new and future flat sister, with questions
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Oh girls, it's not a good day here.
Colin's Mother has had a bad stroke, and is now in palliative care, refusing any food or drink. They have just told Colin a week at the most. He is taking it hard, even though she has been deteriorating for some time.
I feel so bad for him. M x
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Oh M. So sorry. Tell Colin we are thinking of him and you too.
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Thanks so much Zills!
What on earth are you doing up, it is so early there? Are you ok?
I hope the children aren't keeping you up because they are sick. M x
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Oh M, I'm so sorry. Please give my love to Colin. You are both in my thoughts
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M, your bathroom sounds fabulous. I've been meaning to report that here in the tiny house, the tiny bathroom (there is one) is all about you. I have my suncatcher in there -- it's the window with the best light. In the evenings, at a certain time when I am taking a shower, the suncatcher refracts the light of the setting sun, casting rainbows everywhere. They even 'escape' the bathroom and go all over the house! I definitely feel like, There's my Moira! I love my present, and so does the baby. She selected hers right away, as I told you, and went officiously to put it up in her room. I have no doubt that when she sees you she is going to 'own' you.
Idesim... HOORAY! I was waiting to hear from you. SO GLAD your area is normal. When is your battery of MO tests? Yep, I was sweating my mammo too. I flunked it, sure, but F that!
I am not a baths person. First off, the tub can never be clean enough for me. And when it's clean enough, I feel like there is residual cleaner in there. I use pretty natural cleaning products, but still. I have two dinosaurs bathing in there every day. And if I ever take a bath, everyone always barges in, saying things like, Is that your vagina? Why does it have hair on it?
Yes, Idesim, to answer your question, I am scared nearly to death by the MRI. Now I know how dogs feel when they really don't want to be led into the vet's office. I feel something like that. I can only imagine that it is some kind of Pavlovian response, I cannot explain it. It just feels to me like something really bad is happening, like a nightmare, like the beginning of the end of the world, and I cry through the whole thing. I've taken an Ativan in the past -- I doubt I could take enough Ativan to change things.
Posting.
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I reply to myself. At the risk of sounding like a girl from the musical Grease, with AF cast as my greaser mechanic boyfriend, I dissect here again one part of our conversation. She said, I'm going to move the MRI up to now. Because if I see anything even remotely abnormal with that spot on the right -- or on the left side, for that matter -- I'm going to do that prophylactic dyeing of the nodes. Because once the breasts are gone you don't have access to the nodes in the same way. So we moved up the MRI.
Doesn't that sound like she's going to do the BMX? And yet, since she has always been against it, I don't have the feeling that she officially said she would do it. And then there's the fact that I have no closure regarding the psych consult. Did my PCP reason her out of it? I don't want to bore you. I sound like a dithering idiot. I feel like I could cut them off myself at this point.
So. To make myself feel better I am going to pretend like it's all working out. Have had the urge to go into GrammaB-style planning mode, but then realized I am all completely planned up from when I thought I was having the BMX in April. Have the pajamas, the stool softener, everything.
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Thank you Gramwe! I hope you aren't overdoing it today, or stalking men in the park and lecturing them on PinkTober:)
Bobo, I am so thrilled your Suncatcher is sending rainbows through the tiny house. I have suncatchers in lots of my windows, and I love the colors they throw out. I have one that bounces light all over me while I do the Rites in the morning if the sun is shining.
Bobo, don't ever think you are boring us, we are all here for you, and will be here whenever you need us.
Now, I would be willing to bet that your AF is planning to do a Mx. Why else would she be talking prophy node dying?
Is she one of those people that just won't admit defeat, but will then just go along with it, as though it were a done deal from the beginning? Sounds like that to me.
I don't know how anyone could deny you what you want, Bobo:)
I think that's a great plan, you should just pretend it is all going to happen because it sounds like it is! Good for you for sticking to your guns with her. What a complex beatch she is!
