2013 Survivors!!!
Comments
-
Juneau - how lucky you are! My saving grace this whole time (in addition to my family) has been my friends. Whether they were helping me or just hanging out they made this easier in me and my husband. He has his own business and it was hard for him to take Fridays off to go with me to treatment. We saved those days for the important appys. So my friends would go with me then we'd stay up in Basking Ridge for a nice dinner instead of starving on summer Friday turnpike traffic! Anyway! I have a point. Usually in group pictures not everyone smiles and in yours I do not see one person who isn't. You can see the love they have for you! Embrace it and say "FUCK YOU CANCER - YOU TOOK NOTHING FROM ME THAT I CAN'T REPLACE!" I have those days too. But I look around me, feel the love, hug my DH or kids and move on. Sometimes a bite of chocolate helps! 😜 Happy Birthday!
0 -
Juneau! What a wonderful surprise! That is one hell of a big hug--so happy for you.
0 -
Juenau: big huge honking hugs to you. Totally agree wtih what KarenZ said... FUCK YOU CANCER...... Glad to hear you are going to curb your obsession. When I was whinging to my DH a while back about my weight he said "who gives a shit about a few pounds... you are cancer free and you are here - that's what is important"... and it is... but oh! to be a few pounds lighter
0 -
Juneau, exactly what karenZ said!!! And you look fantastic to me!!! Beautiful picture, make me want to throw a party with all my friends and family and take one just like it. I do hope you frame and hang it in a place of honor ;-) it is very heartwarming to see the love and happiness!
0 -
Dear Juneau, so glad your friends did something so nice for you. You are obviously much loved! Yes, we have to stop obsessing about the scale. As long as we do the right thing the rest will follow. I keep telling myself that every day.
0 -
Juneau...looks like a fun group!
0 -
Good to read all your thoughts, gang. Not sure how I feel at this point; waiting for surgery which I think is going to another milestone and I do look forward to getting it over and done with and then on to the next event. So Scorchy I will wait to comment.
Juneaubugg, great photo and incredible friends. As for my daughter Mary's accent, probaby a mish mash as she grew up mainly in Saudi Arabia but also went to boarding school in California and has travelled a fair bit so I guess she has picked up lots of assorted accents.
Chrisrenee I hope that your bad dream was not one of many. I think all the drugs we take make for crazy sleep and thus wild dreams at times.
0 -
Marian, forgot to comment on your video. Your daughter is indeed lovely, such a 'softness' about her, which I think she gets from you, because you have it too. Daughters are just so precious, aren't they? Mine is making plans to come and take care of me after the DIEP surgery in May. I'm already looking forward to that.
0 -
Juneau, you are so blessed to have such wonderful and caring friends .... Be kind to yourself ... Just remember all the obstacles/challenges you have conquered.
0 -
Ditto..........
0 -
Hi everyone!
Juneau - awesome that you friends did that for you:)
I am going to get a bit personal here so be forwarded and please hold my hand and not judge because I don't want anyone one of you to hate me but I have to share something so I can stop feeling guilty and stop it!
Ok now I am crying because I am ashamed ....
I have been smoking
I quit right after my dia! And did not touch a cig until 6 month later. Wtf is wrong with me! Well....nothing because I am not going let this control me anymore it had just been a few weeks and I realize it was the pressure I put on myself to handle all this shit by myself. I am so embarrassed and ashamed:( how can I smoke a cig after fighting so hard for my life:( this is why I need a life change! I have absolutely no stability in my life, and this has nothing to do with cancer, I am almost blessed that this happened to me because I am not trapped in the fear of making a change! We only have today regardless of cancer or not, and we have not guareentee of tomorrow so why not, shake are money makers, dance on tables, and just laugh? A question for myself.
Please the non smokers out there don't judge me:( I just put too much pressure on myself to do it and now I realize this and please hold my hand again:) I hate myself for this and you don't have to. But I promise I am done! I want to live! And run and make a difference!
Thanks for listening to my soap box and sorrows:(0 -
Don't beat yourself up, MCook. We're all human. And none of this is easy. Forgive yourself and move on. One foot in front of the other. Literally.
0 -
Mcook, please don't hate yourself, or beat yourself up any longer. There's just no reason to. Do you think the rest of us are perfect? NOT! NEVER! You have our support in everything you do, also in this. To stop smoking is not easy, so tell us of your struggles, and we will be there with sympathy, support and advice. Big hugs to you!
0 -
Mcook please do not beat yourself up .... I quit 6 years ago and am very fortunate because,I am strong ... My crutch is food .... When I am struggling for any sense of control I find comfort in food.
Promise me that you forgive yourself and make a serious effort to stop.
