The Hermit Club
Comments
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Paddymom- my experience for some time after treatment was to remain to myself. Unfortunately, I think going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment is unexpectedly more isolating than anyone can ever imagine. Not only was I just tired and trying to get through the day with work, etc., but I got worn out from questions and judgements by people.
With time, things can get better, but if you are feeling depressed (so common after all we go through), seek out a support group, therapist, etc. to help you through this. You are not alone with this, many of us came out of the other side with much anxiety, depression, PTSD, you name it.
Find what helps you and look there for what you need to get stronger. Lots of resources with local cancer centers and providers on resources to help patients.
Teka- I did not actually get to meet him, but heard him do a 90 minute talk and he is so cool, funny and genuine as you might expect. There is an event tonight where he will be and heard today too he will be at a local bar after where I could go meet him, but know it will be mobbed with people in the industry trying to make those connections so I will opt out of that one. Totally great time with him today.
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Jazzygirl, meeting Jeff must be a lot of fun and I like him but I had major crush on Kris K years ago. Still find him sexy though. Can't explain it, I'm old but I guess not dead yet.:-)
Paddymom, I'm sorry you find yourself here but welcome. Jazzygirl gave you some very good words of wisdom. It really takes time to digest all this. I think I had a major case of PTSD for many months when my cancer returned after 25 years and I still have bad days where I don't want to leave the house but they are fewer now and forcing myself to see a few friends helps a lot. We do need some social support whether we think we do or not. There are a lot of supportive threads with wonderful women on BCO and I hope you will find a few and start to join in and not just read along but that's ok too. I find I do that a lot also as sometimes it just takes more effort than I feel to post. You will be in my prayers.
Faith (in the future).
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Teka- I saw it is out here too. May see Wonder Woman first though. Did you like The Mummy? I love all things egyptian.....
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Teka- what a good kitty. Doing his/her job!
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Teka- have you seen this? One of my favorites this week on FB
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Olivia is now one year old. Her favorite toys and the ones with a long stick, a string or bungee, and a chirping mouse or bird. She now has 4 different ones. Every night when I'm sitting in bed reading, and DH is asleep, suddenly I will hear her start meowing loudly from the other room, and the chirping of a toy. This continues, getting louder, until she hops up on the bed, with the bird or mouse in her mouth, trailing the rope and stick behind her. She comes up to me and proudly drops her "prey" and waits for me to appreciate it. She's not bringing to play, I learned early on when she started doing this, because when I tried to play with her, she ignores it and goes and curls up somewhere. But she likes it when I tell her what a good hunter she is, and she is so proud of herself. She does this every night.
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Mags- she is so cute. What a good hunter indeed.
How are you doing friend?
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What a beautiful cat, Mags. My two cats - Xena and Lucy - are such good friends to me. I've felt so badly for them this past week as it has been unusually hot here in the mountains. Cooler today so they're more comfortable.
MJ
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Mags, my furbaby Princess occasionally brings one of her toys up with her when it's bedtime. I find them either by the side of my bed or out in the hall in the morning. I think she does this because she likes to play occasionally while everyone else is sleeping.
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Olivia is beautiful!
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Olivia thanks you for admiring her beauty. She is also very humble.
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Wishing everyone a happy July 4th, kind of long weekend. I know some have to work on Monday!
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Not much going on here lately. Spent a quiet 4th at home, next door neighbors invited us over for a cookout. Didn't get much sleep the night before as people in the area around where I live were shooting off fireworks until about 1 a.m. So needless to say I was lucky if I got 3 hours of sleep. The night of the 4th the fireworks stopped about 11:30. Still trying to catch up on sleep.
Well gonna get off and get ready to watch Turn: Washington's Spies. The final season recently and I have been hooked since the very first episode of the show.
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Hi friends- summer is quiet on the threads. That hopefully means people are able to get out and enjoy things to the best of their ability, all things considered.
