the love of my life, my first grandchild was arriving in 4 weeks and I just graduated the month before with my long awaited masters degree. How much has changed since then. So many people have passed away since our wedding (all from old age) but still sad. And of course my bc. What a long year. I've been telling myself all day not to yearn for that day of not having a care in the world and being grateful for what I do have and all my cherised memories and new memories to come. I thank-you all for your support. o.k. back to business, on my way now for a 2 hour drive in the pouring rain to nyc to have my post-op visit and get this dreadful surgical bra off!
Ali- I know how you feel. There are times I'm envious of these young girls with great bodies and long hair. I'm always saying to dh in a joking way, but serious- "do I still look sexy?" Last night I made a comment about that again and my dh said all that matters is how you feel about yourself. He said what attracted him the most to me wasnt my looks but my strenght and esteem. DAMN I'M GOING TO BRUSH MYSELF OFF AND GET BACK UP. You are still Ali. Remember that!
Have a good day.
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Dipad and Jen: we've all had those moments and they are perfectly normal, wishing for better times, feeling emotional. Both are me all over.
MLB, good luck on the interview. I never use personal experiences to answer those challenge questions. I just use work stuff.
I know I feel horrible about how I look and I gained 15 pounds during chemo. But what Dipad said reminded me of the days I used to go to the bars with a friend of mine. She was good looking, but so was I. Men flocked to her. What I finally figured out is that she exuded confidence. Plain and simple. Confidence. I did not. I have always been very insecure about my looks when frankly it was silly for me to be. My mother always used to talk about this not great looking woman she went to college with who men swarmed around. Like my friend, she exuded confidence. People who feel good about themselves are just more attractive. I'm working on it. I may be 75 pounds overweight, but damn, I'm fine. :-)
Susan
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It's for sure BC and the SEs separate the men from the boys!
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Thanks all
I feel better today, I got a good nights sleep and that helped. I think lack of sleep, throwing myself back into work full time, and the kids activities have just gotten the best of me. BUT this too I shall prevail and then like cancer look back on it and stick my tongue out with a big ppppphhbt!Had PT today... hated it!(and she didnt look like Chris Daughtry.. a cute petite friendly blonde who used to be a gymnast...if she wasnt so nice I am sure I would really dislike her!) PT always looked so triumphant in the movies.. work hard come out on top with a trophy in your hand or something. nope. This was painful. Apparently i have cording in both arms. The right one just one big cord but the left one has lots of little ones.. yeah me! So now I am going to them 2x a week. grumble grumble. She didnt yell at me, just said sorry quietly as she hurt me. Anyone else have cording and have advice?
My MO told me that he wants me to loose about 10% of my body weight a year until I am at my goal weight. (as well as eat fruits and veggies, exercise and reduce red meat intake) those are his goals for helping. So I was doing really good and some days I do great.. today with Taco bell was not one of them. I hear you guys with all the attractiveness. I wonder what my DH would say but I have been too worried to ask him since I have had my surgery. He is like Ali's, up late all the time so I am usually in bed and long asleep before he ever comes to bed. BUT here is my plan ladies.. follow dr order.. lose weight, get healthier, get a new pair of perky boobs and in 20 yrs when all these beautiful ladies now are saggy I am going to be hot and perky! My time will come and I will have less competition! HA!
Big hugs to everyone tonight!
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Love it JenH! I like your plan. I am with you 100%! I tell my friends I will be the only perky one in the Nursing Home!
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Jen, I have cording but everyday my arm feels better I know it will get worse with rads. I think I have to have pt as well will find out next thursday when I go for first zap. ( I hope I get a hot guy too)
Since I told DH how I felt we have ( you know ) also he has been hugging me and giving me the odd kisses. He says I haven't be loving towards him anyway I hope things will change for the better.
Jen I think your plan will work, I will be wanting a lift on my saggy boobs in a few years(hehe)0 -
oh gosh jen! i love the 20 year theory! i'mnot doing any recon on my lumpectomy site so i'll just always have a divot where lumpy used to live!
mlb i love the new avatar--you're really getting somehair! i figured this morning that i am now officially 1 week PFC so maybe the top will start to grow--my right side seems fuller than my left and a bit longer -still mucho grey but i am still not worried about that- i really DO want my own hair back tho! still some bald patched on top so i am not ready to rock the bald or whatever!
so now my question is- if i go get a full body massage -for fun and stress relief-- what is the deal about my tx arm and lymphedema? can they massage the arm or no?
my daughter put an offer on a house last nite...so fingers crossed-big move for her! 34 and never married-leaving a 2 yr relationship and striking out! so proud of her!
work is going well- however i really am ready for the weekend.
now my dilemma is that sweetie is feeling housebound and wants to go out this weekend to explore with me - i just wanna stay in my jammies and slug...this chemo stuff has really wiped me out- that and moving and all of thestifling heat and starting the new job...ah well
dipad; we got married in 2002 and it was 3rd for both of us- i have caught myself longing for the simpler days as well...snap out of it gf! keep the memories but move fwd!
well- need to punch in and see if i can act like i work here!
oh-good luck mlb!!!! i'm rooting for ya-you know that!!!!
hugs and hopes for a great weekend for all!