We're going to be right there with you!!!! M x
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I love baths but the kids love to get in too and bring toys. Don't question hair or lack of. The dog we had was as bad as the kids. I couldn't go anywhere without her and all the doors are sprung so there's no keeping the door shut.
Last night the boy wanted me to sleep with him. He said his belly hurt. Wanted to know if mine hurt. Then proceeded to thump his hand along the edges like a doctor does. Said I should feel better. Then noticed my scars and wanted to know what happened. Short memory! I just said they were my scars. He asked if they hurt and could he press on them. That was the end of the discussion. Thank goodness.
Kids are fine. Hot flashes are really kicking my bum. Had one about an hour before time to get up so I didn't want to oversleep.
Very tired and weepy. Hopes its just residual from JS. Am waiting to see my PCP for his take on my new meds. Not that there's any choice.
I love the sound of the new bathroom. DH doesn't like the way I paint. You've heard the story about the cobbler and his kids had no shoes. Well my husband is a contractor and our house is always last.0 -
Ariom, Hugs to you and Colin.
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Hugs to you and Colin.. this is a hard time, dh's uncle who was in a nursing home with demintia also had a stroke and it was maybe 3 days, he had a living will that requested no heroic measures, and who would want to exist like that? but never the less, it is hard to see someone slip away like that.. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
As for the baths... oh I LOVE my baths.. dont know what I would do without tubs! and yours sounds wonderful Ariom! candles and wine, good book on a cold winter night yep that's the way to do it up right! well at least for me, but i sure remember the days of never having a moment for myself to do it either.. kids barging it, phone ringing etx.
Zills, hot flashes killed me last nite.. I dont know how many I had, never last long, if I throw one leg out of covers it helps! your bath with kids sounds so great.. you are a fantastic mom.. you and Bobo amaze me!
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Wren. I am impressed.. 3 naps, I just want one! good for you! think I am going to take phone off hook and try for one. Seems everytime I do doze off the darn thing rings..
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Wait. How have I missed this about Colin's mother? Did our posts cross? Here I am blathering about the stupid AF whilst all this is happening. Poor Colin. Give him a kiss from me. I know this must be so hard. XXX
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I think it must have been on a previous page. I had to go look for it! Poor Colin.
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Morning all, thank you for all the kind words. We got through the night without a phone call, but I slept badly because I was expecting it.
Fortunately, Colin's Mother has a DNR, that she asked for. It's just like the living will, so that is why she is in this comfort palliative care area. No heroics, just keep her comfortable. She is at end stage dementia, so I really hope it will be swift. I have mentioned before how brutal this disease is. My Mother had it too. It is very hard to see it again.
Zills, don't you just love the way a kid's mind works. You may have a little Medico in the making there!
I am so glad to hear they are both well again. It's just amazing how they can bounce back after such a high fever, and appearing so ill, resilient little creatures!
Gosh, I remember the hot flashes. They are so overwhelming, and consuming. I hope that it is just you adjusting Zills, you've had so much adjusting to do, just doesn't seem fair. I hope it settles soon, and feeling weepy is so normal, after all the treatments and tests you've had to endure. Try to take it easy if you can..M x
ndgirl! another bath lover! You'd appreciate this lovely bath! It has a white ceramic, Chinese barrel stool sitting next to it with the most beautiful mother of pearl half shell holding my favorite soap Nubian Heritage Coconut and Papaya, just setting the scene for you here! Organic bamboo towels, unbleached, and colored with natural dies. A multitude of face masks, and organic bath oils in a specially designed built in open cupboard, kind of a bathroommoire! There are candles and a big conch shell, even a huge jar of different soaps!LOL I can't believe I have never tried it..maybe tonight...we'll see!
You're right ndgiirl, Bobo and Zills amaze me too! I sure hope you got that nap in without the phone waking you. Take care M x
Thanks Wren, feeling better? I hope you shake this off without any problem. Did you sleep all night?
Bobo, don't worry. I hate when I miss stuff that is on the other page too. It's no problem.
