January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Amen, sisters! I am going to go dance now.
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k Iam going to dance and look at my ikea catalog at the same time....and envy Diane for her new bathroomyay baby!
rock on
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Alexandra,
I wish the best!!!! I will say a prayer that everything goes well for you. Thanks for ur post!
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hi girls, it's late and I find myself sitting on the couch reading through the last several posts as I nibble on a little dark chocolate. This ritual has become the norm for me and I love it. I love that I feel "connected" to you all. I love how we are all trying to see the silver linings/blessings in our day despite what we may be emotionally going through. I love learning what has shaped us all (divorce,miscarriages, death of spouse,children, grandchildren,stupid doctors,good doctors, living on a beach etc:) .thank you for your wise words.
As for me, things are going well. I saw my MO today...actually the PA. I'm happy to say that everything looks "great". The only bad news is that my white count is still low from chemo and may remain that way ....only time will tell. But, I can LIVE with that. The other frustrating thing is that normally I would be on a 3month rotation to see the MO but since I'm in a clinical trial, I have doctor appointments every 3 weeks. To top it off, I have to continue to get an infusion of medicine every 3weeks too!!! Back to the chemo room I go. The bright side is that the infusion is NOT chemo:) and my hair continues to grow and I'm cancer free. Thank you God!
My kids have their last day of school this Friday and they are soooo excited. As a family were trying yo plan for some happy times, mini vacations etc. We have collectively decided that we need to celebrate; this summer is bound to be better than last .
Sweet dreams, Marissa
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I've been missing awhile and just had to drop in and say hi! I enjoy reading so much advice, especially for mommyathome (Hi by the way). It sounds like everyone is doing okay.
I've been working with my OT to do all those things they're supposed to do. I have to admit it does help. One day last week I was in pain and the therapist made it so much better. It would have continued but, I had to go help my only sister with the death of her son. He was 41 and had seizures that couldn't be controlled by meds. Seems he died in his sleep. He was a sad man and lived a sad life. We were not close at all but it is so heartbreaking to watch my sister endure this. He is her favorite child and while we always differed on this, I can't imagine what she feels.
I became ill while there with my arm. I'm not sure what I did with it. I know I overdid a lot of things, just don't know if it was when I was throwing things together in my bags beforehand or trying to break up fights while there. People sometimes forget their grief and just go batsh*t crazy. Two families, the mother that birthed him (my sister) and the mother that raised him. Two sisters, a half sister and the other (my niece). Both close. My sister, I love dearly, but has a poor memory - selective recall. His dad, we are still friends but I think he's been playing with sis and not just on a playground. Both married to good people. Not so sure about the stepmom now. Fight broke out, screaming fight, not just one, but two. My lovely niece had to be a traffic cop. She's the jewel of the bunch. Lives 8 miles from me. Oh yes, she paid for their hotel, food, all funeral expenses, the plot, the clothes for her brother, the minister since he never went to church. All of that was expected of her because she is successful and not crazy. She had to schedule visits with the body so there would be no fights, had to arrange with the funeral director to protect items, apologize and guarantee damages if needed at hotel.
BC has taught me a lot. One of those things is there are times to chose myself over others. I did this time. While it pained me greatly to leave my sister early, I did. I spent 15 hours in my room, in pain, not being able to take anything for it for fear someone would need me, diarrhea, listening to his ex bang on my door from time to time, texting, and reading this site. I did pray a lot. When my "nephew-in-law" got there that night I could finally take a pain pill and sleep. He brought me a grilled cheese the next morning, took one look at me, not a very long one, and said "get home." My arm felt like hell and that feeling of having a baseball in my armpit was back. I didn't go to the graveside service. My niece now had more support and continued playing traffic cop and threatening all of them just to get them to behave for the kids sake.
