2013 Survivors!!!
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This is why I love you all so much! Thank you so much for sharing with me and being open and supportive! I am still embarrassed and I think it is good thing to be mad at myself but I don't think I am not strong or a bad person just embarrassed about not being honest with all of you:) I love that there is so much tobacco legislation out there and especially the organization I am running for specifically was at the capital here Tuesday lobbying for more support on tobacco control. Smoking is deadly, but the addiction is hard as hell to quit. It was the one thing when I got my dia I was proud of that I quit cold turkey feb 28th till sept 28th. Then had one cig on my bday with some friends then a few more the following week. Then for two weeks I smoked a pack a day, then quit again till just recently so I know I can do this but was so dam mad at myself for letting stress of this and work make me think cigs was a good stress reliever:(
Fuck - surprised I don't drink a bottle of vodka every night to calm the voices in my head some times! Don't think I don't consider it! Being drunk every day would (might) for awhile be easier than dealing with all this but I know it would eventually either kill me or make me lose everything I have worked so hard to survive or succeed at.
some days I feel like I am moving forward and other moments feeling like I am spinning out of control. I am wondering if the hormone changes has helped with all this:(
Shit maybe I will just try that wacky tobacco
can't cause me any more harm can it:)
Ha! I will figure out whys to handle all this stress and move forward but it won't happen over night. Mmmmmm.mmmmmm. This is me mediating
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Have to agree mcook... when I got home on the day I was dx'd I wanted to drink myself into oblivion.... yes I did have a couple of glasses of wine, but as my DH said 'tomorrow you'll still wake up with cancer and feel like shit cos you'll have a hangover too' fucking hate it when he's right
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tazzy - you made me giggle with that one. f'ing practical husbands with their valid statements!
ladies - i'm regeretting my decision to skip the port during chemo. every time i go for herceptin now its a f'ing drama to get a good line going. last time it was 3 sticks until they got it. today it was 3 nurses and 5 sticks. what the f! sigh... if i have to get a port just to finish up this damn herceptin, i'm gonna be so pissed
sorry for the f bombs... was a long day - rads, appt with MO and herceptin - which took way too long thanks to my adriamycin destroyed veins. oh - and the blood tests for propensity for clotting came back. turns out one of the things they test for came back positive. so now - to do tamoxifen or not. seems all the literature on this gene and its tie to clots is inconclusive, so my MO is leaning toward having me take the tamox and just keep up with my baby asprin regimen. my only other choice is to let them take out or shut down my ovaries to force menopause so I can do one of the other drugs. Ah - BC - the gift that keeps on giving.
anyway with all that negativity - here is my happy for the day. my 2 year old is in this phase where if he hasn't seen you in about an hour - he is super excited to see you when you come back: "you back mommy!!!" So that thought is what was getting me through the drama of my afternoon. and sure enough the delicious little buggar didn't disappoint. I walked in the door and don't you know he came running over and said "you back mommy. i missed you mommy!" and gave me a yummy hug. So - there you have it. this is why we poison and torture ourselves... to enjoy these moments. i will try to remind myself of this when the sourness keeps creeping up.
love ya all. monster hugs. sleep tight!
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Mcook- I thought I would be able to drink myself into oblivion after my surgery, boy was I wrong. Once I got on the Femara alcohol in general makes me sick. All i wanted was to drink and then watching my family and friends drinking would just piss me off because now i'm one of the sober ones. It's not so bad now, but i do miss having a drink every now and then.
Had my first iron infusion today, started off good, got stuck on the first time. About 10 mins into it the site started hurting and my arm got really tight. It felt like it was infiltrating so my nurse took it out and brought in the phlebotomist in to get my 1 damn good vein. My 45 min infusion took 2.5 hrs they had to run it very very slow, so as not to ruin my 1 damn good vein. I go back again on Friday for possibly another 2.5 hr infusion. I walk in with my huge glass of water, my nook, my ipod and my cell phone (because I'm on call this week) if one of my idiots call in I have to find coverage for them and quick. I felt like I was all tech'd out while all the other patients there were drugged for their chemo. I did feel bad about one patient she was coming in also for iron infusion she was stuck and had the same issues with it hurting, they took hers out called my friend the phlebotomist in took stick her again and this poor girl had NO good veins. They actually suggested a pic line for her, she was in tears when she left. Oh it was horrible. So i will keep my 1 damn good vein. i hope everyone has a wonderful day. I'm going to get ready for bed, I'm exhausted. I love you all!
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Tazzy- glad your DH is there to hold ur hand
yep he was right.
One year ago tomorrow, I heard those scary words, you have cancer! At first I was not scared of dying but first though that went into my head. Shit I am going to lose my hair. Ha! I was more worried about that than dying or losing my breast in that moment.but it did not take but a second for the rest of the fears to set in.
Wow I think I will go home from work early tomorrow and enjoy some me time!0 -
chrisrenee - just saw your post now. sounds like we were bad vein buddies today! rest up!
