Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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I'm another member of the sore feet club. Every morning it feels like I'm an old lady who has just had her feet unbound for the first time in 20 years and I have to spend a few minutes stretching them out. It sucks. I've started wearing Sketchers Air Walks as slippers, and Ieave them by the side of the bed 'cus it's the only way I can get going. And then there are the knees! Promised Jim I'd do some weeding this morning but he went off to work and I'm lying on the couch with my basset hound having a Will & Grace marathon. I feel like I'm 100.
2Tabbies - I'm very sorry for you loss.
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My guess is that they are covering for themselves. If they miss a cancer it's your fault, you have dense tissue and they have warned you.
I also have dense tissue and was informed of that not long ago. So...I have asked repeatedly for ultrasounds. Suzanne Somers and Joan Lunden both had mammograms that missed their cancers. The ultrasounds found them. So why can't i have an ultrasound? My onco says "No!" No reason. My surgeon, after much hemming and hawing said yes, it's worth it for me...I've had two cancers. I have a difficult, large breast to examine. She told me to call her in two weeks if she hadn't contacted me. I did. She hasn't. So I've been waiting...for what?
I dont want to hunt out a new onco for this but I know I should. No one really cares ...
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I hope everyone starts to feel less side effects I am sorry we are all going through this stuff. It makes me sad for all of us.
2tabbies - my plastics guy originally talked about the different flap procedures. I was worried about doing the flap...from anywhere... because I have had a lot of other surgeries prior to the bc. After examining me, and then waiting 9 months, he indicated my radiated side had changed enough to think it may be ok without a flap. We agreed I may have to stay smaller if I want to try it this way. So far so good.
BosumBlues, I am not sure what state you live in...but several states have had recent legislation requiring that doctors inform women when they have dense breast tissue. The idea is that those of us with dense tissue would be informed early & be able to advocate for additional tests besides just mammos as dense tissue hides bc in mammos. You would have always had dense tissue, now they just have to tell you about it. I am sorry they have been cavalier about your results. That is s insulting after all you have been through.
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I had dense breast tissue.......but I was told years ago, however they still only did mammos...................
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Was never, ever made aware of my dense breast tissue. If I would have been properly counseled regarding dense breast tissue and HRT, I most likely would not be here.
Mammo's done in Maryland.
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It is only recently that they were required to inform women if they had dense tissue, and also to inform them that it may be harder to detect a cancer in dense tissue. Most younger women have dense tissue, and mostly we lose most of it as we get older.Our breasts then get fattier. So, some places have always told women that they have dense breasts, without explaining what that could mean. Now, the are required to tell them what that could mean. It seems that dense tissue also provides an environment that is friendlier to cancer. Funny thing was, I was kind of proud of my dense breasts, like they were tougher and not fat!
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I am 65 and was told I have dense breasts. They are fatty too. When I went to my onc and asked for an ultrasound because of Joan Lunden and Suzanne Somers he started to tell me that at my age I wouldn't have
dense breasts and he quickly caught himself because I'm the same age as Joan Lunden. You can see he wasn't thinking. I'm annoyed and tired of constantly looking for good care.
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I too had very dense breasts and was told by the radiographer that my breasts would stay perkier than most girls my age because of it. I was led to believe it was a good thing. Roll on 6 years from then and I seems to have grown a massive tumour.
My understanding at this point is for women with higher than usual breast density, an MRI is the best way to detect any tumour that may remain undetected by other methods.
There is no way, an MRI was an option, as it would be considered unnecessary and prohibitively expensive. I would suggest that is most likely still the case here in the UK.
Yes, good care and to feel really cared for is very hard to get.
Sigh...
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Dense breasts. Also had mammos in MD. Had diagnostic momo 2 years before dx when they had to redo it as something suspicious where I got BC but they said it was ok! Angry I didn't get MRI
Feet also feel bound. Hoping awful chemo stiffness in legs lessons up on next 6 months as it did with my 2 friends. Have to lean on the table to get up and can't bemd knees enough to get on socks.
DH said he's lookig forward to next year when I'm (hopefully feeling)younger
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If you are taking an Aromatase inhibitor your breasts are unlikely to still be dense........my remaining one is now mostly fat...I insisted on MRI´s but then I have a strong case as the cancer was not found on mammos just 6 weeks before they lopped my other breast off with stage 3.........I made a formal complaint at that time and I think that may have helped as I say every year, no mammos it did not find stage 3 cancer before........so its MRI´s..........with all the cuts I never know whether this will continue year on year
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I don't know why oncologists are so insistent on mammograms for women with dense breast tissue. It's already been proven it misses things on dense breasts. Just can't figure it out. They KNOW better! Mine were described to me as extremely dense. The techs at the breast center even told me that because of that, plus the location of the tumor, it never would have shown up on mammograms prior to this past year! What the .. so now I am being told I HAVE to have a mammogram. No MRI, no ultrasound .. nope, not good enough. Does anyone know if mammograms are more costly than a MRI or ultrasound? I'm wondering if it has something to do with insurances or medicare. There has to be a reason.
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The mammo report after my biopsy mentions my 2.5 cm IDC and notes no other areas of concern. MRI done one week later showed several areas of DCIS.
ChloesMom - where are you in PA?
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They know there is an 11% fail rate on mammos. MRIs are much more expensive than mammography. MRIs also allegedly have a higher false positive rate. There is a new 3d type mammo machine at certain places, but not widely available yet.
Mammos may the best they have, but it isn't good enough. If docs are not explaining what having dense breast tissue means, they also are messing that up. It only helps if a woman knows what to do about it & has access to other tests.
