Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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I think Ronald may have taken a left instead of a right at the last intersection. :-)
*susan*
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I think Ronald is the one who posted a few years ago saying he wouldn't "let" his girlfriend have surgery.
Which might be why she's now his ex.
Leah
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Block him high. Block him hard. What a tool.
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I think people should keep there pie hoes shut. I realized that people are ignorant and stupid the things people tell me including my own family is crazy. My manger for one told me stella you are getting so skinny you need to do something about it. You don't want people thinking or looking at u like you got the Big C. Someone else told me omg you need to stop losing all this weight is your husband telling u that u are too fat that's why u are loosing weight. I have stories on top of stories. But I won't let morans bring my spirit down its bad enough I have cancer than I have idiots making smart remarks. The problem is a lot of people have not been around cancer patients or had a family member have it. That's why they say things like that... It hurts like crazy but what can I do.
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Stella, I can hear how much these comments hurt and I wish I could knock some sense into some heads! People just blow my mind. Those comments are so inappropriate and hurtful, whether you are sick or not. I can't begin to understand why people think they have the right to ask things like that....maybe they are just dumb! Sometimes I wish I could think of something funny but sarcastic to say that would catch people off guard and, at the same time, tell them to mind their own damn business! Maybe try "Yeah, after my mastectomy he's been nagging me about my weight. I talked to my doctor who put me on the Cancer Diet. Maybe you'd like to try it?!" I am not a mean person and I don't like to offend people but come on. As grown ups we all just HAVE to pay more attention to the world around us and special attention to people's feelings there is just too much hurt in the world to make things worse with carelessness!!
Take care,
Virginia
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Do any of you have handicapped parking cards? I have had one for a few years, and sometimes have had to face comments from "well meaning" people telling me I'm obviously not disabled enough to use it. I even had one person make scratches all over the trunk of my car in "protest" of my using a handicapped card. He was long gone by the time I got out of the store and saw it, but seriously?! What do I need, a wheelchair? I really don't feel like educating people about pleural effusions and neuropathy up to my thighs. The next person who says a word to me, I'm going to just look them in the eye and say, "I have terminal cancer. What's your excuse for being rude?" and move on. Grrrr.
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Many people in my area drive with their plaquard hanging off their rear view mirror (NJ has a law that there should be nothing hanging off the rear view mirror) I place the card on the rear view mirror once I have parked. I have had people honk at me as I pull into a handicapped spot. and threaten to cal the police. I generally do not reply to those people and just go on my way.
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I parked behind a woman who took up 1 and half spots near the front of Lowes. This was back when my anemia was crazy bad and everything- walking just wiped me out. There was a woman next to me, who remarked "I can't believe the selfish way she parked!" She must have written a note and left it on the car. When I got out, that note was on my car flipped over where she wrote all kinds of nasty things, calling me pretty immature names that I parked behind her and she needed that space for her stroller and I was an asshole etc.." I couldn't believe the extent of the harangue! I didn't write the note.
She also assumed I meant to make life harder for her when in fact she was gobbling up 2 spots right near the front of the store! I have a retarded, autistic deaf kid and another kid 2 years younger and I never needed 2 parking spots to get my stroller in! Let me tell you there is nothing faster than an autistic kid on a mission! People can be so selfish and mean.0 -
I have a Handicap placard for those days when my joint pain and aches are just too much for me. I am always super aware of who is watching when I park. I'm embarrassed to admit that I actually exaggerate my limp sometimes just so people will believe I have "earned" the right to the spot.
We were taking a flight once and I had all of my meds in my carry-on. On the outgoing flight had been so much carry-on that I was separated from my stuff by rows & rows. The flight attendant suggested that I board with the "special needs" group in order to board early to assure I would have my luggage close. She was also sweet and put me in the row with extra leg room. There was a man standing in the First Class line who took offense at the fact that I was boarding before he was. He kept making "under his breath" comments about "The 'sick' lady in line in front of me." He was being very rude and I was really uncomfortable and close to tears. It had been a wonderful but exhausting trip and I was a little upset about how much more difficult travel was for me now. The man made a comment to the attendant about the Airline needing a more strict set of guidelines so people didn't take advantage of special seating. My sweet husband finally couldn't take it any more. He turned to the man and said "My wife, the mother of our 13 year old son, has terminal breast cancer. We don't know from day to day how good she will feel or, indeed, how long she will live. I think she would pass any test for Special Needs before you would pass any test for having Class at all let alone First Class." A small group of people standing around started to clap. I, of course, kissed him soundly! When it came time to board the plane my son stepped back and offered to let Mr Rude the chance to board first. The guy guy at least had the class to turn bright red and let Scott go first. It was all so embarrassing and upsetting. Everyone else made up for it though. People bought us a couple drinks and the Airline gave us a voucher for an upgrade on our next flight. The Flight Attendant winked when she gave it to us and said "We didn't figure you wanted to sit there on this flight!" If he hadn't spoken up I wouldn't have met all those nice people which made up for how horrid Mr Rude was.
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Question today "Are you going to make it?" You have got to be kidding me
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Vadre,
That is the best story! Your husband sounds awesome! I always think of the things I should have said when it's too late to say them. Will try to be more vocal in the future.
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs, Susan
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Vadre -- I would have cheered for your hubby too after that speech! Well done him!
Nel... wth. I'm still just shaking my head at that one...
I get blood draws every 2 weeks and one of my vials has a STAT designation, which means that I can go to the next available tech after I check in, instead of waiting for my number to be called like everyone else. It's uncomfortable and I always get those "what makes her so special" looks, but so far no one has said anything about it (at least not in my hearing). I'm waiting for the day that someone does complain though. I'll be ready to offer them my spot at the head of the queue -- only if they'll take my stage iv cancer with it though!
