I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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I had UMX - only one side is gone. DH commented that the natural side looked kind of funny now. Believe me, the first time I have any excuse, the other one is gone. And I will never wear a bra again.
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I hope that more doctors 'prescribe' neoadjudvant chemotherapy. I had to have it because my tumor was large, but it gave me 4 months to explore my options and make my decision. Most women are slammed with the decision to reconstruct right out of the gate, during a very traumatic period.
Those four months really did well by me. I had lots of time to look at photos of reconstruction, to read about the different techniques, to find images of women who decided against. At least with neoadjudvant chemo, more women would have the time to think and not 'just' react.
And yes, going flat isn't for everyone, I know. But still, we need time to think, no matter what we decide is right for us.
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Outfield, very funny!
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Mel, that was my experience too. The chemo before surgery gave me time and space to think and research.
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THis is a very interesting thread as I have looked at recon sites and been shocked and horrified by how you can look after delayed recon (in my case enforced) but I am only a UMX and I truly truly HATE it, I HATE being non symmetrical and it is that that makes me feel so weird as I don´t look normal or feel normal dresssed or undressed (36DD so not small and my old breast weighed over 2lbs so I do feel the difference in weight too) - and I have been focused on recon as the only solution but if its going to look like a patchwork quilt, as so many do, I am not sure it will help and without a nipple will not feel right either - yet they refuse me prophylatic.....but if offered immediate autologous recon I would have definitely done that.
My UMX side is not flat it is bobbly and ripply with ridges of flesh so not pretty at all......wonder if there is plastic surgery to neaten it up.....
I hate all this...........
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I soo know how you feel.
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Hi, ladies! Haven't been here in a while and there are so many posts it will take me a while to catch up. In the meantime, I just need to vent. I have been cruising along, feeling pretty good with my deconstructed lumpy flatness. I am away on vacation and went into a beach shop thinking I might be able to find a casual dress so I could sit on the beach and not have to worry about a bathing suit. So I am trying things on, and an oh so helpful clerk asks how I am doing, and I report that the dresses hadn't worked. She wanted to know why, so I told her I had a bilateral mastectomy and the tightness of the dress showed my concave areas. She asked, and if someone is trying to be helpful I usually am straight up with them. It is my truth and I am no longer ashamed of it. She then said it was time for me to get a bra and some "cutlets" so I could "rock that dress". I don't think I have ever had anyone say anything quite so insensitive since my BC diagnosis. It pissed me off. Before I could stop myself, I told her she needed to get some cutlets for her head and that I didn't need breasts to rock a dress or look attractive. Then she said that bras and cutlets just help dresses fit better. Really? She's still talking? So I told her I have several dresses that look great on me with a flat chest, and while it takes more time to find them, they do exist. I don't have to feel bad if the dresses in this store don't look good on me. So then she finally agreed that if I took more time to look, I could find things. I don't think she got it or that what I said phased her. I just wanted to whack that woman.
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Tina,
HATE the word cutlets. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And jsut wahck that woman. Really, some people just don't know wehn to stop talking
Be well
Nel
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MT1& Lily - I understand what you're saying - I was not offered recon at the time of surgery because they knew I would need radiation, and the BS wasn't even sure that my MX would heal without skin grafts because of the size and location of the tumor. I only had 3 days from the time I saw the BS and when he wanted to surgery to happen. He did work me in for a breast MRI to check the other side, but at that point I had sooo much being thrown at me that I couldn't say yes to having the good breast removed, knowing what I know now - I'm planning on a prophylactic MX as soon as I can get it. But I do believe if I had gone ahead with it then I would always wonder if I should have had it, if I'd had neo-adjuvant therapy I would have had the time to reflect and learn more and probably would have then had a BMX.... Just a little rambling.
Lily - I'm almost 3 years post MX and 2+years post chemo and radiation - the scars do flatten out, massage helps, myofascial release, there are a lot of things to help, but mine didn't really start to smooth out until a year post radiation.
Tina - Oh my goodness!!!!!
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I had never heard the term cutlets used in that way. As a vegetarian, could I feel doublely insulted? I doubt she would have noticed when you whacked her either.
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I had my first moment of self-consciousness in quite a while tonight when I exposed the smiling fish and the monkey in the locker room at my healthclub. They were surprisingly sturdy in the pool and barely faded. I'm liking the jaunty little monkey a lot.
But cutlets . . .
Wren's right, she wouldn't have noticed.
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Outfield, how did the kids take it?....about you "borrowing" their tattoos I mean?
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When I had my appointment with my Surgeon to tell him I had decided to have a Mx. I asked him for a really neat scar because I didn't want to reconstruct. I knew instinctively that I didn't want to go that road as soon as I made my decision to go the Mx way.