I am swimming like a crazy woman this summer and lost 20 pounds since January, half of that in the past few months. I have 20 more pound to go and hope my follow ups this month (starting this week) will go well and know the docs should be pleased. My BS is always on my case about loosing weight.
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Hey Jazzygirl:
That is wonderful! Amazing!
I am noticing that I am gaining weight now. After all the surgeries and recovery time these last 5 months, I am glad its summer and I can start to get out.
wallan
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I gotta lose some too. Working on it. My doctors tell me that I am not to overdue it in trying to lose the weight. They told me to set a reachable goal like 10 pounds and go from there. I lost almost 20 pounds but gained a few pounds back, working on losing those that I gained back. Changing my diet a little as I go to try and help with the exercise portion
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Hi ladies- well I lost like 40 pounds when I had the bc and another surgery in 2012, but with not being able to exercise as much for awhile like many of you are sharing, plus the AI drugs, the weight crept back on (at least 30 pounds of it) after a couple years. Then despite changing my diet and exercise, I could not budge those scales.
My BS is always on my case to loose weight, but my MO was the one who had the actual offered something useful to help me with all that was going on. I told him I was frustrated as I am told I need to keep my weight to a healthy place, yet they put us on these meds that are known to create weight gain and change your metabolism. Something has to give? So he suggested I work with an endocrinologist and she and I got started together last Sept. with changing up meds, and talking through how to do this. We agreed on a weight we think is appropriate and I have lost half that in six months.
I have secondary diabetes from the AIs, and that along with the meds have worked against my whole weight problem, and the endocrinologist helped me to get the right medications to help with the insulin resistance and then I changed up my diet and exercise a few times along the way too. I lost a few pounds last fall, but this year, it started coming off more seriously with the right med changes and now the increasing with more swimming. As a friend said, it is finding that key that works for each of us to loose weight and finally found it. I will be finishing my 5 years on the AIs next March (2018) and that will help.
I saw my endocrinologist last month and she was so pleased with my progress and think my follow ups will go well this month too. All my numbers are moving in the right direction! I love my endocrinologist and thankful to my MO to provide the referral.
Be patient with yourselves around any weight issues and as you work to loose a few pounds. It is pretty well documented that many of us gain weight after cancer treatment with some of the meds we deal with, not feeling well enough to exercise, change to blood chemistry, etc. We are all doing the best we can. I am close to my five years and it has taken me this long to get this figured out!
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I am. I just tell myself that when I gain a little weight that it's a minor setback and get back to work on losing it. My hubby notices my weight loss more than I do.
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In 2013, I lost 40 pounds (I was trying) and felt wonderful about myself for the first time in years. I bought new clothes and donated my old clothes because I knew I would not need them again. Then - BAM! Breast cancer in 2014 and I've gained it all back. I didn't lost weight while undergoing chemo, I gained. I continued to gain when I was thrown into chemopause and continued to gain on Femara.
I hate looking in the mirror. Not only do I have the daily reminder of breast cancer because of the scars, but I see a heavier image of me and I don't like it. I've stayed on our paleoish food plan and try and exercise three times a week. My primary care physician says that more exercise is the key and that her experience has been that once women have been into menopause for about 5 years, their systems somehow reset and they can start losing effectively. I don't know if that is true or not.
I am sure the weight gain and other factors have lead to my anxiety and depression. Before breast cancer, I used to like to be out and about doing things with myself or the family. Since breast cancer, I don't want to go anywhere once I get home other than my backyard. I don't want to interact with people much because I just don't want to. When I do go out with friends or family, I do have a good time, but I'm always anxious and somewhat sad.
I talked with my MO about these feelings and he took me off Femara for a month to see if anything changes. The only that has changed is that I don't feel like I want to cry all the time which is good but I don't feel any happier or less anxious. I know there are some outside issues leading to the anxiety, but I'm usually able to handle things better.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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ML- I am sorry about all you shared here. I went through my dx and treatment in late 2012-2013 and did not really want to be around people very much for a number of years. I dealt with people in my work situation (consultant), but kept to myself most of the time for quite awhile. Only a few trusted friends around. I am pretty sure I had a form of PTSD (mostly numb) from all that went on (and there were many other bad things in 2012 with bc just being the icing on the cake). You are not alone with this sister.
