January 2014 Surgery Sisters
Comments
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Holy crap Linda....do you live in a mansion? Those gardens are regal! Not sure where you get the energy for all that.....and work outside the house too! You go girl!
Laurie
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Thanks Eve. I live on Vancouver Island in Canada. It is like a rain forest sometimes. Lots of rain but not much snow. Everything always so.green!
Back garden with the raised beds that have their on tap in each bed. I also have grape arbors and rose arbors. Just an insanely beautiful.property.
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thanks laurie, you made me smile...chicky, indeed...lol
and the perc/cocktail....I do an Ativan cocktail.....I get it...
I don't get why it takes so long to get referred to the help we need. Why can't there be a place where we can go to have the counseling set up for us automatically? I am really tired of fighting for what I know I need.
Oh well....rock on girl.
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Allrighty then, that explains it.
My family is 5th generation Seattle Washington.
I've been to Vancover a gazillion times. The roses in my Aunts garden in Seattle were the bomb!...maybe when I visit my cousin who lives in Kirkland, WA We'll sneek a in a road trip.
How are you feeling, by the way? How much more crappy chem are you in for.
keep sharing....
love
Eve
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Linda - Can you adopt me? Wow, what a beautiful property. Although it wouldn't be if I lived there.... I have no green thumb talent whatsoever. I have a plant that we got when my mother-in-law died three years ago and it's a miracle that thing is still alive! LOL I forget to water it for weeks at a time.
Beverly - Congrats on checking off another step in this long process. I'm happy you're squishy!!!! Hope the nausea lets up (is it from the anesthesia?) and your main is manageable. {{gentle hugs}}
Ann - thanks for posting that. I remember you asking me to post the image from my blog and I completely forgot!
Diane - Your story about getting pregnant after miscarriage really hit home. I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm thankful you have your handsome son!! I miscarried twice - right before getting pregnant with each of my kids. Before I went through it, I had never even talked to anyone who had....talk about a shock. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know how to talk about it (or realize how nobody DOES talk about it)... just a weird, sad thing. Can you share some of your diet/TKD motivation? All I want to eat lately is junk. <sigh> The only time I get exercise is when my restless legs syndrome kicks in and I hop on my exercise bike for a bit. Ugh.
Laurie - I'm sorry that you're having a rough transition back to work. I hope your referral works out and helps you!
Sorry I've been MIA. My mom was here for the past thirteen days and I was busy with her, plus we had a softball tournament, band concert, awards ceremonies and my daughter's birthday. Busy times. I read every post, but I think chemo brain keeps me from posting. I can't really concentrate on things for very long. I'm seriously like an adult with ADHD and for someone who used to be anal-retentive, OCD and able to multitask, it's really not fun. I used to be a voracious reader and could go through five books a week. I don't know if I've even read five books this year. I just can't focus for long.
I'm feeling decent now that I've finished rads. My skin is almost normal (just peeling in a couple of places but I'm numb from surgery there so it doesn't hurt) and the only thing left is FATIGUE. It's worse than anything I ever felt during chemo. I am so tired all the time. I asked in another group (women who went through treatment this time last year) and they said it can last for months. I guess, considering I did 4+ months of chemo, then major surgery and then 6.5 weeks of rads, I should be tired, but still. It's annoying to be exhausted all the time.
Hubby and I went away overnight to the casino Saturday (since my mom was here to babysit...LOL) and I hit a jackpot! First time I've ever won anything substantial! I was playing a penny slot machine ($1.50 bet per) and won $1900! I was so excited. I started out on that machine with $50. LOL We had a free hotel room, too, so we basically had a free trip and then some! Yay!
Anyway, just wanted to check in. I know I disappear, but I'm always lurking.... just don't always take the time to say anything. Love you all!
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Laurie - I'm so glad you got the referral you needed. Counseling can be wonderful. It does suck that it took so long, but it's good to hear the hope in your posts. You will find you path, because you are beautiful and strong, and you say, there is tomorrow.
Beverly - Welcome to the squishy side. Here's hoping the next surgery runs a smoothly as this one!
