The Hermit Club
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Mags --
YaY Teka's home--now rest from u'r vaca, silly.
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Hi Hermies;
I hope everyone has a happy, restful, fun, peaceful, whatever-you-need-for-healing kind of weekend. moos to all.
Now, I think this next part is going to be kind of long and not so cheerful. I hope the mods are OK with it. I want to share a story with you because I need a little help and mostly some support. I have a music partner/friend with whom I have been playing in ensemble for more than ten years. We developed a warm personal relationship over that time, sharing lunch dates and even doing some outings with the families. As chance would have it, we both had surgery during a two-week period in November 2012. She, heart valve and me, the bilateral mastectomy. Both of these are significant trauma and require some time for healing and rehabilitation. After that, our relationship became rather unbalanced, it seems to me. It was that I was the one making all the efforts at communications; she was withdrawing. I made all the phone calls. Not too many, she needed her rest. In fact, she did not acknowledge receiving any of the cards and letters that I sent her every week for about 10 weeks after her surgery until I asked if she had received them. Now, I tell you this, not to make myself out as "Mrs. good guy", but, rather to show how differently we were relating to each other. I think that I had developed an emotional attachment to her and she was not so inclined. (talking friendship here, not lesbo). Or, possibly, we had both developed that attachment and she disconnected hers at surgery?
Eventually we recovered sufficiently that we embarked on a little rehab together by visiting some the local YMCA programs. All this at my initiative. Then, she needed to stop going because of some family commitments out of town and when she returned we never started up again. Several months went by and I asked her if she wanted to get together and revive our music ensemble. We gave it a try in December 2013 and it proved to be too much for us, energy-wise. Then, after more months went by, with very little communication, except when I called her, I asked about trying it again this summer. She agreed to it and we started up an every other Friday session. We were good with the music but the friendliness was just not there anymore. I sensed a real distancing. One can tell by the side-talk. So I decided to work on myself to try to dis-engage my emotional attachment to her and have a more business-like attitude. This was not easy, but I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it for several months.. Yesterday she called to say that she will miss practice because she is having surgery. Today. Breast cancer. DCIS very small, lumpectomy.
I was the first person in my circle of friends and relatives, my age group, to have cancer. The last time anyone of my people had cancer was my mother, in 1986. That's a LONG, LONG time ago! Now, I had not really given any thought to other people getting cancer besides me, but if I had, I would have expected that my reaction would have been one of the "older and wiser" sympathy and kindly detachment. Mainly, because I feel that I have come a long way in dealing with the different aspects of my own cancer, especially the emotional. I feel that I'm OK and rather "cool" about the whole thing.
Well, surprise, surprise! I was a complete emotional wreck today. Thinking about her almost constantly and crying a lot. Thankful for Lorazepam! I had to double up my dosage in order to function. Now, her cancer is not nearly as big and bad as mine was. So I'm not really worried about her. She has an attitude of annoyance about it but acceptance. This is good. This is strong. Not sounding scared or worried about the cancer or the treatments ahead. So, what's my problem?!? I don't get it. I notified our rehearsal place that we will be temporarily on leave and I notified the park guy that we won't be playing for the Apple Harvest Festival this fall. I found a nice copy of Dr. Horner's book to give her. Also ordered a nice rainbow maker for a gift. I plan to make up an information packet of all the different helpful services that I have known about, including BC.org, of course, and my support group. I feel like maybe I got a little bit crazy today. And I don't really want to analyze this; I just want to get through it and feel better. I do not want to be weepy or need more meds all weekend. I feel that I should be past that. Though, I'll probably have to journal and see what all comes out. That is a good form of therapy for me, but it's a lot of work. Good grief! I sound so lazy. Actually, I'll probably do it tonight, or at least start. The sooner I work it out, the sooner it will be over and I can move on!
Thanks to all of you Hermies who took the time to read this. Please forgive me if this was too long.
I appreciate any comments you have to offer me, either here or as PM. And if no comments come, that's OK, too. Maybe no comments are necessary.
from your OncoWarrior, in the hermitage of my own mind.
moo
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Onco I'm sorry u'r going thru all of this. I'm not of sage advice but like we know everyone does take everything differently and maybe her heart scared her more than cancer could. I know u reached out but she might have been in her own hell of her own and just had so much trouble getting out of it. Not even know she was hurting you. Maybe now she'll get back to u cuz she'll think u can understand. U hate to give up totally, u'r friendship means so much. Just wait a little and see.???
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oncowarrior,
You are a caring person and you don't just shut those feelings off like flipping a switch. Be proud of yourself!
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Onco- everybody deals with things differently. And hearing of another's diagnosis or dealing with another health issue can pull any of us back to what we went through with our initial experiences. We are all much sensitive after what we have gone through. You got caught by surprise by your friends diagnosis, and may also may feel challenged by the earlier relationship issues.
Sometimes when I want to offer someone help, I just simply share this site with them. A friend from college who I am not close to told me of her partners diagnosis, and I shared this site with her. Another friend yesterday told me of a friend who had a reoccurrence and has to take horomone therapy, and I called back today and told her to share this site. I think we all like to be able to help our sisters who are dealing with a diagnosis or reoccurrence.
You may want to wait until the friend has had some time to absorb the news and figure out her treatment plan. So much to deal with in the beginning.
You are good soul to want to help.
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Teka- hugs back you this morning. Glad you are back in your recliner and hope you enjoyed your time away!
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Teka we can always use a hug, thank you--how's u'r recliner doing???
Had some calls this morning, took a shower (smelling like forever sunshine???) so I'm all relaxed now so it's TV time and scary movie time. That and action are about all I watch.