He told me that, if I changed my mind later, I could still go ahead, but that I would get a "mound" not a breast. It would be forever "perky" I( was grateful for that. He's a real "no crap" kind of guy, and I like that.
He went on to explain the different types of recon using the Hotel Rating analogy, 5 star, 4 star, etc. At no time did he try to sway me that way, just inform me.
I went online to look at what the reconstructed chest looked like, and I have to say, I was so shocked at some of the outcomes, and they weren't the bad ones. I don't want to offend anyone who has made that choice, but I know I made the absolute right choice for me. Hands down!
I also have a problem with the tandem surgery pressure that I hear some women speak of. It is such an enormous thing to take on board when you're first diagnosed. I can imagine that a lot of Doctors see it as a done deal that no one would consider not doing it, but I believe there is a tide of change.
I have been very pleased to hear a lot of women that I have spoken to voice that if they were in my situation they'd make the same decision. Could well be age related, but I believe it is more to do with acceptance, there just doesn't seem to be the stigma that there once was.
I have been invited to an all day Forum next week to hear some speakers and find out about new treatment options and results of research. I will be interested to find out if there is a change in the numbers of women opting out of the reconstruction.
I'll let you know.
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Lily, the bad recons you have seen are not bad-looking because they were done after the fact. The bad results have to do with rads usually, and could happen whether or not the recon is started at MX time or not.
Typically, the nice-looking recons are done for women with early stage cancer, where the skin (and sometimes nipples too) can be saved and there is no need for rads.
A plastic surgeon could definitely clean up the scar.
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Tina: What an offensive clerk!
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Hi, MTI. I join you in your rant. I live in Texas so I would have to be in the fest in spirit. I have had so many surgeries so I have decided at this point that I do not want reconstruction surgery. I do wear a prothesis when I go to church. But not when I go out to shop or dinner, I have decided not to wear the prothesis. It is a lot more comfortable not to have to put on the prothesis. I think that I will eventual not even wear them to church. And like so many that replied to your post, most people do not even noticed our flat chest.
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Momine the ones I saw had two horizontal scars so looked liked 3 slices...I never feel ok either dressed or undressed as just not balanced and it's been nearly 10 months now......results of MRI may make decision for me .......
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The kids laughed. I'm really enjoying this - the playful side of it.
Hrlady, welcome. The good thing about foobs is you can choose when to wear them. I don't wear them myself, but I think I understand why women do wear them much more than why a woman would have surgical reconstruction. For me, it's OK to be flat all the time. But if it weren't, foobs seem very sensible.
The appearance of reconstruction didn't affect my own decision. I actually didn't know how bad a lot of them looked out of clothes; that's something I've seen since.
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I feel like I was rushed into surgery (it was just 3 weeks from that "routine annual mammogram" that turned my life upside down, to me being wheeled into surgery) but I was never pressured to have reconstruction. No one tried to talk me into seeing a PS "just in case". I can remember the surgeon asking me, casually, only once, if it was something I was considering and I said "no" and that was it. Nothing more, ever. If I had been given more time to think about my options before surgery, I really think I would have chosen the BMX. It was not even presented to me as an option. I guess my doctors have the attitude that if the other one is healthy, leave well enough alone. And I didn't know enough to ask about things like that. Knowing what I know now, I would definitely much prefer being flat, having the option to wear a bra or not, wear foobs or not. My remaining one is not large, but at my age, I can't go without support. LOL
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Tina, did you ask the clerk what kind of cutlet? I think there are pork, chicken, and even "naked cutlets" that are vegetarian, made by Quorn of mycoprotein (think mushrooms). Most of these won't even fill an A bra.... so obviously she doesn't know much about cooking, either!
Outfield, you are cracking me up!!!
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Oh my goodness Linda, now I am imagining a bra filled with little Quorn cutlets, which would be both lumpy to the outside observer and crumbly to the wearer. Oh, I am giggling.
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del
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Things I heard much later from others that made me say, Thank you God, that I decided against recon.
Drs who when I told them what a good decision it had been when I decided not to recon, then said some of their unhappiest patients were those that had recon.
SHOCKED by how easy it is to be caught up in the recon assembly line and how nearly IMPOSSIBLE it is for many (not all) women to get off the assembly line or deconstruct if they change their minds. Have seen women who I seriously thought were near suicide from pain and their doctors FLATLY REFUSED to remove the expanders. Also seen the same fight for some when they try to deconstruct. It should be OUR decision whether or not we want to reconstruct and similarly it should be OUR decision if we ever decide that we need to deconstruct.
Overhead somewhere online regarding pain of TE. If we told women how much it would hurt, they wouldn't do it.