Michelle - I'm sorry you had to go through miscarriages yourself. They don't tell you just how common it is until you have one...kinda like most of the stuff we're going through now...hmmm. My son was a miracle baby, and I'm thankful for him every day. The fatigue sounds awful, but I'm betting you will push past it in record time, because there is nothing average about you I say be patient and kind to yourself. As far as the diet, I was totally off the rails eating junk, too much sugar, and drinking wine (which I love). I really had to wait until I was ready to commit. I put on since BMX so far, and I won't lie, I was looking at my son's apple turnover HARD tonight, but so far, I've lost 5 of the 25 extra lbs., and it just isn't worth it. If you can get some sort of exercise every day (even if you have to nap afterwards - I usually do on the Saturdays I don't have my son after training) it forces the oxygen into your system and little by little your strength comes back. I feel it getting better every time I train. Fantastic luck at the Casino!! So happy for you!
Linda - What can I say...WOWOWOW! I am certain I would be overwhelmed by the enormity of keeping up those gardens, but it's so beautiful there. I am a frustrated gardener living in a condo with no yard with a cat that destroys any flowers and plants I bring into the house, so thank you for sharing your gorgeous photos. I will forever picture you surrounded by greenery.
Mary - I gotta say you have been cracking me up lately. I think that trip was the best thing for you. You are so full of positive energy that I feel like basking in it! You go girl!
Eve - Hugs to you, and DARN that shoulder and foob pain. I say let your DH massage away if it helps. I am a fanatic about putting on lotion every night, so I guess I'm massaging them myself, but it doesn't sound like near as much fun!. Sleep well my friend.
Ann - haven't heard from you in a few days, but you are in my thoughts always. I hope your training is going well.
It's a challenge to work full time and keep up with the posts (especially since I'm running errands at lunch half the time) and to remember them, so if I missed anyone, never think it's because I don't care. You are ALL amazing women.
Love and hugs to everyone!
Diane.
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Hello all, it's been a few days since posting here but I have been reading!
Like Michelle, my chemo brain is in high gear and some days I seriously wonder if I am going crazy. I don't know my own emotions any more. Suffer severely from CRS syndrome. Losing important documents, insist I am correct on what I know or think only to be proven wrong. It has gotten to the point I don't even try to defend myself because I don't trust my own mind. That , of course, sets me off and I get more irritable, teary, and I don't even like being around myself. I have never been like this before. I have come to the conclusion that my mind is telling me when I need to rest before my body does because it gets worse as the day goes in and I start to fatigue. Left work yesterday to take a nap and I am usually fine by day 14 on chemo. Must be the cumulative effect. That makes me nervous because after my fourth round of AC next week I move on to 12 weekly rounds of taxol.
High school graduation week. Soccer banquet last night. Ceremony Friday. Planning a grad party at our home for about 200 at the nod of the month. Lol. I am nuts!
Going to class tonight, Diane.
Congrats to Beverly.
Hugs to all
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Linda... love your pics. Keep 'em coming. Gosh, I can barely keep up with my small gardens - it's so much work!! Don't know how you do it. Today I'm planning to do some transplanting despite a pulled muscle in my back. I fantasize about hiring a garden crew, altho that's not gonna happen! But I can dream, can't I?
Well, my PT session went well today... only had a little bit of pain. I think I need to up my reps because I've been slacking off. Had a chit chat with the LE specialist. She thinks I should get a sleeve, but shouldn't have to wear it all the time. We'll see what my other PT says on Friday.
Speaking of flowers .... I think there's something about having had cancer that makes me love annuals more than perennials. I want to enjoy everything NOW as much as I can without waiting. Today's a beautiful day. So I better get out there for some gardening therapy.
Wishing you all strength, peace, sunshine and joyful moments!
Luv,
Mary
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Thank you everyone! I go this afternoon to get bandages off. Hoping I'm not disappointed! This has been a long emotional ride. I just want good results!!!
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Ok mary, I am blaming my just completed retail therapy on you! lol
Your post up there said to Grow flowers..check
take naps..check
paint toe nails..check
feed the birds..check
eat good food..check
take long walks..check
re-decorate..check
watch chick flicks..check
read good books..check
breath fresh air..check
consider this thread as writing in a diary..check
show love..check
soak in bath tub..check
the only thing missing is "is to wear something pretty"
hmmmmmm..... I have recently come upon a site called Threadup. It is fabulous...you like thrifting..me too. Threadup is a clothing consignment site that has amazing bargains on gently worn really nice clothing.
