February 2012 Chemo
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moonflower-you ARE holding up your end of the bargain--you are trying to get thru your tx..you need not worry about us-we are here as the others have said to listen to you to hold you up and to cry with you
gritgirl-susan-i voted!
firstcall-adrian--i think that's the first you have signed your name and so i feel honored! i will have to go on a diff computer to view your talented family-this one has no speakers! two of my three kids were band geeks and sang as well-daughter was a trumpeter tho she does have a "soul" to her music-my son also plays guitar and trombone and he has def soul!!!!
sending positives and hugs to those of you in tx today and praying we all have a good weekend!
it's extremely windy here today-hoping not to blow away when i walk my dog!
margo
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Claritin vs claritin D The difference is the D means it has pseudofed in it. It doesnt make any sense to me that the pseudofed would add anything,and its a stimulant and not particularly good for your cardiovascular system. I didnt use anything last treatment, and I had a lot of bone pain. I'm going to try plain Claritin 24 hr and see if it makes a difference.
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Good luck to everyone getting TX today! May it go smoothly with minimal SE!
Moonflwr you have been through a lot lately!! no need to apologize at all. This is the one "free" zone where we can all get together and not have to worry. we have good days and bad days and we all get that. You are doing all you can do and no one can ask more
Sunbeams to everyone!!
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Hope everyone is ok, today i'm a coward i have seen how a port is put in on you tube. well i'm sorry i can't do that awake and next day have chemo. So on monday i will go to hospital and tell them i will use my arm or wait another week.
I'm in a group of six woman who help out at high school, pta. I have breast Cancer and now another has been told she has a brain tumor, if i were the other four woman i would leave the group haha.
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Ali, you too funny
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gritgirl
I voted!! I hope you get through your TX with that cold. UGH!!
RE Clariton. I've read here both, but I am trying the 24 one as someone recommended it to me here. Just cant remember who. OK, I'll claim chemo brain.
firstcall
Wow! You a real live renaissance man. I bet your a good cook too!
I'm back home after TX#2. They had 4 bell ringing ceremonies today! Very cool. I was lucky to have a much more chatty bunch today as well as my sister in law dropped by. This is the one I mentioned a few weeks ago that I didn't really want her to because she is so emotional. She brought me a bottle of water and stayed for about an hour. She was really surprised at how everyone was talking and lively, until that is a Code Red went out in Pedeactrics (spelling?). 5 minutes later they had a 2nd announcement that it was cancelled. This is when she started to well up with tears. I said, OK you should really go now LOL! She had to pick up her cousin anyway so it was perfect timing. She's lovely really but tears up very easily.
Thankfully the TX was uneventfull and I was able to drive myself home too. So 2 down, 2 to go now!
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ali68 please don't be afraid of using the port the next day. It really wasnt that bad. If it will save your arm another round it is worth it. But I absolutely agree that you dont want to be awake when they put it in.
Does anyone feel that the either the chemo or the shot triggers an emotional day 5-7 days later? I've had my 3rd round where I've had a day where I am a teary mess in that window. Funny thing is the first one erupted at work. We have a company lunch and everyone always comes at the food like animals, spoons dropping in the food, cutting in line. I had just come from my drs apt and my counts were low and the 5 second rule jokes just weren't funny. I ate alone in my office. This week my meltdown was on Wed, but today - monthly lunch time again - I'm fiesty and strong. I made them all wait in line until the food was uncovered, and stay in one line going in one direction. One guy came in after my instructions were given and said, 'im going to start the line this way' I said - no, you arent we are having one line like normal people.
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Day 13. Dropped my mum and brother at the airport this morning. Was nice to see my mum, but not so much my brother. He's kind of like a 38 year old teenager. My husband got really annoyed with him being in the house.
Talking about being annoyed... I'm a little difficult to please right now...
-- I find myself getting annoyed with people who know but don't acknowledge that I have cancer. A simple "How are you feeling today?" will suffice in most cases.
