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  • pallir
    pallir Member Posts: 227
    edited December 2012
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    Glad you are home, Cin!!

    God bless . . . 

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited December 2012
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    Welcome home, Cindy!

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited December 2012
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    Glad your home and you have a good bed to sleep in.

    Me, last thursday i was taking my old Jimney in for part exchange for a mini countryman. This was not to be as the guy next door hits my parked car. I'm still waiting for it to be repaired and get my new one. ( do we every have any luck )

    My two oldest kids are having boy/girls problems OMG i blush when they tell me things.

    Hope your pain free and eating what makes you happy.

    Alison x

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    Great news, yay!! Welcome home, Cin!!  Happy Dancing here!  :-)

  • goodprognosis
    goodprognosis Member Posts: 195
    edited March 2014
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    Hi Cindy

    Great to hear you are home.  Sounds like a fantastic comfy bed you've got!.  Hope you get all the rest you need.  Looking forward to your new posts. - Laughing

    Lorna

  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 379
    edited December 2012
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    Welcome home Cindy!

  • Cindy-Rose
    Cindy-Rose Member Posts: 77
    edited December 2012
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    Just a quick check-in to see how everyone is doing, and to thank every single one of you for all the well wishes and flowers. I missed being home but the inpatient facility that I was taken to was absolutely perfect for me. I loved every one of the staff and they all went out of their way to make me feel better. I did have a difficult time at first with how the room was arranged though, so I asked two of the nurses to help me move everything so that my wheelchair could get everywhere in the room. They told me that they had been trying to figure out where the furniture should go for a long time. I told them all they had to do was sit in a wheelchair while arranging all the furniture. Now they told me last night when I was leaving to head home that I might be called in to see the new place that they're opening soon, and helping with furniture placement. It's only a few miles from my house so that's where I'll be going when I need to be admitted to in-patient again. I still don't have my tree up yet...it's just too difficult for me to have anything to do with Christmas this year. I don't really want to do anything but try to keep up on my chores and try to as least find a few gifts for the kids...I already worked out Rick's gift a while ago and someones hiding it for me until then. I better go lay down ( my hospital bed is set up in my dining-room)and try to relax enough to take a little nap before my nurse shows up to help me set up all my meds and change my port needle. I'm getting tired...I feel nap time coming on.

    All my Love to Everyone,Sealed

    cin                                                          

  • CelineFlower
    CelineFlower Member Posts: 145
    edited December 2012
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    * celine climbs into the bed with Cindy Rose , sits on the end ,looks at her and smiles and says..."

    so... whats in the basket?

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    I am so, so glad you are home. The facility sounds wonderful though, happy they took good care of you!! I love the furniture arranging story, perfect. :-)



    Hope the nurse gets you all taken care of so you will be comfy! Wish I lived nearby to come over and hang out with you. :-) I know it is too much to get out all of the holiday decorations (have to admit that I dread the taking down and packing stuff away part! ) but hope you still enjoy the sounds, foods and libations of the season. Can you drink egg nog? Or skip the egg (and the nog) and go straight for the bourbon? :-) if anyone deserves it, it's you!!!



    Sending you a hug, special lady!!

  • ElaineForCindyRose
    ElaineForCindyRose Member Posts: 76
    edited December 2012
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    Yay ... Cindy's home and can play with her friends again Laughing    .... love Celine on the end of the bed wanting to know what's in the basket!  Carpe you are one fabulous lady!

  • CelineFlower
    CelineFlower Member Posts: 145
    edited December 2012
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    Dear Cindy,

    I have been wondering when i would share this story... 

    Ever since i started on my path here are BCO, you have been there too. I have laughed, cried and gotten angry right along with you. You remind me a lot of my mother, she had a "no frills " attitude... give it to me straight type of gal...

    i hope you will receive this story as a gift 

    My mom was diagnosed with emphasema in 1997 and ended up with cervical cancer in 2001. Her heart was not strong enough to deal with surgery so they tried chemo and rad... As she laid on the table for her last treatment , she had a heart attack.. she had a DNR request, and we spent the next 48 hours by her side.

    I do not mean this as a sad story... because my mom gave me such a great gift. We could talk about death straight .. no covering up ... no icky feelings...

    "mom, you are going to haunt me right?" " Yes dear " lol

    We got to talk about everything... nothing was left out.

    And ..the greatest gift of all.. was when we sat by her as she took her last breath... i realised..." that pregnant pause"... as we waited to see if she would inhale again.... was EXACTLY like that pregnant pause when we  waited for each of our three babies to take their first breath...

    That still is the most precious gift i have ever received...

    Thank you for helping me share it 

    be well Cindy Rose

    celineflower

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    {{{{{ Celine}}}}} Such a beautiful story.

