I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
-
Hi crystalphn, No my Mother never had a reconstruction. In fact I truly don't remember it ever even being discussed.
I am sure that her experience and her attitude, her grace, was what made this so easy for me.
I took her to a fitter and got her a prosthesis and several new bras. She never looked back, never had any recurrence either. I remember her adjusting her wardrobe to suit the change in her cleavage. My Mother had a beautiful figure, and dressed very stylishly. She passed nine years later of unrelated causes.
I am feeling my chest, trying to picture what you are telling me about your shape.LOL I have a really deep concave right under my pec muscle. My scar goes around and under my arm to the back, so if I put my hand flat on my chest under my arm with the thumb up on my shoulder, I have a really deep hollow, but the front of my chest is totally flat. My Surgeon took the scar across onto the other breast about 4cm and fixed some sun damage I had. It even gave me a bit of a neck lift, and flattened and smoothed the chest skin which I really like.
I understand what you mean about the look of your boobs sagging way down. I wear a long T Shirt around the house, without a bra. The right side that is missing, actually looks like I have a saggy boob, and the left which is still there, although starting to go south, looks "perky" in comparison. LOL You're lucky if you don't have a belly. I have more belly than I would like, but I'll be getting into some exercise soon, so hopefully I'll take care of that.
I have been fortunate, the BC group that I have met in my area, are predominately non reconstructors. There are only two that have had reconsruction out of a dozen of us. One morning we were in a meeting discussing prosthesis and before I knew it there was a thump, thump, thump, as half a dozen prosthesis hit the table. I was crying, I laughed so much, this is a great bunch of ladies who are just so down to earth and great to be around. Some are 25 year survivors, some are more recent, like me, some are in treatment, a few are stage 1V.
I really wonder how much people really notice if we are flat. I have a girlfriend who has virtually no boobs whatsoever, she's as flat as say, a ballerina. It has never been an issue for her. Not the same, I know, but similar.
0 -
Crystalphm, I have a friend who has gone without a bra for years due to rheumatoid arthritis in her shoulders. Putting nipples on your lower ribs would be just about in the right place.
0 -
At my first meeting post MX I met a women in her 70's who has had BC twice, no recon, she actually had a man ask her - "Are you really that flat or did you have breast cancer" - her response - I got them cut off to improve my golf game, now my swing is much better. She said he turned bright red and didn't know what to say. Gotta love her. I think that we just don't notice when someone is flat, there are a lot of women naturally flat, so unless you saw the obvious change, you probably wouldn't even notice. One of the ladies at our bank that was so supportive when I was diagnosed didn't have recon, and I just noticed before her retirement that I'm pretty sure she doesn't wear a prosthesis either, just blousy shirts, always looks nice.
0 -
So lately I've been going 1/2 flat over 1/2 the time (no prosthesis). I've been considering a PMX for the remaining size DD, but am rather ambivalent about surgery. I've found a couple of tops with a tight tank that I can wear so that it's not so noticeable. But would love any input from you 1/2 flatters out there, on why you stay that way, what you wear......
Thanks,
Linda
0 -
Hi Linda, I was a D before surgery, I seem to be a C now on the left side. I lost a lot of weight while I was stressing about the surgery and the outcome.
I have to say that I ususally wear a prosthesis of some kind when I go out, but have to admit to wearing a shirt that I love with two breast pockets, I just shove some tissues in the right pocket and I am good to go!
I have to say that I have bought quite a few foobs, so the options are good. I have the serious silicone prosthesis, then I bought another lighter version of that, some fluffy filled ones and a swim one that is filled with beads. There are some fantastic bras out there, and then there is my favourite, the Amoena Camisole that has a bra buit in to it. I like to cover all the options, so I never get pissed off with it all. LOL
It is hard to camouflage a single boob, isn't it? I must say I would like the option, of going flat, or deciding what size I want to be, but not enough to remove my remaining breast, for that option, at least not at the moment.
I'll never, say never, again!
0 -
Crystal, I have seen 2-3 flat women at my gym, except they have boobs, extremely small ones. I think most people assume women have boobs, so even if you are flat, they assume there is something there.
Instead of nipples get tassles!
0 -
I had a uni my and a year later surgery for recon that failed. The asymmetry really put a downer on things as I didn't want to reconstruct. I'm a teeshirt and no bra girl at home, but with a concave side and a full c on other , I was definatey atttacting attention there.
I went to for mx on other side and so far no regrets, really happy. I have a cruise coming up, so I have to to spend a nit more money on some bmx bathing suits. If I was skinny and no belly I'd definitely go flat all the time, but cuz I have a belly I come across pregnant so when I go out I wear my beeni boobs.0 -
Crystal, I have a friend who is very thin and never wears a bra. She's in her 50s now and I was noticing the other day that her chest under a sweater doesn't look all that different from mine. The top of her chest is very shallow, slightly concave appearing actually and her breasts now sit at about the level of my little "booblets." So I am thinking that since I'm thin I might just appear to others as being a bra-less, but very stylish (the scarves, baby, the scarves) 60 year old. It sounds like you're thin and might be rocking the same look.