Long drive from the gulf coast to north Dallas. But as soon as I left, despite the awful guilt, I knew I had made the right decision. Got home safely, took a shower, crawled into bed, took an Ativan (only have 4) and slept. Now, emails are flying (she doesn't want to talk by phone) and I have lost my temper and responded with some terrible things. I'm still a bit in shock I did this. I never thought I would leave her like this. Afterall, she lost her son. But, I didn't see grief, I saw fighting, plain old anger that they went through twenty years ago. I could deal with anger that comes with death and the grieving process, I've taken training for that. But, this was crazy and I was lost.
My dear husband was traveling. His father is dying of lung cancer and is in the final stages. I am so glad he was not there. He knows this side of my family is crazy. And until tonight, he didn't know I was ill while there. I underestimated this disease. I thought I was emotionally stronger. I didn't think something like this would make my arm hurt so much. That seems so weird. I was totally caught off guard.
I have been swollen like a tomato so seeing my OC made me feel better. I know that's my fault, not doing what I know I should do. Swelling is down, have my feet propped up, fan blowing on me, A/C on 70, ceiling fan twirling and I'm safe. I have to respect this awful disease, have to fight it, but I am learning that if I don't watch it, this thing is just looking for any weakness to take me down. We all have our moments, I bet we are all more grateful for our lives, and we could make a list we now see differently. But, right now, my guard is up. Maybe more so when things get emotional. It's toll is worse than I thought with BC.
One more thing, okay two more things. One, sorry but I don't want to check for mistakes as I'm feeling so lazy...Second, I did spend some of time locked up in my hotel room reading this thread and others. Kept me sane!
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Kinda cute? Melons?
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Mema4 aka Lost boob aka Polly, right? Sorry, I am sleep-deprived. Anyway, I'm so glad you got yourself home and how awful for your family. ((Hugs)) to you! Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Hahaha Melons! Awesome.
Love the posts today. I gotta dance now!
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Dtkd, yep it's me, just changed my name from lost boobs. I think it offended some so I didn't mind changing it. Of course I didn't change the real name! Who would want to change that name?
I loved the melons cartoon...glad it was okay. Dance away...and thank you for the comments!
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Polly, sounds like a rough time and your niece a saint. I am glad you have her and the support of your DH
I am constantly surprised by the connections and shared experiences that are unexpected on this thread. I, too, went through several years of fertility treatments. Went so far as having my husband's white blood cells injected in me because I have some funky phospholipid anti-body issue where my body kills off egg and sperm thinking they are foreign objects. Saw the doctor that was on the cover of People magazine and practiced at the University of Chicago. He was a legend in fertility treatment, especially multiple miscarriages. This was over 20 years ago and the science was so new that he had only one success with primary infertility of my type,which was my issue. I remember him telling me that he knew of a doctor in LA who had one success. Anyway, we went through all the treatment, GIFT procedure, if, etc. we were told that I wasn't pregnant in 6 months then the treatment would not work. 6 months came and went, we started down another path in life. Couldn't adopt because in those days if you hit the 40 mark the agencies would not qualify you and my DH was just over 40. Life has a mysterious way of working and at age 33 and 42 we became parents of a beautiful girl. Our miracle baby who is now 18 and will graduate high school tomorrow. Best silver lining ever.
I am also dealing with low blood counts. Hope they rise sufficiently this week. I was surprised when I heard from the nurse yesterday since by end of week 2 I am usually ok. But, mo did not give me a neulasta shot with chemo last round because of the extra week off he gave me this week. Makes me a bit cautious since WBC is 1.0 and ANC is 270 which clearly puts me in severe neutropenia. It was neutropenia and colitis from Taxotere that landed me in the hospital after round 1. The nurse told me to stay away from crowds and people with colds since my immune system is so compromised. I am going to walk on the wild side and sit in the hs gym tomorrow with 350 graduates and all of their families tomorrow. I will douse myself in anti-bacterial lotion.
Eve, my husband wanted to watch Lone Survivor last night. All I could think about was you and your sons returning home from Afghanistan and I cried for you and with you. I can't imagine the fear you kept with you while they were away not knowing if they were safe. I couldn't watch most of the movie--it was too much for me, but the end, the tribute to these brave soldiers was so very touching and sad. God bless all our soldiers and bring them home safely!