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I got all the bandages off yesterday and my boobs feel real!!! No tightness.
VERY IMPORTANT- for those of you that have expanders- when you reach the size you want, go at least one more over. My breasts looked so big at the end and when the expanders were removed they are maybe 2 sizes smaller. The ps said go one size over but I should have gone two. I am maybe a b cup, when I thought I would be a c. My dh said that after all ive been through why am I getting so uptight about this. I think its because I really couldnt control the bc, but how my breasts would look I thought I would have control of. On the positive side- they are firm and upright like when I was 20!
Jen- I told my husband in 20 years his privates would be dropping but not mine LOL!
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Jen - I have gotten bit by the emotion monster too apparently. I have cording, not real bad. I had therapy for it 4-5 times and it was definitely making the cording go away. But I had to stop...I just didn't have time for the therapy on top of everything else. It's slowly going away but it was definitely going away faster with the therapy. I hope it works on yours too.
ali - I am sensitive too to body issues right now. Sometimes DH will make comments (good and bad) about hair or bodies of women on TV...I don't respond, but it does really bother me. I don't say anything because I don't want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me, but it's annoying.
dipad - happy (belated) anniversary! I hope you are feeling great without the surgical bra! lol about privates dropping - you are bad! lol
lumpy -rest and take it easy...but I will hope that your energy comes back and you and your DH can go out and have fun together. Even if it's just for dinner or a movie.
DH had a routine colonoscopy today and did great, no concerns found, doesn't have to come back for 10 years. His half-sister died last spring from complications after colon cancer surgery so this was a big relief for us.
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Just got back home from pt, I am worn out, my shoulder hurts. Took a tramadol. Will survive. Everyone have a good weekend.
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Moonflwr, I'm sorry you don't feel well. I would love to go to PT but don't have enough accrued time at work anymore to add more doctor appointments. So I've been doing my own in home version for my chemo fatigue. I lift the miniature schnauzer in reps as a form of weight lifting (I've gotten up to 5 reps with her). I try to push myself to go faster up the stairs. It seems to be helping. I just read a study where they had cancer folks like us using WII Fit to work out during chemo and it apparently helped cut fatigue. I can imagine since part of my fatigue might be the fact that I laid down a lot during 5 months and so just got out of shape. OY.
Everyone have a great weekend.
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I never did PT but I remember DH having to a few years ago from an accident at work. He fell off a large machine and his whole body weight came down on his arm. Just soft tissue damage but within a month of being in a sling his arm withered. He's a fairly big guy with big arms. He would come back from PT saying he was almost in tears it hurt so bad but it worked. I today started lifting 5 pound weights doing side raises, bicep curls, triceps. I have to get my arms looking half decent, they're so flabby!
Christina
Glad to hear of the good news of the colonoscopy for your DH!
Dipad
Wow, they feel real? That's encouraging and thanks for the tip on the fills.
Lumpy
I would think that a deep massage might not be a good idea on your affected side. My neighbor has a massuese that is also trained in LE so it might be a good idea to find one that knows the proper techniques. Thanks for the shout on on the avatar. It's starting to thicken up but I did colour it with a semi permanent rinse to cover the gray. The back filled i first, then the sides and lastly the top. I just started using Nioxin and have been taking Biotin as well. Does it help? Who really knows. I've also read that eating a decent amount of protien is important too. I think I would be farther along if it weren't for Herceptin but I can't do much about that. Oh yeah and I'm always petting my head LOL! I hope your daughter gets the house!!
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Just lost a big post I was working on. Boo! So, the quick version, grit, my pt says I need to take baby steps. I think that goes for you too. Go slow so you don't hurt yourself. She makes me take breaks in my 40 minute sessions. So she has to know what she's doing, cause I really am starting to feel better. Also, my red blood counts are finally rising, if yours are low, please don't try too much. Much love to all. I wrote so much more on the other post, but, all I'm retyping is much love! LOL.
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Hey everyone. I've been reading but not thinking I could keep up with everyone on the responding. Sorry.
