The Hermit Club
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Mags- sounds like you got some good rest if you slept in until 10 a.m. today. HBO movies got me through my cancer treatment. Hopefully you can get up in time to get the lab stuff over with tomorrow am. I hope you are working through the worst of the chemo SEs now. Rest and healing food is key.
I called the derm today and left a message to ask if they got the results of my skin biopsies taken on 7/31. They said the results should be in within a week so that would have been last Thursday or Friday. Will let you know what I hear.
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OMG it's afternoon, been a little busy this morning.
OK Teka's off and running, hope she has a great time
Mags I hate to admit it but when I have really early appt'ment I, do that wash my face brush my teeth and out the door It never matters to me. I figure when I've been in the hospital and they would take me down for whatever, I looked like a zombie, how much worse can I look.
Jazzy good pics.. and I'm lovin' u'r ideas for u'r home and the fun times u'r having.
Well my party started at 1PM Sat. and I got home Sunday morning round 11am, I went swimming for hrs, which is really stupid when u don't do it often and only almost drowned 2x, since I really can't swim and the floating noodles got away from me---but I always had a lifeguard with me, plus the pool is 4 feet. hahaha--I had a bout 4 hrs of sleep so I was wiped out yesterday and today too plus loads of aches and pains. But it's OK
Onco yes I do chalk my hair--I have purple, blue, fushia and green, so I just chalk it on the sides and on a little to match what I'm earing--only when I'm going someplace when I not going to get wet. My hair has a lot of white (first time ever not dying it out) but it also had dark so where it's whit is where I chalk, and it just washes out--it's just fun and I actually get compliments. Go figure I'm this old lady with whtever color I choose in places. wherever I want. LOL
Blondie I truly hope u BD was what u wanted and u had a great time.
It's been taking me forever to catch up, plus I'm working which puts a dent in my day as usual LOL
Onco I have no idea how to put pics on here beside I'm not great to look at anyway.but if I could I would for u guys OK I'm going to say something sounding stupid now (all right I know I always do) but this is strange when my GS sees me when we're going out and we're waiting he always looks at me and say u look so beautiful and u'r skin is so soft an u have no wrinkles---well this is his way of looking at me, he love to do my hir cuz it's so soft, and I always tease hime about my hair is younger than his hair, but I think that when u know someone and care about them all u see is beauty. When I've seen pics of women on our threads I just look and think how beautiful everyone is, that's not to say u'r not--but I don't see any flaws in anyone even without hair ora little bit. I see so much beauty on these few threads that I am on it's like pageant to me t any age, I'm so blessed to know so many wonderfull ladies. And altho I'm not a hermit like I was, or maybe I don't do all I did before cuz I don't feel up to it I love this thread and the people who come here and I don't want to leave--there are about 4 threads that I've been on for a while taking me a while to get the right ones and I care about everyone on those--I left when there would be conflict among the women, cuz that's not why I'm here. I mean where can u really go and not actually meet someone, but u feel like u know them as well as anyone and care just as much if not more than anyone in their lives and if anyone would have told me this a few years back I would have said they were crazy and I think everyone I know thinks I'm crazy cuz I they don't understand how this makes u feel coming to a place where u can say u'r feeling and everyone really understands. Not taking away from any of my family and friends cuz I really love them too but I didn't realiz how much can go around.
OK off my soap box--see what happens when I miss some time--it's like Oh I've got to tell u, of course then I forget it by the time I'm here. hahaha.
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BTW Jazzy I am so geographically disabled even as an adult my parents were always trying to teach me where everything was in the world and I still haven't a clue where our states are.
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Cami, I echo what you said about this thread and our Hermies.
That's why this is the only place I feel I can relate the major event of the day. I think I told you all about the rift between me and my sisters that has been a year and a half now. DH has remained in touch, particularly with one BIL (the one that's an Episcopal priest) and yesterday DH was telling me how my sister is heartbroken about the rift and doesn't understand why I won't talk to her. DH asked me, as a favor to him, to please talk to her. So, as a favor to him, I said if she called I would answer. Today she did. I have to say that for someone who is heartbroken, she sounded cold. She asked all the questions about the BC, and the tx and stuff, but it sounded uninterested tbh. I ended up telling her, cancer changes us, but it also reveals us, and in my case it revealed all my worst as well as maybe some of my good parts (I hope). That I was probably not worth the trouble. I said if she called I would answer, and she responded that she didn't see the point. So I said I didn't either. And we said goodbye.
I am still hurting, and actually glad for the excuse of chemo SEs for the watering red eyes and runny nose. Truly I have become a bitter old woman. There's just no two ways about it. And I don't see any way that changes.
I'm going to take my shower now and power down for the duration. I'm not fit company, I'm afraid.