(((Hugs)))0 -
mccok- this is me judging you
! jk. I think we all deal with stress in different ways. Yours was smoking to handle it all. My way of dealing with stress is to feed Bertha (my stomach, that's what i have named her fat ass). When I went through my divorce with my first husband (it was a nasty one too btw), i would smoke a cig about every 10 mins. it's a wonder i still had a job after a year of going through court dates. You can not be too hard on yourself about it. it just like Juneau was saying about losing weight, we put so much stress on our selves about eating right, exercising and losing weight that it's just not good for us mentally. Have you thought about journaling? Everytime you feel the need for that cig. maybe write in a journal with why you feel you need to smoke at that time. Maybe i need to take my own advice with my eating and snacking. haha. Hope you feel better and again don't be too hard on yourself.0 -
mcook you are the only one judging yourself we won't judge.
Take a deep breath and look forward to your prepping for the big run you are doing for all of us. 0 -
Maybe all this emotion is coming out because my one year anniversary is in two days from DIA? Today is one year ago I had my biosopy. I laid on that Table thinking I was worrying for nothing because, hell, a lot of times I had worry too much and this was nothing. I wanted to believe that I was mentally over thinking the lump in my breast was nothing. This week I just keep reliving those days and yes some positives have come out of my journey and that is sharing every emotion with all of you but fuck some days I just want to forget about trying to be a superstar, strong fight and just be a scared weak woman and feel it it is ok!
My body had changed etc and I want to scream at people who complain about trivial stuff, "don't you get it?" you only know that you have this moment! Make it a dam good one!
Last night I wanted to share the love I have received, I paid for a unknown person's dinner at a restaurant. I just wanted to hopefully make someone night and I sincerely did not want anything back but to maybe have that or those individuals feel loved and happy! so many people have done something for me over the years I just need to pay it back:)
Baby steps and some backwards steps but as long as I am honest with myself and forgive myself I think and believe I can continue to move forward. But not without support and love:) so thank you all!0 -
Oh mcook...you picked up my bat! Yes, your anniversary will make you squirrelly. It's the same when I come up on my clean date every year. I start reflecting. Looking back is a dangerous view for me although one I struggle to not look at. It usually brings me pain.
As for smoking... Well shit girl... Quitting smoking was harder then crack and heroine for me. SERIOUSLY! I quit finally 2 1/2 years ago after 32 years of 2 1/2 packs a day. I started at 10! Here was my mantra (same as when I put down the other drugs), "just don't pick up NO MATTER WHAT". It got me through minute by minute. I STILL miss smoking sometimes, but I know that One is too many and a thousand never enough. SERIOUSLY... I never want to go through those first few weeks again. They were TOURTURE for me. I tried for years wanting desperatly to quit.
Now that was my experience... This is yours and you will quit for good when you're ready to go all in. Meaning, no matter how stressed, how tired, how scared, how lonely, how....(insert uncomfortable emotion here) you are willing to feel it and find another coping skill. I chew a lot of gum now, but it works.
Regardless, take your own advice. Just scroll up and read your words to me last week. xxoo
So I have an appt with my MO Thursday. 5 months. Not sure how I feel about it yet.0 -
Thanks ladies - I have to some now get to sleep:) but your support is so amazing!
Juneau, Chrisrenee, iatigger, 301724, liefie, Joanne, and everyone else - thank you!
tomorrow is another day right0 -
mccook301,
You don't need us to beat you up, you did a fine job with it yourself. Ashamed because you are human, I am sorry you feel that way. I sure won't judge you, I too am a smoker and catch hell with every doctor I see. I don't know why I still do. It is the worst addiction in the world and it seems like mixed messages to be flooding my body with poisons to kill cancer and the first thing I do when I get out of the building is CHOOSE to flood my body with totally bad poisons that have no positive outcomes. I wish I had the answer, however, I am pretty sure that raking yourself over the coals, and feeling shame is not it. My doctor told me that the radiation increases the risk of lung cancer and my smoking just makes the risk that much more.
Please hang in there and be gentle with yourself.
Sheryl
0 -
Mcook.... I was a smoker also.....gave it up right after my dx...except I still have one a day....I know, sounds crazy and impossible for a smoker to do that , but it's my little "treat" ...I have a few puffs after breakfast, nothing throughout the day and then a couple of puffs after dinner.....how sick is that, and like you I beat myself up about it....I've given up so much for this f...ing BC ....all my desserts I used to love, my few glasses of red wine, the feeling of spontaneity, the list goes on and on.....you all know the list!!!!!
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone here and we will get there in the end ,
one day at a time together.0 -
McCoook - my DH quit one year ago after my DX. I quit in 97. He's been doing a Rx nicotine cartridge but last night got him a Blu vapor cig. It is so cool! There are flavors and the vapor smells like the flavor! I sound like Willy Wonka (lick a snozberry!). Maybe try that? Yes there is nicotine in it but no other icky stuff.
