February 2012 Chemo
Comments
-
hello all !
gorgeous cold (26*)morning here in northern ohio- i am up and dressed-daughter, daughter in law and her mother and i are going to the IX Center in Cleveland for the Christmas Connection- huge craft show with vendors- hoping for some ideas and some "spirit" to be gained! as well as just a good day to get out and walk around and be with family!
yesterday was eye exam and i bought new glasses- my insurance saved me almost $500 ! and i love the ones i am getting- tried frames on with and without the wig so it was fun and empowering!with the bifocals it cost more than i would like even after insurance but i consider them a good investment as i wear them all of the time now. new doc so it took longer than usual but it was all good..the gal who fitted the glasses has just completed rads on her eye and customer right before me lost her hubby just 10 days after he was dx with lung and mets...i really think that God gave me this (damnedable) cancer to help me to understand and help other people! my eyes need to be dilated to better look at the macular degenaration and cataract issues so that will happen when i pick up the glasses...and she is ordering an "OCT" which is an ultra sound of the eyes to get a baseline to watch the changes..so i feel like i am on track..
my two hugest fears in life are losing my sight and stroke--dying doesn't scare me so much as those two things do.
thursday was follow up with radiologist- he cut me loose til may-6 months away! he suggests that the neuropathy that i am feeling should go away since it did not present DURING my chemo...he's very pleased with my skin healing and progress and scheduled a dx mammo for the monday after Thanksgiving.he asked what my criteria was for ditching the wig and i just answered "any day"...i don't really know what i am waiting for-today with daughter i feel better with wig as she likes the look..and it's so cold i would have to wear a hat!!!!
work has been a bear-nothing wrong but two ppl out again and so much stuff to do as it is beginning the end of month cycle as well as end of year.my company is a custodial company for IRA's so it is that time when ppl are scrambling to get their investments in place or moved. i have performed quite a few simple tasks lately that really are simple however i had to learn how to do them and ask lots of questions ...they, of course, expand my usefulness in the company and that's always a good thing! specially at my age and in this economy! had my qtrly review and it was GLOWING!!! whoo hoo cuz i was actually getting worried...our company's qtrly mtg was this week and they unvieled the location of our new offices and the expected timeline of next fall-2013 -to be moved so taht givces us perspective...it will be good once we get there!~~~ on eof the girls out in dept is on vacation til after Thanksgiving the other was out for almost two weeks sick and now out again for 2.5 days- we fear that she will lose this job because she is not "helping" by calling in and etc--she is an awesome part of the team and i personally love her dearly and feel a wonderful connection but i don't think any of us can help her right now..we'll see how this plays out....i feel for her as she is a young single mom (kids are 8 and 3) and she is an awesome hard worker -her health issues were mental health from what we can all piece together and her meds are not really kicked in yet and she is having issues with her car as well..soooo dunno what will happen!
anyhow- gotta go- finish getting ready for the day out with the girls!
hugs and prayers to all of you ......
0 -
FLDRMR
Wow is all I can say. That's alot on anyone's plate. What a worry all the way around. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. (((HUGS)))
Lumpy
I love craft shows. I'm always amazed at peoples handywork and artfulness. Sounds like a good girls day out for sure. Good on you for the glowing review! Even though we fared a little better in Canada the last couple of years its still tough to get a decent job. Particularly it seems past 50 or so. In the past in my 30s and 40's typically if I got the interview, I got the job. I'm sure I've sent out 200 resumes over the last while when I was job hunting and got 2 interviews. I'm so thankfull I was hired by the company I'm at now AND that my boss is so OK with all of my appointments etc. I have to be ultra organized to make sure I'm on top of everything but so far so good.
0 -
HA someone mentioned the Mayans - let me tell you, if they are right and the world ends on 12/12 after I have gone through all this chemo, surgery, and radiation, two days after my next to last semester ends, I am going to be PISSED OFF. lol
ymac, I hope you are recovering well... Thanks for sharing your story. I am hoping for a DIEP next year and it's great to read such a positive experience.
flddreamer and Hildy, I hope things settle down for you soon. I think most of us are looking forward to 2013...