The AIs definately work against our weight challenges, all the oncologists I talked to during treatment and since said it is very hard to loose weight on the drugs. And to your point, this only adds insult to injury after all we have gone through.
Have you asked your MO to change you to a different AI? I started on the generic for arimidex and had a lot of joint problems and went off it (lost 10 lbs) and then went back on (stiffness was better, but 10 pounds went right back on). He switched me a year or so ago to the generic of Aromosin and I do better on that although do have some tiredness.
Feel free to vent any time sister. We are here to support you.
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Thanks so much Jazzy! I just feel so bad on the inside right now but I know it will get better. There is definitely the PTSD associated with BC and all the things life throws at you too (finances, relationships, jobs, kids, etc.).
My MO did mention switching me to Aromasin so that will probably happen when I see him again in a week or so.
I just want to feel something but numb or anxious.
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I wanted to share some good updates. Went to get my 6 month follow up imaging done last Friday (and all is well) and now I go back to yearly imaging as I approach the five year mark. Still have the BS and MO visits to do and already moved to seeing the BS yearly, and will go to yearly with the MO after I come off the AIs next March.
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Jazzy - congratulations on this milestone! We have to take happiness where we find it!
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Congrats Jazzy. I lurk on this thread. So happy to hear your progress.
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Happy days! good news is always good to hear!!
Enjoy!
wallan
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Thanks everybody. Grateful to be doing well, and take nothing for granted on the health front these days!
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Congrats!
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Well been missing for a while as finding it harder and harder to keep going as I am . Copying my post in the REcon fórum below to update you all, I do read posts but have nothing to offer as I really wonder if it is worth the daily struggle........
Long story short, still not reconstructed, on waiting list for DIEP via public system but did not think I was evaluated well enough. So I went for a private consult today and guess what? A DIEP is IMPOSSIBLE for me due to prior scarring and insufficient tissue, all things I pointed out to and asked questions about during public health PS assessment......
So my ONLY options are nothing, prosthesis, or Lat Dorsi and prosthesis ALL with a further reduction on my remaining breast......NEVER EVER will I have what I wanted, NEVER EVER will I feel relatively normal again, my only choices are all things I don´t want, have never wanted or are not suitable for me for various reasons..............and I will look ridiculous if I go any smaller with my remaining breast - I honestly cannot find words for how I feel, I cried all the way home and am still crying now. I struggle to find reasons to keep going as everyday is such damn hard work since BC.........
And that public health BITCH of a surgeon just added me to a waiting list no doubt hoping I would be one of those who died first......it is inhumane and my nightmare just deepened today.....she could have just looked at me as a human being and bothered to aSsess me properly 32 MONTHS AGO........
Sorry if this sounds self pitying but I HATE how I am, I HATE being mutilated, I HATE silicone, especially the feel of the prosthesis and now I find I will NEVER feel even remotely normal again
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Lilly- I am so sorry about all you are going through around trying to get the recon you deserve
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Lily, I am so sorry for what you are going through and you have every right to feel all that right now but I have to say we all HATE CANCER!! However, I know it's hard to believe but you will eventually be somewhat ok with all this. I had reconstruction with a silicone implant 20+ years ago and it has not been a bed of roses. There are lots of things that can go wrong with any reconstruction. I hear of so many women who had the DIEP procedure and that also has many complications. I wore a silicone prosthesis for 5 years before my reconstruction and I didn't like it one bit but if I had it to do over again I'm not sure I would, knowing what I know now.
I will pray that you can find some peace with this but I also think you should see if you can get some antidepressants to help you for awhile. Is there a support group you can attend? I think interaction with others will help and not just an online group, although that helps too when you just can't face anyone.
You will be in my prayers. 🙏🏻😍
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