The Hermit Club
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Laurie... So happy your dr was attuned to angelic support, and was willing to share that with you. Glad your healing can continue, surrounded by family and caring friends. (Yay, dinner!) Thoughtful.
Jazzy... Don't overdo. Be good to yourself.
Teka... We keep having storms. But my lilies of the valley are blooming, and I love their quiet presence, so often unnoticed. I hope to put in some "elephant ears" --not sure how well they'll do.
Blondie, camille, all... enjoy peaceful moments. (Wishing all the local tornado watches and warnings would stop. Thunder continues in the distance...)
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Oh, Teka, of the green thumb... Is Wisteria a good thing or a bad? Some seem to view it as an invasive weed, but I think it's pretty. Should I attempt it, or do you think I'll regret it?
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Skittle
I had a wisteria vine growing on a trellis for years. Pretty purple flowers, similar to lilac. At least in SW Ohio it wasn't a weed. I've seen it here too, but not frequently.0 -
Hi hermits- glad to hear most of you are doing well, enjoying some warmer weather, etc.
Two days from the system go live so tomorrow I finish setting up my command center and we get ready to rock and roll on monday. My team seems ready and in a good place today, which I am grateful for.My lower back pain is back. Started late this afternoon again and just not sure what the story is. I went to yoga class and that helped. Going to need to take it easy this weekend and perhaps rest my back some. I do wonder if it is from the Arimidex....
Glad Laurie is doing well and coming along with her healing! It does sound like you have some nice folks helping you! Please rest and let your daughter help you. Love Steele Magnolia's.
More soon! Blessings to all of you. June on the horizon now.
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Jazzy, watch u'r back for a whie and pay attention to when it hurts--these stupid meds can do a number on us,
Laurie I hope all is going well for u.
Storms during the night -my cat left me alone, then Joey came in and I went in his room for a while--now I'm awake and in pain so I took pain meds hoping it will calm down GRRRR that's my mad sound BTW. LOL We're supposed to get weather goofy for the next few days well I love rain but not storms or wind so if it just rai, fine I won't worry. So I have to watch my cat closely to see if she just walking around or hiding. hahaha
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Thank you ladies,
XOXOXOXO
Laurie
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Jazzy, I hope you feel better. Back pain can be horrible. (((HUGS)))
Skittle and all experiencing storms-I pray that is is mild and just passes over. XOXOXO (((HUGS)))
Teka-I will take my meds. Thank you. (((HUGS)))
Camille, Blondie, Markat...(((((HUGS)))))
Feeling ok on day four.Pain is a large dull ache, but not the worst I have ever felt. Emotionally, I feel yucky. I guess it is all of the anethesia coming out. I don't want visitors and have been keeping people at bay. Haven't even felt like posting on facebook which is not like me. I know this will pass, but it feels yucky. Luckily the pain meds put me to sleep, so I have been allowing myself to do that. My son has a ton of baseball games in the coming days, so I am home alone a lot and I prefer that. I am not used to just laying around, but at least if no one is home I feel as if I can relax. I think it is all just starting to hit me. I look at the scar and think, "Holy crap...that is because of cancer." I'm not wallowing....it's just reality. This process really takes us on a rocky journey.
Thanks for letting me vent.
XOXOXOXO
Laurie
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Hi Laurie- it takes a lot of energy to heal. It also takes a lot of energy to deal with other people, even when they mean well. I did not have very many folks visit during my surgeries last year. Not up for hanging out and being conversational with folks when I was either in pain, tired or both. Just let your community know you appreciate their support but need time to rest.
There is a sort of emotional let down after surgery. Plus the usual angst of waiting for the final path results. I remember crying more than a few times last fall after my surgeries. Take good care of you right now. One day (or hour) at a time.
Back pain is better today. Lower back feels a bit tight and think it is more muscles than bones but watching it. Exercise makes it feel better so I will go swim tonight after work is finished!
