February 2012 Chemo
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It is a springlike morning here in the Midwest. This morning I was thinking how thankful I am to be on this journey with spring in the air as opposed in the blah and cold of winter. For me even that makes it more manageable!
Firstcall - too funny about your friends at the gym - I say take the support where we can!
Wishing you each an uneventful day.
Marilyn0 -
Diana, Sorry you had family conflicts. Plead chemo-insanity. I think sometimes people think that because there are "supporting" that we should be fine and grateful. We're upset, emotional, scared, and mad as hell. Some days I feel like this is happening to someone else and I'm just watching(sort of like an out of body thing). The emotional stress of walking around saying "I'm fine" and reassuring others is huge. I have cancer and I'm poisoning it (and myself!) with chemo. I'm far from fine!
Ali, I had my port installed under general anesthesia. Ask your doctor, don't wait until you go to the hospital.
I'm on day 15 after 2nd tx. This is my "good week", but I am more tired than last time and my taste is still off. No nausea, headachey, constant nose drip/occasional nosebleed. I still have hair on my head, but it is very thin and shedding constantly. Armpit hair is gone, rest of body hair is sparse, but going slowly.
Monday is my next tx. Glad to get #3 done, but not looking forward to that first week of feeling like crap. I'm cooking and cleaning this week so that next week I won't have to....exhausting!!!
Judy
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Yesterday and today I've been ticked. Ticked that other people don't have this. Ticked that chemo is kicking the bejeebies out of me. Jealous of other folks who are "healthy". Tuesdays again. My bad days. Nice to have company in that thought. I'm just exhausted. Plus, I seem to be fighting off some kind of cold and that's making it even harder. Ugggh.
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((((gritgirl)))))...........totally normal feelings, although I always hate myself after......this is rough, and it's hard seeing everyone else going about their daily lives, doing healthy things, carrying on, etc. I find myself when I go out , sometimes looking at people and thinking the same. The exhaustion clouds our perspective....baby yourself. Our bodies are in the fight of our lives; were all having moments like this. Normal, normal, normal.......and you have company
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firstcall
I can just picture your gym friends, funny as heck!
gritgirl
I understand how you feel. I get really ticked about how this is such a big interuption to my life. Yeah, I'm happy it was discovered sooner than later but it I hate that its consuming so much. Every waking moment for the last almost 5 months now is about Cancer and how it's only going to continue to be at the forefront of my mind for many years. I suppose I should just focus on the here and now and getting through each TX. OK enough being a downer.
Well its STEROID day tomorrow, oh joy!
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Anyone else finding that the list of 'ok' foods is dwindling? There are foods that were good through the 1st couple treatments (mashed potatoes, roasted chicken, Girl Scout shortbread cookies, etc.) that I'm just not interested in... even for this treatment I made a slow cooker brisket with potatoes and it was perfect on the 3rd day after treatment but I made plenty. Now I think I need to pitch it, I haven't been able to eat it a second time.
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faith
I found that last weekend which was 2 weeks after Tx #1 I was craving beef. I cooked up a sirloin and made fajitas, skipped the hotsauce though. It tasted really good. I also made and froze baked beans, making another batch now. Chicken pot pie (again more chicken). I've also got the fixings in to make tuna casserole, sounded appealing, Of course homemade chicken soup. I miss salad!!! Dreaming about a really nice greek salad right now, mm and ceasar salad.
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gosh i wish that my foods list was dwindling! i still wanna eat just about everything in sight! and crave other things- the nurse flushing my PICC was surprised to hear that i wanted pizza! she said often that is one that ppl revolt about!
diana....wow- yes; your brother was all about himself and it is WRONG. however--YOU DID NOT CAUSE IT!!! sorry-not yelling-trying to make a point--i am sure that your husband understands why you were testy with him..and i'm certain he forgives.....and i am sorry that you had to suffer this from your brother- be good to you...know that your God loves you and that you are doing what needs to be done-right now many of us have to make decisions about relationships--that was even a chapter in that book by greg Anderson-Breast Cancer;50 essential things you can do . too many of us allow these things to happen to ourselves because that is how we were raised! btw i don't see shorter hair????
i have a sis in law who is a dear-she calls almost every nite on her way home from work- she cares but really she is bored on the drive home and wants to talk--if she asks me ONE MORE TIME how many more tx and when is my surgery-arrrrgggghhhhhh .
myleftboob-i love your pic! thanks for putting a face-i should i guess but i dunno which one!!!! sorry about your mother's fall- glad that she is now ready to look at other living situations- being independent is a tuff cookie for so many!!!!! what is your name?
