new and future flat sister, with questions
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I DON'T even know where to start... I have been reading for the past 15 mins or so.. sorry for not posting the last few days.. I took Monday off and we have been in Maine which as you all may remember has little to no internet connection. In fact, I had forgotten to tell my co-worker something that had to be done on Monday and we had to drive around and drive around just to find a connection lol.
I am SO PLEASED to hear of A's mammo results! Yahooo!!!!
I am not so pleased to hear of the bad time the princess had... how is she doing and how did the hair cut come out? Did it frizz? That's usually the worst thing AA hair does when cut shorter. I am glad she got all her pink jewelry! Love the anniversary update and especially love the 10 things card.. that was so incredibly sweet.
I am laughing over the kangaroo hopping by as A gazes out the window! haha.. I am doubly laughing over Granwe's neighbors.. omg.. what a collection you have there! I thought my mid 80's next door couple that screams at each other all day long was bizarre, but you beat that by a mile and then some.
I am gearing up for tomorrow, I have been practicing my eye squinting!
XXXX
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oooo.. I started a new page.. I feel special haha.
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So behind, so behind, oh dear!!
Felt off yesterday, aching from the exercises and just kind of blah. Didn't do much all day. Had a sale so had to pack it and go to PO so that just took more out of me.....sigh.
Now to try to catch up!
Airom, a roo!! How cool! I just love animal sightings. Just last night my cat was "talking" up a storm and I went to see what was going on. I had my side door open and there on the other side of the screen was 2 baby raccoons just chit chatting away with my cat. Not sure how the conversation would have gone had there been no screen though!
So glad your results came back clear!! So no treatments of any kind on your horizon either? Don't overdo with your company, hope the visit goes well for them. It is hard to see people you love deteriorate. Watching my DH wither away, broke my heart. The first thing I did once all the "stuff" was done was sit for hours and watch old video tapes of our vacations and just around the yard stuff, when he was whole and healthy. I had to get that other image out of my mind and it actually worked pretty well.
bobo, sorry your weekend was trying, but it sounds like there was some good in there too. Glad the Princess seems to have come to terms with her haircut. Great idea to forwarn the school and some of the parents, I hope she got some compliments too!! OK, as I am catching up I see she did OK, that is good.
Sorry you have to endure another visit from mom. At least it will be over quickly. Arranging the books sounds like a good task for her!
gramwe, your stories crack me up! You have such an original approach to describing things and people. You should write a book! And I'll second your advice for bobo's mom!!
Posting before it disappears.
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Zills gave the best advice ever!! I am going to make a note of that too. I agree GB, I do the same. Thanks Zills you rock!
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Zills, crossing everything I can cross for no more chemo for you!! The costumes sound cute. Kind of a theme from Cars? My DD insists on group costumes too. Last year she and her DLLP were convicts and the baby (2ish) was the police woman! Too cute.
bobo and Zills, I'll be in the bag for your appointments. bobo, I agree 110% with everything Zills said. And if at the end she doesn't agree, you must find another BS that will do what you have every right to have done. It is your body, and your peace of mind that is important here. Not her and her crazy idea of conservative treatment that causes such grief.
Sounds like lots of yardwork gramwe!! How exciting to find out the sex of the baby!!
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Ditto what Zills said!!
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I am here for a brief moment, I have read quickly and would love to respond, but just had to tell you that Colin's Sister and Nephew called very early this morning to ask me to go into town to pick them up.
They had sideswiped a 'Roo, dodged a Wombat, but took a huge Deer on as they came round a bend at 4.30am. The proverbial Deer in the Headlights scenario. It was longer than the car was wide, with large Moose like antlers. It rolled up onto the bonnet of the car, up the windscreen and even deposited poo on the roof of the car. It rolled off to the side. There were fires nearby, so likely thr reason for so much wildlife around. See, I told you it was scary!
Fortunately they are both fine, the car not so much, I am sure it is a write off. Hard to believe they both walked away unscathed.
We are now trying to get the Nephew transport back to Sydney for work on Friday. I have no idea how long Colin's Sister will be here now.
I am being a "happy hostess" because of what might have been. Also, spoke to Niece, the daughter of Colin's sister who has just found out she is pregnant, and how weird is this, she seems to have concieved on her Father's Birthday, and is due on her own Birthday!!! Her Father died of a heart attack the night before my surgery.....do,do,do, do!!!!!