0 -
Did "Flat Fest 2012" ever happen? I have been thinking about wanting something like this for a while now! In my mind, I was calling it an "Accidental Amazon Convention" - thinking about the mythical tribe of one-breasted warriors.
I'd love to see that happen, a city somewhere overrun by women unapologetic about our post-mastectomy bodies. We need to be more visible, for so many reasons! Plus, it would be so good not to feel so alone with this.
I'm in the half-flat category myself, two years now and I still have not managed to find the time to get a prosthetic. Or so I tell myself.
More of my story here: http://www.youtube.com/user/amykstudio
0 -
Ariom, redninrah & Amy - thanks!
Momine - tassels - what a great idea
0 -
Ariom, Does the Amoena camisole support the real one? And can you wear a siicone foob in it? I'm now eligible for 2 more bras and think I might get a camisole if it would work. I'm a lot older than you, so support is important.
0 -
Hi Wren, yes it supports the real one, it has a fairly significant stretch net bra in it, similar to what you might find in a really good swimsuit like Gottex, and yes, you can wear the silicone foob in it too. It has pockets in both sides. I wear a size 8 Amoena foob. I love it so much, it is by far the most comfortable thing I have found. It feels really secure, and the way it sits on the chest, just a bit higher than the standard cami, it has adjustable straps too, means it doesn't fall forward when I lean over. That is my absolute pet hate about this condition, I hate seeing straight through to my waist on that side when I bend over.
I guess, in saying all of that, it will depend on the size of the remaining boob as to how much support you'll get. I was a "D", but have lost some weight. I have already put back on the amount of the boob that was removed, I think it may be residing on my "Tush".
I bought one Amoena Valletta here in Australia, and then discovered a site in the US that was $30.00 cheaper, so I bought 3 more. It won't be for everyone, but I have found it to be a great item for this extremely hot summer we're having. It looks great alone or under a jacket or cardigan. I wear it with an open man style shirt over it too.
I have worn these camis to a couple of BC events recently and they attracted a bit of interest from other women who said they were surprised that I had a Mx and could wear this, but it is all in the way it has been cut slightly higher on the chest, but isn't tight on the belly, it has a slight "A" line and is made from a slinky, but substantial jersey stretch fabric.
I hand wash them and just hang out dripping wet, on a clothes hanger to dry.
0 -
Today I went to the taping of the Katie Couric show. It is a show on cancer that will air next Wednesday or Thursday, and I was in the front row! It was not specific to breast cancer, many types were discussed. I went, as ever, flat. I kept looking for another flatty, I am on the look out, but no. No flatties. Or no one who wasn't wearing breast forms.
At the end there was a Q and A session and I really wanted to stand up and talk to our concerns, non-reconstruction and going flat, not being represented in doctors offices or in literature, and I wanted to mention the few resources we have, this forum, the Flat and Fabulous group. But I didn't. I left feeling sad and lonely.
I really do look for you. I honestly wish it was societally acceptable to be flat, that the scars of breast cancer were not quite so hard to see, that there was beauty found in this option (I know I am beautiful, I am not suggesting otherwise). But why are we encouraged to cover up and make like, when our bodies heal quite as well as they do, when we fought a good fight and don't buy into making ourselves fit into the accepted mold. Or want to put ourselves through what it takes to have the shape of a breast.
They said that one third of all women, and half of all the men in the world will be diagnosed with a cancer, which makes me feel like there is a whole lot of stigma going on.
I hope no one minds, I am cross-posting this to the F&F group on facebook.
0 -
I wear Amoena Cami's too, stopped wearing bras after I found those. I'm a DD and they support my real breast and hold a prosthesis just fine. I'm a little heavy, but I wear them under anything and in the summer wore them alone. I have some cotton ones, they come in several colors and some more silky ones with lace across the cleavage. Now I've started going 1/2 flat some of the time and wear a tight cami, I bought a couple of those Genie (?) camis, and couple of shapewear type cami's - they flatten my real side enough that I can go half flat without flopping around too much - with the right shirt no one even notices, and it gives my shoulder a break from the prosthesis. I'm actually considering not doing the prophylactic MX on the "good" side now, I don't really want more surgery and if I can get away with 1/2 flat a fair amount of the time.......?
Mel - Sorry about your day - read about it on Flat & Fab too. I do think that women, like us, that didn't have recon learn how to dress w/o prosthesis and without it being real obvious. Maybe we need to come up with a Pinktober day for NO RECON awareness!!!!!
0 -
Linda,
My feeling is, I want for women without reconstruction to be comfortable learning out to dress without a prosthesis, but also I would love for it to be OK for it not to matter if it's obvious.
I want us to have the choice to be comfortable in our own skin, whatever skin that is we choose.
0 -
Outfield - I totally agree.