-- But I also get annoyed with people who labour the point too much, "Tell me how you're REALLY feeling, it must be so awful."
-- Oh, and I find it really annoying when I'm feeling a bit blue and I tell someone, only to be told how important it is to have a good attitude right now. Maybe it's important for you to be a good listener right now!!!
-- One other thing, my GP practice has booked me in to see a nurse next week. So on top of chemo I am getting a cervical smear and diabetes check up next week. Seriously?!
The last couple of days I've had some indigestion and heartburn; treated with Acidex. I got annoyed with mouth ulcers and bought some Oracort, which has really helped. Also, my scalp has been itchy. My hairdresser shuts her salon at 3pm on Saturdays... so I'll be heading in then for the head shave. Eek!
Wow, lots of new posts! Just a few responses...
gritgirl- Darn those Tuesdays! Maybe you should treat yourself to something nice every Tuesday evening, to look forward to something, and celebrate getting through another one.
tracy- Welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go into hospital for a few days! I hope your blood cell count is up now.
Moonflwr- More antibiotics?! You poor thing!
mthrdee- Wow, your treatment sounded really scary for a moment there! I hope you're doing well now. Makes me a little wary about my next one!
I hope everybody's feeling happy today, with few side effects and lots of laughter.
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mthrdee - scary reaction!!! glad u got through it okay!!!
moonflwr- so sorry for all you are going through, and that your 2nd treatment is postponed. Don't apologize...you just need to do what you need to do to get through this, and you need to focus on you right now.
gritgirl - i hope your treatment went smoothly today.
jag -
I hate it too...I hope you have a good visit with your dad.lol @ Ali, yeah, that's an unlucky group!
faithhopenluv - my moods change but I think it's more from stress than chemo. I think I bit about three people's heads off today at work. Bless them for tolerating me! Anyway if you are worried about germs, stay away from the shared lunch...the stories here of people getting sick during treatment make me so fearful of catching something.
galena - good luck with your head shave! Mine was not as bad as I expected...I hope yours is not too stressful for you.
The top of my scalp is sore to the touch. I wish my hair would just finish falling out already. How long does it take? My stomach is off and on queasy and my energy level is super low. BUT this being treatment number 2, I know that it doesn't last. I am looking forward to just getting through the weekend, and hopefully feeling more normal by Monday. Water still tastes terrible so I am drinking instant Countrytime lemonade and that is tolerable. Probably ruining my teeth from all the sugar, but at least I'm getting water.
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Good evening all,
Hope this finds everyone in good spirits and slight SEs. I seem to have recovered from yesterday and am feeling ok. Taste gone quickly this time - nothing seems to taste right but otherwise can't complain. The Prisolec really helped with the heartburn and hiccups so none of that this time.
I am feeling a little weepy tonight but it could just be a build up from yesterday and the hair this week. Must say though, with the head shaved that seems to be no big deal now. I've done the wig, the scarves and truth is I haven;t really noticed anyone looking at me. Amazing how really anoynomous we are in life. Who would have thought that a week ago when I was so stressed out about it.
My college daughter is home tomorrow for the Spring break week and I am so looking forward to a little girl time with her.
For all those who had their treatments today I'm sending you ((HUGS)) and a peaceful night - think I will take a little sleeping pill and call it a day.
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((((Hugs))))) to all, especially those who had treatments this week. Just got back this afternoon from two units of blood today. Low red cell count, so no chemo, antibiotics and those units if blood. Another detour!LOL
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Hi Everyone: I've just caught up on reading pages of posts. Too many to respond to each of you. My third AC was last week and all I've done is sleep...almost around the clock. And although there's no nausea, there's been a drain of appetite as well. Living alone as I do, once I settle into my recliner, if I didn't gather whatever I needed before I sat down, I just don't have the energy to get up and get it. I think part of this is just an overwhelming depression as well as fatigue.
