Ladies in their 30s?

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Comments

  • hansaim
    hansaim Member Posts: 68
    edited August 2013

    Hello, everyone.  I have not posted here previously as I am 42 yrs but I thought there would be more moms here with children aged close to mine.  I was initially dx with stage 2 in 2011 when I was 40.  I found out that I have bone mets in pelvis last month.  I am getting radiation right now and waiting for more scan results.  I live in Vancouver, BC with my husband and 2 kids (10 yr old girl and 8 yr boy).

    Now for the questions.  There are many things that I have been working towards; like a big house reno in a couple of years that we've been saving for, maximizing retirement savings every year, saving for a European vacation, etc.  With the stage 4 dx, I do not know what to do.  What's the point of saving for retirement?  Am I going to be around or strong enough to do the reno?  Right now, I am taking one day at a time, but I would like to know how everyone is managing their dreams and goals after it became, "I want to be alive".  Thank you.

  • stagefree
    stagefree Member Posts: 360
    edited August 2013

    Hansaim go for the vacation in Europe! You & your family need the memories and enjoyment as much as you feel upto! If devide to include Turkiye to your itinery, will be glad to have coffee with you !!

    Hugs, Ebru

  • DianeKS
    DianeKS Member Posts: 36
    edited August 2013

    CJRT, I would give it a try. First call the number, and I'm sure they can tell you more about the support group and how they see it as being helpful, and what it might be like.



    Hansaim, I am just looking into the RRSP thing as well. Pissed off that I won't use them for what was intended. However, also checking with my tax and investment people to let me know how best to proceed. Do I take it out a little at a time , all at once, leave some for my husband ( bigger tax though from what others have said ) etc.



    Having said that I have been using up inheritance from my family ( Dad) for family trips. All, I have been able to tolerate, and were great memory makers for our family. Iceland , Mexico, and London, UK. Had some soreness after London with walking up narrow stairs in churches etc, but for the most part glad we went when we did. My kids 10 and 8 are now fond of asking where we are going to next? Not sure but I am going with a GF to NYC in sept, then I am taking a train to Boston to visit a friend there. A trip just for me!

    I know of another young woman in her thirties who went to the bank for a loan, bought a camper went on trips etc, because she knew that her life insurance would cover that and more. The camper would be something her husband would continue to use after she was gone but I think she was only able to use it once before she died. She had a very aggressive form of BC.

    As for renos, (I personally find them stressful)...is it an addition, inside, outside....

    My sister redid a bathroom and bought furniture she loved before she died. Perhaps one thing vs a major Reno could be done that would make you happy and you be able to enjoy...



    As for kids, I get angry at them then feel guilty. I'm not perfect just trying to do my best. Not as quick to think of consequences as my husband is, but also know when I need him to take over and go lie down...not always because I'm tired.



    Just got back from camping so got to get laundry going,



    Diane

  • nbnotes
    nbnotes Member Posts: 338
    edited August 2013

    hansaim - I would definitely try to do the trip when you can especially if you are feeling "pretty good" right now.  At least, that has been my philosophy, but I went a little trip crazy this past summer.  

    I actually booked a 12 day trip to 3 spots in Australia in May using the timeshare points that I have last night.  My parents said that they'd go with me and pay for some/all of my flight depending on the amount since I was providing the lodging.  We haven't booked flights yet. It scares me a little bit (make that a lot) to book something that far out, but I figure that is only 9 months away so hopefully, that is safe. At least with it being timeshare, I can cancel it and use the points somewhere else if I were to get worse before then. 

  • crsp34
    crsp34 Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2013

    Hi Ladies,

    I started a program that sends care packages to Young Women with Mets. It has fab goodies from, sephora, etsy, Bloomingdales and other places with items carefully selected for all of you.

    -I make a limited amt every month for those that would like their package right away. No reasons needed just say the word!

    -Otherswise, I have a raffle every other month for those that are able to wait.

    -Once you are in a raffle you are entered in every drawing until you win!

    -Unless you choose to opt out or request to be sent one ASAP.



    -Just PM me add I will add you to my list. Stay up to date by checking out my wordpress:

    whimsandwoesbyc.wordpress.com



    Please sign up, it's totally free and all about spreading good cheer!

    Hugs,

    Christine

  • BethCon1
    BethCon1 Member Posts: 77
    edited August 2013

    Hello ladies, I'm new to the stage 4 club. I'm 33, I was diagnosed at 32 with stage 3, but now I have mets to the spine. :( I'm married with 2 kids. I have a ct scan tonight to make sure it hasn't spread anywhere else .