Thanks for listening, Hermits.
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Mags, I wish I could stop the pain caused by your sister. You are very valuable to us. She is missing so much by not being able to relate to you. I feel sorry for her because her actions keep her away from you and angry at her for hurting you.
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Mags- I am sorry to hear about things with your sister. Your conversation did not sound to me either like someone who is heartbroken either. You made your effort and now you can put it aside since it did not feel good or supportive. I rarely have had family be supportive of me during my greatest trials in life, so I understand. I am truly sorry.
Why wouldn't you feel bitter? Who deserves to have this crappy disease and the hard treatments that go with it? That being said, you don't have to be anything for anybody while you are going through this. You just need to get through the treatments and try to kick this thing to the curb. I kept away from everyone I needed to during treatment and a long time after. You just don't need any additional stress during all this.
And your comment about being afraid. We understand. Cancer is a very scary illness. You can be scared here all you want with us because we understand the fears that go with being diagnosed, going through treatment, SEs, re-occurrence, the changes in our external world. We get it and we get the need to hermit too.
Peace to you sister. I hope you rest well, get through the lab work with ease tomorrow morning, and are home comfortable and resting by later tomorrow morning.
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Mags I don't even understand why she called at all unless her DH asked her to. All she did was make a bad situation worse, but u were opened for talking to her at least so u've done u'r part, again close the book on it==u live in a great situation so just enjoy what u have and relax to heal u'rself, uz that's u'r job now.
Teka a beautiful picture I do hope u enjoy u'rself once u get going on this trip--just relax and enjoy it please. I'm glad u an get to us tho.
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Cami- I am glad your party was SO much fun and that you swam a lot, but did not drown in the end.
How did I know you had Cyndi Lauper colors in your hair? LOL. I bet you look great with it all. I thought about having some turquoise color woven into my blonde hair, but decided against it since I need to maintain a professional look.
I hope you stay with us here forever.
Teka- hermitting on vacation? Did you make it to Maine? I want some food stories next!
Going for an evening walk as for a change, no rain tonight. In search of the super moon.....
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Hermits, how incredible you all are. I had a conversation with my cousin about this since she has been advocating for reconciliation ever since it happens, and since I know she is still in touch with them I knew she would be hearing the other side of the conversation eventually so I wanted her to hear what I heard. When I said the part of cancer changes us she disagreed – but she's never had cancer, how would she know about that? Her solution is to give it all to Jesus – but she says that because she doesn't understand that I have tried that, over and over, and I don't know how else to try it that might make that work. For someone who has been through as much as she has (and that's a lot, she hasn't always been a believer) she has a very simplistic view of how faith works, I think. Not that I know, but I know what isn't working. It's a conundrum, a problem with no solution.
So grateful for my Hermits, who understand what I'm going through. DH said I seem off tonight, I said, with the events of the day, the hot flashes, the steroids, and dreading chemo tomorrow, it's not my best time. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and that's partly because this is something I would not do for myself.
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Mags just keep on keeping on an we're here.
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Hold on I think I've got it Teka, I thought when u said u were going to NS and it was by Canada I was thinking Alaska and wondered how are u going to do all that , but now I'm thinking Canada is by Main also so it must be North of Maine---Right.
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Mags- people can be great supporters of us, like your cousin, but no one knows how we feel going through this. Like everything else in life, walk a mile in another's shoes to really know. I had to tune out a lot of advice and opinions of well meaning folks during my treatment and even now. There are lots of folks who have opinions about why we get cancer, how it should be treated, how we should approach it, what to do after to make sure it does not come back. Most everyone that does know now prefers to avoid the subject and knows I don't want to hear their advice.
The religious stuff can come at you heavily during this time too. I am sure like all of us, you have your own beliefs about these things. I am not a particularly religious person, but did ask when I got diagnosed to have all the right care and help be available to me to get through it. We do the best to get our treatment and hope it works.
We do understand here. We have all had these conversations and challenges along our journey too. Glad we can be here to help you.
Sounds like you are heading in for chemo infusion #3? That may mean you are about half way through this part of the treatment. I hope things go well tomorrow.
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Teka- beautiful picture! I hope there was a seafood dinner to go with that view.
Nova Scotia here you come!
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Teka- yum, nothing better than scallops! Drive safe.
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You probably all heard (but maybe not) about the passing of Robin Williams today. I saw this on FB and wanted to share.
