The Hermit Club
Comments
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Blondie, welcome back to hermits nest. I keep you in prayers. Breathing issues are critical and exhausting (dh has severe asthma along with afib)... but your inner strength must be phenomenal. I hope the drs can find some source of relief for you.
Markat, glad your little one is better. I completely relate to work is work. Hugs to you.
Have a peaceful Sunday...0 -
rest in peace Luv.......your home at last...hugs to your family0 -
del
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Lilly-I am so sorry for your sadness. I can very much relate to what you are describing about your guy. My marriage was on the rocks and it had only been six months since getting married. DH was simular, seemed that everything got under is skin, always barking at me. And then my sisters were telling me I am too sensitive and he is such a "good guy"....finally decided it was all flipping bull shit....I have a right to be talked to respectfully....anyway long story short, for me it helped to talk to him when both were calm...and I am a firm believer in wording things in a way that doesn't put the other one on the defense. I have gotten to be much stronger with him, I also tell him when I am not happy, and he finally listens to me and trys to help. He is not open with his feelings, but when I point blank ask, he will share. It all takes time...I just know I am NOT walking on eggshells with him or anyone. I come across like such a mouse, cua I have low self esteem, but then I decide enoughts enough and then the cat comes out and thats all she wrote!! (I am not as tuff as I sound, just thought it sounded good)
Lilly, I hope you keep sharing with us. SOmetimes it is not so much what other people say, but it helps to really get things off your chest, and sometimes the answers come, not so much from advice you recieve but from your own way of processing issues.... It sucks when you have a dx like this and then have relationship problems....do you have family close by? Do you take any meds for cholesterol? SOmetimes they can cause chest pain....
Kath-loved the pictures! I looked at your art work...you are so talented, loved the drawings....(the half naked lady) I will pm you...
Spookie is soo cute and Kris Kringle....love him. I had a poodle just like him...
Teka-Martha is a snotty Mc snot, me thinks.
Julia seemed happy and warm..wine helped no doubt.
My pain is better, I take 100mg of tramadol every four hours (but no more than eight in 24hours) Doc said to take it consistently and the pain will not get out of hand. This morning I could walk better.0 -
Thanks for the welcome back.
Markat, I also have an android phone and can not post or reply to PMs on it. I PM'd the mods and they sent the info to the tech team. They told me that they were aware that with some platforms their is an issue with us being able to post...no keyboard...no way to type. She said they are working on it and hope to have a fix soon. Hope so...0 -
oh Lori thank you, no family nearby, no cholesterol meds, its all tight on one side i cant even stretch evenly
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Hi hermits- quick message from northern NM. Getting some good soaking and treatments in up here at the hot springs. For the folks with foot problems, I am finding foot reflexology is another thing that is helping me to cope with the foot pain. Some insurance plans pay for bodywork (massage, acupuncture, etc.) so check to see if yours does.
Welcome back dear hermits, Markat and FL Warrior. I certainly understand your need to take a break. It all gets so overwhelming sometimes. And often complicated by other life events, like Markat experienced this year. Just know we are here whenever you need us.
Lily- things are very hard for you right now on all fronts. Many of the women here have had some excellent suggestions for you to look for other options. I am a single person, and know there are pros and cons to being alone vs. with some one. But it sounds to me like you are in a very stressful situation.
One other idea. I am not sure if you have any family nearby you can stay with until you are more on your feet? I understand it may be difficult to think about leaving the area if they live somewhere else, as your medical community is there. Not everyone has the kind of family you want to go live with either, I understand that as well. Finding a good counselor who can help you to evaluate the options and how to best make the right decisions for your situation is a key next step. I feel for you.
More in a few more days!0 -
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Teka and everyone else- I am sorry bout LuvRVing (Michelle) who passed away. I am not sure I saw her on any of my threads, but none the less, very sad to hear of someone here who has lost the battle.0 -
Hi everyone ''I hope u all had decent Sundays ooo that sounds so good with whipped cream--no cherries tho.
Markat it's always nice to see u post but I hate it when u'rve had such a bad time. It's been a rough year for u loosing u'r mom, I know.
FL it's good u popped in , we miss who stops posting and just hope u'r doing OK.