  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 348
    edited December 2012
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    Cindy, so glad to see you are home and comfortable!  Let others take care of the tree and you conserve your energy to enjoy your family around you.  It's great they could get your pain levels under control!

  • ElaineForCindyRose
    ElaineForCindyRose Member Posts: 76
    edited December 2012
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    Celine, that's a gift I'll never forget ~thank you for sharing

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited December 2012
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    Sending hugs to ((((Cindy)))) and ((((Elaine))))

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012
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    Cin, Elaine, Celine, Carpediem, Athena, LuAnn, Gracie, Lorna, Alie, Pallir, and everyone else, I am keeping you in my heart today. Cin, I am hoping you are comfortable.



    Today I had good news: nodule is suture granuloma and NOT another recurrence! I am doing so much better as I get off the meds - am now only on methylphenidate for the fatigue, ambien for sleep, and stable on oral pain meds a few times a day. I keep thinking if I could get off the ambien maybe I wouldn't have so much fatigue and could then get off the methylphenidate..... and physical therapy with massage therapy is helping with some of the pain issues. Maybe I will hang around for a bit longer and be the royal PIA that I am capable of being, LOL!



    Gentle hugs to all.

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    Linda, doing a Happy dance here!! Yay!!

  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 379
    edited December 2012
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    Cindy, hope you're resting comfortably. Gentle hugs. You are always in my thoughts.

    (Linda, congratulations on the good news.)

  • ElaineForCindyRose
    ElaineForCindyRose Member Posts: 76
    edited December 2012
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    Hello, Ladies

    I read Cindy all your comments & she was happy to hear from you -but she's too tired to answer each of you. She's really tired & said to say that she's on a PCA, a bolus every 30mins -the pain isn't getting worse, she's just getting used to the pain. 

    Her days lately are spent reading -she's too tired to do much of anything. She says she is doing good to get to the bathroom in the morning and get back to bed to take her pain meds. No getting up early watching the news, turning on the computer checking BCO boards, FaceBook & WordPress, drinking coffee and writing. Now she just wants to read. She's reading a book now by James VanPraagh, "Reaching to Heaven ..." She says it's a really good book.

    She's been eating "not a ton" but eating. Last night it was graham crackers and milk. Today was apple fritters that Rick got from Jess's work. He's been "teaching Cindy to like grits." He cooks them a multitude of ways so they taste like sugar cookies (vanilla and sugar), peaches, strawberries, bananas -whatever mood strike him, he concocts.  Cindy grew up on oatmeal and cream of wheat -not grits, but she likes 'em. LOL

    Well, I've lots more to write but must run & get ready for work -so tonight I'll post on WP and a bit more here.  

    So, TTFN (ta ta, for now, by Tigger in Winnie the Pooh)

  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 842
    edited December 2012
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    Elaine .. thank you for writing.  I hope Cin is feeling better today.  I think of her often and am sending my love.

    Bren

  • ali68
    ali68 Member Posts: 644
    edited December 2012
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    Cindy, I want to tell you now and not when your gone ( a long time from now ) that your my very best friend who has cancer. You were there for me and I don't know how I would have got through the dark days without your funny lines.

    You made me smile,laugh, cry and pull myself together. You have helped so many of us and we will always love and think of you.

    Be pain free and read as many books as you want. I just wish we could have met like many of your friends feel.



    Love and hugs my special friend. Xxx

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    Elaine, thanks for checking in and keeping us updated on your amazing sis and our friend! I so miss her "voice" out here and on the blog. 

    I think it's great that you're reading, Cin!! So good for the soul, for understanding, clarification, escape, humor, et al! Based on your current book, I found this thread

    http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=8&id=792708&page=1

    and pulled a couple of book ideas off for you:

    The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, by Pema Chodron

    God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F#@$ed by Darrell Hammond

    Heaven Is For Real  A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Lynn Vincent, and Todd Burpo

    Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag

    I would love to get these from Amazon and send them to your doorstep for you, if they look interesting?? Maybe Elaine could let us all know what you'd like to read next and we can work some magic for you. :-)

    The grits sound yummy, how creative!! Rick is amazing :-) Never though of jazzing them up before - how about a cinnabon flavor with cinnamon and brown sugar?  Maybe a touch of vanilla, too? :-) 

    Lots of love and hugs!

