I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Thanks Maryah930, FernMF and Momine. I appreciate your comments!
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Cats, I ditto what others have already said. The other thing I might add would be to lurk on the reconstruction threads for awhile. That can be a real eye opener. I am a 5% or less girl. One of those that is hyper-sensitive if not outright allergic to half the world. Also super prone to get or have all the "rare" stuff and that is not even the half of it. Less is usually more in my life. Like Outfield I had an easy road making the decision though it is still emotional and I wasn't even conflicted over my decision.
I think it is a good thing to get the all the input but at the end of the day, it is you who will get up every day, look in the mirror and live with the consequences. There will be consequences no matter the decision, some you may look at in hindsight and may have done something differently, or hopefully some that you will look at in hindsight and be Thanking God every minute of every day for making the right decision. I have by far and away the latter for which I am truly grateful. It is so difficult when in the midst but try to find the deepest most quiet place in your soul and pick the one which will give you the most peace. This one time be a little selfish and make the very best decision for you whether that carries you forward with recon or Flat And Fabulous.
As to photos, if you go back to my posts on the last couple of pages, you will see links to two threads with photos mixed in here and there. For fashion photos I don't know of anything that compares to the Flat & Fabulous group on Facebook.
Barbara
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Thank you to everyone who posted for me. Hugs to each and every one of you. I think from all your posts, I have learned one valuable thing - I need a break! Now is not the time to make a decision of this magnitude when my body is filled with toxic chemicals and my spirit is wobbling. I know I married the right man - he is working his butt off around here and today when I said I am sick of not being able to be the wife and mom like I'm used to and not "do my job" - he said "THIS IS YOUR JOB - TO STAY IN BED AND FEEL BETTER."
It just is such a "crazy train" - from zero to 60 - go and make major decisions about your body and your life.
I really miss doing all the fun stuff I used to get to do with my kids - they are 8, 5 and 5. Yes, a set of identical twin girls in the mix. I'm not sure I want to face a summer of tissue expanders and pain killers when I could be in the pool having fun. I feel like I've missed the school year as it is. You just get so absorbed into all the hospital stuff and then you feel like crap - and the next thing you know they are asking about their 6th birthday party. I feel like I am missing out on their young lives and don't want to miss anymore.
In a burst of my old self, I made an appt with the counselor at the hospital today (she is very cool) to talk some of this through, too.
You are correct that I married the right man and I gave birth to one too - today I told my 8 year-old son I had to get my wig off and my bandana on before we attempted homework. He said "You know you just look like you used to in your wig." He's never said a thing before and I think he is sensing mom is on overload right now. Then he sat down and did his homework without any battle.
You all made me feel so much better. Thank you thank you thank you.
Robin
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Robin - ask where implants go - my understanding is they go in behind the muscle, you can always have autologoous reconstruction later on - I don´t say this lightly as I now only have one breast and am not happy about it or in myself being lop sided at all but I think it is better than tissue expanders........andthis is not a forever decision right now, you can revisit it in the next few years and when you reach a decision trust that you will know
Good luck
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redinrah - ask Starak and check out the Flat and Fabulous FaceBook page for ideas on dressing well. I've gotten so many good ideas from lurking around there! Hmmm maybe lurking isn't a good word to use, but they do have great ideas.
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Lily - I too hate being lopsided - planning on prophylactic MX later this year. I will probably still have prosthesis to wear some of the time, but it would be great to have the option and be symmetrical - definitely don't want recon!
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They won't consider a prophylactic mx for me so it's recon or nothing and as I have fibrosis it's not possible - am having weekly physio to try and get this resolved but my heart pounds at thought of being like this forever I HATE it and am reminded of cancer every day due to it
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Robin, talking to the counselor sounds like an excellent idea. It can be very freeing to talk to someone who is not family.
I also think it is a great idea to enjoy your summer, play in the pool and work on recovery before you start dealing with any recon.
I had no particular complications or problems with treatment, and I thought I felt OK. But I was thin, pale, hairless and weak. It took 6 months of exercise and careful eating to start getting back my strength and another 6 months for it to show. I am very glad that I had not signed up for several challenging and painful surgeries during that period.
Now, 18 months after my mastectomy, and almost exactly a year after completing treatment, I finally feel like I could consider something like recon. It is still not on my agenda for various other reasons, but if I wanted to do it, I now feel strong enough for something like that.
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Linda, ok thanks
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Lily, why no prophylactic mx for you?
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Pip - because the surgeon refused and said it would be ridiculous to do that - there is no sensitivity here at all, I am simply told to be grateful i am still alive........... they originally said I couldn have recon via lat dorsi route but I don´t have any flesh there so surgeon cannot do it - therefore no recon unless I find and pay a PS myself and i am not rich as lat dorsi is only recon they offer. I am stuffed so to speak
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http://www.cancer.org/treatment/findingandpayingfortreatment/managinginsuranceissues/womens-health-and-cancer-rights-act -- LILY55: I don't believe a surgeon can refuse you. You have a right to be symetrical via recon or phrophelactic mastectomy. Are you in the US? We have the womens health and cancer rights act. I assumed this was the case in other countries. Shame if it's not!
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I am in Spain and rights only exist on paper over here........but thank you for responding - I too have been told I have the right to recom but in reality its only for the kind of recon offered at my hospital and I am not suitable for that - they do not seem to offer prophylatic mastectomies........once I decide which one I really am going to fight for (rad damage means cannot do recon right now anyway) then I will really start creating a fuss! I will check out the link, thank you so much
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Lily if you are in the US and able, I would get a 2nd opinion. I had my bmx at my local small hospital and my surgeon never blinked when I said that I wanted to be symmetrical. He actually recommended on waiting to reconstruct. Right now I am almost flat and happy! Best wishes to you.