Did you sleep, or are you going over, and over that conversation with AF in your head all time? It is so exhausting for you. I think of you often, and just know that you are stressing. So far away, can't give you a hug and say it will be organised soon.
I have my meeting this morning, so must dash to get ready. I will check back later and hope everyone is well... take it easy girls...M x
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Still not 100% today. Didn't sleep much at all last night and then the PT guy called and said he was coming early so I had to get up. At least he didn't stay as long as normal. 2 more visits and done w/him. I had to go to the PO and do some grocery shopping so was exhausted and nauseous by the time I got home. Hope to get a good night's sleep tonight. I have no idea what this is, guess I picked up some bug while I was out and about...
Spookiesmom, count me in with those that don't care much for bubble baths.
Never did like baths even when I was young.ldesim, glad you were able to get rid of one dr!! It is a good feeling isn't it? I'm done with the RO and BS but still have one more appointment in Nov with the MO. Hopefully then I'm done too.
Ariom, can you give me the names of the brands of oils you use/used? I'd rather go that route than "medicated" creams. I may try the scar strips too.
I totally agree with your comment about finding the bc so early due to the new equipment does rather skew the stats.
LOL, if I fried foods at home (dipped in almond flour or crushed pork rinds) it would be in coconut oil or peanut oil .....no air frying for this lc/hf eater!!
Wren glad to hear you had your shower and that you are getting some rest too!
I can't tell you all how many times I have written a post, gotten sidetracked and come back hours later to find I had never submitted it!! Those are the ones I often lose as I refresh the page before I realize the post is still there.
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M
So sorry to hear of Colin's mom. You are in my thoughts.0 -
GramB, hope you get feeling better soon, hard to tell when we catch a bug or just our bodies still recovering from the brutal shock it was given, hope you can rest up. Coconut oil, I just love it, I use it for everything! it works well on dry skin as well, which arimidex seems to be doing to me. Cook with it all the time, even put it on popcorn. Dh used it last winter for ecema and it worked wonders.. my bs told me to use vitamen E oil on my scar and that is what I do use but also some coconut oil. Glad you and idesim are done with some drs. I hope i never see my bs again!! but did see her on one of the news channels talking about women doing bimxs, Dr. Judy Boughey, I was surprised to see her. So i had to google her too!
Hoping things are going ok for Ariom, such a tough time. Good nite all.
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Ariom, I must have been a page behind too. Sending my love and prayers to you, Colin and his mom. I hope she can cross over peacefully and you both find peace too. Hugs for both of you!
bobo, it does sound to me like AF is going to do the BMX. So when is the MRI? Is it sooner than Sunday now? I want to be there in the bag for sure!! So after the MRI she's going to do the node biopsies? My nodes were done right before BMX, why can't she do that too? I so want you to be done with all this asap!!
Ariom, if I had a tub that had a view, I could be enticed to take baths, yours sounds awesome! I would shower after the bath. Somehow I have always felt with baths, I am soaking in my own dirty water. Maybe weird, but I don't feel clean unless I shower after a bath.
ndgirl, I don't know, it could be that I have just been pushing too much and my body says "I'm going to keep you home one way or another" or I picked up something. As long as I am just sitting on the pot, I sort of OK with it, I so totally hate to upchuck and so far so good. Lost a couple of pounds in the last few days. I'm getting close to what the charts say I should weigh and that is really lower than I feel comfortable at. My clothes are hanging on me from all angles, boobs, hips, and legs. Yikes, who would have thought a year ago that I would be worried about losing too much weight?????
Coconut oil is magic, I may just start with massaging some of that into my scars!
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Thanks for all the kind thoughts, nothing to report, except to say Colin's Mother is in her bed. being kept comfortable with the drapes open and the sun shining through her window. There is gentle music playing and aromatherapy oils burning. I think she has just decided that she has had enough and will not allow anything to pass her lips. They are trying to hydrate her with a little water in a syringe but she foils them every time. She always knew her own mind, nothing has changed, still it's very sad.....M x
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gB, I didn't have a bath, but I totally agree, I always rinse off after a bath too.