I have a problem wering bras, because of the residual pain from the BMX. Most of my clothes require a bra. So I have just been hanging out in big tees and pull up shorts....not so pretty. Sooooo I ordered a few tank tops that are bold florals and even found one with a tiara on the front. The patterned ones will allow me to feel pretty and hide my teensy foobs. I also found 2 pairs of shorts and a pair of hot pink sandals
So, 4 tanks, 2 shorts and shoes for $ 54.00. Ha! I have placed an order before and the items I received were perfect.
I thank you for reminding me I can still look pretty and feel good about myself.
So now ....to clean out my drawers and closet of non pretty stuff.
love you
eve
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Eve
I'm so glad you found some pretty things to wear! Yep, that's right, I think we all need some after bc clothes - buy what you love and don't save your pretty clothes for a special occasion...
I've also learned to use the pretty tea cups for afternoon tea. Mom and I did that one day. She's really bored most of the time and is game for just about anything. She loves to have her nails painted. We went through her jewelry box one afternoon and had a wonderful time. She wanted to try on each piece. So I'm thinking next we'll do a dress up day
She been having a yearning to wear a dress and loves sparkly things. I guess you never stop being a girl no matter what 
I'm going to go out and buy us a couple of those flower wreath crowns (or even a couple tiaras) to wear around the house. Who cares what the neighbors think!! One thing's for sure - WE WILL DANCE!!I'll check out that website you found.
You are beautiful no matter what your boobs look like!
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Bravo Michelle...making the bucks! you and Laurie should get together and make a run in las Vegas...how fun!
You know you have to give yourself a break about chemo brain (goes for you too Ann) and the fatigue.
Why, oh why are we so hard on ourselves? We need to allow ourselves to heal...and it is gonna take time. We all know that. It is like a baby learning to walk, it starts by letting a trusted one hold our hands and then finding that there are other things that can bring support, and then the magic by being able to let go and go for it. We are slowly finding that magic. Yes?
I had 2 miscarriages and then an ectopic pregnancy that came close to killing me. My husband was such a jerk during those times that I divorced him. My co-workers were wonderful and so supportive...funny where you find your true friends and champions.
Congrats Diane on losing the weight. I know it is a challenge but keep your eyes on the tiger.... You've got this.
How did it go, Beverly? Let us know.
hubby wants to take me to a concert. We usually go see someone once a year and go away for a little weekend. I have always bowed to his choice. He was a professional bass player for many years....so musicians choice, however I have been turned on to many fabulous bands I never would have heard.
K, I want to go see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Nate is all good with that...but then I said no...not wanting to spend the money. But now I am sitting here thinking, what if...there isn't going to be another time? what if next year, BC comes back and...that will be the focus. Do you all have those thoughts that I am doing it now....because?
I think I will go. I will get to dance after all.
I find I am asking new questions now....
BUT, did you see the news report about a 91 yo cancer survivor (2 times having had cancer) that ran a marathon in record time for her age. DAMN.... She was asked if she was in pain today after running/walking 28 miles? She said no pain...but thought that that was because she is too old to feel pain. Beeeeeutiful lady!
love and hugs
Eve
editied to add...thanks mary.......dance
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Hi everyone
Like all of you, I have terrible fatigue and various aches and pains. I never had a miscarriage myself, but my DIL had one, then an ectopic. Drs had no idea why. Then she went to a chiropractor because of, I think, pain in her neck. After he worked on that, he said "pardon me for getting personal, but are you trying to conceive and miscarrying?" He said her hips were way out of line, so much so that one was pushing on the Fallopian tube, kind of like kinking a hose, and her problem wasn't conceiving, it was getting the fetus to the uterus. She went to him for several months and we will be celebrating Lucia's first birthday at the end of the month. Who would have thought a chiropractor could solve fertility problems?
As I have said, my DH and I were raised in the Bronx. When we moved into our first home, Bob turned the back 4 ft of the yard into a vegetable garden. I have no idea how he knew what to do, and after a few requests for help with weeding, he gave up asking -I couldn't tell the difference between a plant and a weed. Still can't. His father had a very green thumb, and would always leave me to take care of his plants when he travelled. Didn't matter if he was gone 3 days or 3 months, every single time I managed to kill every plant, even though I tried to follow his instructions as carefully as possible.