I hope everyone has a great Thanskgiving. We got together with DH's father's side of the family yesterday and had a great time. On Thanksgiving day we are going to celebrate at the nursing home where MIL is, with DH's siblings. I'm looking forward to it...raiding the Dollar Store for cheap decorations to make the meeting space we reserved a little festive. Doing a little Christmas shopping, plus shopping for a bridal shower coming up...having fun with that but I'm going to need emotional support in January when that credit card bill comes in! lol
0 -
the Christmas thing was a disappointment-mostly "store bought" type vendors--bought myself a pair of sterling silver Celtic knot earrings tho and a steel drum cd for sweetie and a few small ornaments..met an absolutely awesome gal-10 year survivor- we talked and hugged!
today was grocery shopping and straightening around the house-short week at work coming up which is nice!almost bought an artificial tree -dilemma is that i have tons of ornaments -at my mother's in northern michigan so i would have to buy ornaments -and lights--if i just use the tree from last year it's scaled down and i have (some) stuff to put on it....not sure what i'm going to do.
my work is baking turkeys for a service project so i have two to cook tuesday nite and then pies and rolls for thursday at my son's house...friday i think i need to catch up on some crafts that i am swapping with some gals on another web sight...
ny nails are still a mess..toe nails are crappy as well as the fingernails...hair is starting to have some curl...
nothing on tv tonite but football so i'm heading to pinterest!sending hugs!
0 -
Lumps, I bought a small tree last year for the family room. I used crocheted snowflakes and red ribbon joes with just white lights. You could just buy the plastic snowflakes they sell by the dozen or get different sizes. The bows were the flat plastic ones from the dollar store about a dozen on a package. So the whole tree for about ten bucks. Also paper doily folded like a fan is cheap too. Did that when we first got married almost 40 years ago. Real easy, and looks so professional. LOL
0 -
fldrmr, i am so, so sorry.
hildy, praying about your hubby's job
my surgery was on 11/6. keeping up with pain killers. mostly.deal with wound.care (uck) and sleep a ton. sleep works for me0 -
Lumpy - my nails were a disaster - lost almost all of them. When there was only about 1/2 a nail I went and got an short acrylic overlay on them and then I just let it grow out...Filing them down as they grew out...since i didnt want to get stuck with something i had to permanently mainain. Made a world of difference that I didn't have to look or deal with the disaster chemo caused. Might be something to think about to give yourself a little boost. I was surprised when the salon said they do this a lot for women who have had chemo.
0 -
Fldreamer, a big hug to you for all that you're having to endure.
Lumpy, just reading your post made me exhausted!
I can't imagine having to do all that stuff in a week!
Susan, so good to see you post. I agree, wound care is the yuckiest part of this - thank goodness I had my mom pretty much taking care of it for me. Sleep is DEFINITELY good. With my kids around all weekend and many visitors, I couldn't really nap so I was so worn out all weekend and just really achy.
Just returned from my post-op #2 and the PS took out my last 2 drains - YAY. So glad to be rid of them. Now, however, I have to wear a girdle to keep abs compressed 24/7 so another PIA to deal with, but it's better than the drains so I'm not going to complain too much! PS says all looks well and I should continue to heal well. My mom and I went to the grocery store after the appt to buy some stuff for turkey day - it was nice to have a little outing!
Gotta say I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving - so much better than last year's as I was just at the beginning of this hellish ordeal then but now at on the other side.
Hugs to all and I hope those in the US have a great Thanksgiving week and all others just have a great week!0 -
moon-great ideas!
i guess i'm just whiny about leaving stuff up at my mothers since we are not speaking- i have A LOT of stuff up there that i WANT so i will have to make the drive eventually and it's not so easy as just unloading a storage unit! too much baggage!!!!~~~as for the CHristmas stuff- my gosh i own enough ornaments and small decorations to supply most of us on this board so it really fries my cookies not to have brought the stuff when we came down...this is one of thos ethings that makes me upset about my cancer dx---mom lives in northern mich in a very rural area and has sand for driveways and everyone uses 4WD alot-mine went out on my car and when we move dall of our stuff here we simply could NOT get to her place to get everything out of the barn and small house (not inhabitable) where things are stored....it was just so much more important to GET here at the time and the hassle of moving was bad enough without adding all of the rest to it--now it just seems to be bigger and worse! i will have to take someone with me however my kids probly won't go (this is my birth mom and none of them feel close to her) and my sweetie is not allowed on her property--i cannot move some of the things alone (too heavy or bulky) and i'll need to rent a Uhaul so will need someone to drive my vehicle (or whatever)....anyhow- i will get over this and will put up a nice tree cuz i enjoy it!!!
however i can do simple!
as for my nails- gosh-they are almost grown out to the edge- the last of the ridges and lines seem to be very very close!!!!
susan- good to see you pop in!
grab all of the sleep you can gf -your body is trying to heal!!!!
ymac-whooo hooo drains out!!!! take it easy getting ready for turkey day!
everybody -wow- can ya believe it's almost the end of november?????