The oils I use are called BE Balanced Essentials. they are made here, but I know Cheryl the owner sends them all over the world. I have most of her blends, but the one I use the most is called BE Relieved, it is passed here by the Theraputic Goods Administration (TGA) as an analgesic. I started using this as a pain reliever when I was first Dx with RA, and have never been without it.
In saying that, I am sure there are many other oils that will work on your scars. I would definitely try the coconut oil.
I buy a lot of Skinn by Dimitri James skin care from the US. He does a sugar scrub and body balm that is sensational, if I run out I sometimes make a scrub up with raw sugar and organic olive oil and massage that all over my chest and scars in the shower, and then massage with the Balanced Esssentials. That would work well with coconut oil too.
I guess I am a bit obsessive, no, really, you say? I have always massaged scars to prevent adhesions and to keep the skin as supple as I can.
I hope you are over whatever you have picked up. I hate to throw up too!
I hope you can take it a bit easier for a while, you're right, it is your body telling you to stop now. I am a believer in signposts, and know if I ignore the signs, I'll end up being stopped in my tracks one way or another.
I am thinking of you, feel better! M x Oh didn't get a chance to check out the website to order the rice, will do it when I get a chance.
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Hello M, it sounds like you've made such a lovely place for Colin's mom. Are they not going to give her a hydrating IV? I don't want her to be uncomfortable.
GB -- pork rinds for bread crumbs? Yuck! Certainly you are doing it for a good reason, and it is working for you. No air frying for you! Hope you are feeling better.
Idesim, I have diet ideas for you. Do you have a juicer? Green juice morning and again at 4 p.m. Let me know if you want recipe. Protein shake on the way to work. Substitute almond milk for dairy.
High-protein snack at work: hummus and veg, for example. For lunches and dinners, protein, lots of dark greens, and whole-grain carbs. Cut out all white flour and dairy: get some ezekiel bread (it's sprouted grain). And keep in fats: olive oil, avocado, nuts, olives. For desserts, dark chocolate, fresh berries, coconut ice cream. When I found out I was allergic to dairy and I cut it out completely, I lost eleven pounds in ten days.
Baby is up. I just told her to come give me a hug, and bobo ran in for a hug!
MRI is this Sunday at 10:45 a.m. Still can't decide how many Ativan to take, since one does nothing. What do you think? One Valium and two Ativan? I always, always undermedicate. Had only one V for the dreaded endometrial biopsy. A drop in the bucket. The children will be at my brother's, so I will be able to take a nap.
You know, I'm putting the cart before the horse a little bit, but should I need a prophylactic dyeing of nodes, I am scared to death of that procedure. Ariom, I know you said it was no problem. But some women find it incredibly painful. And it seems procedure varies from place to place. Worried a little bit, in the back of my head. Your bathroom sounds fabulous! I love when you describe things. If you were selling a bathroom, we would all buy it.0 -
Hi Bobo, It wasn't me who did the room for Colin's Mum. That is what they do in this Comfort Palliative area she's in. No, no IV, she wants no intervention, no meds, no Hospital and no resuscitation.
I was the same, when I found my Dairy allergy I lost a huge amount of weight in a couple of weeks. I haven't seen ezekiel bread for years,I had forgotten all about that.
I am snacking on pure rye bread with almond, brazil and cashew butter with a banana on top.
Sorry Bobo, I am the last one to ask about what meds to take. I am a cheap stone! but how many mgs are your Valium Tablets? You may not have had enough. I know the one time I couldn't stay still because I was having so much pain, they pulled me out and shot me full of Valium and shoved me back in again. I have absolutely no memory of the rest of that MRI.
I wish I could promise you that you will have the same experience as me with SNB. It truly was such a non event for me and I was absolutely terrified of it.