I started back to work this week as well. I'm cleared to work up to 32 hours a week but only could put in 24 this week due to the fatigue. Today was an 8 hr workday and it really zapped me. My boss is so glad to have me back that he's very understanding but at the same time there is so much to be done that he kept asking me to do 'one more thing before I leave."
I think I am appearing to be too 'healthy' and upbeat and therefore am perceived to have it together. Do I have to fake being sick to be able to leave when I am just tired to the core? Sigh. It is like people who tell us we're an inspiration, brave, etc. (and look so good besides).
Someone else posted that maybe they need to be less of a slob when their hair comes back. I hear so many compliments that my 'hair' (they know it's a wig) looks great. I think ...'geesh, when I used to go get my hair colored or cut, nobody ever said a word" Now, all of a sudden, I look so great.
The minute I get in my car I take off the wig. And skip the hats. I just drive home bald. I couldn't care less what other drivers think if they notice. I hate the wigs even though they're actually all quite nice.
Next Thursday (3/16) I have the final AC. Then two weeks after that I'll start the first of 12 weekly taxols.
Hugs to all of you. I'll try to keep up.
(Oh, the mental health situation with my daughter has continued. I just choose not to comment on it as much. . But I have shed more tears over that than I have over the cancer! On the plus side, she has a hearing to acquire social security disability scheduled for April 2nd....after waiting for a year. She has a lawyer and if she's approved, it will help a lot. If she's denied, that's another story.)
I think of each of you daily and keep you in my prayers.Best wishes to all of you.
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I either don't post at all or post too much! I really need to keep up so I don't write a book!
Is there anyone else who is alone, lives alone and feels that desperate loneliness that they never felt when they were healthy? I envy so much anyone who has a partner in life. Many years ago, I had a friend who was out 'searching' for a partner and told me, Karen, I won't be alone like you. I'll find someone no matter what it takes." Well, she did find someone and at the time, I felt she was settling. I always thought someday I'd meet somebody special but never did.
On this cancer journey, I find myself wishing I'd have settled for someone, anyone, who would be with me. I'm so lonely. I have family, friends, my daughters, my granddaughter, but it's not the same as a partner who might give you a hug, hold your hand, share things, etc. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and not everyone who has a spouse has it good. But I'm jealous of those of you who do have a loving partner. I'm happy for you but wish I had someone.
Thanks for 'listening.'
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End of Day 13: I did it!
Well, almost.
I sat with my hairdresser for 2 hours this afternoon, while she cut my hair into 5 or six different styles, gradually getting shorter and shorter. My husband took photos of each new style along the way. It was a lot of fun.
Eventually she got down to using the hair clippers, but didn't want to leave me looking completely stubbly just yet. She used a number 3 (10mm) at the back and sides, and number 6 (19mm) on top.
I can see some thinning areas at the back, but it still looks okay. I will probably wear a scarf in public. Once it thins out a lot more I'll get it trimmed right down, and pick up my wig.
A picture...
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Eeerrrggghhh-
I just lost a long post - cant redo right now-
Fldreamer - I am also single and share your feelings of loneliness. I sent you a PM
Marilyn0 -
Good Morning everyone. Thank you for your good wishes and comments. Treatment #2 went well yesterday. I had the ice mittens on for about 30 minutes to protect the nails. They were cold! I usually protect my hands from the cold, so my hands talked to me. But they settled down enough that I fell asleep. My nurse said I was sound asleep, enough that she had to check a couple of times to see if I was breathing. I think the anticipation and stress just wore me out. I love the port. It hurt a little accessing it, but it was brief. Next time I need to wear a low cut T for easier access.
The hair! Ive never worn my hair long, but I've always had hair. Usually 2-3 inches long. So this week it has been coming out big time. Two days ago I had so much hair in the shower drain that I had to clean it to finish. I picked up this big pile of hair, and noticed it was all dark brown, very few gray hairs. I'm not kidding!. So I look in the mirror, and what little bit is left is all gray with very few brown. Its a huge change, now I have very thin, gray hair. Its now enough that people are noticing, and commenting. So far the ones who have commented have been considerate and just say something like - are you ok? To which I respond something like, 'Having three kids in college has been a lot harder than I thought it would be'. Then I do tell them, that actually it is my chemo hair, and I have BC. Most of my patients have known me for a long time, so they notice if I get a haircut or a new tie, let alone this.
