Ladies in their 30s?
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singletona80 I've felt exactly the same. I'm 33, 2 kids, no longer able to work and waiting on disability to approve me so that we are not so desperately broke. Money problems, trying to stay happy for my kids, being bored out of my mind at home, being in constant pain and not being able to do the things I could before...yeah, I think that would make anyone angry/sad. I think we need to have these moments though. I get irritated when people try to tell me I can't be sad or depressed or angry, like hell I can't! I've earned the right! I think as long as it doesn't last too long, or you don't let it completely comsume you, it's ok. I'm starting to come out of it lately, focusing on some short term goals helps. Having those feelings and moments doesn't make us weak, I think just the opposite, we come out the other side stronger. Even if you don't realize it or see it right away. I didn't see a councelor because I used to battle depression when I was younger and realized that having to constantly talk about what was wrong in my life just made it worse. I guess it can help some people, but I think talking to women who are going through the same situation is better therapy. Hang in there.
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singletona80- I'm so sorry that you are feeling the way you are, though I agree with BethCon and think that it's totally normal to feel that way. I'm a psychologist by training but completely understand how you feel about feeling worse after meeting with the social worker. Shortly after being diagnosed with mets, the circulating social worker in the chemo lab came over to meet with me with such over the top empathy that my husband had some choice words about her after she left (he said he felt like punching her in the face!). He felt she could've just read me my own eulogy because she was so depressing and completely made my mood worse when I had walked in there pretty okay. Unfortunately, her approach that day did not meet my needs at the time, and she wasn't insightful enough to realize it. Luckily she is countered by my pragmatic (somewhat optimistic) doctor and chemo nurses who do not minimize my situation but who focus on moving forward and all of the better and newer options available to me. If meeting with the social worker makes you feel worse, don't feel like you need to do it! They shouldn't have to "force" you to go places you aren't ready to go or where it wouldn't be helpful. If you think therapy might help, shop for a therapist who allows you to express your anger/sadness/whatever while helping you to feel better when you walk out of the door and who doesn't project their own issues onto you. So sorry that you seemed to have had the same experience that I did! Hugs!
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I'm strong, scrappy, stubborn, and I'll make it through this. Really, it's a death sentence, I'm not stupid. I had those remarks so often I started to feel like I was going to be a failure when I die.
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Question for you ladies, do u have a good answer when someone asks you where you work or what do you do? I've been struggling with this - I am coming to the realization i won't be going back, I wouldn't be able to do my job anymore, too stressful like an average of 200 emails a day and that's just part of my day
so what do you say? I still look healthy so it's a natural question but I tend to now avoid gatherings and situations where I know there will be people I don't really know just to avoid it. I feel awkward and then if I say I'm on medical leave I get his look of pity sometimes that I HATE and yes I know my reaction is my own problem so any advice u have would be greatly appreciated 0 -
listee, like you, I have always worked in a highly demanding job and have been happy at work to be productive. I've been on leave since July. I have been asked many times why I am around and not at work, especially since the school started. I have bone mets which have me limp with painful pelvis. So my standard reply has been I am taking some time off work to deal with painful hips. Not really truthful but I am not ready to tell the school community about my situation. Maybe something like, I'm taking time off work to deal with some health issues... Hope you come up with something.
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1. I am already retired as I started working very young, not a lie btw. Especially official places don't ask further, they asume I am a retired teacher. Mmmm if ever show up here again a second time, seriously considering becoming a teacher.
2. I tell other parents at school I shut down my biz to be able to spend more time with DS, not a lie. Also add we have a bone related illness in family, also true, so advised by docs to take things slower from now on, not a lie again.
I hate lying, but not am not definitely willing to attract all the pity looks / talks to my family sharing everything openly.
Hugs, Ebru0 -
Thank you ladies, good suggestions. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in this dilemma. I have been off now for 2 years but I think I can still say I'm dealing with some health issues right now with my bones. And thank you for validating my feelings about the looks, ugh hate them!
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Nice to
See texas rose today0 -
Have been away for awhile busy with my son this summer and now back to school for him. So sad to hear about Kasi. Texas rose...glad to see you back! Ebru, glad to hear your good news. My son's behavior was horrible today. Normal kid stuff. He went to bed upset and mad at me. Hate when this happens. Part of parenting but I want the most out of my moments with him. I don't have time for the bad times. Overly emotional as I get scan results tomorrow am. Have been ned since November and scared my luck will run out. Stupid cancer. So glad to be able to come here with people who really understand. Have missed you ladies.