Anyhooo girls, I am off, but I will definitely be there for the appointments...fingers crossed for no more chemo...and good vibes going to Bobo's BS! M x
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Wow, Ariom! Glad everyone is OK! Deer are a real problem here on the roads too. I have a couple of friends that are sisters and they both have hit deer twice. But they commute up to town 5 days a week so the odds are against them. A deer can do a lot of damage to a car. Sadly, I think it is better to just hit the deer braking as much as possible than to try to swerve around it. Especially here where you can go off the road and down the side of a mountain.
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We were in Eastern Washington in the fall in a deer migration area. There were about 5 cars in line behind the man who pulled over to let us by. His rear bumper had homemade letters: DEER THAT'S WHY. Good explanation for low speed. We hit one in Texas. I felt sorry for the until I saw our car - then I felt sorry for the car.
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Wait, M. Is the deer okay?
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I'm in the bag. May snore. No more cheap American chocolate for me. Hot flashes all night.
Remember NO filling in the silence. And no I'm not good at doing it either.
My appts are next week. Scan Monday and MO Tuesday and hopefully no chemo. They change my days and times each appt.0 -
Wow Ariom, what a story fo wildlife! We have deer all over the place here, in face late last winter they were looking in our living room window at dusk! I took a picture of them doing that and posted on facebook! They are cute until they hit your car or eat your apple trees or garden, I was afraid all that were around I would lose the garden but didnt lose a thing, but will cover some little lilac bushes and cranberry bush this winter. I agree GB better to hit on than swerve, you could roll you vehicle as well, of course we dont have mountains to fall off here on the flat plains!
Hope you are ok Zills, those hot flashes are nasty! Dont think they will ever end for me. good luck
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L I LOVE my goat pictures!!! Iam going to keep them. At hospital -- did all Z said -- left pause -- and the BS wants a psych consult before she will consent. I did get a little bit engaged at that point. I'm dressed to go to the college. She'd even said, You look so nice. I said, Do you really think I'm crazy? You're going to make me do a psych consult? After all I have explained to you? She backed off, saying that the consult was to make sure I knew the ramifications of an mx. Do you know, she said, that when you have a mx you will be flat?
I told her the third time in the left one would result in mx anyway. She said, not necessarily -- we could take out more gouges and then reshape what was left into something smaller. I said, No, that's not what I'm looking for. I see your ethos is for conservation. Let me try to make my own orientation clear to you. We have had a hard time getting to know one another.
At first she was all about recon and the risks of recon. Then I told her I'd never been interested in recon. And then she didn't really like that either. Who wouldn't want recon?
Bottom line: She's moving up the MRI to now (instead of 3 months). She's scheduling a psych consult. If there's anything of note in the MRI, she's going to do the nodes (the dye test). If not, she won't. The right breast thing -- everyone says it could be a cyst, but they want to check it.
This doesn't mean I'm finally getting it. It is just your update. Apparently, she doesn't think my case is worth it. She thinks my lifetime risk is too low to justify. But my risk calculations don't take two things into account: 1. the bc I had first, because it was rare, not d or l, and 2. the fact that my paternal grandma died of bc when she was my age (she is not a first-degree relative).
So, what do you think? Does it sound like it's going to happen? I said, Look. I don't want you doing it if you are not onboard. I don't want you to do it unless you are in my corner on this. And she said, I am a very good surgeon. I went to Northwestern. I am going to take very good care of you. And we shook hands. This does not include her actually saying she was onboard... however, it's always nice to list your credits for people. I went to University of Pennsylvania, to the number two college in the country for what I do, but you don't hear me spouting my credits do you.
Yikes. Please advise! PCP tomorrow to follow up on this.
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What a sexist pig! Talk about believing women need breasts! For the psych consult, just remain calm and reasonable. Talk about how stressful it is to have repeated scares, MRIs, biopsies, etc. Convince the psych that you have researched the ramifications of being flat and are sure you're at peace with that.
Also, re the GM, do you have lots of sisters? My DD pointed out that not having relatives is not the same as having well relatives. I was an only child whose mother died at 23yo.
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So agree with Wren, our beauty is not in our breasts, it is in our spirit! I have a friend that chose to remove both breasts many years ago because she was so tired and scared of having multiple biopsies, scans etc. she did choose recon but had a terrible time of it and later went in and had them removed.
A psych exam? my bf had a gastic bypass surgery and had to go thru that too, you will have no trouble there, like they say, keep calm and look her straight in the eye and say that you are not just made of boobs, when will people realize this about women?
So glad you enjoyed the goat pictures, I had to raid an old photo album to find them, anything to boost you today or anyday!
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Gosh Bobo. I'm so sorry. I didn't know your gma had it too. Stupid BS. Sounds like she needs the psych appt.