this morning hubs had a dr appt -got a testosterone shot and some meds updated;referral to a pain clinic--i got testy with the young nursey who wanted to know if he is on the same meds-she starts by thinking i'll just say yes- but she knew we had brought them in as requested- so then she thinks she'll just list them-i had taken the full bag -he takes 11 diff meds plus vits and two supplements--and she thinks i can just rattle off dosage!( although once upon a time pre cancer i COULD rattle them off!) i actually made a fuss and laid each bottle out on the counter-she couldn't even pronounce half of them! anyhow- i am ashamed of me but she needs to learn how to deal with patients who take many meds!
so - the apt--super calls at 930 and announces that an electrician will be here at 2pm--that's great! glad someone will be home! so probly not getting outta the lease that way! found a cute lil house-rent waaay low and etc -i think it's a if it sounds too good to be true it is ---some song and dance about where the owners are when the auditors office says they are 15 miles away! we'll see- i could picture myself out in the yard enjoying the sunshine- not here!
i am off to the cancer center for a meditation session- not really sure this is what i want/need- but i'll try it!!! and i go alone so i KNOW i need that!!!
firstcall...ya gotta love friends even at the gym!!!!
well- i am def feeling better today-yesterday was an all queasy/ucky stressed (steroids?) low sugar day..and it is gorgeous out-going up to 60* !!!! tho windy and my wig hair doesn't restyle like my own did!
sending a gentle hug to each of you today!
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Hi everyone. I have just come across this site and the discussion boards and thought I would post in the February Chemo site because that is when I had my first round. I was diagnosed Dec 8th 2011, had a lumpectormy on Dec 21, 2011 and January 19th, 2012 was informed that its a stage 2, grade 3 and the tumor was 3.2 cm. Lymph nodes were all clear after they removed 5. So Chemo and radiation is on the menu. I am scared as hell but had my first round on Feb 23, 2012 with no complications. I had the Neulasta injection the day after chemo and the day after THAT holy crap I felt like a Mack truck drove over me over and over again. But fortnately with rest, lots of it, the body aches went away. Aside from being very tired, I had no side effects with the exception of some constipation. However, on Friday March 2nd, (day 9 after chemo) I started not feeling well. Bit of a sore throat, and just very icky. I started taking my temperature because was told by my doctor anything over 38C to go to the ER. I was pretty normal through the night into the next day, but by late Saturday night sky rocketed to 38.5C so I had my ex husband (yes HIM) drive me to the ER and within an hour I was seen and told I was being admitted. I had what they call Febrile Neutropenia. My white blood cell count was so low that I was prone to all sort of infections and that is why I was admitted. I was also in isolation so could not even leave my hospital room. Visitors could come, but I could not go anywhere. Fortnately it was a short stay and I came home yesterday (Tuesday March 6th). Feeling absolutely normal today. However now my head, hair and scalp is sore. I assume that is a sign the hair will start to go now??? And now its to wait to see how my blood counts are for chemo which is schedule for one week from tomorrow.
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tx #2 today, been feeling good last 2 days, sad it has to come to an end. I told you about my melt down last week. Well all is well to the 2 I sent nukes to, one lady who followed me out to my car after my bombing, seems to have an issue with me. I had apologized to her and she said all is well. I asked her at church how her bd was she said fine, didn't look at me so I asked her if something was wrong, she rolled her eyes and kept walking. What happened with her was after I bomb 2 other people, I left the house, she followed me. I was in my car and I aske to to go awy and leave alone, repeatedly, She took it upon herself to open my car door. I told her to leave me alone a go away, tried to close my door, she wouldn't let me, so being in fight or flight mode I began pushing her all the while asking her to just leave me alone, she would not let go of my door, so I backed up, slowly, I apologized to her the next day, she said all is well, really?? so why the cold treatment and eye rolling?? so do not have the time for these type of people and why say all is well when evidently you still have an issue, hate liars, hell it hasn't even occurred to her to apologize to me for invading my space
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Jap62. That woman was way out of line. You owe her nothing. Sounds like a good person to avoid. Who cares if she is "okay." She acted like a pushy idiot
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Hi Tracybanvil.
Welcome. Sorry you landed in the ER but glad you're home. Some experience the scalp pain, I haven't but the hair is still coming out in droves. I'm day 19 from my first TX. I still have alot though. I'm just wearing it pulled back with a clip. I figure it will give me a chance to get used to the shape of my head so when I do shave it it will be less of a shock to the system Its much much thinner but I'm grateful to still have something there.
lumpynme
My name is Maureen. The pic is actually from about 2 years ago when I was still doing the blonde thing. More recently I had it basically all the same length, shoulder length and a darker brown, more like my (what was LOL) my natural colour. I'm only realizing now how much grey is really there! Usually coloured it every 6 - 8 weeks. It was the only head shot I had on my computer. I just took a pic of myself wih my cell phone YIKES!! The hair hid alot, droopy neck etc. And your name?