My DD was in the process of painting her room when I got to Fl. The plan was to stop there until after Lucia's birthday party, which is being held at my house. Her room looked so good that I told her husband I wanted to hire someone to paint the rest of the house (minus the bedrooms) before the party. He swears he and his BIL can get it done. Problem is we can't pick the color- we know we what we want, but we have tried like 7 different shades and still do not have exactly what we want. And, of course, you can't just stop with painting, so I have bought all new tables for the family room, a table for the entry hall, and some wall decorations. Sat, we will be looking for couches for the front room. I think my son and his girlfriend have finally found a townhouse that they like and that will allow them to bring the pitbull with them, so they will be shopping for a whole houseful of furniture. It is a lot of fun, but I keep forgetting how quickly I tire.
My daughter here keeps telling me to rest- she is scared to death about sending me back to her sister "broke". Nancy got me through BC, Tracy cannot send me home tired or sick. It's really pretty funny.
Thinking of all of you and reading your posts even when I don't have time to reply .
Anne
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Eve,
Well when the bandages were removed I cried! I was just expecting something different... Rounder , more projection....I cried! After all that I've been through I cried when I looked in the mirror!!! I know it takes time to drop and fluff etc but I was just shocked that I liked how the Tes looked better. The pa asked when I wanted to schedule nipples and I just couldn't think about it! I don't want more disappointment right now. Of course my husband was like, you're crying?!? Why?!?! They look great, I just didn't feel like they look great. Just took a shower and one incision has a little blood on it, should I be concerned?!? Gosh this is just too much! Now I gotta pull myself together to meet w mo tomorrow to find out about tamoxifen and estrogen... It's just never ending!!!
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Beverly,
I don't know what to say. I am 58 yo. For me foobs/boobs..whatever..the cancer is out and gone. I think we all knew we would never be the same. How could we. I was able to keep my nipples and had old implants..but my body is not what it used to be. I look in the mirror every day and, well, I just look. I am not happy with my boobs/foobs...but it is all I have and I am grateful I could keep the nips...even though they only work at random. I laugh about that. and they kinda look sad at times...kinda droopy.
Nothing is ever going to be perfect again....WAIT not true...every moment HAS to be perfect from here on out...
don't waste time....on the crying and disappointment...instead look into your husband's eyes and enjoy the obvious love he has for you. Girl, you have been through a lot..and have more to go through...but remember it is not chemo or rads. It is not that fear. you have an awesome family...rejoice...rejoice in that.
love you.
Eve
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Thanks eve
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Beverly - I see you are on the breast implant sizing thread. Have you posted pics on the picture forum? I've been there a few times and read how others have talked many women "down off the cliff". There are a lot of experienced women there who've been around and seen a lot of different things. They may be able to help reassure you. I've heard similar comments from others right after their exchange surgery. I guess it takes time for the new foobs to settle in. I haven't had my exchange, so can't speak from my experience - yet. Sending hugs! (where's the hug icon??!)
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Anne - that's quite a story, thank you for sharing it. I'm so happy it ended well for your DIL. It just goes to show how random things can seem and how things just sometimes work themselves out, although rarely on our schedule. I feel like it is really true that when one door closes, another one opens.
Mary - love the list. Birds freak me out (up close anyway), but I'm down with all of the rest, and in fact, think I have done it all recently...even the chick flick, which I usually avoid in favor of action films. I saw Labor Day on RedBox Sunday night. It made me cry, but you gotta love Josh Brolin.
Ann - Your post on Chemo brain made me think of my good friend who went through treatment for grade III malignancy. She was diagnosed with multiple tumors very aggressive IDC, Lobular and a 3rd kind I can't remember because I have CRS too and had 3/4 of her lymph nodes removed. She had chemo before and after BMX and radiation and used to say that her chemo brain was so bad that she just embraced it and made a game out of "what is the stupidest thing I can do today". She had some rough times, but is one of the most wonderful women I know...and she is a survivor. It will be 5 years in January. I'm so very impressed that you were still planning to go to class. Rock on!
