I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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I have just joined the Boards again today after many years of not posting. I am going in for a prophylactic MX on March 6th (next Wed YIKES!) after being cancer free for over 10 years (YAY!). Last year a clinic nurse asked about my family history and since Mom is an ovarian cancer survivor (11+ years and now age 90!) she wondered if I ever had genetic testing. I hadn't so I was tested and found out I was BRCA2+. Had a prophylactic BSO/hysterectomy in October 2012 and now the upcoming MX. I opted out of reconstruction in 2002 and have worn a prosthesis ever since. I am really looking forward to hopefully this last surgery and getting "evened up". I am happy I didn't reconstruct although I had a lot of pressure over the years mostly from nurses and doctors to do so. My husband and family never pushed reconstruction. I am also sick and tired of wearing my prosthesis, buying bras, the whole swimsuit ordeal YUCK! I just want to be FLAT AND FREE! I just need a little encouragement from those of you who already are really comfortable completely FLAT. What can I do to make the transition? I don't want to start buying and ordering prostheses and bras!!!! Suggestions please.... What to wear... Swimming...Exercise clothes....Dress up....Attending church or weddings.....Websites...Clothes....Pictures.....I think I would be much more confident if I were younger (I'm 56 now) and especially if I can lose weight in the bottom half (size 18 pants) THANKS AND LOVE TO ALL MY GIRLS OUT THEIR WHO ARE BEAUTIFUL AND FLAT!!!!
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Zenpatrol. Are you on Facebook? If so there is a closed group called Flat and Fabulous. It has some great info, pictures of clothes, etc. I love the group!!!
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Thanks Kassylou! You are a God-send! I'll check it out on Facebook. Trying to stay as busy as possible before this surgery next week with positive thoughts, plans and pix! Love to you!
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Was anyone deeply offended or nauseated by the Seth McFarlane...We saw ur boobs..performance at the Oscars last night?
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Welcome Zenpatrol. I went right for the BMX back in June 2012. Have been comfortable being flat ever since surgery. I don't pay attention to people and if someone has a problem with me being flat, it's their problem not mine. I did wear a well fitting sports bra for several months. I think it helped with the nerves calming down and I had to wear it for two weeks after surgery with padding to keep swelling down. I am comfortable in my old knit tops and button tops helped a lot right after surgery. My daughter took me shopping for a swimsuit and I found a Tyr one piece. It's made somewhat like a competitive suit but does cover all of my scars. I took the attitude that competitive swimmers wear suits that flatten them as much as possible to cut down on drag. I just had the drag eliminated. I am a size 16 in bottoms with a bit of a stomach. Don't worry about your look. I really don't see myself as very different. It's amazing how people really don't notice. I worked for several months after my surgery before retiring and people just thought I was out for vacation when they hadn't seen me for two weeks. They had no idea. I think most of it is all in your attitude about being flat. The more comfortable you are with yourself the more no one really notices. Good luck with your surgery. I am not on Facebook, probably the only one out there not, but have thought about it to join the Flat and Fabulous. I understand they're great.
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Thanks Kathindc! I hadn't thought about the competitive type swimsuits before. They do try to look as flat as possible. Great idea! I think it will just take awhile to get used to myself and new image. I KNOW I will definately be more comfortable flat without the bra. I am also thinking camisoles under sheer things would be good when I get brave. Right now is a good time to start as it is still cold and I can wear sweaters and scarves
. Thanks for the great encouragement it's just what I needed to hear!0 -
Just remember, it's all in your flatitude! (Ok, I'm not sure how to spell that.) It's about you and no one else!
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Zenpatrol, not sure what happened to my first post. Mmm.
I wear Tyr/Nike/Speedo lapsuits most of the time I'm at the pool, because most of my pool time is for exercise. I just get what's cheapest at the time. For poolside with a little more fashion, I wear a 2-piece that has a top with no cups. It's basically an orange lycra T-back tank top. I had it way before BMX and at this point don't know where it came from, do wish I could find another.
I exercise in the same things I always did, just minus sports bra. Women's athletic tanks and T's seem to fit just fine, I imagine because if you're really working out hard you don't want something perfectly form-fitting anyway, unless it's spandex, and then it'll fit anything anyway.