Did I miss a BD? I can't remember now if I did I'm sorry--remember I'm the one that celebrated my youn DD on the wrong day for several yrs. after she was born, then when I registered her for school I found out--my mom thought I was wrong but she figured I must have been right. So I'm not good with any one's BD. Oh I was only off a few days, but I had to reteach her her new BD. She still reminds me--brat.
I hope everyone has a good nite tonight and sleeps well.0 -
Thank you, my family are not people I could live with and anyway are based in another country. They made excuses why I could not stay there when they are only one hour away from where I was having some private cancer treatment. If I leave the country I am in then I lose my right to health care here until I am retired at 66, if I live that long.
I also have my dogs and cats to consider, which I would never leave behind. But finding somewhere I could live with them in the UK is not easy, I tried before when things were low and no one would rent a house to me with more than one dog.
But I am constantly irritated and now am simply reverting to treating him the way he treats me, and that means no present on his 70th birthday...he does not bother with me so I am not bothering with him, never done that before but enough is enough.
So far we are at argument number 7 today and its only 10.00am....0 -
Lilly-one thing to ask yourself if you love him...and maybe ask him. If there is anything left there, it can work. It is soo hard when you have so much anger, then it ends up no one is listening to each other. It is not good for both of you to live with that kind of stress. I also know relationships can be complicated, and I am no expert (I am on second marriage, and a few bad relationships/boyfriends.)
My hope for you is that you find some peace and contentment....life goes by so fast.
I don't think the other gals here would mind me saying that we all care about you.....keep sharing sweet friend
P.S and if you just want to vent and don't want advice, let me know.....0 -
Skittle-no I didn't get Fritz in the costumes. As soon as I brought them out he glared at me as if saying "Don't even think about it" So I will put them away for now, and keep working with him.
Fritz likes to play tug of war with a toy....like what a dog does....is this odd behavior? He is not aggressive or nasty, in fact very affectionate. Skittle did you tell me a friend was getting a ragdoll kitten?? I would love to have another one.0 -
Skittle- Happy Belated Birthday
was reading back posts, and missed it.....0 -
Lily I think we all wish we could give u a magical answer to be in a stress free environment---but we all know we can't, basically all we can do is listen and avoiding him right now sounds best.. He sounds so angry and it could be cuz u have cancer, some men feel like they can't show fear or sadness who knows what he's feeling. That's the problem. I'm so sorry--this stress is not what u need now. And please don't forget there is loads of good arsenal for cancer now--so take that out of u'r head that there isn't.
I've been rearranging all my Dr. stuff for the next month so maybe I'll get it straight????And I'm stil screwed up with the time change--it always puts me in a loop for a couple of days.I seems to be easier for the spring forward for me.0 -
No I dont love him anymore, I don´t respect him and a lot of the time I don´t even like him, but I´ve been with him for 18 years and all pension planning is tied up with his pension.........tonight I came in to a saucepan of vegetables cooking as he knows I am mega pd off with him....my brother thinks he is showing signs of early dementia that is in his family........but I cannot make a relationship on my own so now treat him the way he treats me and funnily enough he complains about my tone and bad temper!!!!!!! We had a very negative friend and i call him by his name if I want to really enrage him.......he has threatened to explode if I do that again......but at least it would be something proactive......mean am i or what!!!!!
He does not find me attractive, I dont find me attractrive....it feels like a dead end0 -
Lily th only thing I thought of was if u really don't love him he can't hurt u'r heart---He is pissing u off I know, but avoid any room he's in for as long as u can. Sometimes not talking to each other is best. I know that's not what u want but maybe it's a good thing for u.0 -
Lily55. i was thinking about you last night, and i do feel like i owe you an apology. like i was offering you unsolicited advice, when maybe you were just wanting to tell about what was happening to you. if so, i am sorry. it does sound like it matters very deeply to you. 18 years is a lot of time invested with being with someone, especially when they dont seem exactly appreciative. When that happened after diagnosis and some treatments with me, and the "HIM" in my life, at first i responded with some anger and fear, and loathing of him. But then i just made an effort to treat him as i wish to be treated, and verrrrry slowly, things got a little better & better, over time. This is all still very fresh for you. My heart is going out to you today, cuase i do understand how tough all of this is. Admiration for Jazzygirl , doing it all singlehandedly. Flowers for you
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Lilly best advice I can give.......don't fuel the fire......you could end up hurt......plus the stress is not good for you....breaks down your immune system, and you know what that can do to someone with cancer........