  • ElaineForCindyRose
    ElaineForCindyRose Member Posts: 76
    edited December 2012
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    hello all,  it amazes me how you have all bonded so closely with each other -and how you've even made space for me, too, in your hearts & lives. people will surprise you -if you give them a chance!  

    i updated folks over on Word Press, here's the link if you'd like to read it 

    http://cindyscancers.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=870&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2  

    and there's a bit more I didn't want to put over there, cuz don't want to freak the family out and all, but Cindy told me she's been swollen the past couple of days but isn't so much today, so her skin looks wrinkly from being stretched out. Her lungs are really acting up with the cooler temperatures -that's why she did the hot water steam breathing ... she said afterwards she slept for hours but woke up hurting really bad. Her leg aches -femur on the left side and her shin. I asked her wasn't that what the stay in the hospice hospital all about, managing the pain? She says the meds are working, she's just getting used to the meds now. When they upped the dosage at the hsptl that's when she got really loopy. She says if they upped them anymore she'd be "higher" (no pun intended -she said it!) and really be out of it. 

    it seems to me this cancer pain must really be the mother of all witches (ok, so i didn't think "witches" maybe the real word started with a 'b' and rhymed) i don't get how you can be on pain meds -serious, continuous amounts of heavy duty narcotics- needing to take other meds to counter SEs and still be able to feel such debilitatiing pain????  what are pain meds for? pain relief? good grief, if this is the pain felt with the pain meds, what in the hel! would it be without??!!! 

    well, that's it for tonight. 

    *hugs*

  • CelineFlower
    CelineFlower Member Posts: 145
    edited December 2012
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    Elaine , your window into Cindy's world... is so appreciated, its like we are there with her....thank you so much.

    "Cindy, I want to tell you now and not when your gone"

    YES!!!!! this is the lesson my mom taught me... 

    I'm not affraid of dying... im affraid of dying badly... and i'll be dammed if i will let cancer stop me from being the best i can be.

    Must be a bitch Cindy to have to cope with all the pain and se's at this point...

    This might be a question you dont feel like answering... and if some are offended i will ask your forgiveness ... 

    Does the thought of assisted suicide.. ever come to mind? 

    It seems to me (and i still might be wrong, im still learning on this path(... if one is in control of their life...it would be natural to want to e in control of your death too...

    and since, I saw, with my mom... that the moment of death is the same as the moment of life... i have no more fear of it... 

    i am sorry if this question is to ... intimate and private... 

    *celine pours cindy and all listening a glass of wine *

  • Angela-R
    Angela-R Member Posts: 109
    edited December 2012
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    Cindy and Elaine.

    Your narrative is extremely moving and very important to us.

    Cindy I wish you comfort, peace and yet another good book.

    Elaine, I think I worry a bit for you, and hope that you are taking care of yourself. You are such an important person to so many of us at the moment, of course Cindy most of all. Please look after yourself where and when you can.

    Sending much love from down here,

    Angela

  • leggo
    leggo Member Posts: 379
    edited December 2012
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    Elaine, I'm so very sorry that Cindy is still in pain. Hugs to you both.

  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 47,223
    edited December 2012
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    I am sorry to butt in, by have been following Cindy's story for awhile, as she seems like such as funny, smart lady. Elaine, what a great friend you are being. Here is another thought that may or may not be appropriate to post.....a friend of mine who was on Hospice and nearing the end of her journey, asked to be put into a light coma at the end. She still was aware of what was going on (evidenced by her squeezing a hand when asked etc.) but she didn't have to deal with the pain aspect, which had become overwhelming to her.

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited December 2012
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    Elaine, thanks so much for updating us!! I hope Cin can get comfortable! The bed sounds amazing. :-)

    I sent something that will help her with the breathing issues, the soonest I could get it there was Tuesday delivery. 

    Hugs to all of you wonderful, amazing ladies on this journey with our friend :-)

    Oops meant to add: we're having a flower shower for Cin on another thread:
    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/135/topic/796851?page=1#post_3330804

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited December 2012
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    ((((Elaine and Cindy)))) I'm so sorry that the pain is so hard to control. I wonder if the swelling is making the pain harder to treat. Could it be fluid that can be drained to make her more comfortable? Sorry if I am off base - totally ignorant on this.

  • Linda-n3
    Linda-n3 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited December 2012
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    Cin, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending you a little card, hope I got the right name, am sure I have the right address. Elaine, you are a wonderful sister and friend, and I also keep you in my prayers as your role is a really really tough one. Seeing someone in pain can be as bad as if not worse than being in pain yourself - you cannot stop the hurting of a loved one.



    It is really difficult to describe the various pains some days, and pain meds can ease it, but rarely ever take the pain away.



    Cin, I hope you and everyone else here is reading some funny stuff. I am going to watch some videos of one of my favorite sitcoms and get some belly laughs tonight. There is an excellent book by Father James Martin, SJ called "Between Heaven and Mirth" and he talks about humor, laughter, and joy as spiritual (he is a Jesuit - I am not Catholic but his writings are applicable to just about anyone and everyone), and there are a lot of very funny stories in the book as well.



    Wishing you all well tonight, may you be free of pain and fear, and may you be filled with lovingkindness.