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Hi Tracy,
Welcome. Sorry to hear you had such a rough time. I am day 10 out from first tx. No scalp pain but my scalp has been itching the past few days and my hair has a different feel to it. I'll be getting it all chopped off on Friday.
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ok - I DID IT.....buzzed it and while it is very much looking like I am in the army, it is so much better. I cannot tell you the relief to not have the shedding. the shower with the wet hair was the clincher for me last nite. So GROSS!!!
Anyway, I am going for a cross between Jackie O and gypsy chic with my scarf, earrings and sunglasses , of course that would be Jackie O if she lost her hair. LOL
All in all, I am glad I did it as I can now relax and focus on TX 2 tomorrow.
Talk again later - (((Hugs))) to all
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Hi everyone, I should be on steroids today, but my second Tx has been postponed because I am on anti biotics again. More cellulitis, on my BMX scar, where the TE was removed. I am happy not to get the second Tx, but also worried with ANOTHER postponement. *sigh* I am so tired. I see it MO tomorrow and I will find out what the new plan is. It looks like the kidneys are back to normal, THAT is good. Much love
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I'm so sorry you are having such a rough go of it moonflwr. The same goes to all of you have are having bad SEs as well. Hugs to all! Hang on to any good news that you can.
Welcome to the newbies here. Hope you find this as helpful as I have.
Gritgirl, sounds like you may be coming down with what I had - ugghhh! Mycough is almost gone after over 2 weeks, but still not completely. Seems like its something going around in the DC area. Hope its not too bad for you. AND, you are certainly justified in having your "ticked" days - we all are.
For those having issues with family members and co-workers, don't stress over it! If they can't be there to really support you and understand that you are going to have bad days where you can't deal with this crap or them, well TOO BAD FOR THEM! They are not going through what we are, so screw them (sorry!). Just surround yourselves with those that are supportive of you. And dlthm, I hope your hubby understands why you lashed out. Unfortunately, those that are close to us will have to deal with our outbursts from time to time.
Hope everyone works through their issues soon!
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You are all so sweet. I did have restful, peaceful sleep last night and woke up in my husband's arms. Got a good walk in at the mall today. I was flying and walked with Ed who keeps the fast pace too. Before I knew it we'd walked an hour. Husband and I were able to get a lot of things done at home before my shower.
Lots of hair coming out again today. It is still not in clumps which I am grateful for right now. Got my hair to stand out a bit with wax and stuff but still not spiky. Nurse says I need to cut it a bit shorter to achieve the spiky look. Maybe tonight. tried to change my avatar with my iPhone and husband's iPad and it will not allow me to it. Maybe I can get the pics downloaded at home tonight.
I am at my chemo #2 right now. Time is flying. Doc was extremely pleased with my numbers, running and walking. I am praying I can continue with that.
More to come.
Love,
Diana0 -
tracybanville; welcome to the place that none of us wants to be! really sorry that you had to be hospitalized....get to know us-we're a great, diverse group!
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Gritgirl I hear you about being ticked off. Things just piss me off from people who are completely well meaning folk.
I really hate being told that I am A.) strong; B.) inspirational; C) admirable D) have a great attitude.
I am none of those things. I am just doing a job and getting through some nasty crap in the most efficient way possible. I don't know why, and I know I"m overrreacting, but it somehow feels condescending to tell me stuff like that; as if they are patting a puppy and saying, "Great job, little girl!" I know that is not what they mean, but nonetheless that is what I hear.
And if I hear one more, "How are you--really?" I'm going to kneecap somebody. I'm either just as I told you the first time, or not feeling like that but clearly NOT WANTING TO SHARE with you. So don't ask!
Welcome to Tracy! Moonflwr, that stinks about the cellulitis and the TX postponement, and Diana, I am happy to hear that sleep and the walk helped. I completely understand your frustration with your brother. I have been having roid rage problems the first few days after chemo--roared at my poor boy the other day for no particular reason. Made him cry. That sucked, too.
Oh, and a word to the wise for those wearing artificial hair wigs--keep away from grills and opening oven doors. I slightly frizzled part of my bangs opening a 400 degree oven--had to have it snipped a bit to conceal.