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Hi ladies,
Quick question.... I noticed yesterday during the day that I had a little blood on the inside of my bra. I didn't notice any opening in the incision do I figured it was just from after my shower and the incision was a bit mushy..... Last night at 2 am I woke up to use the bathroom and noticed more blood- fresh dots in the bra. It was at a different spot than the blood I noticed earlier. I put a call into the ps this morning as I also had a low temp of 99.4 yesterday during the day and now a bit of bleeding. She said to just keep an eye on it during the day and call the office in the afternoon to let them know if there was more bleeding/open spots etc. I just got out of the shower and noticed at the top part of the incision- to the side. It's literally two little dots!! It seems like where a stitch would be on the side of the actual incision to close it up....
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It's the temp that would scare me. Are you talking directly with your PS or with a representative? Sometimes, my stitches poke out and they drive me nuts but never with a temp! Stay calm but call them again...
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Mema4,
I spoke to the receptionist who was speaking directly to the ps. Just woke up from nap and there are two spots again. One toward the bottom and one at top. Looks like a call back is necessary...ugh!!! My temp was weird, I felt a bit warm and tired so I took it yesterday. The 99.4 temp lasted like 2 hours and was gone after dinner. I was worried it'd go up at night, like temps usually do but nope back down to 98.5?!?! Just took it right now and it's 98.9 just called ps- have a 345 appt to make sure everything is ok....
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Hi everyone
Sorry I haven't checked in more since I got to Fl, but I have been really busy. I have done everything I wanted to, plus some extras. I got to spend an afternoon with each of the grandkids, help my daughter accessorize the bedroom and bathroom she just repainted, help my youngest son and his girlfriend look for their first rental together, had lunch with the ladies I used to work with, went to all of the end of the school year assemblies and more. The best part, of course, was none if it was cancer related. I finished rads 8 days ago, and I am peeling and it still hurts to raise my arms, but I am healing. I am so tired by the end of the day, I have been asleep by 10, but I am having a great time. I go back to Atlanta Sun, and have several Dr appts next week, then next weekend I am off to SC for a few days, then I will be driving back to Fl with my DIL and granddaughter so Lucia can celebrate her first birthday with her Daddy, who wii be down here working for ten weeks. He was here last weekend to check things out, so I had some unexpected time with him. My SIL has promised me that he will have finished painting the remainder of the house (except for the bedrooms) by the time I get back, so we will have a week to put the finishing touches on before the birthday party. I am so excited- this house hasn't been painted or updated in about 15 years, so it really needs it.
Anne
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oh my goodness ladies,
lots going on here!
Been on the couch all day, recovering from dancing late into the night with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I put on my new aqua and brown patterned skirt that has sequins all over it and a new brown, low cut (Stevie nicks style) lace blouse....Crazy lady! But what a blast! I love rock'in it.
My step son graduated from the 5th grade today. Nate was able to take off work this morning and go to the ceremony...you go Daniel.
You know, Ann, my inspiration to deal with BC comes from my sons. Not only because of how they served us in a war zone but also that experience taught me that I have no control over anything but my thoughts and how I react at any given time. Plus, how could I ever let my sons show me up in the bravery department. Just not happening.
I can't watch that movie. I'd be a basket case all through it. My sons related to a few instances while there.....but I know they are protecting me from all the horrors. Steve, my younger son told me when he was there that he was always on base (Camp Cupcake) I found out later that he was out...all the time on convoys. :0 I knew Sean, as a corpsman (medic) was in danger all the time, with only a sidearm to protect him. So much, just so much loss of our boys and girls.....heartbreaking.Congrats to your daughter, another milestone. I know you said earlier,but where is she going to college. Will she be close? Sorry to hear about the stupid effects of chemo. hang in there. Wear a mask to the ceremony, stay safe.