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Checking in before Herceptin appt.. I am a little annoyed.. honestly, as if we don't realize the result of an MX?? Are you sh!tting me... a psych consult.. I personally am wondering if she needs it more.
sheesh..
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I feel like I gave you bad advice. We were all so psyched it would work. She sounds like a real b@allbuster. I'm not sure I'd want her on my team. What will it take to get a second opinion? Besides lots of money if you go out of network?
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Idesim, I am in the bag for your Herceptin! I'm in the mood to cause some trouble. Yes, as it turns out, I need a psych consult to make sure I know, after five years, a lumpectomy, a PMX, seven punch biopsies, a stereotatic wire biopsy, and countless tests and MRIs -- I need to make sure I know that a BMX leaves you 'flat.'
Well, she's the best surgeon in the area. She will be the first to tell you. The other surgeon here doesn't specialize in breast -- she is a general surgeon. We have health benefits aligned with this hospital specifically. We're looking into switching, but the gayness is a factor. The gays only have two plans to choose from. We're working on that fact, actively. But that's where it is at the moment.
You know, you want to make sure before you change that you don't change to a carrier who sticks you with a good amount of the bill. I will say this coverage is pretty complete. And I am pre-existing. I know that's not supposed to be a thing, but I think it still will be. So I'm going to be extremely suspect if I change, as far as what is not covered, etc.
Funny that I am simultaneously pre-existing and preventative MX. How could that be? I'm tired of this. Idesim, what are you doing at the moment? Give me your full Herceptin report. It's 3 30 and I have already had a beer. XXX
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I'm pissed at the BS, She needs a refresher course in bed side manner. SMH.
Before I go. IT'S A GIRL! Be back soon0 -
IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH, I WANTED A GIRL! SO HAPPY.
JUMPING FOR JOY! CANNOT WAIT FOR OUR BABY.
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Just got up...furious at what I have just read..Bobo, guttergums alert!
This Fuckwit has to go!! Out of your life or to a Shrink for her own distorted thinking. I have never heard anything so outrageous, and she thinks she's good at what she does...I beg to differ, this myopic view being sprouted at the most vulnerable time is why there are so many unhappy women on here who wish they'd never taken the advice of their surgeons to have recon.
I think these Doctors should all be made to read the threads here written by the women who are in that growing category.
Also, it may be worth mentioning you have a group of friends who have ALL decided against recon, and your contact with them on a very regular basis has done nothing but confirm your decision is the right answer for you!!!
Now that the rant is out of the way, I can be a little more objective. I don't have the knowledge about your system. If we have insurance we can choose any Surgeon anywhere. I've never faced an issue like this.
That being said, my rational side says, if all you have to do is go to a psych appointment to get what you want, then so be it. How hard is it to explain that you taken all information into consideration and you choose not have the Sword of Damacles hanging precariously over you. Since breasts have never defined you, you feel your decision is a sound one, especially after careful consideration and much dialogue with a group of friends who made the same decision, and have absolutely no regrets.
It seems you are stuck between "a cheap rubber prosthetic, and the freedom of flatness!"):
My heart really goes out to you Bobo. This is just so not, how it should be. To have your decision undermined by someone who is so obviously flawed is just infuriating, and if this Surgeon is a s good as she makes out, what a dreadful waste of all that training. Surely they were trained on the possibility of someone rejecting recon. What's up with that?
My guests are stirring now, so I have to go.
A girl!!!!! I am so thrilled gramwe!!!!
Be back later, sorry I must have slept through that appointment Bobo, it was quite a day yesterday. Had I been awake I think I'd be needing to be bailed out right now....I am still annoyed...M x
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Sorry Bobo, the deer is deceased!
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Thank you M! Thank you ND and Birdie and Granwe and Z and Idesim! Thank you all for your sweet words. And naughty words.
We all have choices. I could choose to leave this BS and go to the other BS here, who is not actually a BS, but is a general surgeon with fewer qualifications. I could choose to wait, to see if we can switch benefits. I could then end up paying for a much larger part of the surgery. Or the surgery could be denied based on the new insurance coverage.
I could wait until I have a new bc -- everything would be taken care of then! And I've got a suspicious nodule on the right side! But something tells me it will not be that easy this time.
America's Favorite did not say words against people who don't choose recon -- it was just her face, her reaction, her scramble to recover. And then, immediately, she mentioned the psych consult.
Obviously the BS and I do not have a lot in common. She is a conservationist -- she wants to moosh up the breast that's left, keep taking gouges out. I am conservative in a different way -- I want to make sure I am done with this. I have gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing -- I was just numb when I flunked my recent mammogram -- but at what cost? It's a long life of suppressing your emotions and your reflexes over and over, with every test and biopsy and MRI.
