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January 2014 Surgery Sisters

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Comments

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited May 2014

    Hi Mary,

    My PS is doing fat grafting because I have some uneven spots and need more filling in the cleavage area. I will say that even though he used the some size implants as the TEs, my foobs are now smaller and lover. Maybe the grafting will give me more, but I'm getting used to them and like not having to wear a bra.

    I'm excited that you are getting you exchange soon! You will love it.

    dian

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited May 2014

    good lord...typos galore! I have a new phone and am still getting used to it. ;)

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    I have slight indents in the area above my foobs, so my PS says he can fill it in with lipo during the exchange, altho I've heard that it hurts, so I'm a little hesitant. 

    My exchange will be July 23rd.

    I looked at swimsuits today at the mall. There are some fun styles at least on the rack, that is. It's always a different story when I try them on!! I think I might just wear those long dresses that are popular now. Kind of a throwback to the old hippy days :)

    Peace and Love,

    Mary

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Hi Diane,

    Yes, I've heard that can happen, so I'm trying to prepare myself. My PS says that the fat grafting will help with cleavage and "make it seem like" the boobs are higher, so....we'll see! 

    I'm getting excited for my exchange, although I wish I could have it sooner. Now I'll have to wear those funky compression shorts when it's hot and humid. Ick. I guess you have to wear them because of where they take the fat - usually in the thigh area, I think. 

  • mmtagirl
    mmtagirl Member Posts: 325
    edited December 2017

    My Tiara has been twisted around my nose and neck the past few days.  Hoping I can screw it back on right today!

    In the past 24 hours .....sporty Rachel made me look like a red headed Phyliss Diller.  Not attractive!

    There is bald and bald....I can still shed like a dog with just 1/4 in hair left in patches.  When will it stop? I can no longer say with a straight face looking in the mirror that bald is beautiful.

    I left my purse in the work cafeteria and I didn't even realize I took it with me until it was returned a few hours later.

    I HUGE BELCH appeared from nowhere when walking in stairwell at work. I hope no one heard me.

    My legs ache, my nose won't stop running.  I keep coughing. Chemo fog is real. Concentration for more than 5 minutes requires a 30 min nap.   

    Today Will Be. A Better Day!

    image

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited May 2014

    Hi ladies,

    So as some of you may have read yesterday I laid out in the sun. Well I couldn't fall asleep last night. I finally fell asleep around 1am and my husband woke me up coming into the room.  I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to the bathroom and while I was there I looked at my tan lines on my breast. Omg!!!! It was red and it looked like stretch marks all over them!!!! I was mortified!!! What did I do? Did I damage the skin? The te? Has anyone ever done this? Any ideas ???? I'm sick to my stomach! 

  • levassel
    levassel Member Posts: 254
    edited May 2014

    oh no!  I didn't have TEs...but I tanned with my implants when I was down south....and it seemed fine.  Had regular tan lines on my foobies!  I'm not sure why that might have happened???

    Laurie

  • levassel
    levassel Member Posts: 254
    edited May 2014

    mmtagirl....chemo sounds awful!  I hope today IS a better day for you.   :)

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Oh my goodness! Ann and Beverly ! Hope you have a better day, Ann. 

    Beverly - hope you can contact your doc and get some answers. With the PA at the PS's office, whenever I ask her anything after the fact, she just says, "Don't do that!" Well, DUH! Thanks a lot!

    It's not like these TE's come with a user manual or anything. In fact, they tell you NOTHING about the whole healing process after surgery. I had to call my BS's office yesterday to let her know about the problems I'm having with my shoulder. After I got an appt. setup for an xray and a consult with a physical medicine doc, I had another question and called the nurse back. I forgot to ask about the still-swollen area below my armpit and a lump near my incision. What I got was the you-had-axillary-node-surgery-and-that's-normal lecture blah blah blah. I said very slowly...."well....    i'm...  just... telling...  you...    about...   my...    symptoms...    like...   I'm...   supposed...   to...    do..    because...   I'm...   the...    patient." WOW! One more encounter like that with her and I'm writing a letter.  