Beverly - I know you've been on the exchange site. Please listen to those ladies when they say "step away from the mirror", because they know what they are talking about. I had my exchange Aprill 11, and they do look much better now. Try to remember the photos they showed you when you started. We're not any of us going to be candidates for Playboy, but we'll be alive and no one will know when we walk down the street with our gravity-defying foobs that any of this happened. I say be really happy that you have a loving husband that thinks they look great...from my perspective, that sounds amazing. This is hard I know. Hugs to you dear.
Eve - I think I'll be dancing a little tonight. That's not on Mary's list, but I say we write it in!
Love to all,
Diane.
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Bc and Dtkd,
Thanks. I know. I was just feeling a bit let down I guess. It will take time to be able to look in the mirror and smile but I am greatful to be cancer free. I think I just have so much going on right now (exchange, hysterectomy, new job) that all of the emotions that I haven't dealt with surfaced. I felt bad crying because the pa was so excited for me as well as my husband and instead of thanking her for getting me to this point I cried. I will accept my new normal I just couldn't at the big unveil. It was like too built up. It was like are you ready? Here we go and they literally unwrapped me and the picture I had in mind didn't match the picture in the mirror. I'll get there, I have no choice right?!
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Beverly
If there is anything I have learned thru this journey, and especially from this site, it is that everyone reacts differently, and this is a safe place to voice your emotions, positive or negative without judgement. I had surgery in Jan, but my BS says he won't even talk reconstruction until 6weeks after rads finish, so I cannot say I understand how you feel. But I have had the experience of expecting to look one way, and looking very different in reality. I think you have the right to be upset and disappointed. But please don't stop there. Mourn your dream, as it was, then move on and accept what is, then go find the threads on here from ladies who have walked this path before you. As Mary said, what you see now is not the finished product. Just like it took time to recover from chemo, surgery, and the rads, your body needs time to adjust to another change. Be patient with your body and most especially with yourself. You have been thru the wringer- cut yourself some slack while your body adjusts all it has been thru. And remember, all of us are here when you need to vent or cry or rejoice.
<<<<hugs >>>>>
Anne
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Thanks Anne!!!
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Meeting w the MO this afternoon to discuss his opinions on tamoxifen after BMx and estrogen after hysterectomy and going into surgical menopause.... I'll keep u posted
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Hello ladies, I have been MIA for some time. Congratulations to you who have gone to the squishy side, even if it might not feel or look perfect just yet. You are alive and that's the most important thing, enjoy! I am itching to get into a swimsuit, but with one TE after UMX that's just not an option right now, looks too ridiculous. On the other hand, who cares? (I am not there yet, but I do have a bikini that has a bit of cushioning, which might work and also show the 12 pounds that I put on thanks to chemo steroids ...)
Diane, I admire you for doing all the Taekwondo that you are doing, that's such a great work-out and stress reliever. I am looking for something that does that for me, but with not too much success so far. I have been biking on the weekends and after work, and that's been fun, but I am a swimmer by heart, and my MO prohibited me from swimming due to germs in the pool. So I bike, walk and do some strength exercises.
Beverly, sorry that you are having a hard time, between surgeries, school re-assignment, reconstruction. Hopefully you can find some peace, get away for a weekend or even just a day. We went to the beach for a day, and it was like a mini vacation, it really helped to be out in the sun and just do and think literally nothing, digging in the sand. I am also trying to make a list in my mind what I am grateful for, every single day, and the things range from hearing the birds sing in my yard, being able to cook for my family, lying in bed with my son in the evening before he goes to sleep and having deep conversations, a hug from my husband, a good conversation with a friend, the wind in my hair on a bike ride, the fact that I live in Northern California that kept me from getting the winter blues, and sometimes just the ability to get out of bed in the morning. I have had my share of s*** as well, chemo delayed twice now due to low blood platelet count, which scares the crap out of me, as I am not sure where it comes from. Bone marrow should recover faster than it does; I am carefully monitored, and if this up and down continues, I will probably need a fun bone marrow biopsy to figure out whether there is anything else going on. The gift that keeps on giving. Oh well, I am still kicking. Just want to be done before I am going on vacation in August. Due to the platelet issue, I will have to wait at least three months for the reconstruction surgery.