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Thank you but I am not in the USA
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This is off topic sort of, but yet involves being flat. The doctor who did both my mastectomies and saw me 3 years through this horrible time in my life has Lou Gerhigs disease. I feel so sad that this is his path, after helping so many women for years now.
And I feel upset because we developed such a trust. I live in a rural area, he is the only breast specialist.
I do have to say now that I am processing this news about him, no matter if we are flat, lumpy or scarred, we all have reason to have hope...and to be thankful for all the medical people who help us.
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Crystal, what a beautiful thought toward the medical folks who try to help us as best they can. Sometimes it seems that they are a bit uncaring or unfeeling, and yet we have no idea what is going on in their own personal lives. I know many physicians who have so much heartache that it amazes me they can continue to take care of patients in such a professional way, and very often, also a very caring way. I often have such anger toward my own docs, but when I sit back and really think about them and how very difficult it is to take care of some of us (yes, I tend to be a difficult patient at times, and have fired several of them....), I can truly appreciate what they do and am truly thankful. From a spiritual perspective, I believe they are doing God's work, they are "God's hands" and they are doing the best they can to relieve our suffering, and if possible, heal us. It is very sad to see someone who has helped so many people, and who has the potential to help so many more, stopped due to disease themselves.
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I too get really mad at my doctors sometimes. Mostly, I contain my anger and they don't know about it. I am not really angry at them and I understand this.
My oncologist is getting up there in age and has liver spots and looks like he feels his age. For Valentine's Day, I made him a card thanking him for all the help he has given me and signed it with love and care (it took a long time to figure out what to say in the card, Be Mine? Nope. I am Yours, appropriate but too weighted, I finally just said Happy Valentine's Day) It was fun and I know he liked it.
And you know? I would rather live life without breasts than to have lost an eye, a hand, the function of my mind. Crystal, I am sorry you are loosing a good team member.
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Lily, that sucks. I am sorry you don't have more say in your decisions.
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MT, boy, you hit the nail on the head ... our breasts are the least functional member of our bodies (except when nursing babies), and hair comes behind that. I think it is more the idea of WHY we lost our breasts - the monster BC - that permeates our lives every day - that is so overwhelming at times, and yet, losing an eye or hand or brain would permeate our lives even more completely. I have a couple of very dear friends with macular degeneration, losing eyesight, others with dementia, ALS, MS, rheumatoid arthritis, etc etc etc. Each of us has our own source of suffering, and we can deal with it in positive ways, like we do here, sharing, joking, crying, finding ways to not let it take over our lives. Breasts are basically useless appendages when it comes right down to it.
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WEll mine were important in sex......!!!
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Lily, yes, you have a very good point! Sex is truly not the same without them....
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Thanks for understanding, ladies, about my doctor...life seemed unfair for me to get cancer, it seems twice as unfair for the man who "cured" me to get Lou Gehrig's disease. I am probably spelling that wrong, I don't even want to know how to spell it right.
With all respect, our breasts were not very functional other than feeding babies...BUT they are such a part of being a woman. Carvings from thousands and thousands of years ago showed breasts as the definition of female...fertility and such. So psychologically breasts are very very important.
I didn't have a choice, but I am glad my breasts are gone (cancer gone) but certainly I miss my breasts.
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Definitely not the same.
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And nobody (at least I don't think!) gets to do it forever, but I loved nursing so much. We were naturally tapering off it when I was diagnosed. I'm so glad I got that experience.
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Outfield, I also was still nursing when diagnosed.... It seems we go from one extreme to the other. While I view it as I had diseased tissue removed from my body, I will always miss them during sex.... always..... I am still in active treatment so not much going on in the bedroom. I hope and prayer eventually get our groove back.
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del
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I knew you guys would understand about the cutlets. Yes, save them for the kitchen! Some people just aren't able to empathize. On the other hand, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined what it felt like to lose my breasts. I suppose it's like marriage, having a child, losing a parent, etc., and unless you have the experience, you can never totally understand. However, since my mother had a mastectomy, I knew BC was something I never wanted to go through and felt compassion for others who had.
Oh, and by the way, I just joined the Flat and Fabulous FB group!
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Hi Tina, yes we all "got it" about those damn cutlets!
Your description is spot on, no one, but no one who hasn't lost a breast, or two, can truly know what it is like.
My Mother too had a Mx, a radical, which was done in those days, the 90's.
I only know now, how brave she was back then. She had just lost my Father, four months before.
She did, however, take it in her stride, and developed a wicked sense of humour about it. She never complained. She was a very sophisticated, very well groomed woman, that didn't change after the surgery.
I am so incredibly grateful to her for paving the way for me. I am sure her attitude to her cancer and UMX is what got me through this too.
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Ariom, Did your Mom have reconstruction?
I don't understand why I never meet flat women, although a woman in the waiting room began discussing her breast cancer and she was surprised to learn I had no reconstruction. Hmmmm. I am so flat I am concave.
But humor me a little here ladies, I have very prominent lower ribs now, I am concave, then lower ribs and below them I sort of go in for a belly...and I wonder if people think my boobs sank/sagged 'way down" and are what is really my lower ribs??? LOL maybe I need those paste on nipples and wear them on my prominent ribs :-)
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