    Sending hugs and healing vibes to all!

    image

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Diane - how long would you say it took you to recover after your exchange? 

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited May 2014

    Thanks Mary. I made an appt to b seen on Thursday. Hoping it gets better! I'm so pissed at myself right now!!!!

    I have the same issue at times w bs and ps. I have had swelling under left rib and back since BMx but they swear it's not from the surgery.... It wasn't there before!!!

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014

    Interesting about the swelling stuff...I thought it was just me or I was being paranoid.

    My cancer boob feels bigger...just like before surgery, I have swelling in my upper back and near my collar bone. Hmmmm I don't think it is lymphedema. I have weird skin issues...welts when I touch my skin. Tons of really strange stuff...ALL post surgery. BS says...call PCP. well crap!

    There has to be a place to compile all the stuff that happens after BC surgery.

    Maybe that is what we need to do?

    I am so over feeling like crap with no answers.

    I have been hitting the rowing machine hard...lost 5lbs...quit smoking...

    bought a Ninja pro 900 juicer thingy and am juicing like mad. By the way if you haven't tried a jucier...this is the one to get.

    I am drinking a concoction of pear, strawberry, kiwi, kale, carrot, I cut it with green tea and add ground flax seed...OMG it is heaven...supposedly cancer fighting and tastes so good. Sometimes I add yogurt. or a whole apple. Yummy.

    My darling school bus driving10 years younger neighbor had a freaking heart attack last week.....48 yo...she wasn't feeling well and finally went to the ER.   While there the docs did a ekg..it showed nada, nothing , so they did the enzyme blood test. Sure enough she had a heart attack. So the pisser is....the docs can't explain why her heart had a blip. No blockage ...nothing...they have her on 4 blood pressure meds...achhhhhh. No explanation. Just...ok your ok now.

    AND did you see where the research docs have used a vaccine on a hugely terminal liver cancer lady patient??? The vaccine worked...it was made from her own cancer cells. her tumors are shrinking. BUT BUT it is going to be years before they can use it on people that are terminal  stage4 now....WTF.  It works. Holy cow...if I am stage 4 give it to me...damn it!

    And Whiskey is going to be in short supply soon because of cruddy corn crops and lack of wood for barrels...what is this world coming too?

    Oh and I received 2dozen roses from one son...:)  and the other called...without making me wait...ha ha...it is nice when they have wives that tell them "you better call your mama NOW!)

    love you all!

    chemo sucks, work sucks, healing sucks, sun burns suck, swelling sucks, TE's suck.....

    BUT WE DON'T SUCK!!!!!!!

    Eve

     

     

     

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited May 2014


    Mary - to answer your question, my PS said I'll need a week off work to recover from my fat grafting/nipple reconstruction.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  It would be really nice to get to a place where there are no more surgeries to plan.  No one, so far, has suggested anything about my other lady parts, but having no family history, they didn't give me the BRACA test. :)

    My friend Milt's funeral is tomorrow morning.  It's guaranteed to be an emotional day.  I hope I'm up to it. It's an uncomfortable position to be in...ex girlfriend, who is still close to her ex BF's family, there with the ex wife and current girlfriend.  Sounds like a sitcom. :)  His sister in law brought me lunch after my BMX and Milt and I have exchanged quips and comments via FaceBook for years now.  I'm going alone, because I didn't think my son could handle it.  He will simply remember Milt as the wonderful man who he always wished was his grandpa.

    Anne - That sounds like a crappy deal.  I'm sending you hugs and will be sending you all the positive energy I can to help you get past this. I know you've got this, but wish it was easier. 