Cami- sorry to hear about the pain. Hope you feel better as the day goes on.0 -
Laurie it take days or so to get the anesthesia out of your system....be good to yourself. {{{{{HUGS}}}} to you!!
Jazzy hope the pain isn't too bad now....
Cam your pain.....{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
thank goodness for the illegal stuff and the meds...taking the pain away...
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Oh Blondie u precious goose--it is LEGAL in ILL now, but I think they have to figure out how they wil scrpt it and sell it yet.
Laure that's why we're the hermit people. It's much easier to be alone when u don't feel well for us. I remember the first time I was in the hospital for almost a week and I did not want anyone to come and I meant it and my DD said Mom it looks like no one likes u they all want to come--I was so sick I didn't care to even see the drs. And a priest came in ONCE and only ONCE and I'm Catholic then he sent a neighbor of mine in to give me communion (I lived in a condo) so she told everyone I must have lung cancer (cuz I smoke) and I was dying.When I came home the lobby had all these people there telling me see if u didn't smoke this wouldn;t have happened, I was so mad I half opened my top and said see i had breast cancer and I'll be fine Thank u and I want no visitors. It actually upset me. Because I thought no matter what I had I would never say that to anyone. Oh and they were all very Catholic and I did say I didn't break any Commandments-unless I missed one. So I'm really not good in crowds hahaha
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Hi Everyone,
I went back to work and it has been awful.....they are trying to get me out of there. The nurse "filling in" has changed my office and moved in her furniture. That was my first clue.....she and the boss are in cahoots and are constantly gossiping about me. Anything I say gets twisted. It is an awful situation to be in this kind of work environment. They are looking for errors I have made (however I have found things she has done wrong) I am going to lose my job, and that is clear to me. I am depressed and feel like I don''t care much about anything anymore. If it wasn't for my sweet staff and the residents, I don't know what I would do. a On a brighter note my new kitten makes me happy...he is a rag doll breed, and she slept with me last night. His name is Fritzy and he is a handsome cat, fur like a rabbit, mitten coloring on his paws. Last night he pressed his paws softly on my cheeks and started at me, so sweet. Yesterday I start the first of twelve taxol treatments. Unfortunately the steroid wired me so bad that I got no sleep, even after taking 10mg of valium. I never went to work, am so tired, but stll cant sleep.....and back to crying again, taking effexor for that, but don't know if that is a side affect of the steroid and lack of sleep? Laurie glad you are good, been thinking about you. That Dr. is a gem...wished I had an angel to hold me....Jazzy, take care of that back, I have had years of it when I worked as an aide, ibuprofen did wonders, and rest. I feel for you, is no fun. Now its in my neck, which is stress, and poor posture. Take Care my Hermit friends.....Lori
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Oh, Laurie, you are being so smart. (I was an idiot. Had surgery on a Friday and was back at school Monday. I did not allow myself any time to think about it. Not too wise.) There was tornado activity close, but we're safe. Major flooding, though. Highway to work was under about 5 inches of water... (But today was the last day of school!! Only workshops and professional developments until August--yay!) Hope your son has a great season, and daughter feels well as baby grows. :-)
Camille, Feel better. You have so much spirit! I feel like a soggy sock in comparison. My hermity ways overcome spunk more often than I care to admit.
Jazzy, Happy swim. I envy that skill. Love the water/sink like a rock. Happy that dd2 and dh have super skills. Both life guard qualified. Dd1 does not like the water. (Hmm. Taurus?)
Blondi, Have a great weekend. Be good to yourself.
Markat, Still sending loving thoughts and prayers your way. Gentle hugs.
Teka and Spookiesmom, I think I'll investigate a young wisteria and see how much they are... Maybe wait 'til the weather calms down so it doesn't drown. They grow more like trees here than vines... Maybe they're just older ones?
Happy June to all. Time goes so quickly by.
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Skittle...are you in oklahoma? If you are, we are going to get hit again. Same if not worse than last night.