Grit, Christina, and the whosoever ... I had DIEP reconstruction in January at the same time that I had my left side UMX. I wanted to have my own tissue and was able to have a NSM also. 6 1/2 months later and I would have still made the same choice. It was a long surgery .. but that's because I had a sentinel node biopsy which revealed positive nodes which required an excision of more nodes (not all but a number), and I also had a NS mastectomy which required tissue be sent to the lab while I was on the table to determine if there were cancer cells in my nipple and areola area (there were not), and this was my mastectomy along with the DIEP reconstruction. My PS, one of his partners, and one of his physician assistants were involved in the surgery and they started the DIEP - the abdominal portion - while my breast surgeon started the mastectomy. This made the hours on the table much less than otherwise. I have a roundish oval portion of skin that was transferred from my stomach area. It sits to the left of my areola. This is where they would put the doppler to listen to my tissue while I was in the hospital. It also could have been used to recreate an areola and nipple area if that area had not survived the operation - but it did. After I have radiation and that area has time to recover, I will have another surgery to remove that skin and I will have a a horizontal scar to the left of my areola where that is now. I will answer any questions that you have. So fire away or send me a private message if you'd like. My PS and his partners are well versed in microsurgery which is a must for DIEP. And although NOLA sounds like a great place I do NOT agree with some of the gals on BCO that your surgeon has to only do breast reconstruction in order to give you the best possible results. Some of those NOLA gals have lost their tissue, had sutures openings, etc. and none of that occurred with mine. It is a risk with this surgery no matter who your surgeon is and evidently having the 'best', as some of them refer to NOLA, is not a guarantee that you won't have complications. I have nothing against NOLA but just know that it is possible to find competent, able, practicing PS outside of NOLA who will take care of you. If you cannot find a team in your area then by all means look into going elsewhere - NOLA included.
I had cording associated with my lymph node removal and had lots of physical therapy. I had to wait 6 weeks until my PS would clear me for that - but I understood and understand that because he was able to make the vascular connection going through the axillary excision incision site and avoiding making another incision he wanted to make certain that those areas healed well. I had my first PT the same week that I started chemotherapy - a day or so before. It helped immensely with the cording and I learned so much about lymphedema prevention from my PT. I still see her from time to time now.
Moonflwr - glad to hear your red blood counts are rising. I know that must be a huge relief for you.
Lumpy - according to my PT - NO deep tissue massage on your affected arm or (for me) around the area where the lymph nodes were removed.Your posts always encourage me because you are working - a new position, persevered in enduring your old rental situation and finding a new place, and all in the midst of all of this.
dipad - so glad to hear your good news with your reconstruction that all the bandages are off.And Happy Anniversary too!!
Christina - good news about your husband's colonoscopy!
Jen - you have been busy and throwing yourself back into work full time and getting the kids back into the swing of things with school starting around the corner is a LOT. My emotions have really been through the wringer lately.
faithhopenlove - thanks for the information on the fat grafting - after I have rads I am going to wait for things to sort of settle down and then see where I am with my breasts at that point. Sometimes women get necrosis with radiation - and then there is just any tweaking that might need to be done. My PS discussed fat grafting at that point also.
I'm sorry - I know I'm not hitting everyone with this first post in a while ... please know I read all your posts.
You guys know I started my AC in February and completed that in April. I had a three week break and then started weekly Taxol for 12 weeks which ended on 7/11. I had some hair that never fell out on AC ... but it was very light, very sparse, and spread evenly over my buzzed head. After my 2nd and 3rd Taxols, I lost my eyelashes, my eyebrows, and the rest of that hair. It did seem as though in some ways the eyelashes were waiting for the new ones to come in because the new ones came in within a couple weeks and my hair started growing about two weeks later too ... soft downy fuzz. It continued to grow throughout my Taxol. It is about an inch or so long. I think I wrote on here that the ends on the front and sides especially are blondish or greyish and I was pushing the hair around the sides of my face forward. My dh, bless his heart, even commented that it looked like I'd gone somewhere to have that kind of frost and tip look around my face. It still feels ultra soft and I, like so many of you, love the feel of it as does my husband Ron. Just Wednesday a friend from church said it looks kinda of like a short hair cut (although I still think it is just shy of that) .....
then yesterday came. As I always do I put some sunscreen to protect my scalp, ears, etc. and when my hand came away from the left side behind my ear there was hair on it. At first I thought -- well, eventually I'm going to have some hair come out - like hair that comes out when you brush your hair, or just hairs that you lose. And since my eyelashes (which came in totally blonde and sparse were seeming to thin a bit - I thought well, I'll have some hairs coming out like I always - just normal hair shedding ...)