    Eve - Seriously GF!  No one can rant like you.  You must keep writing. I'm sorry about your neighbor.  She must be really frustrated and scared.  On a lighter note, congrats on losing 5 lbs the hard way rowing - what a stud you are!  I've got a Ninja Pro too!  My morning concoction is frozen strawberries, mango, blueberries, almond milk, 3 tsp  flax meal, a handful of spinach or cilantro, a tsp of chlorella and a small banana...DELISH!

    Well...I should probably try to get some sleep.  Oh, did I mention that it's supposed to be over 100 degrees here tomorrow?  I did buy a very pretty sleeveless dress that should be cool, but let's face it, that's just too flipping hot!  I'll remember the sunscreen, and keep the to the shade.  Beverly, I hope your skin gets better soon. :)

    Much, much love to all of you!

    Diane.

     

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited May 2014

    Eve and Diane, 

    Thanks for your comments. Man, sounds like I need a juicer!!!! Why the flax seeds? Is that cancer prevention? I'm so tired of the inconsistent info I receive from my bs, ps and hospital staff!!! I had to switch hospitals for my exchange, which I'm not happy with but I can move on. At this hospital, I need an EKG and blood work before the surgery.... At the other hospital I wouldn't. I asked about hibaclens. They said no we don't use it at this hospital only the other hospital does that. Wth?!?! Is it good to use or not? Y would one take precaution against infection and the other not?! Then I asked if I had to fast for the blood work. I was talking to the woman that called from the hospital. She's like I don't know. I'm like what??!? She said you need to ask your doctor. Well my doctor was kind of pissy that this hospital even required the blood test! Seeing the other one wouldn't have. Just crazy!!! It makes me so uneasy when no one knows what the hell is best practice!!!! Oh and I'm meeting with the medical oncologist on June 4 to discuss whether I should have been on tamoxifen and what he thinks about estrogen after surgical menopause. Should be interesting!!! My temper is starting to show at these appointments because it's getting do ridiculous- no one agrees on anything!!!!!

    On a happier note, the social worker at the cancer center that I go to is putting in for a grant to help cover some of my bills. She said its like $500. It can go toward the oil bill I haven't paid from March and a week of daycare. She said there's another foundation that gives $1000 but they don't service my town. Too bad!!!! Right now I'm getting like 200 biweekly from my emPloyer... Not good when you have a family of 6!!!

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Hi all,

    Eve - congrats on losing 5 lbs. You go girl!

    I have a Nutribullet, but don't use it regularly. I gotta get with the program! I tend to be kind of lax when it comes to juicing, exercise and supplements. Things that I've been told to do by my doctor. What is wrong with me?!!! I think we all know that eating right (5 veggies and 4 fruits per day) and exercising (at least 30 min. per day) helps to prevent recurrence. I've also heard that taking 81 mg. of aspirin helps, too.

    Beverly - if you are at all in doubt about the care you are getting and there is disparity in treatment plans, I recommend getting 2nd or 3rd opinions. That being said - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Ex: Use Hibiclens even if they say not to. It can't hurt ya. But for the really big stuff - like diagnosis and treatment - usually if you get 3 opinions, you can find some common ground somewhere - hopefully, lol! Even after it was all said and done, when I read a study about radiation for those with 1 positive node, I went back and consulted with 3 RO's after I thought I was done with treatment - just to settle my mind. Did the docs think I was crazy? I don't really care. It's my life. 

    Ok, gotta get off the computer. I have a PT appt. today and then I'm going to mom's.

    Have a great day everyone!

    P.S. Just read this article which I found very interesting, but kind of hard to believe...

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/22/science/an-apple-a-day-and-other-myths.html?_r=0

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Eve - that's so scary about your young friend. When women have heart attacks, they are so different from men's and what shows up for symptoms. Speaking of health and nutrition, when I had my physical they stressed the importance of heart health for bc survivors because our cancer sometimes overshadows everything else. Which reminds me I still need to get my cholesterol checked and find out if I should go back on statins. My mom has had several heart attacks and high cholesterol tends to run in our family. Ok, need to dig out that NutriBullet and get walking!! I think I need a health coach! 