I hate cancer and tornadoes!!!!!!!!0 -
Cam....well it isn't here in PA...that is right....I barely come out of my bedroom....lol...and with my car broken I have to borrow one to go do things, it is more of an excuse to stay home, which is not good...I do need toilet paper, lol
Lori so sorry....{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}document everything, CYA....don't let them run you out of a place that you want to be...steroids do that to me every time, I take benedryl sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't I get it as part of my regiment so they told me I could take it. Glad something makes you smile...come here and play...there is usually someone here all the time.
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Hi everyone==
Lori I don't like this at all---can't u go on disability till u'r completely done then maybe u can hanle things better and take care of u'r job. Tht would be good for u to do so u'r not stressed out. Is that possible? Cuz the Drs. will do it for u. I worked the first 4 months of chemo, that probably the time our State went broke, but after oper. and started chemo again I never worked another day, but I was on disability for almost 4 yrs. I thought I was going back hahaha foolish me--but can u do that? And bless u'r kitty, I have one too and they are so lovable/
Yes more rain and storms and stuff =don't like this at all--it's not evening out at all- Not pleasant enuff.
(((MARKAT)))
Why are so many of us having bad back problems---what were we given?
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Cammie I stick at Macy's and they stick with me, probably should quit but want to hang on as long as they will have me and I can do it....only work my week off, but no hours this time so many next month....
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Blondie I'm glad u can work it's wonderful and u get a discount and sales --tht's a good place to be.
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Oh Lori - that totally sucks. And document everything. I am having a time at my work too. I'm in a union and our contract says you have to work 1200 hours in the calendar year to get ANY sick time the preceding year - sooooo I am not getting any sick time until January 2014 - even though I went back to work in February. I am still getting treatments - so they use vacation time for those. The person who does the payroll told me that she wouldn't take time for 4 hrs or less - but she took 4 hrs for a time I was off 3- ugh@#$#^
Anyway - I am just trying to let it go and believe in Karma. Just sometimes I want to catch a break - you know? Hell - I've been through cancer and am back to work and trying to leave all the drama behind me - all I'm asking for is a little kindness.
Laurie - take good care and rest A LOT!!!! If not now - when?
All of you in Oklahoma - I wish there was something I could do. Take good care.
Marilyn
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Lori - get legal advice and sue them for discrimination, breach of law and everything, there was another thread on here about this and someone got great advice - sorry i am not american so cant remember name of advice organisation
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Laurieparr, Hugs to you my dear hermit!! Oh, your doctor sounded like an angel, himself. Gosh, can't find many men that is as caring and as sensitive--especially not a doctor. My surgery mirrored yours without your lovely compassionate doctor. I had a huge long scar--but clear margins. It's on my right side and I am a right handed teacher--so no writing on the board for a while. I took two months off anyway. Everyone in my family and work knew I had clear margins before I did. LOL!! I found out when one of my comrades called and told me that my director announced it to the entire school on all bulletin email that my margins and nodes were clear. My doctor told me the next day. Nice doctor but not much in the communication department. Maybe he thought I was still too drowsy after surgery so he told the family instead of me So happy for you! Keep on, keeping on!!!
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so hermits, speaking of disabiliities, I went on temporary disability after my surgery March 26th. Well 6th years ago when my hubby left--divorced, he filed Ch 13, so I followed suit --so I wouldn't have to pay the bills myself. The Ch 13 included Sallie Mae who financed my student loan. Okay paid the entire $40,000 off I owed (including Sallie Mae) in the 5 year plan. Got back on my feet financially before I even completed the program. I had used all my sick leave so the disability was really needed. Well, today,(the first check I was to recieve) I recieved a letter in the mail stating they took every cent of my first disabliltiy check of $3200 for a student loan default, I wasn't aware. Although Sallie Mae was paid, the State of Il is making me pay the interest on the loan. Is this legal??? Claim they could not find me to let me know I had to pay the interest of $3500. Now I can' talk to them until Monday, but I think it will be a lost cause. Dangit, I needed that money to pay my bills and mortgage. Now I am going to have to dip in my small savings. UGH!!!