0 -
I'm not a Florida dreamer anymore. The plan was to move there to be near my friend. We even talked of sharing her house and eventually getting a third woman (Golden Girls was a favorite sitcom of my friend.). They took her off the ventilator today long enough to see how she would do. It wasn't good. She was alert and off the sedation as well. But she couldn't talk due to a life giving support she still has. She has only one lung functioning, her body is shutting down. I was able to call and talk to her. She could hear me but couldn't speak. Her daughter told me it was wonderful and she understood and seemed glad to hear my voice. In the past hour she is on as much morphine and Xanax as they can give her to keep her comfortable. There is a DNR order now. They are sitting by her side and 'waiting.' I wish now I had flown down there to be by her side. I can't stop crying. Who would have thought I'd fight cancer but my friend would die first and unexpectedly.
I hate this time of year. In 1993, I had sold everything I own and was getting ready to move to Florida then to live near my favorite, much beloved brother (as well as near my friend). My brother died two days after Thanksgiving that year in a 9 car traffic accident. My friend lived there then but I just never did make the move. Now, I wish I had. I am so full of regrets and sadness I just don't care anymore. Things arent that great with either one of my daughters and my granddaughter is a typical 15 year old. Sometimes I fear she will have the same mental health problems of her mom and aunt. On top of all this, in 1994, my former husband died of a disease like Lou Gehrigs. We had been married 20 years, divorced in 1984, and reunited in 1994. We talked of getting married again but he died before that could happen. He died on December 11, 1994.
I know I'll be okay eventually but right now, I just don't care. I am so grateful I am not in the midst of chemo or radiation at this time. It would be so much harder. Prayers, please, for strength. i need them. thanks.
0 -
Oh Fldreamer, I am praying for you right now. I am so sorry that you are losing your close, dear friend. I can only imagine the hurt that you are feeling.
I do understand what it is like to have lost a loved one and have certain times of the year when that is all very real again. For you this must be like having a scab ripped off the wound all over again.
So I offer no platitudes. I do believe on pouringy heart out to God and believe He can and will take anything that we need to say - He gave us all our emotions and knows that fear and anger and grief are all part and parcel of being human. The Psalms are packed with raw emotion. I often go there when I am feeling really, really down.
Hugs across the miles dear one!
Diana0 -
fldreamer. you've had so much sadness in your life. i know how you feel. my mom died.suddenly in 2008. a good friend killed himself in 2009. at the beginning of 2011 my sister died. and then 3 months later my best friend died a horrible, sudden cancer death.
i was overwhelmedand felt hopeless. at thay point i finally joined a grief counseling support.group. i should have.done that when my mother died. i'm glad you're not in the middke of treatment. this is hard enough. keep talking and crying. it was the only way i got through.
god bless you and hugs.
susan0 -
FLDREAMER
Hugs to you sweetheart.0 -
Fldrmr, so sorry. Much love
0 -
My friend passed peacefully last night at 11:29 pm in Florida. Prayers for her family and for the strength I need to handle this loss in my life. Thinking of all of you. I'll be back when I can.
0 -
Fldreamer, you and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong - you WILL get through this further challenge in your life. We are all here for you.
0 -
fldrmr; i'm just now getting onto the site; sending you hugs and prayers; prayers for peace knowing that your dear friend is not suffering and for strength for you.
all of the above comments offer wonderful thoughts...grief counselling, prayer..even medicine could be what you need ...please be good to you....all of us here care!
0 -
Fldreamer, so sorry for your loss I can't stop crying for you and your friend. I have heard of so many people dieing of cancer, young kids and old. Also have two friends with cancer and now DH dad.
I went out yesterday and bought myself a new car just for Me. The way I see it enjoy life while you can, because who know's what will happen.
Sending love to everyone
Xx0 -
Fldrmr,deepest sympathies on the loss of a dear friend. May you have the strength you new to get through. Prayers for you and her family.
0 -
Flrdreamer, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I'm keeping your and yours in my prayers.
I also want to thank this whole group for being such a huge source of strength and hope and caring this past year. It has been a horrible year, but it would have been even worse without you guys. Blessings to you all.
0 -
Ok, WARNING, I am Going to rant about my DH, feel free to skip.