    Here's a cartoon for the day:

    image

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014

    Mary, I am pushing myself to exercise...I actually love the way the couch feels under my butt!. My motivation to row and now we are doing a 5k (We are walking with the pooch) on the 31st, is that it reduces reoccurrence by 50%. AND when I really started to research "diets for BC"  I was shocked by how much estrogen is added to our food. Including milk. I don't drink milk, but my step son does....and my niece and nephew do....we have seen puberty coming on way too early. My niece is 9 and has already had some spotting....they are drinking organic milk now. We use almond milk...almonds are a super food....good in every way. I am serious about what we eat now. I try to cook everything from scratch...at the very least I am reading labels. If I can't pronounce it...we aren't eating it.

    Juicing and the addition of flaxseed are a fabulous and tasty way to get the fruits and veges into our diet. All the good stuff is kept in juicing and because everything is sorta half way digested you are able to get more of the vitamins into your body.

    Beverly, flaxseed is an omega 3 fatty acid, it also is a ligand (hold on, I'll post this so I don't lose it) Be right back

    http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/nutrition/reduce_risk/foods/flaxseed this link explains flaxseed much better than I .

    I am with you in trying to get answers or to just get the same answer from the doctors. I have just about given up on the MO ever calling me. Oh well.

    y'all have a peacefull day....

    love

    Eve

     

  • levassel
    levassel Member Posts: 254
    edited May 2014

    Girls....I love that we do our best to be healthy....don't get me wrong....but does our bc DX mean we can't enjoy stuff we love anymore?  That's what freaks me out now.  If I have a few beer or a burger or stay up too late....I'm risking getting sick?  I don't know but I want enjoy my life....not be worried about everything.

    Eve....I know you love to research.  Maybe I should do more....but reading about everything that can go wrong just scares me.  I don't think I'm cut out for this amount of regiment in my life right now.  I golf and try to eat healthier....but I don't want it to consume me....or I start to feel that I'm not me anymore.  Does that make sense?  Does anyone else feel that way?

    I absolutely need to lose a few lbs and eat a few more salads....but I still want to enjoy the naughty things still.  :(

    Laurie

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014


    Laurie,

    If this answers your question...I just ate 2 slices of left over pizza, topped with pepperoni and slices of my homemade meat balls from last nights spaghetti. The meatballs were made from burger...and pork...I ground the pork myself...my sauce for the spaghetti is all made from stuff that has no artificial additives...and all the seasonings come from my garden.  Whew...I do it  because it tastes better...and I have found out I Iove to cook.

    yes I do research, but not so much bad stuff...I truly believe that the doctors have not a freaking clue about how to treat us. they just have what is on hand and it is a one size fits all scenario.......not going there. I am with you...I am still going to enjoy myself.

    I have a filet mignon, loaded baked potato and salad with blue chees dressing...we make our own ice cream...oh yum, but I am not a dessert person. Give me cold blueberry pie for breakfast though and I am all over it. I don't out of my way to have a salad...but when I do , I am always surprised at how good it tastes.

    Juicing is a yummy way of getting veges and fruit into my diet, where I normally wouldn't. It is not a regimen...it tastes good and the rowing makes me feel like I accomplished something.

    BUT..my friend.....I still love my couple of drinks of whiskey on the rocks everyday...I know...i'm bad...not! I quit smoking...but I vape...ecigs.....not ashamed.  So not a health nut all of a sudden..in any way shape or form.

    I had, note, had a sister-in-law that juiced a gazillion years ago...super beyond her time in organic gardening , eating, exercising...trust me ALL of it.

    She died at 50 from BC. After fighting the beast for 13 years. 

    I just want to lose some weight, get back in shape, and feel that I am eating better and not consuming the crap that is infused in our food.

    I don't or wasn't given the option of the hormonal drugs, chemo, etc. So I am just trying to fend off the beast the best way I can.