  • nbnotes
    nbnotes Member Posts: 338
    edited August 2013

    BethCon1 - Welcome, but sorry that you joined our club at the same time!  I hope the ct scan comes back with good results!

  • dearjilly
    dearjilly Member Posts: 73
    edited August 2013

    BethCon1,

    yep....diagnosed at 32.  Found out that I had a brain met at 33.  Married with 2 kids too.  But hey....I'm 34 now, and looking forward to 35!

    Good luck with the CT.  Sending you some good vibes. 

  • singletona80
    singletona80 Member Posts: 44
    edited August 2013

    I will be turning 33 in a few weeks and I hope people don't make a big fuss..... I actually want to be by myself and be thankful that The Lord has blessed me to see another year. Is that weird to not want people to make a big deal about my birthday ??

  • dearjilly
    dearjilly Member Posts: 73
    edited August 2013

    nope.....I don't think weird at all.  Being thankful on your birthday is just as special as a big party.

  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 249
    edited August 2013

    Kasi started this thread in the hopes of connecting young women with metastatic BC.

    And that is exactly what she did as this thread thrives. I know she would want it to continue.

    She passed away on August 15th at the age of 33. May she rest is peace.

    http://obituaries.onlinesentinel.com/obituaries/mainetoday-morningsentinel/obituary.aspx?n=kasi-marie-gajtkowski-bean&pid=166530300#fbLoggedOut

  • j1e1n1a
    j1e1n1a Member Posts: 84
    edited August 2013

    Oh no!

    momof2 - thank you for letting us know. Kasi was so inspirational she will be missed....

  • brandall
    brandall Member Posts: 97
    edited August 2013

    momof2 thank you so much for letting us know!  This news makes me so, so sad :(  I hope her family finds comfort in their wonderful memories of Kasi.  Cancer freaking sucks!  

  • CJRT
    CJRT Member Posts: 221
    edited August 2013

    Praying for her family and all those who loved her. Such a loss

  • BethCon1
    BethCon1 Member Posts: 77
    edited August 2013

    No.no.no. I hate hearing this! She was the same age as me. I hate this damned disease!! Rest easy, Kasi. :'(

  • mygodisavow
    mygodisavow Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2013

    I did not know Kasi or have the pleasure of communicating with her. I stumbled upon this thread in search of someone like myself and found that many of you are in similar/same situations. It makes me sad to find that this determined young woman passed away, and can't help but to think of my own uncertain future ( Diagnosed at age 23) . With this in mind I pray for everyone that is faced with this terrible disease and encourage all to LIVE happily no matter how bad things get. Some may say that the ordeal with cancer is a fight- yes, it is a fight - we must fight ie. help our bodies fight by mentally and physically arming ourselves..while others say that it is Life, for some may not know life without suffering and pain. However one views their journey it is their opinion to have. I feel that we all must find the strength within ourselves to stay calm in times of trouble, feed our bodies with all things good, and feed our minds with positive thought.

    Love to all Innocent

  • nbnotes
    nbnotes Member Posts: 338
    edited August 2013

    Thank you for letting us know.  So sad to hear about Kasi as she helped bring all of us together.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of her family & friends.

  • stagefree
    stagefree Member Posts: 360
    edited August 2013

    RİP Kasi



    Eternal hugs Ebru

  • marie5890
    marie5890 Member Posts: 111
    edited August 2013

    I remember when Kasi came to BCO just 2 years ago...A vibriant young woman full of beauty and life.

    Yes, keep this thread alive, ladies. It's a strength for all of you, and part of her legacy!!!

  • lglk
    lglk Member Posts: 1
    edited August 2013

    Yup, Diagnosed at 30 (a few months before my 31st bday) with stage 4 right off the bat. My gyno missed the lumps - they were too far in my breast. The breast surgeon couldn't feel it either. Then came the sono and mamo. My kids were 5 and 2 at the time of my diagnosis and my younger son was just diagnosed at the time with autism spectrum disorder. I don't have aq family history and tested negative for the gene.

    I've had ups and downs but I'm kicking around after 4 years. I've had surgeries and numerous changes to my treatment, but at the moment I feel ok. No mets anywhere besides my liver which keep recurring. If I could just keep managing it, I think I could be around a while. I gave up on retirement plans a long time ago. Am focusing on day to day and caring for my family.