At this point, it's more what clothes did I stop wearing than what do I wear. I stopped wearing things that look too big without the breasts, which was a lot of my wardrobe. BMX made me a lot smaller. I stopped wearing men's tanks because I'd need a sportsbra underneath, and I don't want to deal with bra's anymore . Most women's clothes seem to fit fine, unless there's a large degree of poofiness there to accomodate breasts. I don't wear nice solid-color T-shirts at work anymore because they do seem to accentuate the flatness and work is the one place where I really don't want to talk about it. It's not my coworkers I would mind, but our clients, some of whom are not well socialized. I just don't want to have to deal with the topic there.
Cleomoon - I didn't see the Oscars.
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I use triathaolon swim suits. They give great coverage, I don't have to shave the bikini area, they are made for flat swimmers so don't accentuate my flatness. I got them a year before BMX because I had lost so much weight with treatment that my regular swimsuits were almost fine for just hanging out in, but not for swimming or I was afraid I would lose them in the water, so a water aerobics instructor, who is even tinier than I am, suggested the triathalon suits, and they are fantastic!!!!
Somewhere there is a cartoon of a very old, wrinkled lady, butt sagging, jowels sagging, belly sagging, and perky boobs. I tried to find it but couldnt, but you can kind of get the picture.
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Linda,
I love trisuits with compression. Doubles as LE compression too and I feel speedy just wearing them:)
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Zenpatrol, hi! Not flat yet but getting there.. I am no kind of authority on the subject. I was just coming here for what I thought was courage. But when I began to read I realized that my own thinking has been in alignment with that of many other women! I am quite normal.
Anyway, I wanted to mention Eileen Fisher. Soft fabrics, natural -- even organic or dyed with minimum chemicals -- and you can get XS camis. And also, should you want some draping of some kind -- and I'm not saying you need it at all -- they have many cardigans that can work as scarves and swing over the front, etc. I am uneven right now -- partial MX -- and sometimes I use that, when I am in 'mixed company' at work...
And then they have these things called "box tops" that are great too. Cami, box top, and some great pants -- or leggings and a skirt -- you can have a 'system.' Practically everything matches everything else. You cannot go wrong! It is pricey, of course... I wait for sales, they give web coupons, etc. I do a little at a time.
Sending you big hugs for next week! And for now, as a matter of fact
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Zenpatrol - Do check out the closed Facebook Flat And Fabulous group where there are a ton of pictures. On this board, there are a couple of threads with photos mixed in.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/610613?page=10#idx_279
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/737036?page=16
Barbara
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How do you join the facebook group?
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nagem do you have a facebook account?
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Bobogirl Starak Linda-n3 Outfield and everbody thanks a bunch. The Flat and Fabulous group on Facebook is great - It is a closed group but somebody added me in within 10 minutes of sending a message. I got a lot of suggestions and encouragement on their last night. I'm learning lots of cool fashion words - boxtops, bra-lettes, mobius scarves - I'm 56 and pretty much a jeans and flannel shirt or t shirt girl for the last 10 years. I used to work in health care so wore uniforms for years and years. This is fun learning about fashion and I can't wait to go BRALESS AND FLAT after being a UNIBOOB for the last 10 years. Looking forward to spending a little cash on some new clothes rather than mastectomy bras, forms and silicone prostheses that sag away from my chest when I bend over. Hope I will be inspired to lose alot of weight around the middle too. Thanks everybody and keep me in your prayers next Wed. Peace and one love to all!
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Zenpatrol, you'll be in my prayers and I'll be in your pocket on Wednesday. May all go well for you.
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In your pocket, ZenP! {{{{}}}}
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I'm not sure how I was added - but the FB page is https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/groups/FlatANDFabulous/?fref=ts I think there is a place to ask if you have an FB account and go to that link.
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If you are on Facebook, just like searching for a friend, search for Flat And Fabulous. The goup will likely immediately come up at the top of the list with a daisy and Flat & Fabulous, choose it, and it will bring you to the public page where you will see a link/button under the banner on the right side to Join Group. Click on it. I am happy to help anyone who has a Facebook account and is having difficulty joining. If you are a Facebook friend to any of us who are already a member of the group, we would be able to add you. Barbara
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Hi Ladies,
I am having a prophylactic BMX in two weeks. Can you tell me approximately how long after the operation you were able to resume your normal activities, sport, etc? I understand the first week was a nuisance with drainage bottles, etc.