The move forward no matter what with recon with almost disregard for the additional risks and failures due to radiation and/or chemo. Okay if the patient demands it but who was it really who pushed?
Outfield, like you I have not had the experience of people trying to push me into recon but also like you I am a very strong personality.
Barbara
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The PS I saw gave me all of my recon options, but once I said, that all I really wanted was to be symmetrical, even if that meant having the other one removed, he was releaved, he then said I really wasn't a good candidate for reconstruction, and that even though they tell you it doesn't hide cancer, it can, and does. Now my friend told me, yeah but he's the conservative one, you really need to see Dr. M...... he's much more progressive and would recommend it. Hmmmmm.... what does that say about Dr. M......
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Cooka, I might do that mock-trial thing! I need to lead my partner through some understanding. But I think what Momine says is right: I don't need to decide right now.
Outfield -- sounds like you had a good medical team assembled. I don't know what I'm expecting. Except that I'm expecting to have to be in the driver's seat this time around.
Haven't talked much about the sexual aspect of this with my partner -- it's a little early -- but, you know, it goes both ways. I'm not going to want them. And I'm almost sure they'll feel strange, I won't feel comfortable. They won't be symmetrical. And then add the extra time for recovery, the extra surgery -- it just doesn't seem tenable. I have two small children. I can't just sit around and recover for six weeks!
Tina -- I think that woman has cutlets for brains. Go to Eileen Fisher! xxx
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All this talk of cutlets. I was at the breast cancer survivors pool program a few months back. We were waiting to be let into the pool area and it was all survivors. An older lady sat next to me and asked 'when will you get a little something to tuck into your bra'. My response was, 'I am not interested in that'. She repeated herself and looked at my chest with a little nod of the head. I made like I did not hear her.
I still don't hear her.
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Hi Barbara! I have to say I couldn't agree more with you on this issue.
My surgeon also told me too, that some of the unhappiest people were the ones that had reconstructed.
I am amazed when I read of the torture some women have to endure. Not just the discomfort and pain, but the infections and the Seromas etc. and then the let down of a less than perfect result.
I know I have mentioned this before, but I remember my surgeon saying, "remember, if you decide to reconstruct, you will get a mound, not a breast." It will be forever "perky". Not an option at my age! How rediculous would that look beside the other not so "perky" real one?
I was so glad I had decided well before that conversation not to reconstruct.
I haven't had anyone try to push me either, but I had one friend who had, had a reconstruction ask me in a horrified voice, "how could you bear to look at yourself?" It isn't often that I am lost for words, but I was speechless, for a moment!LOL She then did a backpedal and blamed it on her vanity. I should think so!
Linda, I think Dr M is one to stay well away from too!
Chicken fillets, cutlets, whatever.......best kept in the kitchen!
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Hi Barbara! I have to say I couldn't agree more with you on this issue.
My surgeon also told me too, that some of the unhappiest people were the ones that had reconstructed.
I am amazed when I read of the torture some women have to endure. Not just the discomfort and pain, but the infections and the Seromas etc. and then the let down of a less than perfect result.
I know I have mentioned this before, but I remember my surgeon saying, "remember, if you decide to reconstruct, you will get a mound, not a breast." It will be forever "perky". Not an option at my age! How rediculous would that look beside the other not so "perky" real one?
I was so glad I had decided well before that conversation not to reconstruct.
I haven't had anyone try to push me either, but I had one friend who had, had a reconstruction ask me in a horrified voice, "how could you bear to look at yourself?" It isn't often that I am lost for words, but I was speechless, for a moment!LOL She then did a backpedal and blamed it on her vanity. I should think so!
Linda, I think Dr M is one to stay well away from too!
Chicken fillets, cutlets, whatever.......best kept in the kitchen!
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Andrea623. I had my bilateral mastectomy on jan 23, 13 I felt comfortable withmy new body about 2 weeks after. I have chosen no recon and so far no foobs. The first week after surgery, I wore the foobs that came with the camisole then stopped. They were cold and I did to like it when my arms touched them.
A good friend gave me a gift certificate to get new tops, instead of flowers, and I felt immensely better after shopping. I went to the shop (Maurices) during the day and the manager helped me choose tops. I ended up buying a lot of tops and today was my first day back to work. It was awesome. I don't know if anyone really noticed. I was very comfortable and got a lot of compliments. Some people thought I was on vacation and said I looked very rested. I was a 40G and now am a little concaved.
Two nights ago, my husband and I went to a comedy show. I walked around and did not notice anyone even look my direction. Our friends checked out my chest because they knew but they were discrete.
Once you are comfortable, it will be easier. I love not having the weight pulling on my neck and shoulders.
Best of luck!!0