Gee whiz Polly,
Kick everyone's stupid ass. Really, people need to get a grip. Your niece sounds wonderful. I am glad you left and took care of yourself...I say let them just beat the crap outta each other and get it over with. Sorry for your sisters loss.
Marissa, same here with mini vacations. We don't do Disney or universal..etc. Way too expensive. So we are going camping at Ft De Soto state park. The park is literally in the ocean...all beach with the camp grounds covered with canopies of oaks. There is a beach set aside for dogs and it is off leash. This should be fun. I can't wait to bury my toes in the hot sand, and swim with my pooch in the ocean. The Brevard zoo is on the list also...you get to feed giraffes and there are 3 levels of zip lines. I am so going on the scariest level and scream the whole way...whoo hoo!
Beverly, I hope things are better today.
Diane, when is your black belt testing?
gotta go, man o man 3 phone calls while I am trying to reply to everyone.
My hubby will think I sat on my rear all day if I don't get the dishes done....well I did! ummmm sit on my rear all day that is....oh well his fault, he put the DVD in and I had to dance!
love
eve
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Copied this from another thread. Very worth reading and watching the video. It's about Vinnie the nipple tat artist and features one of his clients. We can all relate!
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Yay Daniel! Eve, I'll bet you and Nate are proud of him. David has his promotion from 5th grade next Thursday. Tomorrow he's off on a field trip to Santa Cruz. Love that he'll have a great day, but hate that we have to be at school at 7:15 a.m. I had a really rough morning. Had to hit the snooze 3 times and started crying because I just didn't think I could do it. Of course, I dragged my whiney ass out of bed, got my son up and after a stop at Starbucks, and dropping him off at school, was on time for work. Thank God for Caffeine!
Although class kicked my butt tonight, I did have a new personal best...did 10 plank push ups (not going all the way down, but my first attempt since January) before I dropped to my knees for the remaining 20. I'm getting stronger every week. Eve, my testing is August 9. I hope to be back down to fighting weight (literally lol) by July, so I can train more effectively. I've lost 7 lbs as of this a.m., so have 18 to go.
Beverly - I hope you got things figured out with your PS. Maybe just let things dry out? I didn't get to shower for a full week.
Anne - It sounds like you have a lot of fun ahead of you. Don't forget to get some rest! I can totally relate on the redecorating. I'm actually excited to clean out my bathroom this weekend, so it's ready for next week's face lift.
Ann - I loved that video and article. After my nipple recon, I'm supposed to see a nurse for tattoos. My PS doesn't do it, although I understand that he likes to paint in his spare time. It would be awesome if they ended up looking even half as good as the gal in the video.
Okay, I promised myself that I would go to bed early...so sweet dreams everyone (LOL, just realizing that it's probably really late everywhere else and you are probably all asleep anyway)!
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I'm still awake! But I have found that my Arimidex is now helping me to sleep. At first it didn't. The wonder of meds. I've been working to stay busy, keeping these joints on the move. I have to get back up to my 10K steps before I had the implant surgery. Now, I'm barely doing 4K. My arm has still not healed. My PS does tattoos so that should be a hoot. I had a special one I wanted but he said he'd have to send me an x-rated parlor to have it done!I so admire you ladies that work and keep up with this disease. It just shows your strength and determination, even when you don't feel it. If I had a martini right now, I'd raise it up to you!!!
Good night all and sleep well...
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Is anyone here going to see vinnie? I'm still on the fence regarding 3D nipple tattoo vs having nipple rebuilt. What are your thoughts on this....no judgement here 😉
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Marissa - I'm glad you brought that up. I was just going to post asking the same thing. I'm leaning towards 3D tattoo..... just because I really don't want another procedure and the idea of "headlights on" forever just bothers me. I've spent the last eight years wearing padded bras to hide nipples since I nursed my kids...the idea of not having to worry about that anymore is nice! However, I told my hubby it was up to him. I'm not bothered by no nipples (because even if they are there, they won't do anything for ME!) but if he wanted something there to actually FEEL, then I would consider nipple recon. My exchange surgery isn't even until the fall, though, so I have a lot of time to think about it. And my PS hasn't even brought up nipples yet. He's such a perfectionist that I really think he'll push for nipple recon, but we'll see.