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Teka so jealous..fishing off the pier...Mags.. it is just sad that people act like they do, maybe she is scared that it will happen to her....is she older or younger than you. I am an only child so I don't get the sibling thing....Like Jazzy said we go thought the crap with this stupid disease and we are either helping people deal with it cause they can't or we have to walk on egg shells with others...WTH. Just take care of yourself, you did what you said you would...I am sure it is painful and I am so sorry you have to go through this. we are here if you want to vent or need hugs
HUGS
Sandy aka blondie
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Blondie, she is 74, the eldest of us six – then sister 68, brother 65, me 63, sister 58, sister 56. My mom's three brothers all died of cancer: pancreatic, lung, liver; one sister of breast cancer, one survived melanoma and lived to 95 (cousin's mom), one is still alive, cancer free, at 78. My dad died of late onset leukemia, at 96 or so (I really don't remember); yesterday would have been his 100th birthday. But I don't think it's that she's scared she'll get it, she just has this thing she does where she just goes flat, no expression in her voice, just completely matter of fact. That's what she was doing today. Maybe it's her self-defense mechanism, I don't know.
All I know is, I'd never make it through this chit if I had only my family and not my Hermits. Thank you, all, for being there for me.
I stayed up way too late again. Maybe I'll fall asleep. Nini Hermies. You are my heroes.
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Good Morning Hermmies.
Well Teka have a safe trip an I'm glad u are traveling cuz u'll enjoy all u'r doing. I'm on my 2nd cup of coffee and I could go back to sleep, I don't get it.
Mags good luck today with u'r Chemo, u'r getting there.
I hope everyone has a good day.
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Hi hermits- up early and will be heading out to an early morning networking breakfast to see what things I can shake out of this group for new work opps.
Mags- I am glad we can help you. My friends I told and had around me during my treatment (including friends here) are the ones that got me through. Just remember the way people act has way more to do with them than anything to do with you. Not everyone comes with the kind of empathy we need during tough times. I am hoping you were able to get up with ease this morning and on your way to your apt.
Wishing everyone a good day here.
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Good morning Hermits. Between the steroids and the hot flashes, another sleepless night. Have you ever played solitaire in your head while trying to sleep? Not fun. Couldn't make the brain shut down. I'll be leaving in an hour, just remembered to apply my Emla before I go.
Later.
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Mag- did not sound like a good night for you but glad you are up and on your way. I hope the treatment goes quickly today and you are able to sleep the rest of the day.
Perhaps you need to talk to your MO about getting some meds to help you sleep until you get through the treatment. I know they have things to help you during the worst of it so don't be afraid to ask for that help. You don't need to stay on it forever either.
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Networking breakfast was a bit disorganized, but I got some self promotion in around the upcoming Tech Fiesta which I am going to be speaking at. Oh and the wild mushroom and hash with eggs was divine!
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Jazzy, sounds like a great breakfast! Ain't networking great? I did a lot of it when I had my graphic arts business, at least in the early years. Was that guy your new client? LOL
Mid-chemo here. Just thought I'd check in. They were short on folks to access ports, so they were sending everyone across the hall to do draws from arms, I said, no, not an option. It's the port or you don't get blood. I didn't go through that surgery not to use it, even just for a draw. The MO was incredible as usual, I was telling him about these forums, I said they were the best thing that had happened to me since I got dxed, except of course for him. He said his worry about this kind of forum is that too often the ones who finish tx go on and live their lives, so the only ones you see are the sick ones and the tone can get negative. I said, I have never found a more supportive and encouraging bunch anywhere, and that we have lots of survivors and even stage 4s and everyone is up – even when we're not. You know what I mean. Even when life isn't roses, the tone of the thread doesn't get lost in negativity. And there's always a pickmeup waiting at Warm&Fuzzy. I find myself saving pics from Facebook, and emails from son's MIL etc. just for W&F. My second favorite spot after Hermits.
I didn't let anyone stay with me today. Cousin was going to come in but I sent her away, she went and worked at church for a bit then came back so I sent her away again. No need for both of us to be bored. They don't understand. She says "I didn't want you have to be alone." I said, I'm always alone, it never bothers me. I've just been sitting here listening to Chopin and losing solitaire. My go-to guy for peaceful music. Nocturnes. I have found (chemo brain?) that if I listen to music with words, I get a burn-in of it in my brain, so when I'm trying to fall asleep I hear the words over and over in my head. Of course, I have the same thing with Chopin, but it's not so bad because they're nocturnes – basically sleeping music.
Last bag is running now, Cytoxan. About 40 minutes left. DH is bringing Rose when he comes to get me, he worked from home this afternoon so he wouldn't have to be late getting me.
MO prescribed Effexor for the hot flashes, to try for this cycle & see if it works, if not, try something else. And Bentyl for the abdominal pain. I have some amytriptaline that he said I can take but I knew I couldn't sleep in this morning so didn't take it. Also, I have to take it early enough to shut my brain down. Dang brain anyway. MO said the Effexor may also help with the second weekend meltdown. He found that interesting, by the way, especially that several of the other July gals had the same thing, similar timing. He said usually he doesn't see something that major that late in the cycle, and found it curious that it simply went away.