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Dear Lori,
My heart hurts for you. Blondie is right...document EVERYTHING. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you on top of the BC too. It is a terrible tragedy what some women do to each other. You are being tortured and that is not right. I pray that God removes you from that toxic environment and opens a new door for you full of peace and light. We are here to listen and love you. Your ragdoll sounds amazing. How wonderful to have her love.
Skittle-how scary to be amidst the storms. Thinking of you every day. When I watch my hummingbirds feed outside I think of all of you and smile.
Camille-what horrible things people say to each other. They come up with their own conclusions about things and that is so sad. Good for you for "showing" them! Poopy faces. Ugh.
Jazzy-You always seem to find the right words. I exhaled when you said, "There is sort of an emotional letdown after surgery." It seems so wrong to feel that way, but it is true. I can't seem to put my finger on it. It's as if the surgery was Christmas and now it is the day after when you are left with a mess and bills. I have so many mixed emotions...grateful, yet sad and lost at the very same time. What a blessing to feel so understood by all of you.
Teka, Markat, Michelle, and all of the rest....love and gentle hugs.
XOXOXO
Laurie
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Hi everyone I hope u'r all doing OK--I always say OK cuz fine to, is not the word for now anyway,
Laurie U sound good and u have a wonderful attitude, I hope u'r not to uncomfrtable.
DWILLI I csn not believe that they took it all---they are supposed to be allowed to take a % of u living money and they just took it all? Of course u have to get ahold of someone from the loan place, now use the word CANCER every chance u get because u r to be treated with respect to u'e illness. I'm sure u can find this in u'r computer oh wait u never got a first check, I was thinking who signs those checks? I doubt if it's the comptrollor of ILL. Judy Barr Topinka (I think) Or u'r union ---find email addresses and write to them to tell them what has happened, I know it's a pain--but I had to do this a few yrs. back and got it straightened out by me aggrevating everyone nicely tho---and they took a% out instead and if u still have u'r proof that this was paid u get the fax # and faxit to everyone. and do it everyother day til someone says OK we'll help u. Believe me I feel for u, cuz I know and I'm still fighting with the state on something else and I worked for the state--so don't use my name it'll get u nithing. I wish u the best in this yet nother aggrevating thing now.
Well I took a shower and I smell luscious--it so relaxing with aroma around me, LOL
Oh Markat I've been sending prayers u'r way for strength at this time.
I'm retired--meaning yes I'm retires but this time I mean I;m RE---tired like I have to sleep again. I was up quite a bit last nite, plus my pain meds don't exactly wake me up I have 2 cups of coffe and take a nap--but at 3AM I'm up and nit tired. I don't know how often I've told everyone how horrible it is to be such a miserable typist and I did it most of my working life. LOL, but it was for the state so none knew any difference or even read my reports.
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Marilyn and Dwilli,
Thank you for your kind messages. I am SO sorry that you are having to endure these money/work issues on top of the BC. It is a horrible slap in the face. I am praying for you...I wish there was more that I could do. Thank you for sharing with all of us. I hope things get better.
XOXOXO
Laurie
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Michele--I'm your neighbor to the east--Arkansas. We get your weather about a day later. A few rural nearby communities had (small) tornado activity, but nothing like your recent F5. Our town was pretty much wiped out in the late '70's, and my "homestead"/acreage was hit four years ago, taking apart over a hundred enormous oak trees. We still have damage left from that mess. Nature heals slowly.
dwilli--right-handed teacher, too! I wrote very little those first couple of weeks back. Used more technology... :-) My kids were happy there was less on the board to respond to. Pain killers were my friend... I hope your financial burdens can straighten out in your favor. Such a tangled web.
Lori--I agree. Document, document, document. Protect yourself and arm yourself for a harrassment suit, if need be. Your local bc center might offer legal advice to protect you!!