0 -
Mel, I've been meaning to report that I have seen two flatties out and about in Arizona recently (other than myself). One was a vendor I was buying sunglasses from at a RV event in Quartzsite. We were talking for a bit before she mentioned she had had breast cancer... it wasn't until then that I noticed she was completely flat! (She was wearing a tee shirt with horizontal stripes.). The other sighting was on a hiking trail in Tucson. We were headed in opposite directions; I tried making eye contact but she was talking with her friend.
I can't say that no one notices that I'm flat, but many don't, and most that do don't seem to care. As for the others, I tell myself that at least now they can't say they haven't seen such a thing before.
0 -
I am a two year survivor and have never regretted my decision to not have reconstruction. I love going braless and free and have never used foobs, inserts, etc. Shopped for tops with ruffles right after surgery. I use a lot of scarves, jackets, etc. at work. Anywhere else I go flat without a care. . .the problem I have is tanks and camis are too low and gap open at the top for a lot of shirts. I hate the sports bras because I have nothing to keep them from riding up! Dickies are too short, and camisoles that snap have nothing to snap around without a bra. Thinking of taking the elastic out of the sports bras, sewing the dickies into blouses, or putting velcro or snaps in shirts for the cami inserts. What has worked for everyone else out there? Are there higher necked tanks and camis out there I could wear under my clothes? Suggestions welcome!!!
0 -
Hi. I have been wearing the jockey staycool reversible crew neck to V neck tank top. I wear the V in the back. They run a little snug but I love these- you can get them at jockey.com. They come in lots of pretty colors. Very soft. I wear a 14 top and get the xlarge. I am completely flat and I wear them alone or under shirts and hoodies.
0 -
Outfiedl,
I am with you.
Be well
Nel
0 -
Dawn 7, I don't know if it was you who mentioned the jockey tank in a previous post but if it was you - Thank You!
That tank has become my favourite wardrobe staple. I like the fact that it runs a bit tight. It feels very good on and there's not a chance that it will gap.
I wear crew neck to the front sometimes and vee neck to the front other times depending what I'm putting over them.
I'm planning on buying a bunch more.
0 -
Jan, when my chest was more sensitive I always wore a soft layer under shirts. That also coincided with me being really self-conscious that someone might see my scars. I was able to find very lightweight, simple, cheap T-shirts lots of places. Old Navy, Gap, JC Penney. I'm sure Target, Sears or Walmart would have something too. For me, the cheaper the better not only for the $ but because they tended to be thinner and leave a less bulky look under another shirt.
0 -
kmpod, I have mentioned them before but If I remember correctly, I first heard about the jockey tanks from either breastfree.org or on a post written here by that nice lady who runs that site. Anyway, those tanks are great, I always watch for the sales and stock up. :0)
0 -
Hi Dawn,
Actually, I didn't know about the Jockey tanks but they look great! Thanks for mentioning them here. I love shirts that don't gap and also like the idea that the fabric will help keep you cool. Always good in the summer and for those of us who get hot flashes.
Barbara
0 -
del
0 -
CCFW, You made me smile. No, I did not see you, but you sound real comfortable with yourself and I am glad about this!
Good to hear from you.
The funny thing here is I DID wear foobs today under a snug sweater...and no one said a word! no one noticed!!
Boobs are more invisible than we think.
0 -
The other day I had to go see my breast surgeon for him to double-check a slightly worrisome lymph node. To make the visit quicker, I skipped the foobs. I had a crisp white shirt, topped with a thin black sweater and a drapey black wool jacket and a scarf. I ended up running into a group of people I knew from daughter's old school and we were standing around on the sidewalk forever talking. Not a soul so much as glanced at my chest.
I really think that in most cases people just "fill in the boobs" in their mind. It is quite funny how that works. They see what they expect to see, and there has to be some special reason for them to actually notice a discrepancy with the expectation. In any event, I am of a build that would make people expect a small bust and when I do wear foobs, they are minimal, so the actual difference is fairly small anyway.
0 -
Momine, your outfit sounds fab. Are you up early? Insomnia for me!
0 -
Bobo, no I am in Greece, lol, so the time difference is 7 hours to the east coast of the US.
I have to say, that jacket is great. I made it from a vogue pattern and it was dead-easy. I think my husband has a picture of it somewhere, so if I can dig it out I will post it for you.
The crispy, slightly heavy cotton shirt under the thin sweater worked pretty well, because the cotton was sort of bumpy under the sweater, instead of everything being completely flat.
It also seems to work well to have a dark color where the boobs are supposed to be and then a contrast at the neck, waist and cuff, for example.
How are you doing with every thing?
0 -
Momine, you are in Greece?! You made your jacket!? Both of these facts astound me.
I am out of grad school, but I have been studying Attic Greek at the college! I really think it is the most beautiful language ever. I'm not saying I could understand modern Greek! Just wanted to let you know how I love it.
I'm okay, and you? Have new lump, in the process of getting it checked out. MRI was Friday. BS next week. I'm a little bit of a wreck, but also calm. What did you have for breakfast
Hugs to you.
0