Don't beat yourself up. You have enough going on. 😛0 -
Mcook I feel for you. I quit 6 weeks after dx. Aug 12,2012. I still crave one. I had to change friends lol, I found myself sneaking drags when I was around smokers. It's hard to quit. Don't feel shamed, you can do this. You will, just don't put pressure on yourself. Pick a date to quit and stick to it. Use us as your support system/buddy system. We will help you xoxo
Also, that was so sweet of you to pay for that dinner!!!! I'm sure you absolutely made that persons night!!! That's awesome!!0 -
WOW, I am surprised howmany smokers and ex-smokers there are on this thread!
Mcook I don't know much about addiction, but I have heard the first step to quitting is admitting that you have the addiction. The fact that you told us about it indicates you do not want to deny it, so that seems like a positive sign.
I think everybody has at least one type of "character flaw," so none of us are in any position to judge. My favorite of the seven deadly sins is sloth. I am lying in bed as I type this.0 -
Hi my new ladies friends, I don't know you but I love you. First chemo was almost a week ago. I thought I would be a rock...but SEs have kicked my ass. Kidneys hurt all the time even tho drinking water like crazy. Toes tingled till they hurt the other night. Diarrhea kicked in and the heartburn is horrible! Big fear... I worry that this was so bad the first week...what is the 18th week going to bring? I go every week for herceptin so that's what I get to look forward to tomorrow...hope its not as bad.
Imagine my surprise when the tech told me my ultrasound would be vaginal! They really should have told me ahead of time! Anyway...three complex cysts on my left ovary. Waiting to see if they go away since I started chemo and can't do surgery now but probably get ovaries out sometime. I think they've been there for two years due to symptoms (painful intercourse) that GYN Dr. X 2 diagnosed as vaginal dryness. I don't think they are going to just go away...we'll see.
Embook, welcome! Sorry you are qualified to join. Don't minimize your symptoms. I have not found solutions for my SEs so I don't have advice but to be good to yourself! Best wishes and a big hug to you.0 -
I wish that everyone could just stop beating themselves up over the smallest things. We are our own worst judges. For those of us lucky enough to have a SO or DH do you think they look at us and think we are bad people because we have a belly or that we sneaked a cig? No. We do it to ourselves. I wish I could say that I don't do it as well, but I do. I think we all do it, but sometimes you have to push that part of you away and instead focus on what you do like about yourself. I know it's not easy. It's never been easy for me. I work out five times a week because I'm terrified of gaining weight. Not because I think my DH will leave me if I do gain weight but because of how I see myself when I do gain weight. Like Scottiee said we give up so much to try to be what we think of as perfect, but that perfection is in our own eyes and no one elses. We just went through a horrible ordeal with BC we should instead be celebrating life and eating dessert first, drinking that second glass of wine etc...in other words living. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
0 -
I quit smoking about 15 or 16 years ago and only worked for me because I completely quit getting in situations where I was around smokers and my husband never smoked. I have chewed nicotine gum off and on as needed. So you're telling me as my anniversary creeps up on me here to keep a supply of the gum around? sounds like a plan… oy.
0 -
mcook - I quit smoking so many times I gave up quitting.... then finally 8 years ago, DH & I bought a house... and I thought 'fuck, I am spending a mortgage payment each month in ciggies'. I went to accupuncture to quit and it worked. Like Juneau said it is the hardest thing you'll do...really it is proven to be more addictive that heroin.
Regardless of whether I had cancer or not, I would start smoking again tomorrow if I was given six months to live. I loved smoking, every aspect of it. Nuts I know but I did, and I dont care what anyone else thought of me for loving it.
Scottie: I would love to be able to do what you do with smoking... but I know that just one puff and I'd be back to a pack a day.
Why are we so hard on ourselves to be something perfect - and that is in our eyes.
I think we have all come through our cancer with perfection and grace and dignity - and I really dont give a shit what anyone thinks now. I know I have to be happy with me, before I expect anything from anyone else.
Michelle: we are here to support you and get you through these times. I would never judge you or anyone else. I dont pay your mortgage and I dont walk in your shoes. We all have reasons why we do what we do. Just know that we are here for you. And that was the sweetest thing you did.. pay for someone's dinner - good karma sister!
iluv2scrub: (((hugs))) it really does get better. May not seem like that today, but it does.
hugs to you all xxx
0 -
Tazzy...everything you said.....so well put!!
0 -
mcook....It's not really a problem, you will not be judged. You will quit when you feel able. I quit in 2006 when my husband had to have Triple Bi-Pass Heart Surgery, everything was blamed on cigarettes. It was a bit difficult, but I found more joy in Chocolate. Good luck
0