Don't take his shit, but don't look for trouble either.......been there......mine is dead now, but when he was alive he could be tough at times, and it did not take much to set him off.....miss him, but don't miss the bullshit when he was in a "mood". ....it can be hard, but think of you!!!!!!!!!0 -
Kathec - you are so sweet, no apology needed, I felt your care.......I did try your approach but he just got worse so now its the treat you as yolu treat me approach...
Sometimes i think anger is better out than in..........but I take your point, part of my issue with him is that he oozes negativity and that saps my energy0 -
Skittle- belated happy birthday. Wishing you a year ahead of pain free feet!0 -
Kath Tat is such a pretty picture---that's yours right. What a wonderful talent that u can immerge into for u'rself.
Lily I too offer advice all the time ---yrs ago I didn't. but now that I'm older I seem to yap more than I should---we all do care--but me of all people--I'm not married now--and doing this alone was no stress for me soI didn't have to answer or worry about anyone else--so I wouldn't know what to do really--I just know one of my GF (no BC) but when her husband gets goofy she just doesn't talk or stay in the same room and she does this for 2.3 weeks at a time--she likes the quiet. So that's what I was going with. Do whatever u'r heart says to do.0 -
Skittle - sorry I missed your birthday.....
I wonder if I am so irritated due to Aromasin, its been 4 months now.......and I notice I am very easily irritated, I was never the most patient person anyway it must be said, no tolerance for fools........or those who talk behind your back, very straight forward me.....if its going to be said I will say it to your face......
I have done the silent treatment but we only have one area of living accommodation so its hard to get away in the house......0 -
Lily- the AIs definitely change us. I remember feeling highly emotional when I first started anastrazole, then have found I have a very short fuse and have to be careful at my client site with the things that go on and my reaction to them. We are all very different people after going through all we have. Bc has taught me not to waste my time with people who don't care, or talking about things that don't matter. I just cannot do it anymore. I have heard it said that estrogen is what makes women "nice" and when we don't have it anymore (or in our case, it is further surpressed), it makes us less tolerant. Life becomes much harder for us so we have to focus our energy on taking care of ourselves, getting to follow up visits, etc. It is very difficult for anyone to understand what we go through. The best of folks just listen and support us.
Kathy- thanks for your admiration of me doing this alone. Like Cami, we have other good support systems around us vs. a partner. I had lots of great help when I was going through the surgery and rad treatments. I even had a friend from grad school days fly out from TX and help me in AZ during my first rad treatment week out there. Taught me a lot about who really cares.
Cami- I hope you have all your dr apts where they need to be. I too need a good week to adjust to the time change. Been waking up at 4:30 p.m. every day. At least I have had a few days off from work so I can nap in the afternoon and going to bed early if I need to. I hope you and Joey are having a good week!
Lori- have you been able to get any more info on your blood work and when you can get your surgery rescheduled?
Teka- any snow up your way yet?
I am up in Taos now and at a fab B&B. A 170 year adobe that has been made into a lovely place to retreat. It was forecasted to snow up here, but have heard it raining all night. I am heading home today and have a 2 1/2 hour drive home at best. There is a weather advisory until noon so I may just hang here until then and wait until things clear a bit. If I wait until it warms up a bit, less concerns about ice on the road.
Here is a view out my bathroom window. Below this is a huge jetted tub and I am going to go into that this morning!
Hugs to all the rest out there. Skittle, CC, Ducky, Granny, FL Warrior, Bgirl, Markat, and more!
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Jazz....Hi and thanks for the hug.....back at cha....yes the AI's do change us.....for me it was aches and pains, ....and crying even at a Hallmark commercial......not angry ......just want my life back........went through this alone too....my husband died 22 years ago......."cancer too". Of course AI had my 6 kids, and 18 Grands, and they were wonderful, but no husband, but not sure how how would have handled this....he had a tendency to get more angry then sympathetic when I was under the weather, but handled his cancer very well...