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maureen..i'm margo
meditation was good- a 7 year bc survivor and a caregiver/wife whose hubby is a 3 year survivor of bc...and a gal who had pancreatic cancer..wonderful folks--but i meditated myself into having to go buy pastries!!!!!
*guess my wig looks realistic enough-the one gal did not believe it was not my own!!!! whooo hooo!
"the job" called today-they want me but still don't have anything that can work around my monday tx (2 left) and half day on tues ... they will call if that changes and stressed that i need to call them ASAP when my schedule frees up--which will be beginning of April depending on my lumpectomy! if i can start work before radiation and learn the job i think i'll be ok! feels good that they "want" me on my credentials/experience !
electrician has been and gone- he has to go through box by box to see what is wrong-seems to be in the "white wire" so--could be a long process -he'll be back tomorrow or next day for sure .
hugs!
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Hi All
Just got in from a funeral for a friend that passed away on Saturday from an aneuerism. I hate to say I had a nice time but the service was lovely and very personal. We all went back to our local and there was a picture with his favourite pint where he normally sat. This was a guy that was a fit 65 that looked 50, never smoked, worked out, great family life. You just never know do you?
Even though my wig never came it yet, I just pulled whatever hair I have left and went anyway. I couldn't not go because my hair looks like crap right?! My spirits were totally lifted by those that just gave me a hug or kiss or treated me like normal. I've been kind of hiding away in my house worried about what I look like. I know I don't have to any more. It was a good day!
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2nd TX for me tomorrow - just got the blanket and chemo bag packed for tomorrow. Also have my little drink unbrella in my bag.
Questions - has anyone done the icing of toes and fingers?? desperate to know if it has helped. I haven't heard of any nail priblems with our group so I am curious if I should or shouldn't. So far I have been getting my nails shellaced every 3 weeks two days before the TX and I have seen absolutely no changes but I don't want to puch my luck, so if frozen peas help....well bring on the frozen veggies LOL
Sending (((hugs))) and wishes for easy Ses to all
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Mthrdee. I didn't do any icing and kinda wish I had. My fingernails keep splitting at the tops and peeling. It's less on my left hand because I guard that side. I bought some nail hardener and strengthened but that's as far as I got. Seems never enough hours in the day. I really want a pedicure. Maybe for the wedding in April. I heard the icing is supposed to help the nails so you might want to give it a try! And someone else mentioned this shellacing to me prechemo. Tell me more!!
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I was told to use vit E oil or olive oil on nails everyday. I bought a bottle of vit E oil in the nail polish section at Walmart. So far so good with nails but I have only had one tx. 2nd tx next week. Hope this works. Not heard about the ice.
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Msbelle;check with your chemo center-mine has no ice machine so if i want ice -or bags of frozen veggies !!!! many use peas! -i have to bring my own.....just a thought
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I will try it. I've never had a problem with my nails (except for my own biting mainly as a child). My nails usually grow fast and are really hard and that's without any supplements or polish even. So this is just another thing I am behind on and would like to get on top of so that they don't come falling out or cause sores or something underneath.
Thanks for the advice on the vit E and olive oils :-)
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I will try it. I've never had a problem with my nails (except for my own biting mainly as a child). My nails usually grow fast and are really hard and that's without any supplements or polish even. So this is just another thing I am behind on and would like to get on top of so that they don't come falling out or cause sores or something underneath.
Thanks for the advice on the vit E and olive oils :-)
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Hey everyone, I'm on day 15 after my first tx, my hair has been coming out in handfulls for 2 days so I guess it's time to shave this weekend, and I've had daily headaches and my scalp is so sore. I heard about the nails being brittle but didn't know there was anything to help it. So is it vitamin E oil and then nail hardener?
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Jag1110: I right there with you. I had a little bird nest of hair after washing and combing mine this morning. I will have to shave this weekend as well. Hate it!!!! I just use the vit e oil. Onc nurse said polish would not make a difference either way. I keep my toes polished but not my fingers.
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Hi Feb chemo mates. Just got back from my bloodwork and MO appointment. Everythings good, he checked my nails and they look fine. I do ice though and keep a hardener on them. Both he and the nurse were really surprised how much hair I still have LOL! The bird nest analogy is where I am too after I brush it. They said it should really be gone by now (day 20) so that was kind of encouraging. I wore a hat today as its really windy here.
Well 2nd TX tomorrow morning. Headed to the drugstore to pick up the steroids and anti nausia meds AND Clariton 24 Hour. Hope it works!
Now its time to clean the house and cook and freeze some food. Might as well take advantage of the steroids.
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