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Polly- I am so sorry you had to go thru that emotional disaster and weren't able to give your sister the support you wanted to, or to grieve the loss of your nephew with family. It always frustrates me when people cannot put themselves and their issues aside to get thru a crisis. I have found out that there were quite a few major heated disagreements between my kids and one between my sister and my youngest daughter during my husband's death & funeral, but at least they all loved me enough to do it away from me. Then my youngest daughter had gotten mad at me for some perceived "evil" I did to her (and yes, she did say evil) and decided I was "dead " to her last summer, which is how I landed in Atlanta. I had tried to tell her then that life is unpredictable, and that I will actually be dead at some point, and she would regret the time lost for us, but she couldn't hear me. Thank God, the day I got my Dx, she called my oldest daughter (she was not talking to any of us at that point) and said, "the past is in the past, we need to put it away and all work together to help mom thru this." But then, when I visited Fl in Jan, she said she wasn't going to be with me a lot, because "cancer patients give off a very negative vibe" and she didn't want her kids around that, but she ended up being with me almost every day. This time, I am much stronger and healthier than I was in Jan, and I have been to the kids end of year programs, but have only seen them once other than that. I have learned to distance myself from her drama ( which she does not recognize) and enjoy her and the kids as much as she will let me. The biggest problem is that she will go on a rant and say really horrible things, and a day later will deny, and be very offended, when we tell her what she said. I am sorry, Polly, I did not mean to digress into my life, but I did want you to know you are not alone in dealing with difficult family members, and I think you made the right choice to leave. They were not going to let you help, and instead they were causing you hurt, both emotionally and physically. We are dealing with enough crap of our own, we can't allow others to add their issues to it, especially when they won't accept our love and help.
Anne
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Oh, Anne, I so needed to hear that! And to all the others on her that have encouraged me. I feel sorrow that my DS is in sorry and I'm not there. I just don't want that drama. For some reason, it has unleashed so many memories that I've hidden for so long. Anyway, while it was hard then, it is hard now. My body is finally feeling better and I'm moving around a lot since I'm on the Arimidex now.
Anne, you didn't digress. Stories are welcome. The more I hear about screwy families at times of crisis, the better it is for me right now. I have one I remembered this week. My former MIL and her DS had a fight about who was going to get an orchid to put on their DS in her coffin. So, my MIL found out her DS did it and all hell broke loose. For spite, she got one and this poor dead sister then had two cause MIL went and bought another. They never spoke again. Both have died; my MIL from breast cancer.
My PS is tattooing and putting a nipple on soon. I have small ones, TMI
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I am so sorry that you all have to deal with screwy families. I did too at one time, including my own father. I learned it was best to rid myself of the toxic people in my life.
There is only so much time that we are given and that time is so much more acute now.
Find YOUR life ladies, and go with that which brings joy.
You've earned it and deserve it.
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Polly - I saw your post when I woke up this a.m. Thank you for making me smile at 4:30 a.m. I like martinis too.
I hope you continue to gather your strength and feel better each day. Too tired to say more, but love to all of you!
Diane.
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I am still deciding on the tats. I figure since I will be one of the last to go through exchange here I will learn a lot between now and then from the rest of you. Leaning toward nipple recon. Heard they sometimes flatten over time from postings on other threads. I think I would be ok with that since I don't want headlights anyway and have gotten used to going bra less with the TEs.
Well, I made it through graduation yesterday and I didn't cry! It was so bloody hot in the gymnasium I don't think I had enough fluid in me to shed tears. I am so proud of her. She will be A Michigan State Spartan in the fall.
Now to manage chemo timing with her grad party the end of the month. Of course, we planned it for our backyard long before we knew I would still be in chemo land. I love a good party ...