I wonder which color will come back first? I think the reason that the hairs with color went first might be because those hair follicles grow faster, and thus are more vulnerable to the effects of chemo. Does that mean they'll be the first back? I have a son getting married in August....I wonder what I'll have then? That will be three months after my last infusion.
I hope each of you are doing well.
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firstcall
I know what you mean about the port insert hurting for a split second, although I have to say the nurse I had yesterday was a bit more skillful. What I didn't know was the day prior when I went for bloodwork, I advised her I had a port so to take the draw from there, she said no they don't do that, I would have to use my arm. While surprised and it was fine I did mention it to the chemo nurse yesterday. She was a little ticked off but said I would have had to have asked her for a chemo nurse and they should have sent me along to see one. I mean good lord, this blood collection area is in the chemo lounge and why this wasn't told to me I don't quite understand,. I'll know better next time. Why bother having this thing. The lady I sat next to yesterday is having 8 infusions in total and has a different doctor than I do, she was curious about the port and said it was never offered to her? I guess its the luck of the draw depending on which MO you get??? I'm so grateful for my Dr. Higgins and his staff!!.
Perhaps firstcall you could answer a question for me. I received a copy of my CBC's and other bloodword results.
The nurse explained what the numbers meant and what were the really important ones where. Two items were highlited and she said not to worry about it. I went online and tried to figure out what they meant but am wondering if you could clarify seing that your a doctor if you don't mind on the CBC report.
ERCS - REsult 3.97 - Reference 4 - 5.60 X 12/L flagged on the low side (Red Blood Cells?)
MCH - Resul 35.3 - Reference 25 - 35 pg flagged on the high side.(Hemoglobin?)
Is this something I need to be concerned about. Every other result came in within normal range.
Personally I think the grey hair is more course and mine is hanging in better that my brown hair too. I'm not sure either which comes back, although if it is the grey and its long enough, perhaps you could have a colour put in if need be?
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FLDREAMER
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. If it makes you feel any better I was ticked off at my DH lastnight and while I know I'm wound up from the steroids, I couldn't wait for him to go to bed to avoid freaking out. I really needed some alone time which I get alot of because of his shift work. You need not settle just to have someone in your life. I did that for 11 years with my first marriage and it was no picnic. You can be very lonely within a bad relationship.
Galena
Nice and you still have quite a bit up there. Thanks for posting! You are beautiful!!
Teacup
Is that not frustrating or what. Been there!
moonflwer
Hang in there baby, the tide is bound to turn for you, it has to!!
Just wanted to say on the way to to TX yesterday, sure enough Bob Marley was on the radio!! LOL!!
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Catching up on all the posts. I had a horrible time after 1st treatment. Neulasta kicked my butt. So bad I was considering refusing the next shot. Survived on Girl Scout shortbread cookies, saltines, and soup. Lost 9 lbs. but gained it back because now I'm eating like I'm on death row!! MO is going to change my anti nausea med from Aloxi to Emend due to what she called "delayed nausea". On day 6 my only thought was, "I can't do this 5 more times, I just can't".
This is a really large group....sort of makes me sad, and mad at the same time. Many thanks to all of you though for sharing. Makes me feel somewhat normal and less guilty for feeling like crap most of the time.
Sending all of you strong wishes for minimal SE's.