Any problems about flying? I am currently in Florida and will be flying back to Canada for the operation and will return to Florida once I am feeling okay after the op.
Thanks.
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Hi Painterly ~ I had my BMX 16 Oct 2012 and started flying about 4 weeks post-op. My BS knew I flew a lot with my job and told me I couldn't fly until the drains were out (mine were in for 10 days post-op), but then she didn't see an issue if there were no other complications. Thankfully, there weren't and I worked 1 week in house just to be on the safe side and resumed normal flying (about 6 RT flights/month all over the US) with no issues.
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Painterly, I found the recovery to be both quick and lengthy. It was quite odd. There was less pain than I had expected, but quite a bit of discomfort - tightness, a weird scratchy feeling and other stuff like that, which went on, on and off for what seemed like eons.
It also depends whether they take lymphnodes and on how many they take.
Typically, I would say that you should be good to go after a week or maybe two, depending.
Also, I would strongly, strongly advise that you see a lymphedema PT for exercises and advice. Prevention is key, and knowing what to do and what not to do. My surgeon forbad me lifting my arms above shoulderlevel for two weeks after surgery. This is controversial, but there is some evidence that doing this can ward off lymph issues.
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I agree - it all depends on lymph nodes - I had only 1 sentinel node removed - drains were out in 2 days - I was walking on day 2 (to the end of the driveway) and walking 1 mile at day ~ 7 . . . back to work in 3 weeks, but I could have probably gone back at 2 weeks - I felt fine and have continued that "no-problem" healing after surgery . . . GOOD LUCK.
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I am 43 and triple negative. My tumor was 3.0 cm. and had DCIS and an LCIS marker. Everything but the kitchen sink! I'm almost through chemo - one more month and 2 Taxol to go! I know I should put all my information down at the bottom of my posting but I haven't posted much of anything. However, today here I am. A few weeks ago, I met with the rad onc. He said he would have to radiate part of my lung and with that came the potential for damage and disease. I am very healthy and I'm not signing up to make myself ill. So I went today to meet with the breast surgeon about a BMX with immediate Reconstruction. She laid out my options and then referred me to the plastic surgeon she works with to get the "options" he recommends for me. There was talk of months of recovery and multiple procedures. It was a lot to take in. On the way out of the hospital parking lot, my husband just turns to me and says "You've been through a lot - would you consider just having the bilateral done and not doing the reconstruction right away? You know, take a break and give yourself some time." He said this because we know of another woman my age who had a BMX and did not have reconstruction and still hasn't three years later. For more information, we have three young kids and this experience has really impacted our family - I'm trying to keep the drama down to a minimum and just let them have a childhood and it's been hard because I'm tired and emotional and can be a real b---! I want to just get back to being "mom" who is fun and crazy. I worry about the whole expanders issue - I was told today I was "quite petite" so the TRAM probably is not an option for me. When my husband asked me this - I didn't have a good answer for him. In fact, I didn't have any answer for him. He just found me crying and I told him his question really had an impact on me and so he said "let's just wait to talk to the PS". I don't know why I am so emotional about this. I am not beholden to my breasts in any way - they tried to kill me afterall. I know it's my brain that defines me not my chest. But I'm struggling and wonder if anyone out there has any words of wisdom for me.
Robin
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Hi HHCats. I was 45 when I was diagnosed, was scheduled for lumpectomy/chemo/rads but something in me at the last minute had the surgeon change to a mastectomy. I am glad in my case I did. I never got reconstruction because I was in grad school at the time, had a teenager at home and was too busy to go through all that as well as didn't have the $$ for the copays. That was 2002. Every year I went in for mammography they would ask if I was ready for reconstruction - I just never had the time and after awhile I got used to one breast and wearing my prosthesis. My husband was always supportive. To make my story short I am scheduled for my 2nd mastectomy next week. Turns out I was BRCA2 but just got tested last year! Again the talk of reconstruction for both sides took place with the surgeon. Honestly I am looking forward to being free and flat at age 56 now. The kids are grown - I have 7 grandkids
and I never regret my decision. Only wish I knew the BRCA status years ago and I would have had this 2nd mastectomy long ago. Many women choose reconstruction and it works out great for them. Some choose reconstruction and have problems healing or with the end result. Some have to have their reconstruction work removed. Others stay flat from the beginning or have one unreconstructed breast. ALL OF THE CHOICES ARE RIGHT. No one can choose for another including spouses. But the input and support of a loving spouse and family are important. You have a wonderful husband who is willing to support you in making a very difficult decision. He is right you have time to make a decision. Reconstruction is not easy. You can take time to heal physically and emotionally. I think sometimes we don't take time to grieve our losses. Even with reconstruction their is grief and loss. Emotional pain, crying, irritability are all part of the normal grieving of a loss. You are right that your breasts don't define you, but still they are a part of your body and losing them is scary, painful and sad. You have a right to grieve, a right to take time to think about reconstruction and a right to make the choices that are best for you and your family. Prayers and hugs to you! You will find good support on this forum no matter what you decide. 0 -
Beautifully written Zenpatrol!