The thing is though, Bobo. If you don't do the tracer for the SNB before the surgery, you run the risk of having to have an axillary clearance if there is anything found in the final Pathology. I personally would do the SNB many times over, rather than have a clearance if it wasn't warranted.
I know in my own experience I was told that had I opted for the Lumpectomy and Rads I wouldn't have needed the SNB, but since I decided on the UMX it was done because my Surgeon said it would be remiss of him not to do it, when he would have access to it during that surgery. If there was a surprise in the pathology, and we hadn't done it, I would have to have a clearance.
Don't stress too much about it Bobo, plenty of time to discuss this later.
I am so pleased you like the sound of the bathroom. I love renovating and decorating, can't you tell! M x
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Hi girls, it is 3.40am and Colin got the call that they thought his Mother was about to go, so I managed to get him up and out in just 15 minutes. He wanted to go alone. I am sure just to spare me having to be there.
So I am sitting here at the computer, I was on the phone to a girlfriend, who is working the night shift at Melbourne Airport. We worked together at United, and have traveled together for work and for fun and have been friends for many years. We have been chatting about Colin's Mum, and all the funny things that happened after Colin and I got together.
Poor Dex doesn't know what is going on, this is an unusual thing for Colin to be up and out in the dark, he's a funny little dog who doesn't like his routine to change!
Well girls, I'll be back later..take care M x0 -
Sending hugs your way Ariom, must be so hard for Colin too, will he be alone there? or will other siblings come now too? Hope things dont linger too long, so hard to watch your mom like that..you and he will be in my thoughts all day and night and for as long as this particular trial in life needs.0 -
Thanks so much ndgirl!
Colin will be on his own there. We live in a small coastal town in Eastern Victoria. Colin has a Sister, who was here, visiting, a week ago with her son. They were the ones who hit the deer on the highway on their way here. They live in Sydney which is about an 8 hour drive from here, or a flight into Melbourne and a 3.5 hour drive, so not possible for them to get here in a hurry.
It is a hard thing to go through, no matter how well prepared you think you are. I too, hope it is swift, for both of them.
We will all meet in Melbourne for the service at Joan's Church, near where they lived and grew up..... M x0 -
M, I was just wondering about Colin's sister, if she would be there. Poor Colin. This is hard no matter what the situation. I am thinking of you both. I hope it doesn't sound frivolous, but I so hope to see Colin happy and smiling. I know he should feel his feelings during a grave time, but I wish him to be happy and eating one of his spicy soups and doing death-defying things in his boat with you keeping his kishkes warm with your kishke-warming contraption!
And poor Dex. I know how he feels. He is such a sweet darling. I want to add, since I haven't mentioned this in a while, that I want to be sure Dex loves me more than he loves Idesim.
Thinking of you guys day and night! XOXOXO0 -
Hello Bobo, that's so sweet of you!
Yes, I do believe Colin will be smiling and doing death defying things in the boat very soon. As hard as this is, it for the best, and there isn't anyone who would wish for anyone to linger like this. Joan would be the last one to want you to be too sad, for long.
The birds are just waking now, but it is still dark with just a faint light outlining the trees. This is the first time I have been up for the sunrise since we moved here. We begin daylight saving tomorrow, I love the extra hour of light at the end of the day.
I hope you are feeling better Bobo. I think of you and the family, in the tiny house, often. Take care M x0 -
Hello girls, Well I have just got Colin back to bed after what turned out to be a very long night and most of the day.
Colin's Mother passed away with him talking to her and holding her hand, just what she'd have wanted!
The staff were wonderful, and although emotional, Colin is so relieved.
Thanks for all your kind words and friendship, I have told him about all of your comments here...love to all of you..Moira & Colin x0 -
So sorry. Hope you were able to sleep. So glad he was there and she went peacefully. Take care of yourselves. The next few days will be hectic while you get things sorted out. We'll be thinking of you.0 -
What a wonderful way for a mother to pass to the other world, son holding hand and talking softy! please accept my sympathies and thoughts for a peaceful ceremony of life.0