    Pretty much I think getting BC back is a crap shoot. Either I will or I won't.

    Hey can I put some vodka in my evening smoothie....yay baby!

    Another thing...in full disclosure.... my DH is a bit( well, quite a bit) younger than me. I absolutely adore my husband and my life with him. He is the bomb. I want to live forever just to enjoy my life with him. That is my motivation....and if my sons would ever have kids......keep hoping, they just aren't ready yet...so I guess I will have to try and hang around for 30 more years.

    love you my friend... and of course you make sense...I am right there with you.

    Eve

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014


    Oh,

    The 5k we are doing isn't to prove anything. It is a charity thing for wounded warriors. DH and I are very grateful for the discounted bills from both our surgeries that we vowed to pay it forward. The entrance fee for the run/walk goes the  soldiers 100%. That rocks.

  • Tam178
    Tam178 Member Posts: 15
    edited May 2014

    I'm not sure how many other Jan surgery girls are doing / have done chemo, but I'd welcome your input here:

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/...

    Thanks, Tam!!

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited May 2014

    Eve and Laurie,

    It's so easy to be overwhelmed and nervous about everything we eat and the environment etc. there really should be a push for keeping the poisonous chemicals and estrogen out of our foods, pots and pans, plastics etc!!!! There is research to prove, not just speculate but prove that these things are dangerous and could lead to cancer! Why can they add these things in our things? Why can't they say these things can cause cancer, get rid of it and come up w something healthy?!? I've come to the conclusion that it's all about the almighty dollar. How sad!!!! I have changed a few things like not cooking w aluminum, not putting plastic in microwave, changed some pans, stopped drinking diet soda, but it's hard to change things like drinking out of water bottles, eating hamburger, etc. I'm trying to find a practical bottle for my kids so I can do away w water bottles- any ideas??? This whole breast cancer thing sucks!!!! You go through the mammogram, biopsy, lumpectomy, mastectomy, reconstruction, possibly chemo and radiation and could be told there's a reoccurrence!!!! So not fn fair!!!!!!

    I go to ps tomorrow - y? Because I was treating myself to a nice relaxing day in the sun and burnt my breast! I'm afraid I did something that could cause a problem with my healing. Fn cancer!!! Can't even sun bath without fear of doing something to jeopardize my recovery!!! Ugh ok enough ranting. If I get myself all worked up I won't sleep tonight. Love ya guys

  • mmtagirl
    mmtagirl Member Posts: 325
    edited December 2017

    Tam, read the thread and wow, I would highly consider getting 2nd and 3rd opinions before doing anything.  Chemo sucks, bu, it shouldn't be that bad.  I didn't have half the side effects with round 1 and my mo changed my cocktail for round 2.

    Now for eating good, well, whatever......my staple this week has been bob Evans Mac and cheese, graham crackers, bananas and whole wheat toast with peanut butter.  Next week who knows?

    I miss my wine. Not because I am not allowed.  My MO said I could.  I just can't stand the taste right now.

    I refuse to believe my extra glass of wine on too many nights over the past several years caused my BC.

    I currently rationalize...

    The red wine has helped my heart to counter the potential heart issues caused by adriamycin

    The Mac and cheese soothes my stomach from potential nausea

    The raw veggies and fruit are full of bacteria and need to be avoided during nadir week

    If I lived in Colorado or Oregon I would be first in line to counteract nauseau, lack of appetite and anxiety.  At least that is my story and I'm sticking with it!

    I do miss not exercising regularly.  A lot.

    Now dear friends, I cried today.  I found out one of the beautiful women in my organization at work has been diagnosed with invasive BC.  She is young with small children, pregnant and facing chemo and mastectomy.  My heart is breaking for her.  All you young women facing this beast have a special place in my heart.

    Sleep tight, my friends.

    Love,

    Ann

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited May 2014

    Ann - Special prayers for your young friend. That just sounds brutal. This is such a horrible disease.