    Stay strong all. 

  • sarahsmom
    sarahsmom Member Posts: 276
    edited August 2013

    Kasi was a wonderful woman who was filled with optimism. Not that long ago she was talking about when she could get back to working out!  I am very sad for her family and for all who were lucky enough to be in her world, I'd imagine the void is huge.

  • brandall
    brandall Member Posts: 97
    edited August 2013

    lglk - Welcome to the group!  4 years and still doing well with liver mets is news I like to hear :)

  • BethCon1
    BethCon1 Member Posts: 77
    edited August 2013

    lglk, I needed to hear that today. Yesterday they told me that aside from the spots they found on my spine, they found a spot on my liver. Now I need chemo all over again.

  • kjones13
    kjones13 Member Posts: 662
    edited August 2013

    Hey y'all! I have been away from the boards for quite some time...just needed a break and with the kids home for the summer, it was busy! So sad to see the post about Kasi...so young!



    Had a breast MRI last Wednesday as just a precautionary scan. Found a 10mm spot. I freaked out because it has only been 6 months since taxol and I've been on H/P since last October. I have a meeting with the doc tomorrow to find out next step.



    I just want to ask him--when you think of my treatment options, do you see me as the 5% (or whatever it is) that is going to defy the odds and live for years and years? Because that's what I want. Even if I'm not going to be that 5%, i want to keep the hope and have faith. He has told me( and my family) several different treatment options in the past, then he reviews my case with peers, and then decides doing nothing is best...I'm just not sure about him anymore. I guess I will have to wait and see what he says tomorrow?



    I have a lot of catching up to do on here, but I hope you all are doing well. Watching my 2 1/2 year old daughter "write" a note :) she keeps me smiling!

  • nbnotes
    nbnotes Member Posts: 338
    edited August 2013

    Kjones13 - Glad to see you are doing well!  If you are at all uncomfortable with what your onc is suggesting, get a 2nd opinion. It definitely can't hurt!  Hope things go well today.

  • texasrose361
    texasrose361 Member Posts: 895
    edited September 2013

    Hey ladies! I am HERE for those who asked about me. Me moved over the summer, didn't get internet right away. School just started so been busy throughout the entire summer, which is nice because it sure keeps my mind off of all this cancer business! I need a break every one in a while as i know you do too.

    Agh! My not so smart phone won't let me time very well i will get back online lawyer :)

  • stagefree
    stagefree Member Posts: 360
    edited September 2013

    Texasrose, been thinking about you, glad everything's fine. Welcome back.

    Hugs,

    Ebru

  • texasrose361
    texasrose361 Member Posts: 895
    edited September 2013

    Hey ladies! I am HERE for those who asked about me. Me moved over the summer, didn't get internet right away. School just started so been busy throughout the entire summer, which is nice because it sure keeps my mind off of all this cancer business! I need a break every one in a while as i know you do too.

    Agh! My not so smart phone won't let me time very well i will get back online lawyer :)

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited September 2013

    KJones13, thanks for mentioning Inheritance of Hope back in June. I've been wanting to take my boys to Disney World (one has never been) so I am going to start the application process.

    With school back in session, I'm missing leisurely breakfasts with my 15 yr old son and the frequent hugs. The last thing I want is for him to miss out on having fun because of me. But I sure miss "our" fun.

    Sending hopeful thoughts for healing and happiness to all the ladies on this board.

  • singletona80
    singletona80 Member Posts: 44
    edited September 2013

    Right now im feeling sad and maybe a lil depressed.  Im frustrated that people can say how strong I am for going throught this when really I have no choice.  Its either fight or go in a corner and die.  Im not ready to die and im not claiming it!!!!! Im wondering if this feeling has just come over me all of a sudden because I met with a social worker today to talk about things and see how I was coping   When deep down I think I am sad and I never really recognized it until today.  Im young (33), basically no hair, and no boobs and on SSDI . Some people think its nice that Im able to "sit" at home and basically do nothing all day.  When in reality I miss going to work, I feel like I dont have a social life, I dont date I have very few friends. I think Im going to take a few classes at the junior college in the spring so that way I feel like im doing something.  Its just alot going on in my life and I think im sad, stressed and depressed and I didnt even realize it until today.  I know its not the social workers fault (because I know their job is to help you) but I think I walked out of there feeling worse.