Don't know what to do at this point. She said she'd call me within the week. For what? I wonder. To schedule the psych consult? The MRI? She wouldn't call for that. Worst-case for me is that she'll leave me to feel a 'you brought this on yourself' feeling -- that I have manufactured the whole thing. That would be a terrible way to feel. But I've got the face of the princess in front of me every second as I do this, as I kiss the as$ of America's Favorite, as I contemplate undergoing psych, as I compartmentalize while I go through every test, as I take a beating at the office of the BS this morning, then drive to the college and walk into a classroom full of students. Something tells me now is not the time to be hotheaded. I've got to keep my head down and try to get this finished. This might be my best shot at a decent surgeon for a while.
Idesim, how was Herceptin? Are you feeling loopy? What's on the coffee table?
Birdie, I am so sorry to hear about your mom when you were 23. That must have been so hard. You are right -- I have no sisters.
Z, please don't feel bad. You gave excellent advice. I followed it exactly! XXX
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Oh no! The deer died! This is just terrible. It's not a good day for me. Poor deer.
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bobo, I am so sorry things went so wrong at the BS. This woman is mind boggling! I imagine she is one that defines herself by her boobs (and her degree) so can't understand how you could want to have yours removed. And on top of it have no recon!! The horror of it, you indeed must be insane!! NOT!! It makes my blood boil that you have to go through all this! It really does!! And that you are in such a restricted situation with your insurance!
You can add me to the list of BMX flat sisters that is totally happy with her choices!! No more swords or other shoes waiting to drop, one surgery and done, genuine peace of mind. Argh, I just want to slap her!!! She is supposed to be listening to you, not pushing you to conform to her idea of what is right for you. If you could see me, you'd see the steam coming out of my ears!! (((big hugs)))
gramwe, a girl!! How exciting!!
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I flat out told my BS at our first meeting, with DH & DD sitting there too, I wanted them both off. That I wasn't going to do this again. He gave me a feeble try not to do both, gave me some stats. I kept saying I wasn't going to do it again.
He didn't try very hard to talk me out of it. I'm glad for that. Small victory. And then he went on and laid out my treatment plan.
Bobo, give Moffitt a call, or the one in Jax. See if they accept your ins. Even for Florida, that sucks.
Is it Shands? Or come here to my guy.0 -
A girl! yay, having no sisters, no daughters, 4 grandsons and FINALLY I got a grandaughter,, now 3! hope things go well.
Bobo, are you in a hmo or what? this just shouldnt be. in this country. I do understand that you dont want to be far away from home, especially with young children. Such a dilemna. I never watch much daytime tv, but today on the Doctors they had a very interesting subject with a doctor that is said drs need to listen to their patients more and another thing he said was that at certain places drs actually have a QUOTA of surgeries to perform each month! Can you believe this crap? guess your bs has met hers huh? When I was making my decision they asked me if I wanted to remove both.. but I decided not to, sometimes I hope I did the right thing, but so far I have not regretted it, but down the road who knows? I think they thought with my small and early bc i maybe shouldnt have had the mx, but never said so, just that is was totally my call! with a grade 3 I just wanted it gone. I dont blame you one bit to not want to keep taking gouges out of the boob time and time again... sorry but that is torture! You dont have to have much in common with your bs but you do need to be able to converse well with her/him. that is such a plus, but basically surgeons seem to be of a different nature.. not real warm and fuzzy! But if they are good at what they do and guess she thinks so, do you have any patients that she has recently done that you could talk with? I do feel for you.
Gb, heard that Montana was to get snow tonight hope you are not in that area ... dont need snow yet do we?
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Bobo, That might be a point to mention to the shrink. If there's only 3 women in your life (mother, 2 grandmothers) and one had BC, that's not reassuring. I'm so grateful my BS didn't give me any grief over no recon. I said I was not interested in recon and it went no further.
Thanks for your sympathy. I think I wrote confusingly, however. My mother was 23, I was 4 when she died of peritonitis. Her mother raised me and is who I'm talking about when I say Mom.
Gramwe, Congratulations on expecting a girl in the family. I wasn't so lucky. Four healthy boys, but no opportunity to sew cute little dresses.
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Wren, you have four healthy boys and I have two, nope no pink, but maybe we wont pass a bc gene on if we dont have daughters??
but maybe it can be passed thru our sons to their daughters? not sure about all this and not sure if anyone really knows. 0