        Of course your extra glass of wine didn't cause your cancer. I have to think it's a combination of many things. There was a movie with Lilly Tomlin called the Incredible Shrinking Woman. She had sampled so many products with toxins that she started shrinking. To me...the whole thing with diet boils down to making an effort to limit our intake of toxins and hormones. We didn't know that the hormones that were being injected into the beef , milk, and chicken we eat would cause trouble, but now we do, so we need to try to limit our intake. Does it mean we can't eat out? No, but maybe we do make an effort to do less of that. I'm trying to introduce foods that help rid my body of toxins and just doing a few simple substitutions like switching to organic milk for my son, and almond milk for me in my coffee, and like Eve said, buying meat that is hormone free. I would rather do this than take AI's and find out in a few years I have to quit TKD due to osteoporosis. Of course you ladies in chemo just have to eat whatever you can now, but yes, I'm adding greens and flax meal and chlorella to my smoothie in the morning. Its the easiest way for me to jump start my day. I may be eating out for lunch later.

    Okay...im climbing off my soapbox and into the shower, but want to say to all of you how wonderful it is that we have a place we can go to rant about whatever is bothering us. Rant on ladies. Oh, and good luck with your PS appointment Beverly.

    Love and hugs,

    Diane

  • bc101
    bc101 Member Posts: 923
    edited May 2014

    Oh crap, I just typed a long response to this and then lost it somewhere. I hate that when that happens.

    Just wanted to say that I'm very interested in doing what I can to keep the monster at bay. I'd love to hear tips from all of you on what you're doing in particular with diet, cooking, or other things. Eve, your recipes and cooking sounds delisc! I recently dug out some old iron skillets of my moms to use, but have to clean them up first.

    I'm having our well water tested up north at our cabin for contaminants. I'm TRYING to walk everyday, despite whatever the weather is doing. I used to be a fair-weather walker and now I realize I gotta get up off my butt more and walk no matter what. I have reduced my stress quite a bit, but this stuff with my mom is hard to take.

    I'm surprised by how little I've cried throughout my cancer journey - in fact I never did. But when I think of mom, the tears flow more nowadays. She does not remember me and seems to be reclining rapidly. She mostly remembers my younger brother, her caregiver, and my oldest brother, who lives nearby. Oddly enough, whenever she sees me she asks where is everyone else? I realize it's because for most of my adult life I lived some distance and really only visited on holidays. My brother once called me "the holiday daughter." I am regretting that now. So many times I could have driven in to spend a day shopping or out to lunch. But I didn't like to drive long distances back then. Now if we go out to lunch I feel like she is just going through the motions and kind of treats me like a distant friend or neighbor and can't wait til it's over. So unlike her. She doesn't know where she is when she is at home and asks when she is going home. It's usually in the evening during "sundowner's syndrome" when she'll ask "how long does this have to go on, how long do I have to keep doing this?," and when she goes to bed, if she's having a bad night, she'll get up every few minutes and says, "I don't get it. What am I supposed to be doing? What do I do next?" Last night she asked who we were, if this was her home, and then asked why she couldn't remember that. Such hard questions. It really breaks my heart and now I'm tearing up so I can't type anymore. Anyways thanks for listening.

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014

    Oh Mary,

    My heart just breaks for you. Please don't have regrets and "if only" thoughts.  From what you have told us about your mom, she wouldn't want you to waste your time on negative things about yourself. Just do what you can now, it is the only time that matters anyhow.....the present is a present.

    love you

    Eve

     

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014

    Ann,

    having not been privledged to be subjected to chemo, I can't say I know what you are going through. but I can sympathize. I saw my former husband go through 3 different rounds of chemo...the first time he had a port. He would go for 4 hours of a boost and then wear a pump 24/7 for 3 days. That went on for12 rounds three weeks apart. Like you he powered through, working almost the whole time. I honestly don't know how you all do it.

