No treatments for me.
Comments
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Oh Ali, what a day! Bless your heart! I feel like women live a much harder life since we are burdened with being the caretakers of emotion, and we absorb and truly "feel the world." So many times I will lay awake worried, while the rest of the household sleeps blissfully and without care. We carry a larger load on our life's journey. I wish I lived there so we could have a girls spa day or pub crawl :-) :-) glad this is behind you. Maybe at some point you could could calmly gather the daughters and explain you were extremely disappointed in their behavior. You didn't need to have to deal with their behavior while trying to comfort hubby. I know how teenage girl emotions can be, having one myself, but they picked a terrible time to act out. Ugh!!!
Hope you could relax today, sweetie!0 -
Ali, thank goodness you can direct your attention to yourself and helping you DH through this....do something nice for yourself today..so sorry
Sandy
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Ali, what a rotten way for the day to unfold ~so sorry~
Hugs & Love Elaine
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Linda, I love your mission statement. Independent, functional, beauty, joy. I try to remember to be grateful for every day that includes those things. Hugs to you.
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Soft hugs.
LOVEEssa
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I am in A&E with DH, his face looks like Homer Simpson. His lips are three times the norm and is very swollen.
Really glad I took him because its effecting his throat, they have him on a drip.0 -
Ali, what's wrong? Allergic reaction? So sorry, I was hoping for a quiet week for you, sweetie!
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Wow Ali I hope he feels better soon. Scary stuff!
Hugs Ginger
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DH has tooth and gum infection so surgery in a few weeks,. Go with youngest daughter to first of counselling, i think all the family needs it.
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Just a shout out to Cin! You should have something in the mail from me within the next 2 days :-) Hope you have that pain under control so you can rest and relax a little. Fighting pain is like being in the ring with a prized boxer, I think. Hugs to you, wonderful lady!
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Checking in with Cin, Elaine, and all the rest of you. I had no internet or email for a couple days - putting in new flooring in my house and it is in a big mess, and won't be done for a couple more weeks, so I will be intermittent here. Will check as often as I can, but I always have you all in my heart and prayers.
I am doing very well, all things considered. It is as if the worst has happened, and now I am free to do as I please - I no longer have to fear it. Mets are now a reality, I now understand that the best I can hope for is stable disease with minimum SEs, and am truly trying to focus on one day at a time, getting as much love and joy and beauty as possible.
Today was a beautiful day, warm, sunny. I took a long walk, listened to the frogs (VERY noisy!), felt the warm breeze on my face, saw bluebirds sitting on fence posts, smelled fresh earth and horse manure....
My next younger sister was here for a couple days to help get ready for the flooring installation. We had a lovely time together, she helped plan a little decoration, helped pack up boxes so the floor installers can get to work next week, and had lots of laughs and a few tears. She sobbed as she held me, telling me she wished she could do more for me, wished she could make everything all better. Even though she is younger, she has been looking out for me all my life. I wish I could protect her from the hurt and grief that she has, and feel so conflicted about helping her to deny that I have anything really bad going on vs. helping her to accept it, even though it is tough. I just can't seem to do that yet, but I know I want to sooner rather than later. Sorry if this is a little convoluted - I am tired and my brain is not working so well tonight.
Much lovingkindness to all of you.0 -
Linda,
I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. I know that you'll take it just like you take everything else...with grace and hope for the future. I wish there was something that I could do for you, a cyber (((hug))) will have to do for now. I think of you often however I'm able to post much anymore because of the pain. I sleep a lot and when I am able to get out of bed it's mostly to go to the bathroom or do a word search puzzle, I hope you're going to be OK with me cutting the card in half...I want to frame them and hang them where I can see them every time I open my eyes. I can't type anymore, I've hit my limit.
All my love to eveyone,
cin
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Hugs to Linda and Cindy. It's so hard to have anything half-decent to say at times like these.
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no words... to much feeling
thank you
cindy... give your pain away... a drop at a time
each of us can take another drop for you...
i\ll take the pain in your wrists...let me hold your pain today... u deserve a break
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Cin thanks for checking and whatever makes you smile works for me...
Linda I know you know how fortunate you are to have such a loving sister....
Sandy
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Many hugs to you, Cin and I love the idea about the cards! Perfect :-) There is probably a theme with flowers, funny cards, etc. I love word search puzzles, too! We used to take long car trips when I was growing up and before cell phones, ipods, and DVD players all we had was a stack of books and word puzzles to entertain us! I know I sound like a broken record but I am so sorry for your pain. I so wish they could get that under control for you. :-(
{{Linda}}, you sound like you're in a good, accepting place. I love nature, I think it is very healing and calming. I forget where you live, warm sun, frogs, etc?
Be back soon to check on all of you wonderful ladies. Ali, I hope the counseling goes well, I always think that is a good idea, we all could use a tune up and some extra tools in the toolbox to deal with life.
xoxo
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Sending hugs to Cindy and Linda. Cindy i hope you are comfortable and the family is holding up. God knows what my family would be like if i were stage 4. Well yes I can guess. I am going to write a book.
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Cin, so glad you enjoyed the flowers, and cutting them apart is a great idea so you can enjoy both of them at the same time.
