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Comments

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2013

    ((((Cin)))) - I hope this goes quickly for you!

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited February 2013

    Cindy again thanks for checking in and letting us know how you are....I am so sorry, but you know you are helping us...you are so strong and an inspiration, although I know you would rather it be anyway but this....so sorry that family is having a hard time, they love you and you know they have no idea what they will do without you....glad that you have someone there with you, spending time with you...sorry about the pain but glad you have pain meds.....I know I look forward to that part....

    we are here for you, always, check in when you can.....

    love

    Sandy aka blondie

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited February 2013

    Hi Cindy, so sorry your in pain if it was me i would be pushing that effing button for double pain relief. Family- yes i know what you mean. All threeof my girls our ateach others throats. The oldest in debt,middle one is having terrible depression and under the doc, youngest only got three sessions left. Hubby has started drinking late at night and has bad back ache. SIL is depressed and its all my fault. Love to everyone xx

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2013

    Hey Cin!! Only have a second but wanted to say hi and glad you like the peanut butter/ chocolate spread! Try to keep eating, sorry about the pain and discomfort :-( :-( damn this disease. Thanks for checking in with us!!

    Sounds like family meltdown week. I hate conflict so when that happens I just want to hide in bed or run away!! Ugh, hang in there ladies. Remember that we are not responsible for how others feel, that is their choice!!!! Hugs to all!

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited February 2013

    (((((Cin))))) Am so sorry your pain is increasing, and I totally understand the desire for it all to be over with. At this point, eat what you want, don't eat if you don't want. It is so hard to see family at each other, but I concur with Sandy that they are very stressed, realizing time is short, and not knowing what the future will be like without you. If you can hang onto this, it may help you deal with the stress it is causing YOU - you know how to do the meditation breathing, so breathe in their anger, breathe out love toward them. Keep breathing love toward them and you will give yourself some calm and peace, and that is all you can do. I wish I lived closer and could come over there and help, so glad you have a friend who is there with you. I pray that when the time comes, I will also have someone who loves me enough to help.

    I find it very interesting that I was so very ready to not do any further treatments until I got a new MO and have had symptom relief for the last month. So I have agreed to try letrozole for now, hoping it reduces the tumor under the arm, which would be a marker for reducing it elsewhere. I agreed to go on it as long as my quality of life on it is OK, and so far I have been lucky. My MO understands this and has been very honest with me so far. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, find moments of joy and beauty in each day, and as long as I can do that, I am fine with "survivorship" (geez, do I hate that word...).

    Wishing you a day with peace and sending you much love.

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2013

    Linda, love the breathing technique, will try that with my teenaged daughter! Lol. When people say to me" you make me so mad/crazy/whatever" I tell them no, you choose to feel that way. If course I dont purposely stir the pot but I try to live authentically, WYSIWYG. We've really become a society of blame, it _______ fault, not mine. Government, parents, whatever. I get tired of it!! I hope your families all realize the preciousness of this moment, the here and now, today with you. Otherwise they might have a lifetime of regret for being selfish, angry, stupid. Not your problem but you may want to point it out.

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited February 2013

    Linda hate that word also, and I agree when the time has come I hope that I do it with the courage and dignity that Cin has.....

    I am sick of being blamed.....I didn't choose this, I would have chosen, say...to be a millionaire instead of having cancer, but there are people worse off then me, which is what I tell the idiots that sweat the small stuff and complain....have a daughter like that and tell her all the time...

    Ali...unfortunately people handle it differently, I have 5 kids and they all are handling it different..it isn't your fault, mine or anybody else.

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited February 2013

    Been to A &E and spoken to doc's about middle daughter, they say she is depressed but it's normal. I need a break from this.

  • Cindy-Rose
    Cindy-Rose Member Posts: 77
    edited February 2013

    I was left home alone yesterday while everyone had things they had to take care of so I took it upon myself to do a few light chores, of course not using my right arm. I felt great when they came home and realized that I had been up doing things. They were all angry that I chanced hurting my port by moving around as much as I did but I had to do it and it felt so good to know that I still can do some things even if I shouldn't chance it anymore. I don't think I will...it was a one time thing to see if I still could. I was exhausted and happy and had to take extra pain meds but after my nap I was just fine again...sore but fine.Cool Today I rest and let them get back to taking care of me. I hurt today but it was so worth it.

    cin

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2013

    It must have felt great to know what you can still do. Hope the soreness goes away soon.