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Rented and watched two good movies. In the Face of Love with Annette Benning and Ed Harris. Blue Jasmine with Cate Blanchett (one of my favorites). Both have excellent acting.
Love all things Jaws. Must still be shark week.
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Cami, I hope you are feeling better than you were on Friday ... it sounds like you are.
I hide my head during scary movie/TV scenes, so I will be watching Adam 12 and JAG reruns this weekend.
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Sally I'm also a big rerun person so I tape things for the rimes there is like nothing to watch out of 200 channels, it seemed to me I watched more things easier before cable. but I do like some older shows, ever nptice in the older shows the bad guy gets caught but usually never got killed----now there are so many on one show a whole bunch of people get clobbered.
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today i watched will and grace for hours. Made my first meal from scratch for hubster since my dx! Teka, did you stay in the recliner all day? I have been here for most of it!
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Wow feels like I missed so much,
Welcomr to the newbies, we love nu people, ee never get bored withh each other tho.
Cammie a date love that brt he wants the girl to like u, he is so cute
Jazzy, it is always something isn't it.
Sally, teka big hugs
Mags how r u
Well 27 29 came back 37.5 really, was 45 before, so no chemo n it goes down..but not testing 4 the bones n they r hurting.. whatever
Bbl
Me
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Mmmm... Mark Harmon...
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Blondie I don't understand those numbers at all. Are they good? No chemo sounds good tho.
OK Jag doesn't have Mark Harmon--I think it's David James Elliott, it's NCIS with Harmon and abbie and reruns all the time Jag does have reruns but it's harder to find and not all over the place like NCIS, but my favorite is NCIS-LA--lots of action and actually fun. It's sad when we know to much TV really.
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Good morning hermit- I am taking a break and going to Santa Fe today to enjoy a museum and a few other things there. I hope everyone has a good day!
Blondie- tell us more about what those numbers mean. Sorry the bones are hurting.
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Onco, did you know that he has been married like forever to Pam Dawber from Mork & Mindy? Talk about synchronicity, after the death of her costar last week.
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Cami, I like NCIS-LA too.
Hi all ... I am having a very lazy Sunday.
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Hi hermits- getting out of dodge for the day did me good. Some museum time, a bit of shopping and ran across a prairie dog community at this local business that did a nice job keeping the little guys around. Many times, businesses don't like them/consider them destructive and try to get rid of them one way or another. I like that this place has found a way to co-exist with the cute wildlife.
This guy kept looking at me while I was talking to him (there I go again talking to the animals) and seemed to really be posing for a picture.
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Oh Jazzy how sweet.
OK more trivia, and I'm going on trying to remember===Mark Harmon's sister was married to Ricky Nelson and when he died he went to court to gain custody of all 3 cuz his sister used drugs. I don't remember what happened after that but in Hollywood he has a nice quiet reputation, and one year voted the most sexy man of the year.Ah such trivia. LOL
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Cami- there are a lot of Harmon kids. The actress Angie Harmon is also his sister.
Kristin Harmon Nelson was the sister who was married to Ricky Nelson
I liked Mark Harmon in the movie he did as Ted Bundy.
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Ok ca 27 29 is a blood test that determines whether cancer is active, 37.5 is awesome, when it reaches hundreds and is increasing says there is a problem. They also have a tm for ovarian ca thinking bout what it is...hhhmmm
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Dont think angie s his sister.
Kinda od depressed today, kids suck, or at least mine do..tired of having ca, tired of being in pain, tired of being sick, just plain tired, lol kids still suck tho. These brats do, they r disrespectful, michael tells me to shut up all the time, n to suck his****. Asked to borrow money then wont pay me back knowing I live on 962.00 a month, sorry for venting. Wanted to go out n didnt feel, was dizzy and unbalanced, blood pressure is low, nurse was here yestrrday it was 108 over 80 I think
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Blondie- I am so sorry that you are not feeling well and that your children are disrespectful.
Michael said what? Is this one of your twins? Hugs sister.
Ovarian cancer market is CA 125. A few years back, I had some junk in one of my tubes they thought might be ovarian cancer that had grown into the tube. They kept testing me for it, slightly elevated but like you say with your tests, the stuff in the 100s is not good news. It was some endometriosis and then they left me alone.
So it sounds like things are under control treatment wise? Now you just need to get that family of yours in alignment. I wish people were better to us sometimes.
And tell him to go borrow money from someone else. You need your money to take care of you.
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Good idea teka.. thats it ca125...
Treatment is non existent. I do think I will get radiation to take care of lump on my leg. Have 2 go 2 the drs in sept, we will talk bout it then.
Yep they r a royal pia n burned their bridges with most people. He asked me to pay for his criminal backgrounds check where he can coach fb with his brother my oldest son, did, now he wont pay me back, ass..than,ks
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Oh Blondie rant all u want here, u know that. But I'm sorry u don't feel very well, I wish that would change===Kids won't so we just take it I guess and yes Teka there are certain species I think of fish that eat their young, all in all not a bad concept. I'm sorry I still don't understand if u'r numbers are good or what? It's just not clear to me. See I never ask questions so everything is foreign to me.
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Teka- you are funny!
I don't have kids but have a 24 year old nephew I have always tried to keep in touch with/help when I could. The son of my deceased brother. He is in the military and doing okay, but does not bother to respond to me any which way anymore. His parents (mother and her current husband ) say "he does not Facebook anymore, you need to text him."
Well, guess what, he does not respond to that either. His birthday is in Ocober and I decided I am just going to be silent this year. He is old enough he needs to understand he needs to make an effort to keep in touch with people. His mother is a poor communicator too, but they all seem to expect gifts for birthdays and Xmas.
Blondie- I am sorry about your son.
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