    This is for everyone having or had chemo...I totally, utterly respect and admire you all. Talk about brave women...you ladies take the tiara.

    As far as the marijuana thing. My husbands neuro-oncologist gave whole hearted permission for him to smoke. If he couldn't obtain some...onc would have given him pure THC...which you may be able to get from your MO. It is worth asking about. We truly believe that the pot kept his brain tumor at bay, he lived 6 months longer than expected. Pot keeps the tumor from growing it's own blood vessels. Proven fact.

    Hope you are feel ok today

    Eve

     

     

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited May 2014

    Good news!!! I'm only burnt! Lol ps said its fine, no blisters just try to stay out of sun forking periods because I can't feel when I'm burning! Oh, thank god!!!!! 

  • Summerwheat
    Summerwheat Member Posts: 54
    edited May 2014


    Hello ladies, sorry that I have been MIA the last few weeks, I am on chemo now, #4 TCh out of 6 done, feeling crappy, woozy, weird and tired today. Had to delay last chemo for a whole week due to low blood platelet counts of unknown reason, which made me freak out quite a bit, and by mother's day I was crying in my closet, wondering how many mothers' days I will have in the future. I also have a light shingles infection, which might have caused the low platelets, being a viral infection, who knows. The unknowns drive me crazy. My hip hurts - what is it, should I report it to MO, or just move on and see what happens? I am so tired of it all. I am HER2+, so my concern with early recurrence is pretty much there all the time, I am just trying to move it to the back of my head. What I am gonna do? I am working most of the time, trying not to drift off into chemo fog, which at times has not been easy and will be getting worse from now on I was told. I have two small kids, the end of the school year with concerts, shows and just plain old STUFF is nearing, and my son's birthday will be on Sunday. My doctors are very positive, as my aggressive tumor was under 1 cm, but who knows. I am trying to life my live, eat healthier (hard right now where everythign tastes like cardboard), enjoy my kids, friends, backyard. Sorry for rambling, it's not my day today, and I should just go for a walk in our beautiful California spring weather right now and breathe and then come back to my desk. Sorry for ranting and venting, I know we all have our bag to carry ... I have been reading on here, but did not see the need to comment, as I am away from the surgery thing (aside from the fact that I appear to have a shifting TE or slow leak, but will have to wait for exchange until chemo is over and blood counts are good, so at least till August). Thanks ladies for making me laugh during my late-night reading of this board. Man, I am usually lighthearted and try to shrug and laugh things off, but right now, it does not work too well. I jokingly told my MO about the TE thing, and laughed a bit, and she just gave me a blank stare and says "hope that's nothing else to worry about". Thanks a lot. Anyway, have a great day everyone, I am still believing in the silver lining at the end of the tunnel, I am just not there yet.

    Hugs,
    Alexandra

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited May 2014


    Alexandra........

    never say you are sorry for anything you say  here!

    I really wish with all my heart that we all could be close to comfort one another.

    While we all are away from the surgery thing...as you say...we all do have fears, and regrets and hopes and dreams.

    It is scary right now for all of us. Trying to figure out a new way of looking at the future....is it 6 months or 30 years or 50 years.

    I watched the dedication for the 9/11 memorial museum today. I cried.

    Those people at the Trade Towers and the Pentagon and the plane in Penn. (forgive me I don't remember the flight #) They never knew what was coming. I ask myself, "what's better knowing and being able to at least try and fight it, or 9/11?"

    As we all know in our hearts....we may only have today or...tomorrow.

    The thing is we have a moment....we can make a special moment...with a smile

    a hug,

    a truthful statement to someone that has hurt us. and then forgiveness.

    I for one, who has lived in fear for most of my life....am stronger...I don't want to be stronger, or healthier, or anything "more" because of breast cancer...but there it is.

    So I will embrace being more.

    You all inspire me every day

    and I thank you.

    Eve

     

     

     

     

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