So sorry Robin, you've been through a lot already. I think Zenpatrol covered everything really well.
Your husband sounds like the kind of man everyone needs at this time. He cares for you deeply and wants what is best for you. this is such a highly charged emotional time, I wonder how people mange to make all the decisions about surgery and reconstruction so quickly. There seem to be so many options.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, it's a surreal and scary time, and you've been rocked to the core by all this.
Someone said to me "If you are certain that you want to reconstruct, do it at the same time as the Mx, but if you are in any way uncertain, don't do it, you can do it later if you ever decide you want it!"
Even though I was certain I wouldn't have a reconstruction, I could see the good sense in those words.
Take care, and please let us know how you are doing.
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Cats, I really think I may be one of the women who has posted on this board who has had the smoothest trip through choosing to stay flat. No resistance from my physicians, no push to do anything else, a supportive family - really nobody giving me any grief, and I had considered it and already knew it was what I would want before I was ever diagnosed. I had disease in both breasts, stage III IDC on my left, but also DCIS and LCIS (I was so freaked out when I joined these boards that I couldn't bring myself to fill out my Dx lines at the bottom either - I just didn't want to see them). The BMX made absolute sense, and I don't regret the no reconstruction decision at all.
But even with all that, it wasn't easy. I was sobbing in the preop area before my BMX. Not questioning the decision, just sobbing. Of course this kind of surgery has an impact on you! No matter what you choose, they are all hard options. I don't mind being flat, but saying good-bye to a part of my body I'd known all my life was really, really hard. I think a person would have to be superhuman not to be emotional during this really tough situations. This scary, and there is so much loss.
You may not choose what I chose, and I don't want to try to convince you to do that. What's important is that you pick the choice out of all these painful options that is the one you know you won't second-guess, what your gut tells you. This is enough of a trauma even when things go as smoothly as they can.
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Cats, I don't have much to add to the great posts already made on this subject. All I can do is ditto that your husband is right, you can definitely decide later.
It is not easy to sacrifice body parts. But you will come out on the other side, and you will be ok. Once you are there, you can go over your options and see what suits you.
Your husband sounds like a keeper.
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Good morning ladies!
I have had surgery and the doc doesn't use drains so I get fluid build up, I've already been drained once and will go again next week. I love not wearing a bra, but.....here's the dilemma, my stomach looks. Fatter, and I look pregnant" before the boobs would not emphasize the belly.
So can anyone send me pics of what kind of clothes will suit women with a belly?
I'm 35 and have to look professional at my job. I bought some coobie bras which are comfortable and they come with padding and I can wear those...but I need to get some advice, pls0 -
Hi Red,
You sound so much like me. I had seromas on both sides. The last surgery, the prophylactic one, the drains (2) were in for 4 weeks and I still had to get drained, first weekly, then every 2 weeks, for 3 months. The surgeon was shaking her head. She'd never had another patient with this problem.
The good news is that it does stop and, so far, no sign of LE.
I've adapted to not having breasts but I sure do hate the belly too. It seems that it's tougher to get rid of when you're on one of the AI's. I'm working on it but it's definitely a challenge.
Though I'm recently retired, I did work in a professional setting in my career. I found the thing that worked best for me was a black (or very dark) tank under a textured, colourful and not tightly fitted jacket or open sweater, most often worn with black dress pants. The black tank doesn't create shadows and somehow minimizes the contour change. I'm sorry that I don't have any photographs for you but there a number of postings that do. Starak has some particularly nice ones. Perhaps she'll jump in here.
The truth is that very few people will actually notice. Living flat becomes much easier once you conquer your own self consciousness about it.
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