Ok Hermies! I'll check in later.
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Mags- glad you are almost done over there. The MO sounds like he is helping you with some things to manage the SEs from all you are going through. Maybe try the amitrip tonight to rest better. I know taking any of those types of meds makes me very loggy in the morning.
Your MO is partially right about these threads. There will be people that will come and go here. I will have been on this thread two years this fall (joined BCO in Nov 2012 right before surgery) and there have been several that have been here since then (Cami, Teka, maybe Blondie too?). Others have come during treatment for needed sharing and support and then went on their way. Others have stayed because, well it helps us in some way. And I think we have all grown quite fond of each other on this thread too.
I am not sure I would have imagined staying here for almost two years, but I am here for several reasons a) I like the people on this thread b) there were folks here who helped me and now it's my turn to return the favor c) this is a place where we can go through our follow ups with or other health issues that come up as we work to recover and d) it is also a place many of us are able to share some of the things we are doing as we move forward in recovery or living with cancer. What I love about this thread is we can let it all hang out here in a judgement free zone.
One thing I have found with the few people I did share my illness with is that is was like it almost never happened. They never bring it up, only two friends have the courage to ask "and how are you really doing these days?" I still have hard days too, days I feel very tired from being on the AIs and life in general. We all live with some sort of SEs from the treatment. I still tend to hermit more than I used to. Most of us can live pretty well despite all we have gone through, those who are not retired do work and some who are retired still work some too (like Cami).
I have this thread and another one with a bunch of single chicks I am active on and plan to stick around here for a long time. So Mags, I hope you stick around here with us too!
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And Mags, no that man is and will never be my client! LOL, he seems like he is a new consultant type and therefore, trying to make everyone in the room see how smart he is. But the purpose of those events is for people to network, maybe learn some new things. If I were running that group (which I have no interest in), I would have a monthly facilitator and then bring in different people to talk. That is what most other organizations do.
He also is on a mission to try to help some of the federal workers that are loosing their jobs find new work and or with economic development. We have a group here in town called the NM Tech Council who has been working on that for years, trying to grown our community into a mini-silicon valley. But their are obstacles with our government here.
I am taking a strategy planning course this fall that starts in Sept and that should be some really good networking.
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Holy chit Jazzy once u start, u can't stop not me I top regularly.
Mags u'r Dr. sounds good and he'll help u as much as he can and I hope this one is easier for u.
BTW I agree with Jazzy about this thread it's great.
Oh I did email my boos today after I had really crazy phone calls (or I was crazy) I told him I wasn't going to answer the phone anymore today, unless it rang. So see I put my foot down.
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Well, I plan on sticking around a very long time. I consider you all friends and comrades in this long journey. It seems the only place where I can be me, warts and all.
What you said about others who share our malady, I have a story. In the early '80s I worked for a schoolbook company, doing page composition. I got to know one of the editors pretty well, and even after we didn't work there, we kept in touch for many years. We even went to the same church, for a while. But eventually we grew apart, and I hadn't heard from her for years. I don't remember how or when we connected on Facebook, but we didn't really communicate until I posted a status that gave my location as the cancer center and just said "Chemo." She PMed me and told me that she is also a survivor, and now works as a counselor for the American Cancer Society. Since then, 6 weeks, she PMs me every couple of days, and we've shared a lot, catching up on the 20 years since we've seen each other. It's been one of the serendipities of this journey.
My advantage as a hermit is that I don't have to run into people while out and about. People who call are (with notable exception) people who know and care about what I'm going through and are genuinely concerned about how I'm doing, really. So mostly I don't have to deal with negativity except from myself of course.
Cousin fixed some of her homemade spaghetti sauce for dinner and garlic toast. Oh and angel hair pasta. So glad I ate before the nausea hit. It's starting, a little.
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I am here for the duration and tell your MO to come here, where does he get his information.
Mags hoping you are doing ok, with the steroids I am up also, have to take the clonadine soon, but not going to sleep until 2ish. Glad you got something to eat before the nausea set in, so glad you have someone to cook for you....xoxoxo
Jazzy you are so awesome, glad that you went to the meeting, do you intimidate them? So what is going on now with the job, you have contracts out there? What about the music, doing any sit in's soon where you are playing, something, lol
that guy doesn't look like your type..
went to the breast cancer society warehouse, didn't hav much, got some stuff tho....dinner tomorrow with a friend for my birthday and thrusday also, so grateful for my friends, although my kids did take me out for mine also and bought this devine strawberry shortcake
bbl
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Mags what a nice story, it's always nice to reconnect with someone u shared years with. Sometimes life just spreads us apart and we don't get a chance to. Well I hope u tummy is all right sounds like a good dinner tho.
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