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited February 2013

    I am proud of you for getting up and about, Cin!! Um, what did they expect might happen if they left you alone- proud, strong, independent lady that you are! Sorry you are paying for it now in terms of pain, tho. Smiling and happy with you here !

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited February 2013

    Although they weren't happy I am so happy for you...to feel productive is so important to me, can't imagine how you felt Smile....agree with carp.....but for you I am sure it was so worth the pain and soreness....it will be ok with the pain meds, and you feel good about yourself.....it is ok for people to take care of you but for you to realize that you can still do some things is awesome....congrats.

  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 1,997
    edited February 2013

    Go Cindy, I am happy you were able to get some things done your way. 

    I send you hugs and love

    Ginger

  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 379
    edited February 2013

    Hi Cin. Haven't been on in a while, but have been faithfully following your blog. Loved to read that you are still able to do some things on your terms. Much love and gentle hugs to you.

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited February 2013

    Cin, absolutely delighted for you!!!!!  My mission is "to be independent and functional."  I was able to do half the drive to Washington, DC (a 700 mile trip, I did 350 of it), and although paid dearly with fatigue and pain the next few days, was so happy to be able to do it.  Doing things for yourself that makes you happy and feel productive is great for the soul, for in-the-moment happiness.  Rest well, my friend, you have earned it for this week!  Smile

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited March 2013

    All of you are so independent and strong, making your own decisions. As I always tell my daughter, no one will ever take better care of you than YOU.

    So proud to know all of you...Cin, Linda, Blondie, Ali, Ginger, Gracie, Athena! xo

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited March 2013

    carp tell my kids that all the time..it is so true....am ok thank goodness week off next week, looking forward to feeling "normal" for 1 week....

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited March 2013

    Enjoy your week break, sweetie! Some great movies out right now, maybe a few hours out would be fun. Lincoln should be seen on a big screen and we're trying to get to Les Mis before its gone from theaters.

  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 1,997
    edited March 2013

    Go to see LesMiz at the biggest theatre with the best sound system you can find. I loved it. 

    Enjoy

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited March 2013

    I go to the pics a lot and I loved LesMiz I cried from start to finish.

    Ok update on middle daughter, since going to A&E we now have an apt today to see the right people. She will have ECG and get results from bloods, she is always sleeping, terrible mood swings, lost so much weight and wants to self harm from being so depressed. She is always saying she looks better than other girls because she is slim. I think she has an eating disorder but my GP doesn't.

    I'm all for them taking her in hospital and sorting this out before she ends up dead.



    Fingers crossed they can help us.



    Love to everyone xx

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited March 2013

    Saw Lincoln loved it, should have paid attention when was in high school learned stuff...don't like musicals, people singing in movies distracts me and I forget where they left off ADD I guess....

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited March 2013

    Checking in with everyone this afternoon.  Thinking of you all, hoping Cin is having pain-free moments, along with a moment or two of beauty and peace.  Not much to report from here except it is a beautiful, cool, sunny day, and I am headed out to do my walk.  So far have had minimal SEs from letrozole, not looking forward to seeing MO and Zometa infusion on Wednesday.  Not yet ready to call it quits, but woke this morning having that "oh, crap, I'm still here" feeling again today, seeing pain specialist on Wednesday also, and hoping for some relief again (had 6 good weeks after last procedure, hoping for another 6 weeks!).

    Ali, hoping for the best for you and your daughter.

    Blondie, Carpe, Athena, Elaine, Ginger, and anyone I missed - hoping you have a good weekend.

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited March 2013

    thanks and you also, Linda....

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited March 2013

    Hi Linda, hope you can get the pain under control!

    Been a few days since we've heard from Cin or Elaine, wanted to leave a note of encouragement for both if they pass through! Love and hugs to both of you wonderful ladies!!

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited March 2013

    Stopping by tonight to say hello to everyone. Thinking of each of you, hoping you have at least one moment of joy and beauty today, and at least one moment without pain. May you have peace.

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited March 2013

    Hi Cindy hope your pain free and having some peace.Took daughter for hospital apt and it went well. She will have weekly apt for weighing and one to one counselling. She is very depressed and i have to watch her and keep a food diary.

    Me i feel terrible and i think i can feel a small lump in my good arm pit. Going for check up on the 20th March so we will see then.