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FLDREAMER; i am going to say something that may not sound nice-long story very short- i was married to #3 in 2002--i have been his caregiver almsot from the beginning-and in spetmeber 2010 i kicked him out due to anger and stuff- i divorced him dec 2010-and by february 2011; we were getting back together- i think i settled-cuz it was just getting to be too much financially and emotionally- and he still needed a caregiver-and i am sure i had guilt for throwig him out. he had sought medical tx that he wouldn't when we were together and so i thought he was straightening out. anyhow- he is with em and i now just say my husband rather than explaining--ok- so--i know taht in his way he loves me and wants to care for me--but- here's the thing--i am still the caregiver in the relationship and i am taking care of BOTH of us right now- my cancer has been harder on him. the only use he has been is to drive me on those very few days that i cannot drive self. i DO love him however i really feel that i might be better off alone--tho financially right now i would be destitute.ouch. there i said it.
ok- that's my story-settling IS NOT the answer girlfriend!however, i can understand how you wish for companionship.
sending hugs.
margo
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Melly1462, that shot is horrible the first two were bad for me as well. It put my back out and did it hurt. Feel free to moan and shout we all do. Hope you are feeling better soon. I find crisps, mini magnums, soup and crackers help when you feel a bit better.
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mlb - Yes they can draw the blood through the port, but usually only the chemo nurses are trained in how to do that. I had my blood draw from the arm yesterday too, and then a half hour later the chemo nurse hooked up my port. The way I look at it is, I don't want anyone untrained messing with my port. The real benefit of the port is to protect your veins from the harsh chemicals. The blood draw doesnt hurt your vein. I didnt object because I wanted to get on with things, and get done for the day.
Regarding your numbers - the CBC stands for Complete Blood Count. There are three main blood components to focus on. the Red Blood cells, White Blood cells and platelets. These are the three main lines produced by the bone marrow. The chemo is hard on the bone marrow, because this is an area of actively growing cells. The place to look for her RBCs is the Hemoglobin or Hematocrit (HGB or HCT) For the WBCs look at WBCs and for the platelets it will read platelets. The other numbers I wouldnt worry about if these three main lines are in a good range. I've been worried about my RBCs as my HCT yesterday was 33. That means I'm down about 2 units of blood since starting treatment. Let me know if you have more questions.
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firstcall
Those results are within normal range. Thank you so much!
My HCT is 39.6 so guess I must be down a bit too. The Reference shows 33 - 48. Does this mean you will have to get blood to bring the volume back up?
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mlb - do you know what your HCT was before therapy? Mine was 40. If I fall into the 20s I may need a blood transfusion. I'm hoping not, but we shall see. Adrian
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firstcal
No I have nothing to compare to. The last bloodwork I had done prior was before surgery and never though to ask for a copy. I am not scheduled until the day before the next TX for further bloodwork so provided I feel OK I guess that will have to be my guide. Here's hoping it goes as well as last time. Just done giving myself my Neulasta shot, fingers crossed the Clariton works!
I hope your HCT doesn't drop any further.
Maureen
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Now you guys know why I needed two units of blood- my count was 8. Um yeah. Guess i really needed it after all! LOL It was funny cause my WBC was a relitive good 27. LOL Much Love
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moonflwr912-was your HCT 8 or your HGB 8? both are low. If it was your HCT you would need more than 2 units. Glad you are doing better.
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I did it! Day 17 and hair falling out so I did the big shave. Feels better but so weird. I have lot s of hats scarves and and a wig but still don't want to go out in public. I need to get over this!
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Fistcall, hgb was 8 hct was 24. Both low, but better now. LOL just hate postponing again. I don't know if I will get a treatment next week or if they will wait another week. And I am sorry you are loosing your hair too. At least you are not alone in this. Small comfort, though. msbelle, good for you, I still haves to get mine buzzed off, I was gonna do it lay weekend but took a detour. Maybe this week, Maureen, hope the Claritan works for you.l wish id stop shedding. And I need them to draw blood from the port because I had a bilateral mx, with SN. No tourniquets for me. MLB, that is funny about the BOBMARLEY songs!
To all I have not mentioned much love and small SEs0 -
How is this sleep cap going to stay on my head tonight and why am I worried about that!?!? I just don't want to wake up with my bald head shining. Crazy...I know!
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