The Hermit Club
Comments
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Hi Glowgene:
Hugs to you. I was finishing up my PhD first time I had BC.
I too do not go out much now. I am truly a hermit. I get the overwhelming anxiety. Its brutal. This is a wonderful thread for positive, warm support. The ladies here are amazing.
wallan
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Teka, M0mmyof2, and wallan, thank you for the warm welcome
Jazzygirl - My degree is in genetics. I actually study a different kind of cancer (lymphoma). And that is a lovely picture!
wallan - Goodness...I wouldn't wish this double whammy on anyone. What was your degree in?
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Hey Jazzy!
Tonight I commented to DH that this whole cancer thing is really hard. I said, at least you can go in another room and close the door. He said that I could do that too. I sai, maybe, but wherever I go, it goes along with me. I envy those that still have things to do, and are able to do them. My world gets smaller and smaller, though it's sometimes by choice.
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Mags: I've shared that one - and the antisocial group one - too funny. Sorry you are feeling low so really appreciate your sharing a funny thought.
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Glow,
you are very welcome. I have been stalled in the process of getting my Bachelor's in History due to things other than my health. Hoping that someday I can get back to it and finish it.
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Hey Glowgene:
My PhD is in metabolism and biochemistry. Specifically, GABA metabolism.
I took a year off from my PhD when I was diagnosed first time. After all the treatments were finished, I went back and finished it up. It was very hard. But I did it.
I think my second dx has sort of put me in a tailspin because I am bitter that it has disrupted my life AGAIN. When I told my boss I had BC, I was in tears because I realized how it threatens my career and I told him that. He was reassuring and all that it wouldn't threaten anything, but he of course has no idea of the toll this beast takes on you. You have to go thru it to get it. That is why I love these boards. We do get it.
I am hermit like now, but I don't want BC to take over all my life. I want to focus on positive things and do what I want. Its hard right now bcause I am still recuperating from the second dx and all the surgeries, but my goal is to move forward. Again, these women here ground me and help me to look beyond BC. I would not give up their support for anything.
I am sorry you had to join us, but on the other hand, welcome!
wallan
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Good morning friends- we have some smart ladies on this thread!
Mags- it is hard for anyone to understand this crap and I especially know that is true for you with the reoccurrence (Wallen too). I try not to let it define me, but there are times I put barriers around my own life because of my own "what ifs" including with my work, relationships, etc. I still have a smaller community of people who know, the only new people I have told have been others with any kind of cancer dx. People can make you feel SO MUCH WORSE about this stuff. I rarely talk about my cancer history even with those who know, because of the things people say that just still upset me. Get over it, you are done with that, etc. Everyone else can leave the room, change the conversation, but it is with us always.
Mommy- I remember you were taking classes and that you were maybe going to apply for a degree? Still hoping to do that? I think I remember you said you needed to take a break. I hope you can get back to it when you are ready?
Wallen- you have a good boss who was able to hear what was going on and reassure you about your work. I kept my dx so private because of self employment, but also the client site I was working at during the time of dx and treatment (a healthcare delivery system) is not a place to share things unless you want everyone to know. You don't expect that from such a place, but there were some people on that project that would have used that against me if they knew. I had also observed my client there with others and although she has empathy for some situations, it is conditional and observed the way she treated some others during their health problems. No need to disclose so I never did! Ain't nobody's business but my own.....
Hoping everyone is having a good start to this week. Anyone have any nice plans for the long weekend? Even if just being home and enjoying your own cookout?
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Jazzy, I still want to finish my degree. But other issues have cropped up that have delayed it further.
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After weeks of trying I finally got through to the hospital dept to find out where I am on the recon waiting list.........another 4 years to wait..............I really feel like I am drowning in all this, I cannot spend another 4 years like this...............................
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Lilly- I don't know what to say about this situation. You will be close to 9-10 years from your original dx before you can get plastic surgery? Are their a shortage of plastic surgeons where you live?
I am so sorry to hear this update friend. I wish I could offer something useful here to you.
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Yes Jazzy..............the public system does not value plastic surgeons so there are not many of them employed..........I am really struggling.........
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Is there any other place you can get the surgery Lilly? I realize you might have to pay for it out of pocket and that may not be an option either.
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Teka- for you.....
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lol That is cute!!!!!
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Hi Jazzy
I did pay for private surgeries - cost me 20000 dollars in total BUT after the third one I got an infection, a serious one that piggy backed on to another infection, was in hospital for a week, and unwell for weeks afterwards with daily dressing changes etc.....and longer term drain in and I lost everything, this was back in 2013...........I had two more surgeries to put right the damage done by the infection to get back to square one, which my surgeon kindly did at cost.........it was all totally traumatic...... if they had not lied to me I would have been on the waiting list 2.5 years earlier and would not have paid out all that money............. my complaint is based on their lies and the fact that immediate recon is a right and they said it was not and I asked for that immediately on diagnosis etc...........but today I am now putting in another complaint about the fact they have not responded properly to my first complaint (not responding does mean they can get a fine) and I will take this to the highest possible level that does not cost me money to do so....I am not letting it drop, they have stolen 5 years of my well being.......and still it goes on.
I cannot afford to pay out now for a DIEP (although I am hoping they will take from my butt instead) as its 25000 dollars here and if there are complications I have to pay for treatment for those too and I simply don´t have the money.........
I feel increasingly hopeless and on the verge of tears all the time.....but I am not going to stop fighting.
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Lilly- I remember that surgery with the terrible infection you got. What a horrible situation this has been for you. They seem like they should be very liable for this. Maybe you really need an attorney in this situation? Many work on a % if the case is won. I would think you would have a good case here?
Keep fighting, you deserve to get back to being as whole as we can with all this stuff.
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Doesnt work like that here.......I am really down and tearful, so tired of fighting but I will not give in, lying, cheating cruel inhumane bastard...but if I am being honest all I want to do is simply disappear
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Lilly- sending you much love sister
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That sucks Lily!
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My sweet furbaby Princess does that to me. She can be a love bug one minute and the next it's Demon Kitty!
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gotta love cats.....LOL
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Yep!!!!
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The last day in May ended pretty wild here. Had a good thunder storm that dropped a little bit of hail about 8 p.m. and then a couple more rolled through overnight.
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Oh lovely, Teka.
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Teka- saw this today and thought of you!
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lol Grumpy Cat!!!!!!
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Guess who I saw today?
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Is that Kris K
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Mags- Jeff Bridges
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I have been following this thread for a while but never posted. Having survived the treatment for BC I have not been as ready to rejoin society as I had hoped. Always having suffered from depression, I was hoping this diagnosis would force me to become more outgoing and social. That has not happened for me. I find myself more and more isolated as time goes on
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