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ramols- my good veins were in my lt arm (cancer side). You could stick a 2x4 board in it and get a great stick. My right side you could slice it open and still get NOTHING. I hope you have better luck on your next visit. Do you have a port for them to be able to take labs from?
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Chrisrenee- question? Why do you have to have an iron infusion? And sorry I bet that was hard
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michelle- because my iron levels were "extremely" low according to my Oncologists office. When I go in again friday I'm going to get a copy of them. My body does not digest the iron pills, when I took the pills last summer for 45 days, my levels were lower than the levels prior to. So my oncologist said that I won't be taking those pills anymore, IV it is. It wasn't so bad except for having to get the 2nd stick.
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Chrisrenee/Ramols; hang in there. I go see my MO tomorrow for check in. Hope they can find a vein.
Ladies; it's that time again... Please PLEASE update your avatars. I need a change of scenery!
Believe; THANK YOU! Ladies, she sent me the most beautiful bracelet and card to remind me I am loved and perfect just as I am. You have blessed me by being my friend.
Goodnight all!0 -
Believe: sweet !!
Juneau: you are LOVED !
mcook: ((hugs)))
off to work now... least finish getting ready. Have a good Thursday ladies.
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Good Morning Ladies! I'm out of town again but thanks to my iPhone, I haven't missed a word.
I guess we all have our demons. I don't drink but smoking is a different story. Trying to quit has become my life's goal. We may not be perfect but Gods not finished with us yet.
I'm in Laughlin, NV and spent yesterday in Quartzsite, AZ. It was an Angel Wing and bead day. I found so many treasures. I'm not sure if shopping or beads are my passion. They both make me smile.
As Ramols says, find your happy today and every day.
No scale with me so I will weigh in when I get home. Trying to be good.0 -
Scottie - please look away and read no further - trying to be good... oh! dear I have just fallen off that wagon. One of our Managers brought in a cheese cake (she is the bestest ever cake maker I have met) and I succumbed to a piece - not yet eaten it, but I will
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Tazzy....lose the guilt and enjoy!
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Believe...OMG! Where are my manners? I received the BEAUTIFUL bracelets and note (so thoughtful) earlier this week. Love, love, love them. Thank you so much.
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Tazzy...forget the guilt...enjoy!
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Hi ladies....hope everyone is having a happy thursday!!!!....My hospital has turned down my gynae cons. Request for an mri on my pelvic area as i dont meet the criteria...WTF. As he has his concerns he is going to do another ultrasound on the 11th on my ovaries and as long as the area of concern...(cyst!!)...has not changed then he will push forward to remove ovaries!! To add insult to injury I have dyed my much wished for hair...purple
mcook when u decide to hit the vodka and fags give me a shout...im sick of all this healthy livin and sooooooo need a blow-out.x0 -
Hello Ms. Ireland,
Does your "wonderful" insurance carrier have an appeal process? Will the institution doing the MRI give you a discount for self-pay? It seems like your insurance would have to pay a lot more if you go undiagnosed and then something catastrophic shows hope. Perhaps your Doctor or financial person at the GYN office can appeal for you. I hope you get some resolution to your satisfaction. I am unemployed and uninsured and got discounts for all of my services when able. I still spent close to 10K out of my own pocket in 2012 when I was living in VA. but now I have moved to my Sister's home in TX. where because I have BC, I was fast-tracked into the Medicaid system. I guess that makes up for a lot. In your case, I would call your local cancer hospital, American Cancer Society, etc. to seek free or discounted services. Best of luck !
Carolyn
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Ireland
I am booking a flight now:) BS about insurance so I hope they get that figured out!
Today is one year, my fuck I got cancer dia day!
Took off work early, having a glass of wine and house to myself! No cigs:(
Might head to local watering hole all by myself and drink myself into happy dancing feet! Then dance on a table and get kicked out:)
Love you all! Come dance with me!0 -
mcook.... coming right over - I agree with Ireland - we could do with a blow out day and you know I love dancing on tables
Shake those calories off my booty !!0 -
Can I please join the party? Need some relief! This last week I have been really bad as far as eating, but I've been good for so long, and the scale does not move much anyway no matter what I do. Was on track, then came the eye surgery, was not allowed to exercise, sat at home for days surrounded by all the temptations . . . Tazzy, I'm not posting weight tomorrow, because I'm too embarrassed. Yes, Mcook, I'm addicted to food, and have a terrible sweet tooth. What a titanic struggle! I am back to the exercise now, and can hopefully get out of this slump. Ughhhhhh! Will try not to be so hard on myself, but it's not easy.
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I'm coming too, I want to dance on tables!!!
Ireland, what a coincidence!!!! I just bought purple hair dye!!!! It's the washout kind tho. I'm going to do it for my RO appt Tuesday. Lol. Every time I've seen this poor man (who is quite handsome btw) I've been either aggressively angry or stressed to tears. So I thought I'd dye my hair Super Bowl winner purple and put a fake tattoo in my good side. :-) he'll definitely think I'm nuts!!!!