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Aic, you back! Was wondering about you guessing you were enjoying your holiday.
Kids are kids, eh? Remembering my own childhood I shut myself up 😉 . Don't forget kids get nasty with the ones they love most. I should admit though I prefer the smiling hugs myself naturally.
Huge hugs,
Ebry0 -
Aic glad to see you. NED since november. Praying your results were good. I scan next friday. Hate scans that make me wait an entire weekend. I think our NED dates are really close. It's nice to have a NEDster to party with.
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Wow sic so glad to hear from you. Glad to hear you are eith Ned. Good for you
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I hate it when the first thing my kids ask me when I get home, "how are you feeling" so they can see if they can have friends over or practice their sax or ....
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Yes, please!
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Just wanted to check in and say HI !!! Also I signed up to take a few classes (late term start ) at the junior college and I'm sooooo excited. I feel like taking these classes will make me feel more connected to people because I will get to interact with people other than my family. Now I will have to actually put clothes on, and make-up and look presentable . Yeah I hope this will be the beginning to me getting my life back
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Diagnosed Stage IV with mets to liver at age 32....daughter 8 months and son was 3. Just turned 35 this September0 -
Priscilla- sorry you have to join us but so many wonderful ladies here. I have 2 little ones too. They are now 2 and 5. Where in Florida?0 -
Hi Pricilla, sorry to have you join us, but glad you found us! I also have two young kids. My daughter just turned 7 and my son just turned 4.
Singlelton80 - How are classes going?
Hello to everyone else! I hope everyone is doing well!!!!0 -
I am wondering how many of us in our thirties had in vitro fertilization or took the pill ? . I did two rounds of ivf and the got pregnant naturally and was misdiagnosed during pregnancy and diagnosed one year after.
Tool many young people getting this .
Scarlett0 -
Hi Srh242, I did not do IVF, but I did do several rounds of clomid. I also was on the pill when I was diagnosed. I don't know if either of those caused my cancer, but sometimes I wonder!0 -
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Had lenfoma at 15, had chemo & mantle radiation, which is considered high risk for BC at thirties..
Mom, aunt & many others in family have BC history...
Used the pill for 6 full years!!!!! Later learned it was a no-no in my case (actually asked ob-gyn whether it was safe, was assured it was so.. A close relative btw!!!)
Had vey stressfull & challanging school & work life... Too stressed to live my life happily until dx 😳!!!
No proper excercise, poor diet as I had no time for it working day & night ...
Had baby after 30, nobody told me about the risks.. Only consolation is I breastfed, probably when c-buggers were already in action!
Was a regular alcohol consumer, as had cancer before it was a no-no, lesson learned too late again.
Sun was my best friend for many years, after cured ( who are you kidding) from first cancer. Dumb me sunbathed my fair skin for many years...
Well, in my case there was nowhere to hide! It was just a matter of when & where it would hit back!
Hugs
Ebru0 -
I was told that breast-fed cut my risks of breast cancer by 5% if I kept it up,for more than 6 months. I did it wit both kids and still lost the battle. You tried, but those buggers were out for you. I'm sorry you were targeted.0 -
I know that mine was caused by ivf hormones and is sad cause I ask several doctors before doing it. Also having a baby after 35 didn't help.
S0 -
Thanks for the warm welcome back ladies! My September scans showed still NED! Fujiimama, hoping we are still Nedsters partying together...let me know! Next scan is right before my birthday and Christmas.... no pressure there....ugh. Hoping everyone is doing well. Btw, my boyfriend popped the question September 20th! Can't believe I am getting married AGAIN Haha. He's amazing so he's worth it. Much love to you all.0 -
aic( so happy) x 2!!!!!!!!! What else to say..masallah & expecting my invitation (even if İ can't make it to your wedding) to happily look at time after time to better imagine your happiness!!!! He's a lucky guy. Wait... İ can imagine a wedding by the Bosphorous, come over here!!! Here the lads pay for it, the bride's family!!! Hahaha..
Warm hugs
Ebru0 -
Ebru, I always love your messages I am all about the lad paying for the wedding. Perhaps you will see the wedding afterall 
Hugs!0 -
Yay! How exciting aic!!! Congratulations!!! I definitely want to see pics when the big event happens0 -
aic--congrats! For Ned and the engagement! How exciting!
It's good to read and catch up with you all. My cancer returned in my breast...so I will have a single mastectomy on the 24th with reconstruction later. So glad it didn't return any where else!!
I also miss work...more so my co-workers than my actual job. Very lonely at home.0