Laurie--you are so deeply thoughtful. I had to take the remains of my hummingbird feeder down recently when winds burst through and shattered the glass on its resident willow tree. I should've thought ahead... sigh. I remember being stunned by the length of my incision, too. I guess I thought "Lumpectomy. How bad can it be?" Somehow the "ectomy" part sounded minimal. Then, like you, woke up to an incision the entire length of my breast. But--it heals into its own little expression of survival and faith... and the emotional part gets better... and for years, not just with bc, I have perfected lengthy bouts of complete denial... I guess what surprised me as for scarring has been the node scar. It must have been deeper, since the scar is still quite pronounced/deep. You are doing so very well--don't overdo. (Son's games going well? One of my teacher friends is headed for St. Louis for a Cardinals game.)
Camille--I hope the sun is shining soon for you. Anything planned for time with Joey? Summer has begun for students here.
Markat... as always, hugs and love to you and yours. Prayers for you and your little girls.
Teka, blondie, all... Have a restful Sunday ahead. hugs...
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Skittles, I am 20 miles north of Tulsa.
Just a couple of days ago I was thinking about going to eureka springs. Love love love it there. Last year some girlfriends and I rented scooters and got stopped for speeding downtown. 40 year old ladies raising hell. I do not have the strength for that now, however a stroll downtown would be perfect.
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Skittle u always say the right things, u write with such empathy and kindness and Lurie u'r another one there is so much sweetness to u. And I completely agree about the lumpectomy scars and healing much worse than a full masectomy, I mean u have scars bit no pain at all. So Laurie u'r doing well, it sounds like it.
(((Markat)))---Prayers for u and u'r family.
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Wow I would take my lumpectomy scar over my masectomy scar any day. I look like Frankenstein or a football. Plus I have scars from the drains. Hopefully it gives me years to live:)
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Skittle-I wish I could buy you a new hummingbird feeder and deliver it in person so I could give you a hug.( I wouldn't stay...I promise. LOL! ) Thank you for validating the scar as well. The "ectomy" part (along with the doctor's description) sounded so minimal. Like maybe a laparoscopy type of incision. It was quite a shock to see this one. Also, today as I got undressed I noticed a large (the size of my palm) area under my underarm and to the side of my scar that is very weird. It looks like a giant ringworm area with red in the middle. It is very painful. It was not there yesterday. I'm guessing maybe that is were the sentinal was? Not sure. My husband says it looks like bruising, but I don't think so. We are going to watch it.
As far as Nick's baseball game, he did great! Four innings pitched, five strike outs, no walks, one hit and no runs against him. He said he went up there and pitched for me. He also had three RBI's! When he came home I told him how proud of him I was. He smiled and ran off. He came back with a package. He gave it to me and said, "I got this for you mama." It is a breast cancer sticker for my car that is the pink ribbon with the word "survivor" across it. I couldn't believe that a 15 year old boy would do that on his own. I hugged him and said, "Thank you buddy. I love it." He looked down and looked up at me and said, "Mama? Did they get all of the cancer?" I didn't expect him to ask me that right then. I told him the truth. I reminded him that the node was clear (and I explained how important that was) and that I wouldn't know the full story until after the pathology report came back. I assured him that I would be fine even if the margins didn't come back clear. He looked sad and said, "Oh. Ok mama. I missed you at the field today." God I love that boy.
The coach and his boy stopped by a few minutes ago. I wasn't prepared for visitors, but they just swooped in with a pan of enchiladas, a lovely card and a hug. And then they were gone. I am so humbled by the kindness of everyone. It is really hard for me to receive as I prefer to give.
Camille--you are too kind. Thank you for always acknowedging me. It truly means a lot.
Michelle-I'm so sorry for your scars and drain scars. My heart is sad for you. I never mean to diminish anyone else's pain/experience in any way by venting about mine. Each individual's experience should be validated.
Lori--hope things are (somehow by a miracle) better Monday. I will keep praying for you.
Dwilli, Markat, Lily, Marilyn, Blondie, Teka and everyone else.....may you have peaceful dreams.
XXOXOXOXOXO
Laurie
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