I hear ya about the weight. I can't seem to make the scale move. I think the friggin thing is broken. Lmao0 -
Mccook... Do we have the same Dx day? I was officially told 2/28/12 by my BS. What a day that was. But 1 yr later I am where I never thought I would be. On the other side of the horrible dark tunnel. It was a long tough year and these boards helped me tremendously. I feel physically "normal" with the exception of my altered self but if only my emotions could catch up I would be good :-). Anyway. Wishing you decades more anniversaries to celebrate!
Melissa0 -
Must be the Governments fault that all our scales seem to be broken and stuck on the 'dont move/go up' weight.
Ireland/Shianne - need to see pictures of the purple hair - loving the idea of it... ha ha!
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Tazzy, Liefie, mellisa,shianne- let's dance! Yes feb 28th! I am probably going to only make it to 8 but going out! Then to maroon 5 concert tomorrow:)
Will update on details of my time with Adam L:) and I know you are all jealous? Now what the hell does he sign? LOL0 -
I'm up for blowing off steam. My battered and bruised arm is making me angry today! Let's dance ladies!!!
mcook - if you are hot for adam levine (as many of us are), look up the acoustic version of harder to breathe from the songs about jane album. oh my...
And if you're looking for his sweeter side - Sunday Morning.0 -
Thanks Ramols- I will do that!
Screw it I am wearing a normal bra tonight and not going to worry about that my dam jeans give me camel toe:( I hate it but I will lose this dam weight! Or just be fatty happy table dancer with perky fboobs and short(maybe purple) hair. (thinking I will dye mine too!
Seriously ladies - put on some music for all of us tonight and let's dance and maybe cry but do it for me tonight and I will do it for you!
Love u!0 -
Shianne\Tazzy my new purple frizz was truely a mistake......my lovely hairdresser to sort out and lecture me tomoro as my mother-in-law and father in law are having a big family party on sat nite to celebrate their 80th bdays...(both ex smokers!!!!gave up in their 50's).
Cmbernardi, I am in Northern Ireland and reliant on the good old NHS(National Health Service), my private ins was cancelled by my employer when i was made redundant:(. So no appeals, will gave to hope all is well and my gynae cons. is being cautious. Delighted Mcook and Melissa119 u are 12 months out.:) Tazzy lovin the pic....although it does bear too much of a resemblance, but all this partying talk has made me want to rebel.....im not getting on that threadmill ! Gonna live on the wild side tonite ... turn up the music!!!lol..yah who!!!!0 -
Hi All,
I am a Registered Dietitian but currently taking a break from work because of all of the "fun" I have been having with the BC and chemotherapy. Simply put though, weight loss can be simplified into 5 words: Eat less fat and exercise. The easiest thing to do is to go on a FAT BUDGET of 40 grams or less each day. It's like having 40 dollars in your pocket to spend each day except you stay within your budget of 40 grams of fat. Using the food label, a fat counter book or the Internet are great ways to find out the amount of fat per serving you are getting. And remember, PER SERVING is the key. Eat small frequent meals and stay to that 40 gram fat budget daily. For my exercise, I have found the easiest thing to do is to take brisk walks with my dog and then lift light hand weights at home. Do what you can according to your body type and stamina level and GO SLOWLY at first so as not to cause an injury. There is a series of great books by Joyce Vedral, PhD available new or used on Amazon.com that demonstrate EASY techniques for weight training at home. I dropped 2 dress sizes from using her method and about 20 pounds a few years ago. You will not lose a massive amount of weight from light weight training but you will tone up and tune up your muscles so that they burn calories more efficiently. Just consider how much more quickly MEN can lose weight when compared to WOMEN. Men naturally have a higher percentage of lean body mass (muscle) than body fat. Women are not so lucky. Remember, muscle burns fat because it is metabolically active. Fat is not. Feel free to ask me about any more weight loss tips at anytime. I will be joining all of my fellow warriors on this same journey. Peace!
Carolyn
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Thanks for the tips and for me it not understand what to do:) I graduated with an exercise phy degree with a minor in nutrition. (don't ask how I ended up in operations management long story) I am not obese but could stand to get healthier but I for the first time in my life am not obsessed about counting calories, reading every label, I gave myself a little break during this year because food taste like shit! I ate potatoes, Ice cream etc because I had too and it was all for me that tasted good! I am mentally healing from a hell of year of stress behinds anyones belief. Except all of you. I and we will all get there but in our own time and when it is right! Yes we need to because eating healthy and making the right choices, not smoking and not drinking can help with us and cancer coming back but we deserve to do what makes us happy and love ourselves, so if you are beating yourself up then I (we) need to figure out why and try and do what it is we need to do to be happy. Today I just celebrate and tomorrow I start my training for my Marathon! Released to run! Yeah! Wish me luck ladies!
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