The Hermit Club
Comments
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It took me over two years to get the system to admit the right to reconstruction exists, and now this, its all too much, 5 years and 11 weeks of being like this..............and I am not going to take more medication, anti depressants won´t help and I am not depressed just devastated and to be honest I feel utterly broken. We are meant to have a zest for life etc and I just don´t anymore....................I am worn out.
Sorry to hear you had problems Faith, did you just have an implant?
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Hi Lily:
What you have been thru is exhausting so no wonder you feel worn out and disheartened. The medical system and other people who have not been thru what you have just don't get it I believe. The system and others on this road have left me feeling like I don't matter or am insignificant too. I want to be whole again or the same as I was before and I want help with that and want my doctors or "experts" to do something. But sometimes they can't I'm learning. Its grief I am dealing with then. I will never be the same after breast cancer and neither will any of us. Its a fact. But I know that I do matter still and my life does make a difference. No boobs or not. Disfigured or not. And so does yours Lily.
Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. You are not alone.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
wallan.
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Lily, yes I had an implant but also a "lift so the other side would match. Now, the other side is still fairly perky after all these years but the implant is slowly moving and getting flatter and I can't have it fixed because surgery is not an option when you have mets as I now have 25 years after my original cancer. Who knew it would come back after all these years? I will say I've still had a good life, I lived long enough to see all four children married to good people and we have 10 wonderful grandchildren some of whom have already graduated college. No great grans yet but I'm going to believe I will still live long enough to see them too. There is life after breast cancer but it can be really hard sometimes. And no one understands what we go through unless they have gone through it too. You will continue to be in my prayers. Just don't give up, even when you want nothing more than to do just that. Some days you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when those feet hurt like hell.😘
Sending hugs and lots of prayers,
Faith (in the future).
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Faith- sending you much love about the late reoccurrence. I am almost to my five year mark, but know that does not mean anything either. Just one milestone in the process with all this stuff.
So many people I know think I am "done with cancer" having made it through and recovering from treatment (and yes that took awhile). Many think the five years is a magical finish line for any of us with reoccurrence. It is hard for others to understand what we go through, and that cancer may never really be done with us. I have known a few people who have had late reoccurrences as you have friend.
You have a wonderful attitude of gratitude for all the good times you have been able to have. No matter what the future holds for any of us, it is good to be grateful for what we do have.
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I was looking forward to hitting the 5 yr mark next year with great hope and then I got slapped with it's come back. Hopefully this new hiccup is localized and can be gotten rid of. I haven't given up but life would be so much better without it.
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Jazzygirl, thank you so much for your kind words. I really hesitated to talk about my reoccurrence of BC since it is so discouraging to hear for so many of you who have had this battle and believe its over. For many, it really is over and I hate to put that thought of doom in your heads, but it's my reality and we just learn to live with it. The good news is that because it took so long to return it means it's slow growing and I can probably grow old enough to die of something else. It's never over till it's over and as many of you have found out, unless you've lived this battle you really don't know what it's all about. We just have to trust in God that all will be well.
Mommyof2, never give up. My grandmother had BC in 1937, a reoccurrence in 1960 and lived into her late 80's until 1986. She didn't die of BC either. So, there's always hope. Those thoughts keep me going.
Hugs and prayers,
Faith
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I won't, from a long line of stubborn women!
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Mommy- I am very sorry to hear about your reoccurrence. I hope it is local and can be taken care of so you can continue on and enjoy life. Your kitties and your DH need you! Keep us posted and we are here for you.
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I will. My dog Jackson has been getting more protective of me lately and Princess kitty has been pretty clingy too. Hubby has been driving me crZy with his orders to rest more. Been trying to keep busy and keep my mind off things.
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Mommy- resting is good, but if you are heading in for a biopsy, or surgery, etc., then I understand your need to feel ready for that at home. I cleaned like crazy before my surgeries. I forgot about the dog too. We are rooting for you to come through all this nicely!
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Thanks
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Teka your garden looks lovely and lush. My garden has exploded in the last 2 weeks, we have had an abundance of heat and rain here. I have made 8 jars of Saskatoon compote.
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Beautiful garden!!
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Teka- you are good to feed feral cats. I used to have an outdoor cat back east and raccoons would come at night for leftovers
Raining heavily this afternoon into the evening. We need the moisture bad, but with so much, flash flooding around too! Staying in tonight!
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I would like to thank everyone for their kind support over the years, I don´t really have anything to offer anymore, I feel very selfish, but wprn out.....what is life without hope¿
Take care everyone, hope you all find happier times
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Lily please don't give up, you have much to offer. I've seen many supportive messages that you've sent on this forum and I'm sure you are of value to everyone in your life. Is there a helpline where you live that you could phone or can you get some face to face counselling? Thinking of you and hoping you're able to reach out for help.
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Lilly- please stay with us here. We care about you and know things are hard. You don't have to feel you have to do anything for us, just be here with us and share so we can listen and be your friend. We care!
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I have kept going for last week or so by focusing entirely on animal rescue to the point of exhasution but underneath I feel totally utterly broken - I posted this on another thread last night.........
I have waited and pushed for recon for 5 years.......to find now that it was NEVER going to be possible to do a DIEP when no one bothered to tell me, even when they added me on a waiting list for one.....and even when I ASKED all the relevant questions and was told don´t worry......I am so sick of the inhumane attitude..........I have struggled to hold on to hope for 5 years and now that I have none has actually broken me........................my spirit and soul feels broken to the core, I will never feel whole or symmetrical again.........never........never wake up feeling ok or normal enough.....never relax at the beach and so on.........it is only that my eldest dog needs me that I just about hang on if you can call sobbing every few minutes holding on............
I dont want to eat or do anything except try and numb myself................I can only see one way out of this nightmare
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Lilly- I know you were seeing a therapist at one point. Have you talked to this person about your feelings? We understand how much the system has failed you where you live.
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Yes she knows
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Lily, I have no words of wisdom for you but my heart aches to hear your pain. You are in my prayers. Please try to hang in there. I honestly believe you will eventually feel somewhat normal. We are more than our boobs.
Faith (in the future).
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Hello fellow Hermits! Just checking in, as its been a few years since Ive been on the boards! Wanted all to know I'm doing well, and just living" life!
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Hey SissiD- welcome back. You were the original founder of this thread, but not sure I have seen you here since I joined in 2012. Good to hear you are doing well!
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Happy September !!!
wallan
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Lots of balloons over my patio this morning!
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Cool.....
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Flower du jour
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Hi BB - I don´t honestly know, BRAVA was not good experience but fat transfer was, there are some surgeons here who do fat transfer alone to créate a shape but I am not small and this is not available on the public system, to be honest I am just avoiding everything by devoting my energies to dogs, cannabis and alcohol.....so I don´t have to think or feel, not eating properly or anything......
To go for fat transfer would be at least 4 more surgeries at over 4k a time, all of which has to be funded by me......when I am struggling to eat etc
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Lilly- I was thinking about you this morning and wondering how you are doing. We are here.
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I am taking cannabis oil for back and hip pain that is not controlled by normal medication.........unconnected to cáncer.........
Alcohol is not a lot but I was not really drinking anything before......I cry whenever I take time to "be" so feel like I am avoiding myself as even writing this has me on the edge of tears, I really do not know how I am supposed to keep going as I am without hope of feeling symmetrical, at least in clothes.......
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