There's an interesting video that makes the rounds on Facebook occasionally, about the hidden struggles that everyone is dealing with. You just never know what people have on their plate. It would be nice if everyone could just be kind and considerate of others, without needing "proof" of a good reason to do so.
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Wow Nel! These posts never cease to amaze me.
Kebab, the link below might be the video you mentioned. Sad that those who need it won't see it. Or get it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8
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Wow Nel! These posts never cease to amaze me.
Kebab, the link below might be the video you mentioned. Sad that those who need it won't see it. Or get it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8
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I had (past tense) a very good friend email me links to 3 websites about depression and told me to become familiar with HER disease, that is "not visible". (I guess people with a Stage 4 dx are unfamiliar with depression...and I'm being sarcastic.) I suggested we talk about whatever was bothering her, as clearly something was. She responded by deciding to delete me and unfriend me from social media websites, and I am assuming her contact list as well, instead. Who does that to a good friend that is Stage 4??? And is seemingly ok with it???
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skylotus - when things like that happen, I just realize that maybe that person was not such a good friend after all. It does so s*** tho I have people around me who know and love me for who I am and who I am not, who will listen when I need them to and know I will listen to them as well. I am sure you do as well. Invest your time and energy in those relationships. Some days it is my turn to vent, and sometimes theirs. I just we all had more patience and tolerance for each other. The world would be a much better place.
And to all, I am happy to report I have "made it" another day. Reports of my demise are premature! LOL
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Vadre, I can't stop thinking about your airport encounter and your DH's awesome response! Makes me smile even as I write this. Thanks so much for sharing it!
I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, and someone I haven't seen for probably 25 years came over to me and asked, "How're you doing? We've heard you're not doing well at all." (Really? Let me double-check, because I thought I was feeling pretty good and enjoying the special family day, but maybe my situation is a lot worse than I know?) Oh, well, sometimes you've just gotta laugh at the lack of filters. Deanna
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smoke pot, drink lemon juice, eat baking soda and listen to music...it will cure your cancer!!!!
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To Kiwi Cat Mom: I just find it unbelievable that someone or anyone would open their mouth and have such idiocy fly out. Blessings to you and tell the erstwhile visitors to stay home. Carolyn
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Skylotus, I seem to be writing to you a lot today! I'm sorry that you had such a rude encounter with someone you thought was a friend. I had a very similar encounter a year or so after dx. A good friend of mine told me that she understood I had "some stuff" going on in my life but that she had stuff going on in hers too. If I really cared about our friendship I wouldn't let "stuff" get in the way of our spending time together etc. I tried to respond nicely but before it was all over she had de-friended me in every way possible. While I knew, in my head, that she was selfish and not worth the energy, it still really hurt. I was so sad for days. Even being as angry as I was didn't stop the sadness. I finally let myself be just plain sad. Took down some pictures. Cried for a couple of hours. I probably even ate a bunch of cake. It sure helped. I've come a long way since then and I try to focus on the friends that I can really count on and the activities that really help me enjoy life. But, to be honest, I can still be sad when I think of Leslie.
I like to think of this group as a circle of sisters, holding hands and supporting each other. I hope that helps, even though others can still hurt us.
Hugs,
Virginia
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@ Nel and Vadre,
Thanks for your thoughts. As time goes by, which inevitably it does, and I get some more distance from that situation, I think maybe that happened so I could focus on the friends that love and support me and not focus on the one that did not. Even though it did smart at the time. Which is kind of what you ladies said!
I luv these forums and the understanding here. Thank you all who post! xoxo!
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Skylotus, I'm glad we could help a bit. I hope that time & distance do give you some peace. This is a really good place to come for complete acceptance and understanding. I am so glad I stopped "lurking" and actually joined in the conversation , I don't know what I'd do without y'all!
I had a Family Reunion this weekend and was overwhelmed with the love and caring my family showed me. They have worked hard in the three years since my diagnosis to learn the right things to say and how to best help me out. I have probable also learned that sometimes, when they don't use the exactly right words, I have to hear the love behind the words. So much of this is new to all of us. We have to let ourselves grow up together.
Having said that, I think I would go crazy if I had to make excuses for everybody, and be understanding and accepting etc etc all the time. It is so GOOD to be able to come here and have people "Get It". What a relief!!
Hugs, Virginia
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my doctor uncle just posted on facebook " a handful of almonds prevent cancer" link.
I had responded to his lemon post before, so shut up this time, but really????
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Ebru,
Wow. Talk about nuts!
I trust your uncle is not an MD.Tina
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Yesterday brother in law asked if I had heard about using baking soda. I politely redirected him but I know at some point I will lose patience. My sister gets it thank god. Baking soda? Really!
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Yeah, if you thought about it, you coulda come back with "I could sure use some baking soda right now to relieve this bad taste I suddenly got in my mouth." and then give him a look. lol
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Divine, LOL! Quick-wittedness is not my strong suit (not to mention being too much a people pleaser type) and I have decided it is a very good sanity saving attribute for mbc patients to have!
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I heard organic baking soda and organic maple syrup. Cook it together for few min and take like two teaspoons. Cures cancer. Haven said that if that was the case wouldn't we all take 2 teaspoons a day and so many women would not dye from this horrible disease.
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Couldn't you have the baking soda in a waffle batter, and the maple syrup as a topping?
*susan*
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Last week I was told to try wheatgrass (juiced I presume) "because a lady at our church was cured of her cancer with it" - seriously???
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