Got a call from my DH asking if i liked living alone. I am alone most weekdays, but i raised four kids, all grown. I took in my nephew when he needed it for two years. one of my daughters moved back in a couple of times, most recently during the first half of my chemo. I took in my neice and her kids when they needed it for two years. So my DH calls and asks that question my inner alarms are ringing, so I ask why. He says so and so and her kids need a place to stay. Now, mind you, I don't know them, she, the mom is the age of one of my daughters. She has three kids, all by different fathers, is pregnant AGAIN with another baby daddy. AND, SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF THE " OTHER WOMAN" IN MY MARRIAGE. WTF??!!?? I said NO. I don't want kids here. They are no relation to me, the family made me feel like crap before, and she is over 30 years old and doesn't know about birth control? How DARE he even ask? Never mind I am still recovering from chemo, surgery and just a bad year. But WTH? WTF? WHY? NO, NO, NO! Of course, now he will help them find a place and probably pay for a place for them, while I try go payy bills out of the longterm disability check I get. AAARRRGGGHHHJ! OH. HELLO0 -
what does daughter of other woman in my marriage mean?
0 -
i would take that as he ran around and that is HER daughter not moon's.....
OMG--i just cannot believe the balls that some folks have....moon...stand your ground and vent all you want!
0 -
another woman is too much trauma for me. divorce him and get alimony. sheesh
0 -
Omg, the f*** a**hole of the man! Why can't her mum take her in and then get her sterilised.
0 -
Moon
Shaking my head at the audacity of that request.0 -
Ok, thanks guys. I was thinking it is really stupid that UW would even ask. Iean, if it were my relatives,bid still say no as I am mowhete ready for a family of youngins around. Now, ly daughter, son or sibs, ok, Id manage, but basically strangers? No. Even if there weren't the connection to my marriage problems. Sigh. Do I have stupid written on my forehead? Geeze. I knew it wad too good to be true, the way he was there for me during tx. Sigh.
0 -
moonflower, ditto everyone else! ali your comment gave me a good laugh! lol
Busy cooking and baking for Thanksgiving tomorrow! I'm so tired! But it's nights like this that make life great, you know what I mean?
0 -
Moonflwr: I'll add that girl and your DH to my list. I used to say, "If I was dying of cancer, there's lots of people I'd shoot before I go." That was before I ever got cancer. It was just a saying. lol. btw, I don't own and never will own a gun. But it's fun to fantasize.
RE: My dear friend who lived in Florida and died this past week. First of all, she did not have cancer and didn't die of cancer. She had COPD (lung problems due to smoking), fibromyalgia, and other minor problems. NOTHING that should have killed her. She had lived with a guy for the past 15 years. She was about 65 and her husband was 81 yrs old. She nursed him thru heart surgery, cancer twice and a broken leg. She told him earlier this year that she wanted to be married so she could get his benefits if he died and not her measly amount of social security. So they got married this past summer. Well, he had cancer again and he died early in October. So she's been grieving and sad. And not feeling well We think she lost track of when and how she took her meds and overdosed by acccident. Well, she coded twice before the family finally met with hospice and decided to not keep her alive on life support. It turns out she died 3 days too soon to get the benefits she was left by her husband due to a 45 day clause in his will. So, her kids will incur some final expenses but not be entitled to the 80,000 she inherited from her husband. And, here's the asshole part. One of this old man's grown sons (age 50 or more) told the daughter she can't take any of her mom's stuff from the house (the old man and my friend's house) unless this son is there to witness it. (Just in case the daughter tries to take something that belonged to the old man). This son is a real problem in so many ways you wouldn't believe it. I just want to slit his throat and watch him go! (sorry to be so graphic!) So on top of grieving for my friend and the daughter grieving for her mom, we have to tolerate this a$$hole's 'conditions.' He's a real jerk, suspected of killing someone in the past but got let go for lack of proof. Why, oh, why, do the good people die and the bad ones keep on trekking!
0 -
Moonflowr: No way in hell should you take in these people. Your DH is way beyond reason. As for the 'pregnant woman' and her kids, let them go to a shelter. OMG, I can just see you getting railroaded into this somehow. Sure hope you can hold your ground and avoid this.
I want to add that I, too, am very thankful for this group and the support of the past year. Not sure how I would have made it thru the year without all of you. Friends and family just seemed to burn out on being supportive after a while...like they think it's all over after the surgery or something.
I wish I could win the Powerball lottery (it's 251 million). I'd gather all of us together for a 'meet and greet.' (and I'd pay all our bills and just have a ball giving away money).
0