When I came back from my run I ran my hand through the hair in back and there were hairs on it. I had my head over our white countertop in the bathroom and lightly ran my fingers through my hair and hairs fell all over the countertop. I thought how can this be happening again ... two weeks after my Taxol ended when I have all this hair that has grown in. But I thought if it is a hair thing then maybe it's sytemic. Sorry if it's tmi, but I checked my pubic hair and hairs just came out in my hand. And in the shower each time I took my hand off my head hair I placed it on the white tile and there were hairs that came off my hand.
I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I texted my husband who is on a business trip in CA and when he called me I sobbed and sobbed some more. You know I went without head coverings or wigs or anything. I didn't respond or react or whatever you want to call it like this when my hair started coming out with the AC. But I have hair --- hair all over my head ... and now it's coming out AGAIN. If it goes as quickly as it did with AC I will probably ... actually I don't know what I'll do. My youngest is going to be a freshman in college and I was looking forward to going to his new student orientation and actually not have to mention cancer ... and now it looks like I'll be the elephant in the room once again. I meet with my Radiation Oncologist on Monday and then will start rads M-F about a week later. This sucks. This stinks. And it's like no one could understand this really the way you guys on here could.
Sorry I'm so longwinded.
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(((((Dltnham))))). Like losing it ONCE. Wasn't enough. I'd cry too. Much love.
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Everyone who is going throught the " mill" I feel your pain.
Went shopping with my friend yesterday and got some jeans that lift your bum, more perfume and a top for when I do rads.
Last night my feet were hurting and I noticed my toe nails are coming off, what else can I get.
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dltnham and ali- big hugs!! dltnham- that was the hardest thing for me emotionally.. I cant imagine going through it again. I think I would have sat down and sobbed with you! Ali- I am so sorry you continue to have issues. I hope they get better soon!
Gritgirl- big hug too! Just because
Stayed up too late to watch the Olympic opening ceremonies(a bit disappointed).. yawn. Off to take my son to football practice and my daughter to karate, then afterwards.... i do believe a nap is in order.
Have a great day all
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Susan - I love your exercise routine!!! lol That's so funny! How does the dog react to it, does he like it?
dltnhm - OMG I can't believe your hair is falling out! NOW of all times!!!
My heart is breaking for you, I can't even imagine how I would feel. Do you think it's from the chemo, or do you think it's just the point in the hair growth cycle it's at? Thank you so much for sharing your DIEP experience here. I am really leaning towards a DIEP and there is a lot of encouragement here to go to NOLA. It's on my maybe list, but it would be great to stay closer to home if I can find a good PS here. There are very few in my area that even do DIEP. Ali - ugh I cannot believe your toenails are coming off!!! Maybe they won't come off, I had a couple of fingernails lift but they never fell off.
Hair report: head hair is steadily coming in. No sign of new eyelashes and I could really use them. Eyebrow hairs coming in where I don't need them (felt fun to pluck them!) and had to use Nair on my chin this morning because my chin hairs came back (ugh, I so want electrolysis someday on them). Leg hairs are coming in strong on my lower legs and I am thinking about getting them waxed. I have never done that before because I never could stand to let them grow in long enough. But I think they are getting close to long enough now. Armpit hair is definitely long enough but I still can't bring myself to shave.
I actually did one of my 20 minute Denise Austin exercise DVDs this morning! So proud of myself, it's been a long time since I exercised. But I really want to lose some weight and get into better health. I am reading so much about how being overweight can contribute to breast cancer risk. I really only need to lose about 5lbs - 8lbs to be in my healthy weight range again (although I'd like to lose closer to 25 lbs).
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Just don't overdo it Christina.
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thanks moonflower. I feel fine though. not even really sore from it, which is surprising.
Does anyone else have achy stiffness when they get up? If I sit for more than 5-10 minutes, I am achy/stiff when I get up, can't stand up straight and it hurts to walk. But after walking for maybe 10-20 seconds, it completely goes away! It's so weird and I have no idea what it means. I forgot to ask about that when I got my last herceptin treatment.
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Christina0001 - okay , I wanted to post your exact question...but I thought it was just me - I am like an 80 yr old getting up from sitting...or in the morning and the same as you say, 15-20 seconds crossing the room, it's gone????? I'm so disgusted with feeling this, but I'm so relieved I'm not the only one !!! I know if I ask the MO, I'll just get the "deer in the headlight" look as usual.
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I feel like that, but it has a lot to do with my arthritis and bad knees. Also, I am post menopausal even before Dx.
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