Thank you all for your encouragement and well wishes. Most of the time I am learning to accept with grace - other times I am very angry. I am reading a lot of theology, struggling to understand the philosophy and to come to wisdom, if that is possible. Still working on that "learning to love" thing.... mostly learning to love myself and forgive myself seems to be the most difficult. Why do we so often blame ourselves or feel guilty for not making "the right" choices, when we really don't know if those choices even made any difference whatsoever regarding whether we would get cancer or recurrence or metastases? Trying not to play the woulda-coulda-shoulda this week.
Love to all of you tonight.0 -
Linda, we're not done until we're done. It's always a journey of exploration, isn't it. I am am sure Cin, too, is learning something new every day even as she already has so much that she is teaching us.
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there is such beauty in this thread...
I wish more people could find peace in being this open about their path...
i know i grow and learn with each post... and feel blessed to be reminded that in death, as in life, there is beauty,,,grace ... and love.
often i leave this thread in tears... but not fueled as much by sadness
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Dear kind Linda, I just had time to re-read your post...I've been thinking alot about our past choices and how us women, in particular, are so good about beating ourselves up. We've likely all made past decisions that put ourselves at risk- drinking/driving, unprotected sex, smoking, tanning salons, etc. We have to let ourselves off of the hook and not go back and what-if. Men are so much better about doing this than we are! Again, I think we "feel the world" more deeply. In my early 20s, I used to live in the hot desert and went out on fast boats for 3 years, never used sunscreen. Actually used oil to get a deeper tan. And I used to love tanning salons and the hot summer sun. So maybe breast cancer won't take me out, maybe it will be melanoma, who knows? I really try not to sit around and over think all of my past decisions and just let the universe unfold as it will. We don't have too much control, I think. So taking the hands off of the wheel, forgiving ourselves and moving forward and making good decisions from here on out is the only approach that brings me peace.
I know it is easy for me to say all of this since I am not stage IV, but I have been in a very dangerous career for 27 years so I've had to make peace with myself and all around me just in case. Hugs to all of you special, wonderful ladies. xoxoxo
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What I have learnt from ladies on here is "keep going till you drop" but the most important thing is "you are in control" and do what you want not what others want.
I smile, laugh and cry when I'm on here.
Love and courage to all you lovely ladies.
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Stopping by briefly to say hello to Cin, Elaine, Ali, Carpediem, Athena, Celine, Blondie, Ann, LoveEssa, Ginger, and anyone else I may have missed. Today I started with a massage (I have the BEST massage therapist) and am headed for a music (voice) lesson. I can't play piano, but have discovered I can sing - who would have guessed???? Just a little tiny door opened for me, and I am so grateful to have SOME music in my life - particpatory, not just listening to others.
Blessings to you all today.
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oh i love to sing...
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From the age of 14 I went to see bands and have done since last year. Music has been my life and without it I wouldn't be here.
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Hey everybody, just stopping in, nauseous and tired....hope you are all ok, been on the run all day and this is my week off....anyway, have a nice friday night, will check back tomorrow...
see ya bye
Sandy
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Sandy, hope you are feeling a bit better today.
I usually sing alto, but our choir was missing several sopranos due to illness this morning, so I sang soprano. Voice lessons have really helped me expand my range - I am so pleasantly surprised, and it was nice to be able to help out where I was needed. Hope that doesn't happen too often - I really like singing alto better!
Cin, hoping you are finding moments of grace and beauty today. Hugs and prayers.0 -
thanks Linda, if I could sleep and since I am getting chemo consistently the SE's are starting they are annoying, but nothing I can't deal with, just making me cranky and my kids can't deal with my cranky....whatever......
Sandy
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Hello Everyone, I just woke up so I thought I would fill you in a little on how things are going. My pain has been mostly under control with the PCA but soon I'll have to up the amount that it gives me. I talked to my nurse the other day about a palliative coma because I think it won't be much longer before I can't breath on my own. I have had constant infections in my lungs that have been adding to the scar tissue in them and there'e nothing that can fix it. I'm not able to do anything on my own anymore because I've been falling a lot and having coughing fits that nearly knock me unconscious. I would rather skip the worst part at the end so now is a good time to start talking to the hospice team about being put into a coma. I'm actually happy that it might be over soon for me because my life has turned to spending every day dealing with pain and feeling very short of breath. I hope they won't make me wait until I go into a coma on my own, that would be very painful and take a long time. I have to get back to bed now I very tired and it hurts to type.
All my love to everyone,
cin
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Cindy my brave friend, yes you are thinking the right way. Having seen my FIL struggle with his breathing on oxygen 24hrs i would do the same. FIL had a box which hooked into a line in him. The only thing we didn't know was it can take effect within minutes for some. This happened and we didn't say goodbye. It was less than 24hrs and i think it's a blessing for the family not having to wait and see your loved one go. I know you won't mind me talking like this as we have always been honest with each other. I have told my family if it comes to it for me i want to go the same way but with some wine as well. My heart breaks for your family but they know deep down "you come first" i want you to know when the time comes i will be sitting with you talking shite and holding your hand. We will meet up one day in heaven and get pissed together while eating m&m's. xxxxx
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