Have 2 Dr appts today back to back.......BS first, then MO.......oh well......might adk about going off Letrozole.........nuts maybe, but QOL means something too....what good is living long, if you can't or don't have the strength or desire to do it.....0 -
i agree with that , ducky. the AI's and tamox are making it all that much more difficult to get through each day, and i am noticing it much more now that i am back from vacation. i guess looking at all the beautiful scenery distracted me so much from how and what i was feeling, now im feeling like i landed back in my gross body and cluttery house, and i feel my aches and pains more now. fatigue, too, which i thought all the walking had gotten rid of. maybe it is just the day to dayness, but i woke up all disgruntled because today i have to go do herceptin, and see my MO or his nurse, and do a dexa bone scan. altogether four hours. and while i am there, i have to find out which insurance plan my tx place will accept, and then later this week, try to find out if my pcp does the same one. i have been on the "every woman counts" insurance for woman with breast cancer, cause i was on unemployment when it was discovered. and i pay pcp out of pocket, so now i have all that to worry about, and straighten out. cause my pcp is the only one willing to give me pills for pain. and i deliberately put off thinking about this while i was away. its getting colder, and my trigger finger is def acting up, i almost dropped a skillet last night, then i skidded on a rug, thanks neuropathy! LE arm is unhappy, and of course just going to TX center somehow just makes me feel broken. also, i have been depressed about michelle luvRVing, cause even tho i did not know her, i saw her here there and everywhere, and it is our fate, mostly, robbed of time, and quality of life. what a doozy of an atitude to start the day with. Jazzygirl, can i come live with you!?! i will behave, i will mostly go walking all day, & i am apretty good cook, i have just enough to live on for a few years anyway..... Glad you are there, i will join you in the hot tub. writing about this to you all does make me feel better. Bout time i said hello and happy belated birthday to skittle, whom i dont really know yet! (original hermit?). ok, hope you all have a better day lined up!0 -
Good Morning Ladies.
Jazzy that pic is beautiful and so soothing. U know how to pick a place and I admire how u pick up and go, it's something I couldn't do, ever. It's so much fun to see where everyone does go and I love sharing u'r time.
Oh drugs another subject that robs us of being normal--well as normal as we've been--in my opinion they knock the hell out of us one way or another with SE's that no one else would understand--I know not everyone gets a bunch, but some of us do and it sucks and it's daily cuz u never know which one is going to take over u'r day and I also feel that all the chemo and rads ruined our bodies in other ways and yet we had to have all of this--so I don't think anyone else gets it but people who have lived it and have gone thru what our bodies have and yet some have been blessed to recover more comfortably--I s there an answer--No it's random. As u see I'm babbling which I do best, LOL
And Kath I never understood any of my Ins. chit----but that why I stayed at the state of my 20 yrs for my backup ins. But who knows what's going to happen with all this ins. stuff now, but it sucks big time to have to worry about all this. I'm sorry.
Ducky let us know about u'r app't 's today ad what's going on. OK? EVERYTHING Good Luck0 -
Hi hermits- it rained here in Taos last night, some mixed snow and rain this morning. I soaked in the garden tub early this morning and looked out that pretty window I shared and watched the last of the fall colors in the rain and big snowflakes. Now I am waiting a bit until the roads clear (storm moved quickly) before I begin my drive home.
Ducky-good luck with your doctors apts. As one of my friends says, we are always at the doctor anymore for something. Certainly more for us bc gals. I hope all your check in's and check ups go well.
Kathyec- of course you can come live with me! Or maybe we will meet up in Utah some day too! I have too much clutter too, and have been thinking about that while away. I am going to start putting more things together to either throw out, donate, recycle or otherwise move along to another location. Some areas of the house are good, others remain the final frontier.....
I often used to think about what I would do if I won the Powerball. I used to think I would set up foundation and take grant applications for projects around the world. Now I think I would set up a foundation focused specifically on helping women post treatment to have the best quality of life possible. Now I just have to start buying the tix!0 -
Jazzy have a safe trip home and u'r right about waiting for good roads. And what a sweet thing to do with u'r powerball money, but seriously u have to buy the ticket in order to win.0 -
Cami- just got home. Skies were clear when I left, a little rain on the way home, but no problems with travel. It is cold and windy back home and feels like it might snow here. I heard it rained down here too. The mountains were beautiful and covered with fresh snow. Winter definately coming.
And yes, I suppose I need to buy a powerball ticket once and awhile! LOL!0