Wishing you all a beautiful Saturday!
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Good morning Ann,
I read the same thing on one of the threads and will be able to give you my two cents in August. My goal has always been to regain as much of what I lost as possible and hope it's not something that keeps me from future happiness...totally related to that gal's comment when Vinnie asked if she was married.
So happy for you that you made it through the ceremony without too much incident. I graduated in Kansas and remember how hot the gym was. In California we have them outside, so you just have to remember your sunscreen. Good for you that you're having a party. Sending strength to you in virtual form.
Eve, as usual you speak the pure unadulterated truth. We've been given a pretty intense wake up call and its up to us to turn this all into our own silver lining.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
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Diane, it's Saturday morning and very early for you. You should still be sleeping. Lol!
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LOL I know. My hip is angry about all the spin and double kicks last night and woke me up to remind me to take an Aleve. I get up soon anyway for class, so I see a nap in my future.
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you go girl! I forgot to congratulate you on your plank push ups!
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Hi all - wow, lots of activity here. It's hard to keep up!
I won't be doing plank pushups anytime soon!
After my appts yesterday I found out I have a frozen shoulder plus arthritis. And who knows what else. I just had an xray and that doesn't show any soft tissue, but if it were rotator cuff, she said it wouldn't change what we're doing. I'm supposed to take some high doses of Advil - not sure how I'll handle that. I feel better knowing what it is, although I'm told it can take up to a year or more to recover from (sigh).
Next stop was the MO. Last weekend I felt a weird raised area on my chest. Apparently there is some fluid there but I'm having an ultrasound to find out what exactly it is. Could be fat necrosis or a seroma....hopefully nothing bad. The crappy thing is that my appt. was at the end of the day so I couldn't get in for an US, so I'll have to drive back on Monday. It's a 3 hour drive
This morning I woke up feeling nauseous and now have some really bad pain in my hip. So.....I'll have to add this to my list for Monday. I'm thinking the stomach thing is from the Advil and the hip is probably acting up due to the 30+ degree drop in temperature....I'll go with that.
Yesterday it was gorgeous (in the 90s and low humidity), so in between appts. my hubby and I walked around the boulevard and enjoyed the sunshine. I told him that we need to retire to a warmer climate - at least spend out winters elsewhere!
Oh yes and put me down for tattooed nips - with Vinnie!
Mary
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Oh yeah, those plank push-ups are a killer! Try doing one balancing a plate of blueberry pancakes in one hand and a fork in the other. That's what I did this morning! Guess which won?
Why are graduations always stuffy and hot? I could never figure that out. Congrats to all of you parents. You've worked hard to keep those babies going and that's a big deal.
Speaking of sunscreen, did you guys hear about the school here in Texas that wouldn't let the student bring sunscreen to school on a field trip? Well, the school says parents must lather their kids up before they send them to school any day that they will be outside because the sunscreen may have toxic ingredients! I'm sure they took into consideration that all those toxins mixed with sweat would just keep the kiddies protected and not wear off. Of course this young teenager sunburned as well as a lot of students but her parents are kicking and screaming. As they should. Her parents were always cautious to keep her protected in the sun and this was her first burn, she is very fair skin. That seems a stretch but I'll give them that since they do have a right to be mad. Some students sneak their sunscreen into their backpacks and put more on in the bathroom stalls! Melanoma is toxic, kids are learning that and good that we are finally making progress. I come from an age where we sprayed baby oil and iodine on ourselves to get more "tan." I'm fair-skinned and only got a lot of burns. The school says they "might" reconsider the policy for next year but believes with all the different products with different ingredients, it could still be a problem with toxins they are not aware of. It's believed that the policy of turning in the sunscreen to the nurse's office (didn't even know we have any of those left) and lather up there, is a good one. Must be a large office. Oh heck, just move the nurse to the gym and cut lunch.
And there my ladies, is your "how stupid can you be" award for the day!
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