Eve, thank you for being the soul of this group. You have been through a lot with your husband's brain tumor, so you have a different perspective. I never had to deal with mine or someone else in my family's health problems, so this is very new territory for me, and I am trying to get used to the fact that nothing will ever be the same - every pain and "thing" will be carefully monitored, and the "invincible" feeling of a younger person is gone. I am mourning that a little bit. But I have also realized that life is precious. I did not do anything wrong to get BC, it's just a crapshoot. I am eating fairly healthily, always exercised (not a lot though), never smoked, never been overweigh, and voila ... at the tender age of 43, it happened. So, I am enjoying life, some days more, some days less. I laugh and I cry, and I hope that I can do that for a very long time.
Anne, thanks always for your very levelheaded perspective.
Mary, I might have to print out your poster - and I agree with Eve that wearing something pretty ranks high on my list of happiness items as well, especially now. I have a whole collection of cool hats, looking very ladylike ... and I will have something made from a lady on Etsy, a linen summer dress (I am too tall for most off the shelf dresses to be long enough) - designer clothes just for you at a very affordable price. That's gonna be my birthday gift.
Michelle, I have read your blog, and kudos to you for writing every day. You have two wonderful children. Now as your rads are over and school is out, you can hopefully enjoy your summer (and your airconditioned home in the Texas heat).
Take care, Alexandra
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So good to hear from you Alexandra.So sorry you have the blood issues...hopefully it will resolve itself without any further problems. keep us in the loop...we care about you. Go with the "who cares premise". I live in florida where people of allsorts are down at our community pool and the beach of course, also just generally people don't wear a lot of clothes. I am always super careful about what I am wearing. I don't want to look like an old lady but I don't want to look 16 either. I too have packed on some pounds around my middle...WTH...that was a huge surprise for me. Sigh. Anyhow, I was at the pool 2 weeks ago, holy cow....no one else worries about how they look....I am sorry but if you have a 30lb apron of fat hanging out over your teeny weeny bikini bottom...spare us. Class never goes out of style....I'm bad I know...just sayin.
And yes dealing with my husbands colon cancer and then brain tumor....has perhaps made me a bit cynical and less patient with the doctor , science, research and it also taught me to suck it up and that life is a crap shoot as you said.
The biggest thing that I learned by that experience and with BC is there are no guarantees..in anything at all, ever....so the solution for me lies in, being grateful.
When I go to bed I go through a list of the best points of my day. Now, my days are pretty boring...I am home without a vehicle...so some of my gratefulness is rather bland....one of the things is, that I have a washer and dryer...not kidding. When I was young, my family lived in the US Virgin islands. We lived on a beach. There is no natural water on the island so you catch rain water in a cistern. Saving water is an essential thought process everyday. Mom and I would wash the sheets and towels in the ocean...yup!
That comes from a previously spoiled brat that never did a load of laundry in her life. I did iron though.
So the rest of our stuff was trekked to a laundry mat...where my dad dropped me off on his way to work. Oh my, here I am a young girl with a gagel of island women. It was totally awesome but tedious at the same time. the island women hadn't got the concept of an electric washing machine down. They would take broom handles and stir the clothes...I mean the machines would agitate....I never said a word but they were absolutely lovely ladies.
So I am very grateful to have a washer and dryer...pretty simple.
The other thing...among others, is, my sons came home from serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. They came home whole, in spirit, mind and body. Yes, grateful. Very grateful.
Oh and because of the BC surgery...I don't have to shave under my arms anymore? yay! weird..I too love the wind in my hair when hauling a$$ downhill on my bike. That means we aren't wearing our helmets......so bad. But living dangerously.
Love you all I'd better hush up now
peace
Eve
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That's so funny - I wrote "wind in my hair" - I am wearing a helmet since I have kids and want to be a good example, but right now, there is no hair for the wind. It's all metaphorically, I guess, right? I used to enjoy that, before helmets and chemo, let's just say that ...
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Alexandra,
Thanks for the perspective. Sometimes I feel like I must sound like a spoiled brat!! Here I am complaining about my new implants while there are people who can't have their exchange yet because of complications or more treatment. I am really trying to keep it all on perspective. I am grateful that I was able to have my exchange and there were no complications etc. I know in time I will adjust to the new me and the new look.i think it was just so much emotion built up that I just cried outin mourning for the old me. That me is gone and I need to find a way to come to peace with that idea. When I look in the mirror my body looks different and my innocence is gone. It is what it is.
