I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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MT...what a wonderful pool experience!
As for responses...what about something completely honest...like..."I can understand that you feel that way (or see it that way), but I don't." End of discussion. Or, "Wow. Can't say I see it the same way."
Good luck...hope you can shut down the insensitivity...
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I like that CLC!
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MT awesome experiences, thanks for sharing.
When women get on their "must-reconstruct" soapbox, I just respond "Oh, I just would never do that" and move away. if they press for answers I just say "I really am very OK this way, the cancer is gone, I am OK".
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MT, thanks for sharing! I know way too many people as you described, no filter between brain and mouth! And you ARE and inspiration!!!
CLC, I LOVE your comments!
I adopted a phrase from a wonderful artist some years ago: "I am just not moved to do so." Ends a lot of discussions. How can you argue with THAT?
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I think i might be inclined to something along the lines of "gee i can certainly see why you'd think that way. What would actually make you say it, on the other hand, is completely beyond me." Sorry i'm a little sarcastic but it works for me :-)
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Oh, I DO like sarcasm!!!!! And it has to be said with the appropriate tone of voice and body language!
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Ridergirl...I love it!!!!!! :-)
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Ridergirl...that is a wonderful thing to say to a truly insensitive remark. I may just use it, if I think on my feet quickly enough...
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May I ask that you please share my article in your online social network, facebook, tweet, pinterest, whatever? If you do not discuss this sort of thing online, no worries, it is just that I would love for the word to get out even more than I am able to on my own social networks.
http://www.rolereboot.org/life/details/2012-08-i-chose-to-live-as-a-flat-chested-woman-after-breast
I have also been trying to get Ms. magaine and Bust to republish it.
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I have been quietly reading posts for a few months now, but your article called out to me. I just have to say, "thank you" you are a wonderful writer and I hope that this article is republished in many places. I too am "Flat and Fabulous".
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Mel, I just sent emails to Rachel Ray, Ellen Degeres, and NPRs Talk of the Nation suggesting they do a program on breast cancer during the month of October. I sent them before seeing your post above, sorry I did not get it included. I posted the messages I sent via email to them on the Pinktober Revolution thread. I got a little carried away, but there was space limitation in the one, but not the other two, so I got a little wordy! (gee, imagine that, Linda a little wordy!)
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Fishnw, Nice to hear from you!
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MT
Excellent article! I too wonder how many of us are out there but afraid to go without their forms. I have had a couple of bc patients with implants tell me that they wish they had been brave enough to go without. I tell them it had nothing to do with bravery. On the contrary, all the surgery, discomfort and looking at numb, fake boobs everyday scared the heck out of me. Being boobless is actually quite liberating!!
I hope all the ladies here considering recon take the time to read the article. Thanks for sharing.
Edited for sp.
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Re clothing issues:
My dh tried to get "What Not To Wear" to do an episode with a flat chested woman. Didn't happen. I suspect they have no idea how many of us would have watched that episode.
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They did do an episode on a young wife and mother who went flat. I "think" her name was Sara or Sarah. I believe it was in early 2010 as I saw it within a few months of being diagnosed.
When I have a chance, I will look for a link.
Barbara
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Here is a link to Sara's makeover which was Season 7, Episode 22. Sara did not recon and did not wear prosthetics. Even though I rarely mention it, this story aired about the time I was diagnosed and was a factor in understanding that no recon and no prosthetics were viable alternatives. Stacy and Clinton dressed her as she was using many of the techniques we talk about here and without pushing her to a PS or a fitter.
http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/tv/what-not-to-wear/sara-makeover.htm
Barbara
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Excellent. I haven't watched it for a couple of years so it is good to see that they followed up on it. I am sure there were plenty of people requesting it. I will definitely check it out. Thanks.
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I couldn't find video at that link but I found a very quick video synopsis at this link:
http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/tv/what-not-to-wear/videos/life-after-cancer.htm
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Yeah for Sarah!!! Thanks for the links!
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Hi ladies,
I'm also a flat chested double mastectomy survivor of 14 months. My wonderful husband of 44 years and my Daughter talked about it when the BS left the room. All 3 of us said at the same time take them both and no reconstruction. I feel good about being flat. No more pulling up my bra straps every two seconds. I get dressed so much faster too.
I'm proud to join this fantastic group of Pink Sisters.
God bless.
Shirley, another proud flat chested Sister in Pink from Scottsdale,AZ
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Hi MT 1,
I tell people that ( this way people can't tell if I'm coming or going ) some people laugh and others just kind of look at me and say nothing. I use a lot of humor. It seems to work when people get rude or don't know what to say.
Your Sister in pink,
Shirley from Scottsdale,AZ
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"this way people can't tell if I'm coming or going" - I LOVE it Shirley!
I think I'm 92.6% leaning toward a prophylactic mastectomy of my remaining breast. I was 91% sure before reading this quote!
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Purl51, very funny! Welcome ShirleySang!
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Hi Purl51,
Great to read your comment. I hope it helps you.
I have also found that by the time people figure out what's missing I'm gone. There is a saying ( The people who matter don't care and the people that care don't matter ) I have come to really believe it's true.
Stay strong my sister in pink.
Shirley
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Last month I decided on no reconstruction and I love it. No boobs or bra is pretty great. I still feel funny leaving the house without a bra. Makes me like a teenager trying to break the rules. It's fun.
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I went out certifiably flat with this new shirt yesterday while eyeglass shopping. This time it should be a reasonable size. This is one of two that I ordered from VistaPrint. I used a VistaPrint stock design under a sub-section entitled "Feminine" and then added my own words which are "Flat & Fabulous ...this flat don't need fixin'." I ordered a woman's Large which is geared for a 12-14 and I think runs pretty true to size.
Alexandria, I would LOVE to see what you have ordered for those going to Flat Fest if you could post a link or pic. I wish I could be there.
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Hi Starak,
The one's I've selected cost $21 and change - plus a section of the shipping - which be be split among those who buy a shirt. It's a basic men's black tee - with the words This Flat Don't Need Fixing on the front and Flat & Fabulous in lilac on the back. Have held off from shipping until I'm sure how many people want one. I'll try putting up a link, but I don't know if it'll work if it's not from my e-mail. Not sure how to put it up otherwise.
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Welcome Happee! I am glad you found us here. Yes, you will get people who comment that we have missed out of a "free boob job" but people say the dumbest things no matter what. Just smile and walk away.
You may go through many different phases as you move into recovery, it is all normal and feel free to post your thoughts here.
I personally go flat 6 out of 7 days, even when dresed up (I buy clothes that look right on me now), and if I want boobs, I have them and can wear them too. The choice is nice. And not wearing a bra is very nice. And not worrying about Cancer is...priceless :-)
I wish you a smooth easy healing time.
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Alexandria: I have spent all I can justify recently but still want to see photos. Better yet I look forward to the group pic of you all modeling them at Flat Fest.
Happee2BMe: Welcome. It makes me smile that so early on you are finding the strength and confidence to go in a direction you feel is right for you and to start filtering out what you know is not. Keep being true to yourself.
Barbara
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Happy to be me . . . . good for you . . . I had bi-lateral mastectomy on May 7 - with no plans for reconstruction. I am also one of those "concave" negative A sized gals, so I don't "seem" all that less of a woman. I certainly DO NOT miss ill-fitting bras! I do wear prosthesis at work and at church. When I walk (every day) I am au naturale, at home I am as well. I've had a few visitors catch me "flat" . . . and I am o.k. with that. GOOD FOR YOU. HOPE THE HEALING CONTINUES! I posted pictures a while back - before and after.
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