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited March 2013

    checking in on my way to get a CT scan.....we will see

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited March 2013

    Hi ladies, seems like we're all bottoming out just a little. First of all, I hope Cin is ok, it's been a while now since we've heard from our grand lady! If you pass through, just want you to know that I hope you are resting easy these days.  Ali, I am glad your daughter is getting some help but I am so sorry that you're feeling something in your other armpit. I hope it's just an infection of some kind and it goes away!! Ugh. Blondie, good luck on your scan today, fingers (and everything!) crossed! Linda, thanks for the reminder to stop and find some beauty. I just picked some daffodils that are blooming in my garden. We're getting wet, heavy snow tonight and I'm afraid they won't make it.  Any suggestions on how to protect them?

    So...my sad story today (doesn't compare to all of you, of course!!)  After 3 months of having swallowing problems and a wicked sore throat, three rounds of different antibiotics, scoping, etc and a trial of nexium to see if it was night reflux (?) yesterday was the last straw for me - I completely lost my sense of taste.  I took a swig of my morning coffee and nothing - just a metallic taste.  I started chewing gum, everything to see and although I know if something is sweet or bitter, I can't taste anything. So, back to the ENT on an emergency appt and we found two issues - a salivary gland at the back of my tongue/corner of the mouth with a growth plus a growth in my thyroid that she can only feel when I swallow.  I am supposed to have a thyroid ultrasound and a CT scan with dye tomorrow but we're getting a snowstorm, so bummed, I really want to know what is going on.  I had a feeling this was my thyroid but my GP blew me off, I've been borderline hyperthyroid with a very low TSH for years but she doesn't see the need to start meds. Even as I sit here, if I raise my chin up,  I can feel it pushing on my esophagus and windpipe. Sigh.

    Anyhow, these issues are nothing compared to what you are all going through but after last week's mammo, ultrasound and FNA biopsy (BS said it "looked fine" no need for testing and threw it away), now this, ugh. I know breast and thyroid issues can be connected, which is why I've been keeping after my GP to routinely test my TSH and not make me beg for it. 

    Well, I'll keep you posted. I am quite sure we're headed for a biopsy of thyroid, which sounds like nothing compared to the fat needle they pushed into my breast last week! Perspective, right ladies?! :-)

    Thanks for listening and be back later to check on all of you!

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited March 2013

    Oh, ladies, it has been another "crap, I'm still here" day, and maybe it is just the weather.

    Cin and Elaine, keeping you foremost in my heart and prayers.

    Blondie, in your pocket for the CT today.

    Ali, hoping the lump is nothing major.  Geez, seems like we can NEVER get this BC beast out of our brain - anything that changes is scary.  I swear it is so difficult to figure out if issues are just part of normal aging (yes, I am over 50 and should expect SOME changes, but seems these changes are accelerating since diagnosis!), part of drug SEs, or part of cancer. And I for one am just tired of calling or seeing the health care folks "just in case" ( and usually when I do, it turns up more bad news... ugh). Ooops ... off point.  Sorry for the ramble.  Anyway, Ali, I am PMing you.

    Carpe, I saw the weather predictions for your area, and boy, it looks dicey!!!  Often daffodils will survive incredible weather extremes, and the snow will actually blanket them and protect them from the cold. I used to live in upstate NY and they would sprout, bloom, get hit by wave after wave of freezes and snow, and still bounce back, so here's hoping good results for yours.  I walk about 3 miles along a country road that has lots of these lovely yellow spring blooms, and we have had several freezes since they bloomed, and they are still doing great. Now as to that thyroid of yours - am so glad you are getting some help and some answers.  Remember that if the weather precludes your appointment tomorrow, a couple of days delay should not make a huge difference in ultimate outcome, but boy, do I hear you on the waiting. So glad the ENT is on top of this.

    Ginger, Gracie, Athena, and anyone else I forgot - sending lovingkindness and hopes for a peaceful day.

    By the way, despite the "oh crap" feeling, I have practiced my music (voice lessons) for an hour, am getting ready to work on a couple of oil paintings I have started, and have a hair appointment later today, so there WILL be some beauty and joy, and there already has been some this morning as I look out at our bird feeders and drink my coffee. And am grateful that my taste has recovered significantly and I am able to enjoy coffee again (Carpe, hoping for the best for you!).

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited March 2013

    Carp don't compare yourself to us, it still is an issue, I haven't been able to smell or taste for 4 years...not from chemo, so I know how that feels, they said mine was from a virus who knows...will be in your pocket when you get yours done...hang in there have a drink or whatever and yea that snowstorm what a PIA this is going to be I have shit to do...

    Cin thinking about you...

    Linda you write so eloquently....I decided to get my hair cut cause I don't feel like doing it myself....

    Check in later.....gotta take the kids to the dentist...

    ME

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