Ladies, I met w the MO today. He said I don't need tamoxifen and would NOT recommend estrogen after my hysterectomy. He said to eat healthy to combat some of the symptoms of menopause.... There got my answers. Now I need to speak w gyno June 10 and see what she says.
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Alexandra - Hi neighbor! Thanks for the kind words. My passion before TKD was tennis, but am not sure how that will be now. I love that you are biking. The wind on your face is just as nice.
I say rock that bikini...who cares?! Mary - I get to add remodeling to the list! My contractor is starting a mini remodel of my bathroom, replacing the gross old cultured marble counter with a crack in the built-in sink (that I've lived with for 8 years now) with granite counter and a porcelain under mount sink, painting the beige walls white and replacing the ancient light fixture. His mom passed from BC last year, and he showed me the tattoo he just got...a BC ribbon that says "Mom" when he was at my condo to measure a few weeks ago...what a sweet guy he is. He's starting next week and gave me an amazing price, so good I nearly started crying. It will be so nice to go through the next surgery with a fresh new look in my MBA.
Beverly - great news that you don't need Tamox! That is a very good sign.
LOL Eve! Love the visuals in you post about the pool and beach. My days in a bikini are long gone, but I'll totally rock a tankini this year, even with my extra pounds (which should be gone soon I hope). What a rich life you've had. There is definitely a good book there.
Anne - when will you finish your rads?
Gotta run...just a drive by on my lunch hour (really late lunch)
Diane.
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you know Beverly,
I think you stated what we all feel..the loss of innocence. With that loss comes a freedom of thought a freedom to think for ourselves and the absolute joy of giving back from our hearts. because our souls and hearts have a new understanding of that which is becoming most important to us. it is a challenge but what a gift...to forge onward to something new. To discover our strengths and yes weakness....I think we all have discovered a new way of being..it is up to us and only up to us to invite the new normal into our lives. No, it won't always be perfect and certainly pretty, but if we look at the peope in our lives...we, I think, owe them to give them our very best.
maybe I am just lucky...I don't think so...but when I look across the room at my husband, he lights up and smiles at me...I have to accept that love. I believe we all have that in our lives...but we have to cherish that love and never take it for granted. We have to share our fears....but it is up to us to deal with those fears and disappointments. We can ask for love and understanding, but if we don't make progress with our angst we may lose the very people that love us most.
This is the most difficult process I have ever been challenged to go through, same for all of us. Look back on your acomplishments and grow from there.
You have 4 kids, a husband that ...well you must rock his world, you have a degree in teaching, you get to teach a classroom of adorable 5 year olds...how lucky they are to have you.
You've got this....we've got you
rest and feel better
Eve
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Eve,
That really inspired me!! You're right, every moment may not be that perfect moment but even before bc there were those not so perfect moments. It seems that after the diagnosis I took out the magnifying glass and those not so perfect moments were magnified a great deal. I'm going to challenge myself to look past those moments and even accept them. They are mine and mine alone. With my family's support and my sisterhood support I got this and I'm never alone!!
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No, Beverly, you are not a spoiled brat, we all have our issues. Thankfully, I don't have to sit in front of a classroom, so it was easy for me to continue working, which I think has really helped me in the sanity department (and financially, as we had just bought a house last August). And everyone is different and deals with issues differently. It's not always easy to be grateful and pretend to be happy, but for me it is: what's the alternative? When the MO told me about yet another delay due to my low blood platelet count, I sat crying in my car for 15 minutes and called my husband, I was totally freaked out and frantically googled what that could be. The worst thing to do of course. Then I went to IKEA and bought a shoe cabinet, drove home and went for a bike ride, made me feel a lot better. Sometimes, life just throws crap at you, but as long as you can live through it, you can manage somehow. So, hopefully, two more chemos and hopefully no further issues, that's all I want.
Great that you don't need Tamox. by the way.
Diane, oh, bathroom remodel, I would love it so much, has to wait though. Have a beautiful 80s bathroom in pink and beige with almond colored toilet and tub and oak cabinets, oh well, it's clean and it works.
Thanks for being there, even though I rarely post, I love reading yoru posts, and they make me instantly feel better when I fall into a little hole again.
Alexandra
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