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Thanks for the information, SS.
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Jilly I'm in York county. How about you?
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I've been told with every mammogram that I've had for the last 25 years that my breasts were dense making it hard to see anything on the mammogram. I was also assured for years that dense breasts weren't a risk for cancer. Just about the time I was diagnosed with bc the news came out that dense tissue is a risk, and some states passed laws requiring women with dense breasts be informed of the risk. Hah hah. Joke's on me. By that time, I had no mammos left to gram. Or ultrasound or MRI.
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I was so happy to find these postings ..because I am at that stage where the double mastectomy and reconstruction has been done, just finished with the tattoos in March . And I find myself now dealing with emotions I shoved away while going thru. All the tests, Biospy , lumpectommy and. MRi 's Before being told I Needed the mastectomy. Now that I Know this is normal I can deal with it hopefull
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Ditto, ChloesMom! Right on the Maryland border, Fawn Grove/New Park area.
There's also a lady here (forums) that lives in Stewartstown.
In a 1/4 mile stretch of my road...there is one lymphoma, 2 bc, and 1 lung cancer.
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Welcome bettiesch, yes, sadly, it is very normal! And it stinks! But just knowing you aren't alone really does help a lot. Hang in there.
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Well, this is difficult. If it were me (I do hope to have a relationship again) I would most likely tell him 2 to.3 dates in. It may well scare him away, and that's entirely up to him if he feels he can't handle it. Some people just can;t There can be no blame. I think if you kept your bra on you might feel stressed and that cannot be good for an intimate relationship. I think you will have to take a risk here. He may stay he might not, but better you know that. Better to be honest and show your vulnerability, but your show your strength too. Don't forget that.
Perhaps it's better to tell him before any intimacy? I don't see how you cannot really. Also you need to feel accepted entirely as you are now and forever, nothing will undo bc, but you can go forward with the love and understanding of a partner.
I am excited for you and will hope that it all comes good and that you are happy!
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Bosum - wait! No need to say anything yet.
Let him fall for YOU. Then, when you do share, he should accept all of you. If he doesn't, he wasn't that into you anyway and certainly not worth it.
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Bosum and all,
I want to chime in here with a sweet story. My stepmom's best friend had a mastectomy many many years ago. She lost her husband and started dating again. A man she started having feelings for, and spending more time with, told her he thought he may be falling in love with her. She said, "I have something to tell you before this goes any further". She told him and he said, "oh, that makes me only love you more".
Love to all you most special ladies in my life, Purl
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BB don´t tell him too soon, maybe you can take it slower intimacy wise, no need for him to know til you are ready to jump his bones!
I love Purl´s story but cannot imagine even being with a man just talking as I now feel so hugely flawed, my therapist told me today he thinks I am depressed and I do feel heavy, but not taking meds as fed up with meds......if I am still repulsed by myself then not much hope is there.........thing is I feel so disconnected from non cancer people and I hate that.............
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I'm thinking of Paul McCartney. He could have had any woman in the world. He first chose a woman with one leg. The another woman (his present wife) who had had breast cancer.
I totally understand your feelings. But apparently such men exist!
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Good point but those women were clearly ok with themsselves, I know i am not and I seem to be really stuck in not moving forward on it...............
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Bosum - I would just take it one date a time. You might get to know him and if he's a good guy, instinctively feel safe enough to tell him. Or - maybe you'll figure that he's not someone you want to move ahead with and decide it's not worth the trouble. I don't think that most people find cancer that scary anymore. Reconstruciton is a whole different world - but in my experience - it takes a LOT to turn a guy off from having sex. You need to tell him though, before you get intimate, because the stress of having to stay covered up would be no fun for you.
Here's another sweet story...I met a woman who started dating a man the week before she was about to start chemo. He didn't know she had cancer, and he didn't know she was about to start treatment. So the night before her first chemo treatment they went out for dinner and she said she had something she had to tell him. He got really quiet. Then she told him she was going to start chemotherapy and lose all her hair, and he put his heads in his hands and said, 'Oh thank God! I thought you were going to dump me.' At the time that she told this story - they were still together.
I hope your story also has a happy ending.
PS Winter - I love what you said about showing you vulnerability, but showing your strength too.
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Beautiful sentiments. I am a romantic at heart. Thank you Winter and Janet
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Hi Daisy, I had my ovaries out and was told I could stay on Tamoxifen after my surgery though I am not post-menopausalI have had minimal side effects from Tamoxifen. Maybe you could ask your MO if that is an option for you?
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I am so proud of you Bosum, Lily, Winter and all others who are exploring or thinking about dating and relationships. I am married to my same guy, but just reading your posts made me think of all the additional crap you strong women have to face that I do not. It is hard enough for me with my husband...and we have been together a long time. You all are amazing.
I have been in a rabbit hole again. I need to get my head in a better space. I know I will get there. I am not sure how these days because it seems like there is always some crapfest to face & things weighing on my mind. I know you all understand. Tomorrow is a follow up with my MO & my second fill. Both should be fine, but I do not look forward to either of them.
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Smart, I totally agree with what you said about the women who are in the market to date. As you said, it's hard enough when you're in a long term relationship. I hope your appointments go well. My head gets in a bad place now and then too. It's an awful feeling of depression and anger that just boils up from my gut at the littlest thing or nothing at all. I really think it's lack of estrogen magnified by Tamoxifen. It can go away as fast as it arrives. I have some legitimate reasons to be depressed and angry, but these uncontrollable spurts of emotion are more than what I'd expect. Let's hope we all get past this.
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